


As If That Explains It

by GorillaInTheMist



Series: Elaine Explains It All...Sort Of.... [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anger Management, Bittersweet, Eliane runs, Eventual Smut, F/M, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Hidden Magic, Identity Issues, Jk...just bitter, Love, Nightmares, POV First Person, Protective Siblings, Psychological Duress, Pumbaa is a horse, Sexual Tension, Skyhold is impossible to navigate, So remember that time I was actually in danger?, dance lessons, misinterpreted feelings, punching Solas, the smut has arrived
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-03-24 16:36:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 89,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3775753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GorillaInTheMist/pseuds/GorillaInTheMist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elaine gets taken back to Thedas to help in the battle against Corypheus. She is an untrained mage and nothing makes sense! She could be possessed?! What the Hell is “The Game”?! She liked it much better when she and Solas were back in her world and she was the one who knew what was going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So, About Thedas...

When we arrive back at the abandoned building where the rift brought Solas and everyone else to my world…I make the mistake of trying to run away. I finally get it through my brilliant head that this is a terrible idea! I know that Solas doesn’t want me to be dragged back to Thedas with them, so he won’t chase me down, and I’m pretty sure that in her plate mail I can beat Cassandra in a foot race.

I’m very wrong.

That is how I end up being carried back into the building thrown over Cassandra’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes. I don’t always make good decisions...like running from an Amazon woman. I was so sure I could beat her too! At least Solas looked vaguely amused? Apparently, I care what he thinks.

I know, it was a dumb idea, but I panicked. I am just a normal woman and now I’m being forced to go help save a world I have never heard about before with the guy who has been seducing me in my dreams and stalking me in the real world! It’s a lot of weirdness for one person to deal with.

At this point, I just allow myself to be taken. I lay limp in her hold and my body just dangles in defeat. I mean, damn, she’s strong! It’s pretty clear that I don’t have a choice. I can’t call for help, what would I say? ‘A minotaur, an elf, a dwarf, and two random people are forcing me to open a rift in space! Send back up!’ Because the world wasn’t already sure I was completely out of my mind.

“Welcome back.” Bull greets us as we enter. He still freaks me out, no one should be that big _and_ have horns…also pirate pants and an eye patch? Does he captain some terrifying bull person crew? I haven’t heard a ‘yar’ from him yet, but fingers crossed. You know, it’s the little things in life…

“Thank you, Cassandra.” Elias, the Inquisitor, says smugly as the large woman sets me down. The sudden rush of blood to my head makes me dizzy and the world blacks out at the edges. I grab on to Elias’s arm to steady myself. When everything stops spinning I notice that he is looking self-satisfied, glaring at Solas. For being a parallel me, he sure is a jerk. Like, is needlessly a pain in the ass.

I’m not like that am I?

….Don’t answer that….

Anyway!

I quickly remove my hand from Elias’s bicep and walk to stand beside Solas. I slide my hand into his. “Are you alright, Elaine?” He squeezes my hand, but his eyes don’t move from Elias. I figure there is some long standing pissing match between them that I’ve just unwittingly stumbled across.

“Yeah, I just got disoriented when Cassandra put me down.” Oh, and my mind is racing with all of the ways this could go horribly wrong!

“Are you ready to go?” he asks softly, as if he is testing to see if I’ll run again, which, is really always an option.

“Solas, I don’t know….” Honestly, I’m scared. I know they needed my help for this the whole time they’ve been here, but no one has explained to me what exactly my help entails. Do I sacrifice a goat? Do the hokey pokey? Just stand there and be awesome? I’m pretty sure I can only accomplish the second of those tasks right now…. Furthermore! No one has even told me what the hell is going on to make the world need saving!

“You’ll be fine, Elaine. Remember? I’m here.” He finally looks at me and smiles reassuringly. I know that Elias is still watching. So, rest my forehead against his temple to try to calm down. I figure if I’ve become some piece in whatever game they’re playing, I’m going to choose who gets to use me. Right?!

Solas seems to notice my declaration, his eyes glitter conspiratorially. “Come, da’len.” He laughs softly, leading me toward the clump of his traveling companions. I hate it when he calls me that. It’s like when people refer to women as girls; it is needlessly diminishing my power as a person.

“Are you done yet?” Elias glares at us as we approach.

“Yes, Inquisitor.” He responds coolly before he turns to me to explain. “Elaine, your birth marked hand needs to be in contact with Elias’s anchored hand. When he opens a rift, your latent power should give him enough control to pull us back to Skyhold.” Yeah, sounds simple enough, right? He says it like it’s the most normal thing a person could say.

“Sure…” Is all I manage to say.

“Well, let’s get this over with.” Elias steps behind me and grabs my left hand in his. He wraps is free arm around my waist possessively. I’m pretty sure that’s unnecessary, but I’m more or less under his control for the time being. Elias’s voice is soft near my ear. It lacks what I assume is his normal bravado. “Are you ready, Elaine? I need you to focus. Triggering rifts can be painful until you get used to it. I promise you’ll be fine, just hold on to me and I’ll get us through it.”

I glance up at him and force a smile. “I’m with you.” Maybe he isn’t as huge of an asshole as I originally thought…or maybe he was just hoping I wouldn’t struggle….I’m still up in the air as to the level of ass-hat-ery that this guy is into.

He raises our marked hands and takes a deep breath. I feel my body tingle and then suddenly all the energy in me is thrown out through my palm. I fail at holding back a scream as it feels like my body is about to explode. My eyes are closed, but a green light forces its way through them.

“Go!” Elias yells out behind me, assumedly to his companions. Since we are the ones holding the rift open, it only makes sense that we’ll be the last to escape…..as if that explains any of it.

A few seconds pass and then his voice is in my ear again. “Okay, now it’s our turn. Step with me and hold on!”

It suddenly feels like I’m falling. Then I’m standing still and I feel…..a nice breeze. Elias’s hands let go of me and my legs give out. At least the ground where I fall is plush with grass.

“Elaine?” Solas’s concerned voice made me feel safe again.

“Is she alright?” It feels nice to hear Varric inquire about my health. He seems like a good guy…dwarf…

I groan, “Everything hurts.” My eyes slowly open to see Solas kneeling over me. Much to my surprise the rest of my acquaintances are in a circle around me as well. A sigh of relief comes from the circle as I start to sit up, aided by Solas.

“You get over it.” Elias’s jaded voice rings out above me. “I’m going to go calm down our undoubtedly panicked advisors. Apostate, bring Elaine to the War Room when she stable.” And the jerkface is back.

Iron Bull holds out a hand to me to help me stand, and I take it. If anyone can support my weight it is that giant dude. “Thank you, Iron Bull.” I smile up at him….I really want to call him captain and see what happens, but I restrain myself.  

I’m actually starting to feel much better at this point. I survived! Yeah, apparently that is something I get excited about now….basic survival.

I start to look at where I am. It’s some sort of castle, which is pretty cool. Everyone is dressed somewhat like Solas. Like, everyone looks like something out of a fairytale where there is a knight and peasants and magic and…”Holy shit. Where am I?”

“Welcome to Thedas, Elaine.” Solas smiles and gestures around himself, apparently pleased that now I’m the one who looks completely bizarre.

“Everything looks so…weird.” That was the nicest way I can say it. It looks dirtier, more basic. We moved past this sort of system hundreds of years ago. To be confronted with it as a modern woman is unsettling. Even the clothes look oppressive, corsets are do not benefit my health.

“Everything in your world looked weird. This, however, is completely normal.” He is mocking me.

“You are a mean old man, Solas.” I laugh uncomfortably as I scan around me. People are in armor, like we are in some medieval war zone.

“Come on, you’ll be expected in the War Room.” He sighs and starts to lead me further into the castle.

“You have a room called the ‘War Room’? That seems excessive. How much war do you do, exactly that you need a room for it? Is that a throne?!” My words just keep tumbling from my mouth like they do when I’m being berated by information that is really unusual…I cannot think of anything to compare this too. This was the most bizarre moment I’ve ever had in my life.

To be fair, Solas is a good sport during my mania. “It is efficient to have a room set aside for conducting the business of the Inquisition. And yes, that is the throne of the Inquisitor.” Because, of course Elias has a throne. No wonder he is a prick.

“Wait, the Inquisitor…so Elias…If he is the Inquisitor, what is the whole system called?”

“This is the Inquisition.” He says plainly.

“When I get out of the War Room, I’m going to explain to you all the reasons that is an awful name for a group doing _anything_.”  I realize this is a different world, but…the Inquisition? Really? Do people expect them? Probably not.

He leads me up to a set of large doors and pauses for a second before opening them. I see Elias inside standing near a large table with a ton of stuff on it.

“Is this her?” A beautiful bronzed woman gestures toward me.

“Yes. This is her, well, a version of me. Meet Elaine.” Elias holds out a hand to me, beckoning me to his side. He stands almost regally. Everyone in the room towers over me, except for Solas who is standing silently near the doors. Is there something in the water here? I swear everyone is over six feet tall.

Elias gestures to the bronze woman with the clipboard. “Elaine, this is Josephine. She is our ambassador. Anything you need, she’ll get it for you.” The beautiful women who first spoke curtsies slightly to me. “A pleasure.” 

Next is a model-like redhead. “Leliana is our Spymaster.” She bows slightly. So, the fact that there is a spymaster is not reassuring.

Finally, there is a tall blonde man. He is the most attractive human I have ever laid eyes on. His hair is slightly curly, but tamed and his eyes are golden brown. Intense, but gentle. He had moved to the side of the table where I am standing while the others were being introduced. “Elaine, this is our Commander.” Elias starts the introduction. He bows slightly to me and takes my hand in his, kissing my knuckles. “My Lady,” he mumbles against my hand. My jaw literally drops and I just stare at him. He is breathtakingly handsome and touching me.

I hear a groan behind me. “Focus, Elaine.” Solas’s voice calls to me.

The Commander turns a beautiful shade of pink as he raises himself and uncomfortably rubs the back of his neck. I’m still staring. It takes a second for Solas’s chiding to set in.

“Oh wow. I’m sorry. I just….You’re just….They don’t make them like this where I come from.” I laugh uncomfortably. I’m sure I’m a matching shade of red with Cullen. The two women try to hide their laugher. I’m pretty sure I’ve scared the Commander for life, but seriously he has probably had worse reactions to his beauty. At least I’m cute!

Elias doesn’t look amused at my behavior, so I decide to rub it in. “Hey, you’re the one who insisted that I come back with you.” I match his scowl. “You have no one to blame, but yourself for any trouble I cause.” I’m planning on being good, but I know that the whole idea of my being a burden will grate on his nerves. “Do you need anything else from me, Elias?”

Leliana perks up, “I have an idea, if I may. Inquisitor, you are aware that we have been preparing for the ball at the Winter Palace?” He nods and she continues. “I suggest that we bring Elaine.”

“What?!” Elias, Solas, and I all respond at the same time. Taking me to a ball in a strange parallel dimension sounds like the worst idea imaginable.

“She is quite enchanting, is she not? Men often tell fascinating things to beautiful women they wish to bed. Furthermore, she is a complete mystery. She has no history here. We could use her as a distraction allowing our other agents to move easier among the attendants.” I guess people just jump right in, here in Thedas.

I start laughing at the ridiculousness of the proposition. “I’m not sure that is such a good idea. You don’t know anything about me and you want me to actually do something to help? I doubt I’d actually be helpful. I mean, you’ve heard me speak. I’m also not hopping into anyone’s bed, just in case that needs to be made clear.” Well, there is one bed I’d hop into, but he’s a special case. Okay, maybe two. Don’t judge me!

“I’ve seen how these three look at you.” The Spymaster nodded toward the men in the room. “They’re captivated, yes?” Cullen blushes again and avoids looking at me. Elias scowls and Solas stares blankly straight ahead. Thanks for the backup, guys. Why is it that the _one_ time I need them to be the assertive jerks they….well everyone, but Cullen—based on his blushing he is probably not an assertive jerk….Anyway! When I need them to be assholes they are decidedly silent.

Josephine speaks up, “Perhaps we could have a test run with her later in the day? If she does well, then we’ll bring her. I’ll throw together a little something this evening?” I learn quickly that she will often be the one who throws me a life vest when things get really insane.

Elias finally speaks, “Alright. Dinner tonight. All of us. Elaine, we’ll see how well you can play The Game.” He looks me up and down like I’m a huge inconvenience. He is the one who made me come!

This is the stupidest thing ever. I’m actually really angry about _everything_. Being here. Becoming a pawn in their plans. That everyone wears clothes that make no sense. I will _not_ be forced into a corset! I saw those women outside! My body starts to tingle again, but this time it feels different. My hair raises up off my arms. Cullen makes some sort of garbled gasp and his hands go to the pommel of his sword, like something dangerous is happening. Elias takes a few slow steps away from me, staring in horror.

 I finally look down at my body. It is covered in little bolts of electricity running as they please across my skin. I raise my hands to my eyes and stare in disbelief. “What the hell?” My breathing becomes faster as I start freaking out. Having electricity on your body is _not_ normal!

Almost immediately, Solas is at my side. One of his hands strokes my lower back gently as the other guides my chin to look at him. His presence is soothing, the only somewhat familiar thing here for me. His voice is soft and gentle as he talks me off the ledge. “Elaine, it’s alright.”

Tears threaten my eyes. I’m sure I look terrified. “What’s happening to me?” I’m so scared. After what happened with healing him and the rift, I have no experience with anything magical that is not petrifying.

He smiles and caresses my cheek. “You’re gifted, like I am. I had suspected that would be the case. You walked dreams with me and channeled my mana to heal me, remember? I had hoped to explain this before, but we were pulled away.” His eyes quickly glare at Elias and return to mine.

Solas conjures a little ball of lightening in his palm to show me that he’s not lying. I nod. I can’t really trust myself to speak. One more deep breath and the little bolts dissipate from my skin.

“Inquisitor, I’ll begin lessons with her immediately. Perhaps we should rethink the Winter Palace.” Solas steps away, trusting that I can keep it together on my own now. It is almost shocking how fast he goes from being gentle and concerned with me to being completely devoid of emotions.  

“No. I’ll see you all for a test at dinner tonight.” I say firmly. I just made a mockery of myself in front of these people. I looked like a weak child and I refused to let that stand. Maybe that’s unreasonable, but I’m supposed to be here to help and I just looked like a hindrance. My pride needed to shore itself up. 

“Milady, do you think that is wise?” Cullen sounds hesitant, hands still on his sword as if I’ll somehow hurt him from across the table.

“Now, this is a challenge, Commander. I perform better when I have a goal. I’m sure Solas will honestly assess my control. What’s the worst that could happen?” I figure at worst I set something on fire, or something.

Cullen is shifting uncomfortably across the table from me. His voice is strained. “Well, Milady, it’s not quite…”

“No, Commander.” Solas cuts him off and raises his hand finalizing the demand. Something more is going on, and apparently Solas doesn’t want me to know what it is.

“She needs to know, Solas.” The tall man is insistent. So, he is handsome and honest, The Commander is scoring some pretty high marks.

I do not like it when people are purposefully leaving me out of something that concerns me, so I’m getting pretty frustrated—despite my new appreciation for Cullen. “What is it that I need to know?” I hiss through clenched teeth.

Cullen looks like he is about to speak, but Solas again turns my face to his. “Do you trust me, Elaine?”

So, that is a bit of a loaded question. The real answer is ‘sort of’. He has been honest so far… that I know of. I’ve really only known him for a few days, but that’s more any anyone else here. Yes, I remember, he is a big ol’ creeper. At least he seems genuinely concerned about my wellbeing….So, I answer, “Yes.”

He nods once and then grabs my elbow to guide me from the room. “By your leave, Inquisitor.”

I rush to say something as I am quickly ushered from the room. “Um, it was nice meeting all of you.” Yeah, leave them with a strong impression.

I’m going to get eaten alive by these people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I figure at this point looking back on her experience she finds the whole situation pretty ridiculous, which is why she seems so sarcastic. Later actually dangerous things happen that make her fear of the Inquisition look pretty silly. 
> 
> If you're still around, thank you for being awesome! <3!


	2. The Fast Track to Mage-ing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas takes Elaine into the sparing ring and doesn't go easy on her. Cullen continues to prove that he is an upstanding man. Elaine really just wants to get the hell out of Thedas.

Solas still has ahold of me and is quickly walking us out of the main keep. He is basically dragging me behind him, because I apparently don’t move fast enough for him. There is a haste in his movements that I lack. As far as I’m concerned there is no fire we need to be rushing away from. Finally, we are out in an open field inside of the walls in the castle.

He flings me forward, almost throwing me to the ground. “Cast.” He demands. He is being awfully rude and it’s making me very cranky. I have no idea what the hell is going on. He is almost angry! I didn’t do anything wrong. A few minutes ago he was so gentle, calming me, and now he was making monosyllabic demands.

I scoff, “You’re being ridiculous.” Then I do what I do best, start to run in the opposite direction. This time, however, I am blocked by a large wall of ice, assumedly brought by the filling elf behind me. So, there goes that plan. I am caged animal.

 “I said, cast, Elaine.” His demeanor is cool and closed off, almost how he speaks to Elias. He saunters to the other side of the field, like we are going to have a duel or something.

“I don’t know what I’m doing!” Apparently that was not the right answer, because suddenly a fireball is flying at me. I scream, duck, and roll.

“What the fuck, Solas?!” I’m crouched on the ground, furious! What is his problem?! What have I done to deserve this?!

“I’m not the one who needs practice. Get. Up. Elaine.” In this moment, he is not the same person who slept on my couch or caressed me with such tenderness. He is not kind. In fact, he might be trying to kill me. This duality is becoming terrifying.

I leap to my feet and draw myself up, feigning confidence. I bounce around from foot to foot like a boxer, because it seems like a better idea than standing still. It does not succeed in making me look competent. I just look like I can’t stand still. If he is as skilled and he claims to be, then there is nothing I can do to actually protect myself.

“Block it!” He yells as he throws another fireball at me...because he is a jackass.

I scream and hold my hands in front of me with my eyes closed. I hope someone knows how to heal, because I’m about to be an extra crispy Elaine with a side of get me the hell out of here.

Much to my surprise, the fire doesn’t make contact. I slowly open my eyes and see a glow-y blue field around me. I blocked it. That’s right. It’s because I’m awesome.

“Good barrier!” Even his affirmation sounds cross. “Keep it up.” Keep it up like ‘keep up the good work’ or sustain whatever it is I just created? That clarification seems vital. I decide on the latter…which, was a good idea considering his next attacks come faster than before.

Solas throws a number of projectiles at me, fireballs, ice shards, lightning, all in rapid succession. My barrier doesn’t fall, but I can feel the tingle around me start to lessen. “Solas, Stop!”

He doesn’t, because he is an ass, as I’m sure we have already learned. Pretty much, if someone is from Thedas there is like a 50/50 chance they are an ass.

My skin starts to electrify again. I’m honestly surprised I hadn’t started to lose control earlier than this. I was probably too distracted getting attacked by the sexy elf, and not in the way I want those words to mean.

I feel the barrier fall and once again dive roll, because apparently somewhere I learned how to be a ninja. On my knees, I push all of the static around me toward him in retaliation. A huge bolt of lightning strikes at his feet. He raises a barrier, but the force throws him to his back.

I stand there letting my body glow staring him down across the field, like the badass I am. 

A cheer comes from behind me. We apparently gathered a bit of a crowd. Some random people are standing watching us, but most notably I see Iron Bull and yet another incredibly attractive man. All of the men I’ve seen here are unbelievably handsome. Like, even the Bull man has something going for him. Anyway, this one has a twiddle-y mustache. “I must say, I love seeing Solas get thrown on his ass, and with such style!” The mustachioed man apparently approved of me.

I smile and start to walk toward the duo, but then feel a hand on my back. I spin around and shove Solas back. “What the hell is your problem?!” He stumbles back less than I would have liked. What I’d really like is to throw him back down on the ground. I am very angry with this man!

The bastard laughs. “I needed to see how you would perform under duress. You seem to have some natural proclivity for this. Well done, da’len.”

“You decided that the best way to do that was just to start throwing fire at me?! You _are_ a sick bastard.” I can hear Iron Bull and the other guy laughing behind me.

“Come, da’len.” Solas saunters back to the opposite side of the field, looking smug.

“Don’t call me that!” I yell from where I’m standing. I realize that following him would be a mistake.

“Again!” he shouts as he sets the ground beneath me on fire.

I scream in horror and throw up a barrier again. It is uncomfortably warm, but at least I’m not on fire. I throw my hands out to the side and three little balls of energy fly from me, honing in on him. Sadly, his barrier stops them from hitting. God, do I want to hit this man! I’m really not a violent person, but I’d make an exception for him. I as I cast, I fondly remember punching him in the nose a few days earlier.

He starts to flash in and out of existence. One second he is in front of me the next behind me. This must be some weird movement spell. I notice that the duration between these blinks are always the same. I have a plan. I move to the middle of the field and just let him dart around me throwing various spells from different angles. I focus on keeping up my barrier and the rhythm of his movements. I can tell he’s going to come close with the next step. When he arrives I whisper “stop,” and all of the magic around us dissipates. He pauses, which is the opening in need. My foot wraps around his calves and I kick his feet out from under him.

Solas is on his back again. “I am _really_ mad at you right now, Solas.” I grumble as I reach out a hand to pull him up. At least _I’m_ a good sport. Solas is not. He takes the opportunity to pull me to the ground next to him. I cough as the wind is knocked out of me. He sits up and sits cross legged next to me as I lay prone.

His face is emotionless again. “Stop pouting, da’len.” He shoves my shoulder gently, reprimanding me.

“I think you let me win, Solas. Not only did you attack me without warning, but you were just toying with me, weren’t you!?” My anger sounds like wheezing as I’m still catching my breath from the fight and the fall.

A new shadow falls over my face. “Good show!” It’s the man who was with Iron Bull. He holds out a hand to me. I glare over at Solas and accept the aid. Once I’m standing, he bows slightly to me like Cullen had and raises my hand to his lips. He doesn’t make contact, but it’s enough to make my insides squirm. “I am Dorian of House Pavus.” The man smiles and releases my hand back to my side.

“Pleased to meet you, Dorian. I am Elaine Trevelyan, time twin of your Inquisitor….or something like that.” I have no idea what an appropriate introduction is, but this is as good as its going to get right now.

“Bull was telling me. So, this was your first spar? You are extraordinary! Elias is not a mage, so it’s not as if his ability is transferred to you. How did you manage?” Dorian is asking way too many questions for me.

He looks at me with such amazement and kindness. There is something about him that made me want to hang out with him for hours on end. “Would you believe that I have no idea? My body just sort of reacted to what was happening. There wasn’t a whole lot of thought that went into it. Well, aside from the strong desire to throw Solas on his ass.” I still really wanted to punch him in the face for putting me through all that shit. This little show deserved a punch, right?

Dorian rewards my honesty with a pleasant scoff. “Oh, my dear, we all have that desire.” Solas was standing by now and brushes off some dirt from his leggings when Dorian turned on him. “Why did you start her on battle magic? We should first teach her control! This was dangerous, Solas!”

Solas looked at him with that cool indifference I was really disliking. He held himself tall and placed his hands behind his back, lifting up his chest. “I needed to see if she had good instincts first. Elias brought her here to aid the Inquisition. We need to know if she is capable of doing so.” I guess their definition of ‘aiding the Inquisition’ also could be stated as ‘cannon fodder’. I came to help get them home, not to become some untrained foot soldier!

“She is standing right here! She didn’t agree to any of this!” I throw up my arms in frustration. “She doesn’t appreciate being screwed around with. She _really_ doesn’t like it when people lie to her.” I storm off through the thinned crowd in a random direction. This is not a well thought out plan, but it is my default. I have no idea where I am and I don’t know where I’m going. All I know is I want to get away from people and especially away from Solas. I feel like he just betrayed me somehow: my trust, his vow to protect me.

I find myself running up some stairs and walking around the battlements of the castle. The view is amazing. Thedas _is_ rather beautiful. I just stand and watch the mountains for what feels like at least half an hour.

Someone clears their throat behind me. I turn and see the prince charming-like Commander. I smile a small smile at him and return to my very important spacing out. “I saw you sparing earlier.” He says softly as he leans up against the battlements next to me. “I also saw you escape in this general direction.” I probably looked like a fool and he is here to see if I’m done licking my wounds. I groan and drop my head to the edge of the stone I’m leaning against. Cullen lets out a wonderfully handsome chuckle. “You looked like a seasoned warrior, Milady.”

“No, Solas was just screwing with me. You don’t have to pretend like I did something amazing.” Let’s all join the pity party! Misery loves company.

He takes a deep breath as if he is about to say something earthshattering “I was a Templar.”

“Wait, like you protected the Holy Land during the Crusades?” The look of confusion in my face was probably almost comical. Cullen stared at me like I made no sense, which maybe I didn’t. “Sorry, I guess Templars in my world are something different.”

“No, I…The Templar Order is responsible for protecting mages in the Circles as well as trying to find those mages who managed to not be in the Circles.” He looks at me for some sign that I understand what this means, but I stare blankly. “The Circles are where mages are kept so that they can practice magic in peace and safety.”

“That doesn’t sound like an awful thing. So, it’s like a University for mages?” I grin, because I’ve obviously figured it out.

“Not quite. Um, mages can’t leave the Circle and they can’t marry or have children. People are scared of magic. Mages can so easily be corrupted…” I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anyone so uncomfortable. He won’t even look me in the eyes.

“Oh, well, that does sound bad. So, people don’t understand them and they lock them away and deny them any rights? Oh my God! That is why you were so scared of me in the War Room. It’s because I’m a mage, or whatever, and I’m not in someone’s Circle? Well, thankfully I don’t actually live here. Wait, are you coming here to tell me you’re going to take me away?” I’ve started babbling. I’m also yelling. Panic is flowing through me. What have I done!? I’m in this new place and I’m going to be jailed merely for existing. I start to back away from him, preparing to run.

Cullen’s hands grab mine. For being so large, he is very gentle. “Maker’s Breath! No. I’m not taking you away. I just….I wanted you to understand why I was upset this afternoon. It’s not you. I had a difficult time as a Templar and, well, sometimes my experiences haunt me.  They permit me to make hasty judgments. You deserve honesty.” I can see the pain in his face as he attempts to repair the damage he inadvertently caused.  “Has he told you about why we fear mages? Why I default to fearing you?”

I slowly shake my head ‘no’. This isn’t going to be good.

He sighs and finally looks me in the eyes. “Mages are susceptible to possession. If a mage is weak, a demon can trick them and take over. It kills the mage and then a demon has control of their body and can wreak havoc on those around it. I had hoped that Solas would have told you already, he did mention that you had spent time in the Fade. That is generally where you’ll be most susceptible.” He squeezed my hands in some sort of attempt to reassure me.

This is a reality I am not prepared to face. “W- What?” I feel my legs start to go out from under me and stars cloud my vision. Cullen is there to hold me up. “I can be possessed? I’ll die? I….” Everything sounds like I’m underwater. I didn’t truly realize that my life would be at risk simply by being here.

“Commander. I said for you to not tell her.” Solas’s voice pierces through my downward spiral.

Cullen sounds irate, but his hold around my waist is still gentle. “She deserves to know, Solas.”

“And she would have it, in time.” Solas pinches the bridge of his nose, clearly trying to keep his fury under control. “All you have done is succeeded in upsetting her.”

I put a hand on Cullen’s chest and push back lightly, signaling that he was fine for him to let me go. He turns a bit pink, as if he forgot his hands were around me. My voice is quiet and steady. I feel like a cobra before it strikes: deadly. “Stop it. Both of you. Solas, is this true? I could be possessed?”

He glares at Cullen as he speaks to me. “Yes, but-“

I stop him. “You promised to protect me. That everything would be fine!” My voice is starting to lose its calm edge.

“I am. I was going to tell you when-“ Solas is clearly angry, but he needs to understand what he has just done to me. He needs to know how upset I am. He can’t just think that this is fine! He allowed me to be brought here, even when he knew this could happen.

“What? When you think that I’m ready to know?! I am not a child!” I shout. “Stop treating me like it.”

“If you’re an adult then you should start behaving like one.” His steeled gaze steadies itself on me. At this point I feel like I’m making a mistake. He has been my only ally, but I’m too far gone at this point to calm down. I refuse to be a toy for this man. It seemed like he cared…about me. I know that sounds really stupid. I mean we had hardly spent any time together, but the way that he would touch me or look at me. I just. Never mind. Forget I said anything.

I stand myself up taller, like I know what I’m doing…or something. I will not back down from his stare. A deep breath brings my voice back to its normal timber. “You will speak to me with respect, or not at all.” I take a few graceful steps back toward the steps I came up. “If you’ll excuse me.” I look over my shoulder pardoning myself, at least I have manners.

The stairs are steeper than I remember them being as I hastily descent back into the courtyard. I’m fuming. “Elaine!” Dorian’s pleasant voice says surprisingly close to me. “There you are! We need to get you ready for dinner tonight. Let’s go. They found you a room near mine, but we’ll be taking over the Inquisitor’s suite for this special occasion.” He sweeps me away skillfully. I look back toward the stairs and Solas is standing on them, watching me be whisked away.

Apparently, there just isn’t enough of me to go around…it’s nice to be wanted?


	3. The Victorian Hooker Runs Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elaine attends dinner festivities with the Inquisition and things get awkward. She finds her opening to run, but in her flight she enters into danger that she does not understand.

I look at myself in the mirror after Dorian and a taciturn enchanter named Vivienne finish with me. My eyes grow wide with disbelief. “I look like a prostitute.” Not like a street walker, but like a rich guy paid tons of money for me to come to a party with him. I look nothing like myself; like this is more extreme than my senior prom was…and that was _extreme_. 

All of my freckles are hidden under pounds of foundation. My eyes are so smoky that it really just looks like I slept in some serious eyeliner and decided that was a good look. They put on an extra set of eyelashes, because apparently one set is not enough. My lips are a bright red, too. I really don’t recognize myself.

“Elaine, don’t belittle the oldest profession. Wear it with pride!” Dorian looks near to breaking into hysterical laughter. Okay, so despite my discomfort, I find Dorian’s company incredibly enjoyable.

I’m starting to think this is all a joke like the whole dress me up like a harlot thing, but Vivienne is deadly serious. “The Game is essential to politics Elaine. You must play your part well.” 

“So, my part is to be a prostitute?” someone needs to answer this question! No one does, they just look at me with these unbelieving haughty stares. 

I sigh, “At least my hair looks normal.” It was in soft waves that fell just above my boobs. It was very Victoria’s Secret. I could totally dig it.

Okay, so now Dorian actually starts laughing. Vivienne tisks, “Darling, no one would wear their hair like this in public. It is far more suitable for _after_ the party. If Leliana wants you to play the part she has outlined, then you _will_ look like a fantasy of the bedroom.” She looks at me like I am the worst thing to ever happen to her and disappears behind a dressing curtain. “Come, Elaine.”

My jaw drops. Yep, the Inquisition is planning on selling me. I already made it clear that I wouldn’t be prostituting my body, but I guess my image is up for grabs…or at least the tease that I might. I never agreed to any of this! How do I keep letting this happen to me?!

“You’d better go. You won’t like her when she is angry.” Dorian warns me.

“This _isn’t_ her being angry?”

“Ha! She is practically a giggling girl right now.”

Well, that is horrifying. I drag my feet toward where she vanished. A beautiful dress is hanging up for me, it looks like the red satin one from Moulin Rouge! I’m not sure how they found a dress to fit me in such a short time, but I feel like it’s better to not to ask.

I’d dreamed of wearing a dress like that when I was younger. The reality is less glorious…. It required about fifteen minutes of encasing me in a corset; yeah, that thing I said I refused to wear?! I’m wearing it. The dress hugs over it, lacing down the back with a little bow below the small of my back. I can barely breathe! I do have to admit that my body looks fantastic, unnatural, but fantastic!

I look like a High Class Victorian Whore! Um…I probably shouldn’t be proud of it.

There is a knock on the door and Josephine pops her head in. “We are ready for you now. Elaine, you are a Trevelyan, a Lady. A Lord will escort you and lead you in the first dance. Elias is on the other side of the last door waiting for you.” Her voice is incredibly melodic and she pops out before she can answer any of my questions... because she is a smart lady. 

I frown. “I’m really not a Lady. We don’t have things like that… Wait. Dance?!” No one taught me any dances. I’m not rhythmically challenged, but they can’t just expect me to be able to pick up some dance I’ve never seen before. I hope that Elias leads well, otherwise we are going to be a hot mess.

“Let’s get this over with.” I groan and start to walk down the stairs to the first door that leads to the Inquisitor’s chambers. The sooner this is over, the sooner I can wash my face and get this blasted torture device off my body.

I push open the door a bit and a gloved hand pops through. Elias sounds less than thrilled to be there waiting for me. “Took you long enough.”

My spiteful laugh comes as a surprise to me, “You should see what your mages did to me, Inquisitor. Do you supervise these people or just let them do whatever they please?” In this case, I really hope it’s the second of those two options…

Josephine’s voice rings out in the hall, “Introducing Lady Elaine Trevelyan, being escorted by Inquisitor Lord Elias Trevelyan.” A polite applause follows her announcement.

“That’s our cue. And Elaine? Don’t worry, my parents made sure I’ve had years of dance lessons. Just, watch out for my feet.” Elias opens the door and wraps my arm around his.

I can hear a few gasps as we enter. Elias once again looks like a pompous jerk, not even glancing down at me. There are a wide variety of responses to my appearance. Solas looks impassive, some dude with an epic black beard looks pissed, and poor Cullen is the same color as my dress. Elias mumbles, “Yep, I think you will work.”

“I hate you.” I mumble through the demure smile I was told to keep on my face.

He leads me to a spot in the hall in front of a small band. Yeah, somehow, in the matter of one afternoon Josephine slapped together a mini ball. Musicians, food, drink, _everything_. I have no idea how the woman did it. Maybe that is what she hides in her gigantic sleeves….

Elias bows a bit as the music starts, so I curtsey. He takes me in a traditional hold, and thank God, a waltz starts playing. This I can manage! I have never been so happy that mom forced all four of us into etiquette lessons to prepare for your and Max’s wedding.

We easily dance around and some other couples join us.

“So, what’s with you and Solas?” He finally speaks to me and of course it’s sort of rude…par for the course.  

“So, what’s with you being an ass?” I respond, not wanting to think about the frustrating elf.

He sighs and rolls his eyes. “Elaine, I didn’t chose to be Inquisitor anymore than you chose to be here. I’m 24. I should be finding a wife and settling down, not leading a reformation. I have to make choices that no one else wants to make. Sometimes it is difficult to not place that frustration onto other people. Okay!?” I can’t believe he just told me something so serious.

I can understand why that would make someone a jerk. He is my age…he is me…and his whole world had been turned upside down by whatever happened to give him the glowing green hand. “Wow. I’m sorry.” He looks at me expectantly. “Fine! I don’t know what is with Solas and me. When we were on Earth, I thought that maybe…I don’t know what I thought…but since we’ve gotten here he has been different….abrasive and cold.” Ug. Why am I telling him this?

“Be careful, Elaine. There is something unusual about him.” He actually sounds concerned, which is a change.

Saying that there was something ‘unusual’ about him was a huge understatement. “You do know that he stalked me for a whole two days? Right? I’m aware that he is weird.”

“Seriously, he knows too much; he is also incredibly racist…”I don’t want to talk about Solas anymore, so I interrupt him to ask what I need to know.

“Eli, when can I go home? I really didn’t agree to do anything other than help you guys get home. I want the same favor. I want to go home.” He has to understand. I’m sure all he wants is to go home too.

His face brightened for the first time. “Eli is it?” He really does look like one of my brothers. I really miss them.

I wave the hand on his shoulder dismissively, “Elias is too many syllables. Answer the question.” Not getting out of this one Inquisitor!

Eli’s brows knit together and he looks troubled. Whatever is coming next is not going to be awesome. “Honestly, I don’t know. We got stuck in your world by accident. I’m not even sure we could replicate what we did.” To be fair, he sounds a bit ashamed.

The music stops. And so does my heart.

I push away from him and start to raise my voice. “Wait. You made me come back here without any way for me to get back?! How could you do that?!”

Elias grabs my wrist and drags me off the dance floor. “I have a responsibility to Thedas.” His voice is low, a warning. I am not to make a scene. Well, that is just too damn bad. He is a self-serving bastard. I can’t believe that I thought he would actually help me.

I match his tone and rip myself from his grasp. “You’re a monster.” Tears blur my vision; I might never be able to come back home. I turn on my heel and try to make my way to the doors at the end of the long room.

A red blur blocks my path. “Excuse me.” I whisper, trying to push past. I really don’t want to be here right now.

“Dance with me.” It’s Solas, because things didn’t suck enough already.  

I blink back my tears; I’d wipe them away, but so. much. makeup. My voice is surprisingly steady. “No. If you didn’t notice, I am currently doing my best to be anywhere, but here. So, if you wouldn’t mind.”

He doesn’t look as emotionless as when I walked in; I can see a little wrinkle between his eyes. He’s concerned? “Just one dance and I will hinder you no longer, Elaine.” I’m pretty sure he is lying, he wouldn’t let me just run out into the castle alone.

I step away from him. “Does ‘no’ mean something else here!?”

A blonde just randomly pops up next to me and starts talking. “You should dance with him. Holding you makes him feel steady, like a deep breath. He worries when you run.” He can’t be that much younger than me, but oh my word he is creepy beyond belief. It’s almost like his crystal blue eyes stare through me. He makes Solas seem as creepy as Betty Crocker….maybe not the best example….she looks really creepy on some of those boxes….more like as creepy as the idea of Betty Crocker.  

I take a fast step to the side putting some space between me and super random guy. “What?” I’m not sure if a bigger ‘what’ had ever been uttered. What the hell was he saying? What is his problem? What is going on?!

“Cole is a spirit of compassion. He is away from his world, similar to how you are. He can feel thoughts.” The words come slowly, clearly measured. He’s trying to not scare me off.

“I try to help! Solas, her hurt is so loud. He’s a monster. Never get to leave. He betrayed me; I thought he wanted me.” Cole sounded so happy about helping, then he started saying things that are running through my mind. Does that mean that the previous thoughts were Solas’s?

I put my hands on the sides of my head as if they’ll keep him out. “Is he trying to possess me?” I can’t believe that the Inquisition would allow that to happen in their ranks, but apparently their ethics are dubious at best.

Cole’s eyes get even bigger. “No! I heal hurts. I can make you forget, if you want. I can try again!” His words come fast and in a panic. Solas puts a hand on his shoulder and shakes his head. I have somehow started to upset the mind reading creepy spirit boy thing. I’m really a winner.

“If I dance with you will it get me away from him?” I try to look angry when I finally look back at Solas, but really all I feel is defeat. I want to curl up in a corner and cry until I fall asleep.

He doesn’t answer me, but rather wraps his arm around mine and escorts me to the dance floor. He is surprisingly regal in the way he holds himself. It’s not something that I expect from the middle aged elf mage who lived in a small village. He almost looks more comfortable guiding me than Elias did.

Something like a Tango starts. He raises his brows to me, again asking silent permission. I nod ever so slightly, and he pulls my body close to his. I am so mad at him, but my heart flutters when I feel his chest pressed against mine. Memories of his lips against mine flash through my head; my body slightly starts to warm up. I hate myself.

“You look ridiculous.” I scoff looking at what he is wearing. It is some sort of military outfit and it really doesn’t fit him well. It’s red and gold and blue and incredibly gaudy.

His intense eyes lock onto mine. I almost gasp….because I’m pathetic. “You look like sin, Elaine.”

“I believe that was their idea.” I’m doing my best to not let him make me forget how angry I am. I’m so mad at everything!

He presses me back into a low dip and slowly rolls me back up to him. His amazing baby blues look like they’re on fire. I can feel his chest raising more irregularly against mine, but you’d never know it by the look on his face. “It seems that the Inquisitor upset you.” His voice is amazingly steady for the way he is man handling me.

Understatement of the century. “He brought me back knowing full well that he probably wouldn’t be able to send me back.” I hiss at him. Realizing that he knew. He is supposedly this amazingly talented mage’ he had to have known this would be the result. My voice catches in my throat. “You _knew_. You didn’t even fight for me. You just let me be taken. How could you, Solas? Maybe Elias is right about you.”

The hand on my waist gently caresses me. “I promise that I will get you home.” His voice is full of such conviction I almost believe him, but he was blatantly attacking me earlier so….I don’t feel like I can really take his word as  being legitimate.

I just laugh. It doesn’t sound like me at all. I sound cruel and joyless.

The little wrinkle between his brows shows back up. “What is it that Elias is right about?”

My eyes epically roll. Elias is stupid and I certainly don’t trust him, so I don’t know why I even brought it up. “He seems to think you’re dangerous or something.”

Our bodies are so close that I can feel his breathing pause for a second. “What if I am?” I can’t decide if he sounds sad, angry, or diverted by his question. That doesn’t bode well. 

On the pro side: He hadn’t killed me yet. So, I figure I’m as safe around him as I am any other person here. “I don’t know, Solas. _Should_ I be afraid of you?”

His hand that is holding mine twitches; it’s just a light second of pressure against my palm, but it’s enough that I can feel it. “Yes.” Sad. He sounds so sad. I am temporarily broken out of my rage bubble and want to understand who this man is.

We finish the dance in silence just studying each other’s faces, feeling each other’s bodies move. The music stops and we just stand and stare…like we both want to say something, but we don’t know what to say.

All of a sudden I hear a scream from a balcony. “Bees!!!” And then hysterical laughter as the people below, myself included, start to be assaulted by a swarm of bees! Who the hell would do that?! How is that funny!? All of these people are crazy!

I’m finally pulled back into myself. My inner voice is screaming ‘run!’ In all of the chaos there is a clear path to the doors. I make a break for it.

Once I’m in the courtyard…or I guess that is what you could call it? I feel like I can breathe again. It’s silent and calm. With no one milling around, Skyhold is really stunning. And you know what? I can see stars, like I can see the whole universe laid out in front of me.

“I thought you might want this.” Cole’s spacy voice comes from behind me. I turn around to find him holding a wet cloth. “You feel like you’re wearing a mask. You just want to be seen.”

I am so touched that I want to cry. He is such a sweet (unsettling) guy. “Thank you, Cole. You are very good at helping.” He beams like the child who just won the Easter egg hunt.  I grab the cloth and quickly wipe away all of the junk on my face.

He suddenly looks distant. “She looks even younger when she sleeps. Perfectly beautiful. Can’t be mine. I want to make her mine.” So, the whole anonymous mind reading freaks me out. I have bets on who those thoughts belong to, but I can’t deal with it.

“Cole, I’m going to go for a walk. Don’t follow me, please.” I jog off through the front gates leaving behind everything that had destroyed my life in the past twelve hours.

* * *

Before you yell angry things at me, keep in mind that I had no idea what was going on. No one had told me what the Venatori or Red Templars were. No one explained that just how dangerous the world outside of Skyhold was. All anyone did was say they would protect me and then do nothing. Granted, I made protecting me very difficult in this instance.

I run out into the cold night across the bridge that connects Skyhold to the rest of the mountains. The test dinner had been a disaster.

I sit down on a flat rock about a mile from Skyhold and just let tears fall. How could everyone have been so awful?! Why couldn’t anyone just want me for who I am? I didn’t want anything from them except to be able to go home and they wouldn’t even give me a solid ‘yes’ or ‘no’ as to if that was possible.

An old woman’s voice cuts the silence of the night. “Child, why do you cry?” I jump, not expecting to have anyone be out here…where ever ‘here’ was….I’m still really not sure. I do know that I should not have left without a coat.

I feel so weak. “I’m just a long way from home and I’m scared and alone. I just wish I back.” I desperately want to be home in my own bed, with sweatpants and pizza.

Her crippled frame comes to stand in front of me. She takes my hand in hers, wiping away some of my tears with her other. Her hands feel strong, not frail like they should feel. “You were taken from your home, yes? I could help you, if you would allow me to.”

I know I should be more alarmed, but everything around her is so tranquil. I want to be near her. “How do you know that?”

“I can see it in your aura. It is distressed.” She smells like fresh cinnamon rolls, my favorite comfort breakfast. I could just curl up here and sleep. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.

My rational brain starts trying to fight back. “Why? Why would you help me?” No one helps you just for the heck of it. The Inquisition proved that was also the rule in Thedas. Something is wrong! I am yelling at myself to run, but something stops me…tells me that everything will be fine.

“I’d hate to see the Inquisition ruin the life of yet another pretty young woman. They have wreaked havoc on the world of Thedas.” Even though her words are angry ones she sounds so pleasant.

“What? They told me they were trying to save the world….” I suppose the bad guys wouldn’t actually tell you that they were bad…This isn’t a James Bond movie. Something seemed strange about the whole offer, but to be fair, everything here was incredibly strange. “This tear looks different. It’s red instead of green.” Why can’t I make myself run?

The woman just smiled kindly, “Perhaps this is a special rift, the kind that will send you home.”

The longer that I talk to her, the more light I feel. Like my soul is floating in cotton candy clouds and everything is going to be completely fine.

“Well, red is the complimentary color of green, so that makes sense, I guess….” I was not an art major.

“Come, child. Let me send you home. You don’t belong here.” She is so soothing. She is so kind. I should let her send me home. She is right, I don’t belong here. No one wants me here.

I let her help me stand. I can’t remember why my cheeks feel sticky or why I’m out of breath. I don’t know why I ever doubted that she would help me.

A far away voice calls to me “Elaine!” It must be Max on the other side of the portal. He must be so worried. I just disappeared and he couldn’t find me. I was wrong to do that to him. I should go through and apologize.

“Elaine! Stop!” It’s that voice again. I turn around and see two people running toward us. I barely make out a red coat on one body and what looks like a crazy big floppy hat on the other. I do not register any reason to be alarmed. A normal person would have at least been curious as to why someone was running at them in the middle of the night. But, all I can think is that whoever they are should really have on heavier coats. The mountains are very cold.

“Now, my dear. You must go now!” The old woman sounds anxious, but I feel just fine.

My head tilts to the side. “Is there something wrong with the portal?” I say dreamily, fully under whatever spell I’d been taken by.

“Yes, I am old and can only sustain it for a limited amount of time. I would hate for you to miss your chance. Please, before the Inquisition can stop you from being free.” She urges me forward guiding me by my hand…and I go willingly.

Her other hand violently grab the back of my neck and squeezes. I am overtaken by darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cole writing is difficult! Some people do it really well in their works and to them I give major props. It is quickly approaching the end of my semester (woohoo grad school), so I apologize in advance if my posts stutter in their frequency (I'm trying to post at least 2 chapters each weekend).


	4. An Unhappy Captive

Yeah, I know. Good job, Elaine! Way to make things even worse. Well, it hasn’t really started getting bad for met yet.

I wake up and I’m very cold. It feels damp and echo-y. Much to my surprise I’m on some sort of cot or something? Of course, I’m still in my red satin finery from earlier. My body feels like it just did a huge workout and then swam some laps. I’m not a fan.

I groan and start to shift, but a man’s’ voice whispers to me. “Don’t. Pretend to be asleep for as long you as you can. They’ll leave you alone.”

I’m not sure who ‘they’ are or the guy who is talking or where I am or what is going on. It probably is best if I just don’t move and don’t open my eyes. My body stills and I try to focus on taking even breaths. I need to keep it together if I’m going to end up being okay. Eventually, I fall asleep again hoping that I can avoid whatever is waiting for me in the waking world.

* * *

As soon as I pass into the Fade I can year my name being called. “Elaine? Damn it, Elaine!” Solas sounds pissed.

I stand in the middle of our little clearing and put on a brave face. “I’m here, Solas.” My voice sounds significantly smaller than I want it to.

The elf comes dashing through the tree line looking panicked. “You’re still alive! It has been two days. What happened, Elaine?” He continues his hurried pace until he is standing in front of me. I want him to reach out and hold me, to tell me everything is going to be alright, but I know that both of those things are unlikely.

I rub my hand across my forehead trying to remember. “I ran off to take some time for myself after the awfulness of dinner. I just needed to think. Then an old woman came up to me and promised to take me home. I felt like something was off about it, but I couldn’t make myself fight back. The next thing I knew I was waking up somewhere. A man told me to pretend to be asleep, so I did. Now, I’m here.” That was a pretty good summary. My body ached even here. I just wanted to lay down and sleep.

“Cole came to tell me that you ran off, but he knew something was wrong. When we saw you up the hill there was a man, a Venatori, coaxing you into some defiled portal, but not a rift. He must have compelled you to see him as an old woman.” He spoke quietly, his former anger completely gone. “I did not make it in time to save you.” It almost sounded like he was heartbroken.

The fact that he sounds so defeated scares me, he normally seems to react to things as if they are a challenge to be overcome, or at least that he would be quietly angry. “Solas, what is going to happen to me?” I’m honestly scared to know.

He paces a bit back and forth to a nearby tree. “The Venatori are a cult of mages who are helping Corypheus takeover the world. They are malicious mages who have shown no shred of decency. They will likely try to get information from you. Leliana found a Venatori agent in our serving staff, as such, we have better information as to your whereabouts. Some of our troops were already on their way to Adamant before you were taken: there are scouts looking for where they may be hiding you. It is unlikely in the fortress proper.” The way he speaks is logical and smooth, but his body looks like a carnivore in a zoo…like he is one second from devouring someone who gets to close.

I literally have no idea what to say. Do I apologize? Do I burst into tears? Do I hit him like I’ve wanted to since he started throwing shit at me? Do I kiss him like I’ve wanted to since we first shared a dream? How are you supposed to react to knowing that when you wake up there are awful people who want something from you and you have nothing to give them?

I know my voice is going to sound awful before I begin to speak. “Solas, I….” Yep, I sound like a scared child.

Solas closes the space between us and takes my hands in his. “I am so sorry, Elaine. We are on our way. I know you were upset with us, but the Inquisition is made up of good people. There is a small contingent coming, we can move faster than an army.” He looks so troubled. I wonder how long he has been looking for me here in the Fade….I’d been out cold for two days.

Instead, I decide to be obstinate, because I won’t forget so quickly that they are what made me need to run...At the time I had no idea what actual danger awaited me. “Why do you even care? Why do any of you care!?” I pull my hands out of his, which actually makes me kind of miserable…especially when I can see that sadness reflected in his face. “You tried to kill me!”

I can almost see the breath get knocked out of his lungs. “You have to know that I care. It is selfish and unwise, but I do. I care, Elaine.” He speaks softly, but intensely. “The other day, I….I do not always express myself healthfully; I have spent many years alone. I was scared. You are here. I allowed you to be taken here. I allowed you to be put directly into the path of danger. In my haze of self-hatred, I was too forceful in trying to teach you to defend yourself. For that, I am sorry.” He had been worried about me and it manifested as anger. I mean, that’s not the first time a person has behaved that way.

“You were scared? You care?” I had hoped…I mean, it was stupid. Even if he did care it didn’t really help the present situation. I step forward to him and wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head in the hollow of his neck. 

There is strength in the way he embraces me back. “You have taken me by surprise. I’m going to bring you back, I promise you.” I silently hope that he can keep his promise. “Elaine, don’t use any magic. They are doing horrible things to mages to bolster their army.”

I can feel myself starting to wake, something is going on wherever I am. “I won’t. Solas, I don’t have much longer. I’ll see you soon, right?” I try to smile, encouraging him…and myself, to be honest.

He gently kisses my forehead. “I’ll see you soon, _emma’asha_ ”

* * *

I awake to unfamiliar men arguing.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Dillworth.” Yeah….Dillworth doesn’t sound like a particularly competent name...

There is a loud metallic clanking followed by, “Fuck you, Nicolay!”

The sound gets closer, almost as if it’s right next to my head, so I shoot up off of the cot I’m on. With my eyes open, I finally can assess the amount of shit I’ve gotten myself into. I’m clearly in some sort of dungeon; I’m on a small, makeshift bed and there is little else in the room. Well, I use the word room loosely…I’m surrounded by metal bars and one stone wall behind me; they outline the small rectangle that I’m in, but there is no privacy what so ever. I can see that there is a figure leaning against the metal wall that I share with a cell beside me. He must have been the one to warn me to sleep earlier.

A thuggish laughter comes from a few feet away. “Well, Dillworth, at least you woke up the lady. Go tell the boss.” They are directly across from me, sadly there was no danger to me. The echoes had played a trick on me…and now they know I am coherent. Which, is awesome…it’s not awesome…

The man called Nicolay starts to open the door to my cell and I ball myself up, pressing myself as far away as possible. The stone behind scrapes my back where the dress doesn’t cover. “Hush now, Little Bird, I’m not going to hurt you.” Apparently, thugs are not a creative people; this was the second time some predatory male had referred to me as that. The humor of this doesn’t stop me from starting to shake violently. A few well-placed kicks won’t get me away from _this_ situation.

He comes closer, crouching in front of me. I try to push myself farther away, I can feel blood start to drip from the scrapes the jagged stones are inflicting. “Aren’t you a pretty young thing?” He reaches out to grab my chin so that he can get a better look. I snap my teeth at him, threatening. The man has the balls to laugh at me. “And spirited too. Come on, you are expected at dinner.”

Nicolay steps back allowing me room to stand, but I don’t move. “I said, come.” I just sit and glare; I do not like where this train of demands looks like it’s going. He grabs my wrist and in one strong yank he pulls me off the cot and against his standing frame. “Maybe after you eat, you’ll become better at doing as you’re told.” I can feel his awful words touching the shell of my ear. I close my eyes and push off of him with my free hand.

“Nicolay, don’t hurt the girl. Can’t you see that she is terrified?” The man in the cell next to me interrupts the interaction, allowing me to put my feet underneath me.

He spits at the imprisoned man. “No one cares what you think, Barris. Little Bird, you can walk of your own free will, or I will get creative. Either way, we are going up to the dining room.” At least I have a name by which to call my friend in imprisonment when I return…if I return.

I pull myself free from his hands, brush down the front of my gown, and start to walk to the cell door. He follows close behind me pushing me in whatever direction we need to go. Up some stairs and then down a few halls and I’m met by two large doors leading to what I assume is the dining room. The brute behind me opens the doors and gestures for me to walk in. “Lord Erimond, I have the girl here for you.”  I clasp my hands together in front of me to mask my trembling.

An average height man stands in the large hall on his own with a table full of food. He comes forward and bows slightly to me. “I apologize for the state in which you are being kept, Milady, precautions must be taken. I am Lord Livius Erimond. Please, sit.” He ushers me to a chair at the table.

I go relatively willingly, I mean, what else am I going to do? Running is not an option. I don’t know where I am and I’m also pretty sure that they wouldn’t hesitate in killing me. Dinner smells amazing; I hadn’t realized how hungry I am. I’m also sure that I look like a hot mess.

“Please, eat.” Erimond invites me once he has seated himself next to me.

“Thank you, but I’m not very hungry.” I realize looking back that if they were going to kill me, they would probably have not waited till dinner to poison me, but accepting anything from any of them seems like a really bad idea at the time.

He slowly nods before taking a drink from his chalice. “How did one so bewitching come to be in the Inquisition, Lady Trevelyan?” Apparently their spy in the Inquisition had done a good job of passing information. I had only been announced as that once in the few hours I was in Thedas.

I don’t respond. I figure silence might be better than saying something that marks me as being an oddity. I have no idea how to behave in a situation like this. A wrong step could mean my life. Maybe if I wait for a bit, I’ll have a better understanding of what is going on and I’ll be less likely to screw up.

Erimond waits in silence for a few minutes. “Lady Trevelyan, you should know that you must speak when you are spoken to. It is very rude to no do so.” His voice is starting to sound more antagonistic and less like the ‘Lord’ he is passing himself off as being.

I am doing my best to look unaffected, but my whole body is covered in a thin layer of sweat. “I am not Lady Trevelyan.” I say softly, avoiding eye contact with my captor. I figure my silence won’t continue to work at this point. The worst thing I could do would be to make him angry by not even saying anything. I’m sure my speaking will do that well enough on its own.

He grabs the arms of the chair I’m seated in and turns it so that I’m facing him head on. “That is what they called you.” He states plainly.

Considering how much I’m shaking, I’m doing a pretty good job of sounding calm. “They lied.” Minimal words seem more acceptable to him than silence, and are better for me than to be telling my life’s story. If they knew that I was a parallel to Elias it could be disastrous. How? I’m not sure, but I guarantee you that it would not be good.

“Who are you then?”  To his credit, he sounds fascinated and not angry.

“No one of consequence.” I feel ridiculous being so evasive, but it is all I know to do. There are seriously no good options for me at this time.

He scoffs, “Come, my girl, you must be something significant. Why else would there have been such fanfare about you? A lie that you are a lady?”

Dorian’s comment from earlier comes to mind about the oldest profession ‘wear it with pride’. Internally I groan, but it might be the only card I have in my hand. Someone’s escort would not know anything about the inner workings of the Inquisition. In my dress, I certainly look the part. “I am the companion of one of the members of the Inquisition.” I say softly, still avoiding his gaze as if he could see my lies if he could see my whole face.

“And to whom do you belong?” I seem to have peaked his interest, which scares me.

I hate that he has immediately stripped me of all of my agency; saying that I am the possession of someone else. I look up and meet his eyes with a wicked grin. “My Lord, a lady doesn’t kiss and tell.” I can’t help myself. My glibness does me no credit.

Erimond backhands me across the face. I can feel a cut form where one of his rings hit my cheekbone. His gaze is murderous. “We have already established that you are no lady. To whom do you belong?”

Tears start to well in the corners of my eyes. “The elf.” I suppose it is closer to the truth than other things. I’m not his whore, but in some sense I do belong to him.

His hand is holding my chin in place, not allowing me to escape. “Why would the go through the trouble of lying to their own people about you?”

I sniffle, maybe being the hopeless creature I am will help the persona I am creating. “Solas wouldn’t leave me. They decided that it would be best if they just pretended that I was a legitimate part of the Inquisition. Their most powerful mage dallying with a common whore doesn’t fit the image they have created for themselves.” I think it sounds convincing, at least.

He smiles a little like he found some opening. “Poor girl. Surely he told you about the plans of the Inquisition? Powerful men often have loose lips when their heads hit the pillow.”

Little does he know, I know nothing at all. Even under complete duress, I would have nothing to tell him. “You’ve clearly never met Solas. He is a very careful man. Never let a word slip.” I decide to add something a bit more shocking as I presume a less refined woman might, “His mouth was often otherwise occupied.”

Erimond sighs, maybe it’s out of pity, or maybe it’s because I’m no longer fun. “You are a clever girl. Nicolay, take her back to her cell.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath before rising. I had survived.

I start making my way to the door when I feel something familiar in the air. It’s similar to when Solas and I were sparing earlier. I quickly recognize it as the pull of mana. I whip myself around to see Erimond starting to throw a fireball at me. I guess the fact that I was no longer of any use to him simply meant that I would be killed. Out of instinct I pull a barrier around myself.

My captor and I lock eyes. I stand defiantly, Solas had said to not use magic, but it was either be discovered or die. I chose the first and I need to accept the decision I made. Erimond starts to laugh a joyless laugh. “Well, my dear. It seems that you won’t be so useless to us after all.”

Nicolay is not as lucky; I can hear him screaming as he is burned alive just a few steps away from me. I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to forget the smell of burning flesh…or his shrieks. I’d really rather not talk about it anymore.


	5. Somewhat of a Mage

Some random new thug drags me back down to my cell. He opens the door and unceremoniously throws me in, breaking the heel on one of my shoes. I’m still in a bit of shock…I had never seen anyone die before, especially in such an awful way. I also hadn’t ever _really_ had anyone try to kill me. I sit down on my cot and start to cry; I try my best to be as quiet as possible knowing that I’m sharing a mostly open wall with Barris.

My efforts must have been pretty pitiful because eventually I hear, “Hey, are you alright?” That would be a resounding no. I am in no way alright.

I laugh at the ridiculousness of the question. “Not exactly, but I’m still alive, so there’s that…”

“Small blessings. I’m Delrin Barris. I was a Templar before they corrupted the order. They’re keeping me here, hoping to farm red lyrium from my body. What did you do to be put in these illustrious apartments? It sounds like he is in pain, but is trying to make me feel better with his words. I get up from my pity bed and sit on the floor against our wall.

“Hello, Delrin. I am Elaine, and I made the mistake of becoming an acquaintance of the Inquisition. That right there led Erimond to try to kill me. Luckily, I am somewhat of a mage. Apparently, I will prove useful to them. I’m pretty sure that isn’t a good thing.” I hear him shifting on the other side of the wall. When he nears the bars I can see him properly for the first time. He looks around my age, his mint eyes are starkly in contrast with his beautiful mocha skin. Delrin was probably unbelievably attractive before his imprisonment, but now his face is gaunt and his eyes are sunken in. There is some strange red aura that seems to pulse around him. It sings to me? 

He heaves a sigh, “Well, they’ll either bind a demon to you or use you to farm more red lyrium. Death might have been kinder.”

Great. “What exactly is lyirum?” I’d like to know what they are potentially going to use me for…maybe it will help me come up with something to get around it…or at least I can let Solas know what is happening.

Delrin looks at me, skeptical, “I thought you said you were a mage.” Oops…

“I said I was somewhat of a mage. I’m...not from around here…” I have no way of knowing if he is a plant or if he would trade information about me in order to help himself, so my speech remains as ever: evasive.

He shrugs. I guess he figures that there is nothing to lose by explaining something so rudimentary to me. “Lyrium is used by mages to replenish their mana faster than by natural regeneration. The Templars imbibe it in order to access their powers. Red lyrium is some corrupted form of normal lyirum. It turns the users into monsters. Those around it can be poisoned, eventually they go mad.”

That explains the red around him. He is somehow incubating the red lyrium. Is that the singing I hear? Is it already making me crazy? I start laughing. “Thedas really is a lovely place…and I’m going to die here!” I’m hysterical.  I reach out one of my hands through the bar, he takes it in his. He feels unnaturally warm. “Delrin, I’m terrified.”

He gives me a little squeeze, “I am too, Elaine.”

The distinct sound of armor begins to echo down the stairwell that leads up from the dungeon. “Barris! Time for your treatment.”

His hand tightens on mine as he looks crushed. This must be a semi-regular occurrence, but maybe this is the first time he has been able to actually express himself to someone who was empathetic. “I won’t be in very good shape when I get back. Take care of yourself while I’m gone.” He smiles a little at me as he stands, but it doesn’t hide his fear.

I’m alone again, and now I’m even petrified. Every time that door opens, it could be it for me. I hope that the Inquisition gets here soon. I go lay on the cot and close my eyes, willing myself to sleep, wishing with all my heart that Solas waits for me in the Fade.

* * *

He is sitting back on his legs in the clearing when I arrive. It looks like he is meditating, which is kind of a strange thing to be doing in a dream. I walk over and gently lay my shoulders and head down in his lap. Solas smiles and opens is eyes, one of his hands comes up to push back some errant hairs from my eyes. We just sit in silence together for a few minutes gazing into each other’s eyes, happy to be together again.

I close my eyes to tell him what has happened. I’m not sure that I can get through it if I see how he reacts….I’m already aware that its’ bad…I don’t need to know just how bad it is. “Solas, I used magic.” I feel his body tense beneath me; his hand stops stroking my hair for a second before he returns to the rhythmic caress. “I was taken to see Livius Erimond. He demanded to know who I was….so, I told him that I am your whore and as such know nothing of interest. That rendered me useless to him. I was being led out the door when he tried to immolate me. It was either a barrier or death; the guard beside me got the second. Then, Erimond said that I could still be of use to him because of the whole magic thing and had me thrown back in the dungeon. There’s a man down here with me, a Barris. They’re farming him for red lyrium.”

My eyes open back up and he is staring at me intently, his brows are furrowed. He quickly wraps is arms around my upper body and hoists it against his chest so that I’m curled up against him. It must be _really_ bad. “We are about a day out from where we think you’re being held. Cullen’s men have already started setting a perimeter.”

I know it’s possible that they won’t make it in time to save me, that is always a possibility when there is a rescue mission…I’ve seen hostage movies. “What happens if-”

“No. There is no ‘if’. I will be there tomorrow and you’ll be safe again.” His voice is deeper than usual, more forceful as he cuts off my musings.

I rock my head back into the bend of his elbow and look up at him. He seems distant. “I want you to know that-“

“Whatever it is, you can tell me tomorrow when I see you.” If he cuts me off one more time it’s going to make me angry. I understand him not wanting to face the possibility that he fails to fulfill his promise of protecting me….it hasn’t  been going well so far. I just want him to know that I think I’m falling in love with him, even though it doesn't really make sense. He should know…

“Okay.” My hand caresses his cheek. “This is your dream, right? Show me around Thedas.” There is a silent part of that request….I want him to show me because I might never see anything outside of this cell again.  

He kisses my palm, “Ma nuvnein” The way he looks at me makes my hesitation melt away. I know that right now. Right here. In this dream with him, I am safe.  

The use of what I assume is another language makes my stomach twist a little in delight. “What does that mean? What language is it?” 

One of his arms wraps around my waist as we start walking out of the clearing. “Elven. It means ‘as you wish’.”

I giggle a little, “I like the sound of that.” He bumps my hip a bit with his.

The area around us starts to shift into a different type of forest with more evergreens and a little stream glistens in the distance. It is picturesque, I know it’s a dream so I assume that things are enhanced, but I’m still surprised by its beauty. His voice breaks the peaceful silence. “I grew up near here.”

My feet start to carry me off to the water. I feel filthy, a dream dip will not clean my physical body, but the splash of water against my bare feet feels heavenly. “Hmm…What were you like when you were my age, Solas?”

His laugher warms the air around us. “That was a very long time ago.”

I kick some water at him. “That doesn’t make me any less curious.”  I suspect he was boring. I mean, you don’t just suddenly become serious and academic. You kind of start out that way.

He comes closer to the bank standing close behind me. “I was hot headed and cocky, always ready for a fight. I thought I knew everything, a dangerous mistake.”

On second thought, I can believe that. His behavior the past few days could be described as an older wiser man fighting to keep his angsty teenage-self buried. The smugness is cockiness, and honestly he is still a bit hot headed…and very much a know it all.

“So, you were one of _those_.” I laugh and wade deeper into the shallow water.

Solas remains on dry land, watching me thoughtfully. “I suppose so.” I’m not really sure if he understood what I meant, but at the very least he got the gist of my jab.

Mischief sets itself up in my brain as I throw a hand full of water at him. It doesn’t do anything more than land a few drops on his tunic. He rolls his eyes like I’m a pest, which gets him another, larger, dose of splash. “Don’t pretend. You love it.”

Faster than I was prepared for he leaps into the waist deep water with me and splashes me back. I scream in delight and try to run away, but I don’t move fast enough. His arms grab around my waist and he holds me in place as he attacks me with water. Once his barrage is done I can finally look in his direction without getting water splashed in my eyes…which I hate! He looks almost light, happy. Maybe I’m not too young for him. He is also drenched, water pleasantly dripping from his nose and ears. Solas is still very attractive, that has not changed, in case you were wondering.

I reach up and wipe some water from his brow, he presses his face into my touch and closes his eyes like he is savoring the feeling of me against his skin. The Fade is not like the real world; I can’t technically feel him or his warmth, but the memory of it from when we have been close in the times we are awake.

He pulls me to him gently, like I am something precious and he rests his head on the top of mine. His words are soft, almost like a prayer. “I’ll be with you again soon. I’ll hold you close and you’ll never have to feel alone here again.”

My hold on the Fade is starting to weaken, I’m going to wake up soon. I’d do almost anything to hold on to this moment of peace and not return to the cell where my body is laying. “Soon.” I whisper into his chest as the dream begins to dwindle.     

* * *

The dungeon is an extreme departure from the Fade. I’m freezing cold and covered in dirt. At least my body doesn’t hurt anymore. I remember Barris’s advice and do my best to feign sleep for as long as I can stand the inactivity.

I can hear his heavy breathing in the cell next to me. It’s not a comfortable sound. He sounds almost feral. I wonder when they brought him back in the night. “Delrin?” I call out quietly, moving toward our shared divider. I really just want to make sure that he is alright.

He doesn’t respond, so I call for him again. I put one of my hands on a bar while I try to find him in the dark corners of his cell. An animal growl comes from the middle of the room and then he launches himself at where I’m standing. I let out a small scream and jump backwards. He looks worse that he did before. His eyes are tinged red and his skin looks like it is straining against his bones at strange angles. All of the kindness in his face has been replaced by this bestial fear.

“What have they done to you?” I ask, knowing I won’t get an answer. I still my voice as much as I can, maybe if I am very calm I can help him find himself or at least help him to relax. “Delrin, it’s okay.” I approach the bars where he is perched slowly with my hands up in surrender. “Do you remember me? I’m Elaine. We are trapped by Erimond. I won’t hurt you. You’re okay, Delrin.”

It seems like it’s working; he lets me get up to the wall and even gently place a hand around one of his fists. His breathing softens. His eyes look like they’re finally focusing. “Elaine.” He repeats, letting his hands relax. “Thank you.” Dlerin slides down the bars and sits with his back to me. At least he looks relaxed. “Will you keep talking? Please. About anything. Hearing you is helping me feel myself again.”

If I can do anything it is talk, so he came to the right person. “Let’s see….I’m from a big family. They’re loud and everyone is always up in everyone else’s business all the time. I have three older brothers, so I’m pretty spoiled. Maxwell is the oldest and he married Melanie a few years ago; they’re about ten years older than me. Edward comes next he is just past 30, which really freaked him out. Martin is only two years older and wow did we get into it when we were growing up. He can really be a brat, but he is really smart, a surgeon. I really don’t spend as much time as I should with them…I mean I guess that is how things go; I’m trapped in a dungeon and will probably never see them again.” I pause to see if there is anything he wants to add, but his breathing has steadied and it sounds like he is sleeping. Yep, our family puts people to sleep, take from that what you will.

I sit back on my cot, my back pressed against the wall. The scrapes from before screaming as the sensitive skin is rubbed against the stone again. The pain grounds me. It reminds me where I am and what is to come. I remember Dorian discussing control with Solas the other day in the field, now seems as good a time as any to practice. I spend who knows how long lighting little flames on the tips of each of my fingers. It does take a great deal of focus.  

A little ‘woosh’ echoes next to me. “You’re still you. Kind. Curious. Caring. You are not alone.” Just like that Cole appeared and disappeared. I’m really not sure if I am ever going to be able to not be just a bit freaked out by him.

He pops back in. “We’re here. Elias wants you to be ready.” And is gone again. Ready for what exactly, is unknown to me.

Almost immediately there are sounds of some sort of skirmish making its way down to me. Barris stands up quickly, the way a trained soldier does when he hears danger. “Elaine, something is wrong. Stay calm.” He looks around as if he is trying to find a weapon to defend us.

I smile. “The Inquisition has arrived, Barris.” They’re here to save me. He’s here.


	6. Hobo to the Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up, this describes the battle where the Inquisition saves Elaine. It's pretty violent, but I didn't think it was bad enough for any sort of warning.

I am anxious as the sounds of fighting get closer and closer. I want to know who is on the winning side of those blows. Things could go horribly wrong and everyone here to help could be not winning. Failure is always an option.

“Where is she!?” An angry male voice bellows. He must be near the top of the stairs.

A gruff unfamiliar voice responds, “Who? Your elf’s whore?” His cruel laughter is cut off by an exceptionally disturbing gargle as I assume he is choking on his own blood.

The man’s voice, Eli’s voice sounds like acid, “You will not speak about her like that.” The man wouldn’t be speaking ill of anyone ever again.

Footsteps clomp down the stairs to the dungeon “Lane?! Elaine where are you?!” Eli sounds almost panicked.

“Here! I’m over here, Eli!” I yell back loudly shaking the door to my cell.

Cole poofs into existence in front of the door and easily picks the lock, swinging open my door. He totally could have done that earlier, but whatever. Elias pulls me around Cole and holds me by the shoulders in front of him. “Are you okay? Did they hurt you?” His eyes are aflame as he rakes is eyes over my body, stopping on all of the bruises and scrapes.

I shake my head, “It’s nothing I can’t handle.” His worry is surprising, I expected him to be angry with me.

He gives me a minute shake. “What in the Void is your problem?! Why are you so stupid?!” and there it is, the anger. It’s almost a relief. The behavior is familiar to me: he’s just like Martin. Blustery.

“I know, it was dumb. Can we argue when we get out of here?” I really just want to leave. I think that is a very reasonable request. “Cole? Will you please let Barris out? He is next to me.”

Cole easily released Delrin. “Inquisitor. I’m glad to see you are well.”

Elias just nods quietly as he mentally digests the husk of a man who was the Barris he would have known. “Let’s go.” He says to our small party and we start up the stairs.

I would give anything to be wearing shoes, but the broken heel makes them a hindrance to actually walking. The main floor is littered with dead bodies of Venatori guards. Blood is splattered all over the floor and walls. Beneath my bare feet I feel thick wetness as well as sharp fragments of God knows what cutting below my ankles. It’s too much. Stars begin to cloud my vision. I start to tilt to the side, but Cole is there acting as a crutch for me. “Just look forward. I’ll help you.” He sounds so reassuring. I just nod and focus my gaze straight ahead of me.

The closer we get to the exit of the building the louder more sounds of fighting become. Elias slams open the front doors with a taunting roar. He and Barris run into the fray.

Cole stays by me on the edge of the skirmish. There are so many people fighting. They’re all here, everyone I’d met as part of the Inquisitor’s main companions. Iron Bull moves surprisingly deftly for one so big especially with the huge axe he is carrying. Cassandra, Elias, and Barris are all up in the faces of Venatori guards too. Varric is standing on a small ledge raining down arrows on the enemy. Dorian is even here, he is on the other side of the fray and beside him is Solas. His body looks amazingly powerful as he throws around his staff like it’s a natural part of him. I’m almost mesmerized.

A loud shout to the side of me and Cole breaks me from my silent worship. I throw a barrier around us, something I’m getting surprisingly good at. I mean, I wish I had not been put under the circumstances in which I developed such a talent, but it really does come in handy. An errant guard’s sword glances off my bubble. Cole poofs out of existence and reappears behind the man, stabbing him in the neck.

I scream as his blood sprays across my already ruined dress and his body falls near my feet. My body starts to tremble as I stare at the corpse leaking blood near me. Cole’s voice is in my ear, “He wanted to kill you. I had to stop him.” He seems so quiet and innocent, but he just executed a man in front of my eyes. His eyes grow large, “No, I do not hurt. I…I help.”

I take a few breaths and try to push down the panic. I can panic when I’m finally safe. Easier said than done. The familiar tingling sensation of magic waves over my body. A barrier is around me and it’s stronger than any I have casted. It feels safe, like him. I look toward the mages and see Solas looking at me; this is clearly his doing.

The path between us is clear. He starts to walk purposefully toward me. I lack his patience, running toward him. With his barrier around me, I know that nothing will hurt me.  We embrace like a couple in a sappy romance movie. Our bodies crush into each other with just little enough force that neither of us fall over. His arms wrap around me, clutching me to him. He softly says unfamiliar words to me, in what I assume is Elven. He steps back and looks over my slightly injured body, his thumb caresses where Erimond’s strike bruised my cheek. “They hurt you.” I just shrug, everything looked worse than it felt.

My eyes surveys the battle that is winding down in front of us, but I see Barris dart off up some stairs to my right. He is hot on Erimond’s trail. No one else seemed to notice. He’ll need help. I have to do something. So, I dart off to follow. “Elaine!” Solas shouts behind me. I’m sure he is following me. I probably should have told him what was going on, but hindsight is 20/20.

I get up to the little balcony in just enough time to see Erimond blast Barris off his feet. He lands hard on his back. I can’t tell if he is breathing. “This is your doing!” my former captor spits at me. I freeze. I’m not prepared to battle anyone. Nowhere near it. I’ve made a mistake.

I rush over to Barris and kneel down by his prone body. My barrier raises around the two of us. Part of me feels like I should attack or at least stall Erimond until someone else gets here. What is taking Solas so long? I can’t just let Barris lay here alone; he is breathing, but just barely.

“I’ll kill you.” Erimond threatens.

Finally, I look up at him. “You could try, but I am by no means alone or without ways to defend myself. I suggest you consider self-preservation.” I’m totally bluffing. I’d be so dead. This is the most clichéd thing ever. I go back to paying attention to Barris; he is the one who _deserves_ my attention.

He looks so weak. Based on the state of his body, he probably wouldn’t have lived much longer in the cell. Fighting didn’t help. I cradle his head in my hands. “Delrin? You are such a brave man.” In my head, I repeat over and over _let him feel no pain, keep him safe, give him peace._ I’m not sure who I’m praying to, but really it’s to anyone who will listen. Unexpectedly, my body starts to ache again. It’s starting to hurt so badly, but at the same time that my pain is increasing, Barris opens his eyes a bit, the pain lessening from his expression. Either I have some terrible injury that I wasn’t aware of, or I’m succeeding in answering my own prayer in some twisted way. I can’t pretend that I understand magic.

“Elaine?” He breathes.

“Last time I checked I was.” I smile through my discomfort. “We are free Delrin. Now we can get you home.” I stroke his forehead with one of my thumbs. “Tell me about it, your home.” I’m fully aware that he probably won’t make it back, but maybe it can bring him some peace.

His brow furrows as he remembers. “Our estate was on these beautiful hills. In the summers, they were so green; my brother and I would always drive our mother crazy with all the stains we would get from rolling down them.” He smiles a little. There is blood starting to trickle from the corner of his mouth. “When the sun would set there, it was the most amazing colors. I could have just sat there for eternity and been happy. Maybe I’ll get to show you when I get back.” His gaze is distant and his breaths become shallower. I just sit here and hold him, not knowing what else to do. Finally, his chest stops moving and all of the stored up pain in my body disappears. He’s gone.

“May the Maker guide you to his side, Ser Barris.” Cassandra says from a few feet away. I hadn’t noticed people starting to arrive. I look up bewildered, not really even registering anything around me. There had been so much death. I can’t un-see it.

Elias and Varric are the last two to make it up to the balcony. “Where is he? Where is Erimond?!”Elias is yelling. I look to where Erimond was, but he is no longer there. I guess he took my advice. I don’t regret the choice I made. I just shake my head at him. “Elaine?!”

Cole’s voice wafts through the group. “They all came for me? Why? I’m no one. Then, so much blood. Death everywhere. I won’t let him be alone. Not this one. He’ll kill me: ‘consider self-preservation’. Someone give him peace. He dies anyway.”

I am doing my best to not cry in front of everyone. It is not a small feet for me to keep it together. On some level I am thankful that Cole was able to verbalize the Cliff Notes of what was running through my mind.

“You let him go!? Elaine!?” Elias is still yelling. I won’t look at him.

Iron Bull interjects, “Boss, give the girl a break. We’ll still get him.”

Solas’s familiar warmth crouches down beside me. “I couldn’t save him.” I sound hollow, and dazed. He gingerly guides me into his arms and I start to lose control of my emotions. He shifts my body so that he is cradling me to him. My body is shaking again and I’m lost in sobs against his battle armor.

I feel myself get lifted as he stands. Conversations are still going on around us, but I can only hear Solas over my heaving cries. “We don’t need to turn her into a killer!” His voice is cool, but unmistakably enraged. “Her nature is clearly to protect.” Someone responds. “That is what _we_ are here for.” Another response. “By your leave, Inquisitor.” Solas has clearly had enough.

He starts to walk down the stairs holding me with such tenderness; he whispers things only for me. “ _Ma dareth, ma vhenan_. _Ar Lasa mala revas_. _Atisha, emma lath, atisha_.” I am rocked to sleep by his gate and calm words as my cries wear out the last of my energy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ma dareth, ma vhenan. – You’re safe, my love.  
> Ar Lasa mala revas. – You are free.  
> Atisha, emma lath, atisha. - Peace, my love, peace. 
> 
> Last day of semester! Celebrating with a short chapter.


	7. A Lack of Frolicking

It takes me a few days to recover from the trauma of my captivity and the reality of gratuitous death in Thedas.

Solas must have carried me back to wherever they had been camped because I wake up in a tent. The bed beside me is still warm, though empty. My freak out was surprisingly minimal upon waking. All of my small wounds have been healed as well; no doubt the work of my elven guardian. Much to my distaste, I was still barefoot and in my ruined satin dress. There was nothing to be done about it until we got to the forward camp.

I do, however, not speak for the next day and a half. I just sort of sit and let everything process. I eat and hang out around the fire with everyone, I even share a horse with Solas whenever we traveled. He is understanding of my silence. He speaks kindnesses softly in my ear as he holds me steady atop our shared mount; he also takes my uncharacteristic muteness as a way to teach me random things about the plants and animals that we pass on the road. All I can remember is: don’t touch the thing called rashvine….he said it in prettier words. 

The second day, my silence is broken when Varric tells some random story about someone named Daisy and the idea that elves frolic in the woods or wherever. It ends with her saying “Of course we do! We wouldn’t be elves otherwise.” A picture comes into my mind of Solas frolicking through the woods, because according to Daisy it is a fundamental part of being an elf. You know, sun beaming through the leaves as he skips around wearing a flower crown or something equally silly. The whole image is so ridiculous that I burst into laughter. Like seriously, I am laughing so hard that I start crying. The only thing that is keeping me on the horse is Solas’s body.  Everyone near us in the riding order just sits there and stares at me, and then at each other, because they think I have finally lost it.

Solas rests a hand on my stomach, holding me closer to him. “ _vhenan’ara_? Are you alright?” I really need to ask him what the hell he keeps calling me. Apparently, he is the only person around here who speaks elven, I certainly don’t!  Anyway, he sounds really concerned about the random shift in my behavior.

I take a few breaths and turn to him, trying to look serious. My intermittent giggles sort of throw off the whole serious thing… “Solas, I am deeply concerned about your lack of frolicking. It sounds like it is a vital part of being an elf. Are _you_ alright? Is there frolic withdrawal? Have you gone through it!?”

He rolls his eyes and heaves a sigh, because I am a brat. “I do not frolic.” His unamused voice is back. You know, he was so nice to me the past two days and the first thing I do when I decided to rejoin society is to ridicule him…maybe I _am_ a huge pain in the ass.

Bull laughs almost like a bark, “She’s back!” I feel really poorly for the horse he is one. They should have put him on a Clydesdale or maybe a large ox and not that really unfortunate stallion. Maybe Varric should just ride him instead of the pony he is on…

Solas puts his hands back on the reins and looks straight ahead. I caress his cheek, “Thank you, Solas.” I say softly to him. His eyes flick down to mine and I can see a slight crinkle at the corners. I think he secretly thinks I’m really funny.

That evening we reach the army. They’re camped out just a short march from the Adamant fortress that Solas had told me about. Apparently, it is where some really freaky shit is going on with some group of special ops forces and Erimond. The plan is to march on the fortress once the Orlesian allies get to the encampment.

Commander Cullen is running around like a very confident chicken with his head cut off. I can’t really imagine all the things that he needs to get done in order for them to have a successful battle. He has a job that I would never ever want. He does take some time to acknowledge our arrival. We dismounted; Iron Bull plucked me off our horse, which was nice…I’ve never had to get off a horse on my own. Then, I just follow everyone else to what looked like the middle of the camp.

A random woman ran up to Elias “Inquisitor!”

He raised up a hand in dismissal. “Not now.” Later, I learned that this was someone called the requisitions officer and she always had something that Elias should be doing. At the time it seemed very rude.

Cullen sort of jogged up to us. “Welcome back, Inquisitor. We have some tents set aside for you people. I hope that your journey was…successful.” His voice was hesitant, hopeful…did he mean that he hoped I was there with them? I stepped around Iron Bull so that I was visible and raised my hand in a half wave. The relief in his face was completely blatant. “Milady! It is good to see that you are well.”

I laugh a little. “Thank you, Cullen. You as well. This is quite the operation you have here.” I’m mortifyingly aware that I look like I’ve been dragged through hell. My dress is all torn and stained with God knows what. I haven’t gotten to take a shower in days now. Then here was this drop dead gorgeous man standing here asking about my wellbeing. Ugh. Just my luck.

“Yes, the Inquisition has quite a task in overtaking Adamant. Our troops are more than prepared.” He sounds so confident.

I feel a light pressure on my lower back, “Elaine, you should leave the Commander to his work. Let’s go find you something else to wear and maybe somewhere to bathe.” Solas: ever the pragmatist.

I nod and look back to see him gazing down at me with some strange vaguely predatory look…which is odd. I turn back to smile at Cullen. “See you around, Cullen.”

Solas drags me off to the far side of the camp. There is a little tent with a bathtub.  “Solas, there is no water in this tub.” Of course there isn’t. He laughs a little bit and creates a huge chunk of ice in the basin then uses some fire to melt it down. The process is repeated a few times until the bath is full of steaming water. “Wow. You guys really do use magic for everything, don’t you? I mean I’m not complaining.”

He scoffs a bit. “I’ll go find you something to wear.”

I’m alone in the tent….and I remember I’m in a damned corset and I can’t get out of it on my own. I run to the flap of the tent. He is still in view, “Solas!” He turns back to me with furrowed brows. “Come here, please.” He comes back into the tent with me. “Close the flap.”

He still looks really apprehensive, but there is something else in his voice. “Elaine?”

“Solas, they put me in the damn torture device and I need help getting it off.” I turn my back to him and point to the laces at my back.

The voice that comes out of him is lower, a little constrained. “Elaine…” It provokes the same blush from me that it did when he told me he was ‘very hungry’ at breakfast.

I reach behind me and undo the bow, “Please.” I’m almost begging. I really want to get this damn thing off of me.

His hands start at the top of the dress, loosening the laces. His breath is hot on my neck and goosebumps radiate over all of my skin. It is more intimate than I had expected. He hadn’t really touched me since we had been in Thedas. I’d be lying if I said I had forgotten our heated moments in the Fade. Faster than I admittedly want it to, the dress starts to sag. I shrug a shoulder letting one strap fall. His hand comes up and brushes my bared skin, while the other is busy pulling down the other strap. The once opulent dress falls to the floor, pooling around my feet.

I’m left standing in a corset and matching thong…apparently panty lines are frowned upon here too. I can feel his breath hitch as his hands caress down my waist dipping to touch the naked skin of my rear before starting to undo my corset. My body starts to tremble a little. Perhaps he has not forgotten our dreams either. His breath is faster against my skin. About half way through his freeing me, his lips find my neck. He lets his hands wander to my front, touching the fabric over my stomach before they raise to the tops of my breasts. This fingertips almost tickle the sensitive flesh and I let out a little moan, dropping my head onto his shoulder. He gently urges me to stand upright again, which is getting more difficult to do. He returns to the corset, admittedly he is moving faster than he had been before. Every few laces he kisses a new place on my neck or shoulder; each time I gasp.

Finally, I can start to breathe normally again. The boning starts to come away from my body and I can feel that it is completely undone, much like me. I grab one side of the garment and slide it from my body, dropping it to the side just like they do in the movies! Slowly, I start to turn around to face him only barely covered. His hands grab onto my shoulders and hold me so that I stay facing forward. “No, Elaine, we can’t.” His incredibly tense voice says softly.

“Wait, what? What the hell?! You start feeling me up and _then_ decide that it’s not a good idea? Things you should think about _before_ you start the mutually enjoyable groping.” This guy is the biggest jerk ever. I roll my shoulders making him drop his hands from them and start walking closer to the tub. I hook my fingers in the sides of the thong and teasingly draw it down my body. I swear I can hear him gulp from behind me. I slowly lower myself into the water, then turn so that I can lay properly in the bath. He is just standing there staring. The water is clear and he can probably see almost all of me, but I’m unfazed. “I believe I’m supposed to be bathing and you are supposed to be getting me something to wear.” I can see the outline of his hard-on in his impossibly tight leggings. He clears his throat and raises a brow at me; my staring at his package is in no way subtle. I just grin and reach out of the water for some soap and start lathering myself. Two can play this game. His eyes look significantly darker, but he leaves.

I’m awesome.

He comes back relatively quickly with a linen shirt, some leather pants….leggings…they’re leather leggings, and a little vest. Oh, also under garments. Apparently, women just wrap fabric around their boobs until it feels secure…so, that’s great. The underwear are lacy and black. I look at him like ‘you’re fucking kidding me right?’ and he just shrugs. Smug bastard. Where did he even find those? I doubt they’re regulation underwear...unless the Inquisition is significantly sexier than I give it credit for. Thankfully, he found shoes for me too. After Solas leaves I begrudgingly leave the warm water and dress. Everything fits surprisingly well. I’ll even admit that part of me is a little excited to know that Solas knows exactly what is under my clothes. I know: it’s still pitiful.

Outside of the tent I see Cassandra and Elias having a heated conversation. She smacks his shoulder and points at me. He throws his hands to the side, clearly frustrated, and walks over to me. “Elaine, I’m sorry that I yelled at you about Erimond getting away. It was insensitive of me.”

I tilt my head to the side and look at Cassandra who is pretending to not be watching. “Um…Thank you for your apology Eli. I appreciate it. I’m sorry that I got myself into trouble and you all had to come save me.” He smiles a little and opens his mouth to speak, but is interrupted by a voice calling to me.

“Elaine, Inquisitor, come here, please.” Solas is standing with Cullen and some old guy.

I groan, which makes Elias laugh as we walk over.

Solas gestures to me, “Here is the new healer I was talking to you about.”

Cullen takes a step back and looks at me with wide eyes. “Elaine was the one who did that?” Solas nods.

I raise a hand and interject, “I’m sorry, but what? I’m the new healer? Also, what is it that I did?”

The elf starts to explain. “I have figured out what we can do with Elaine during her time here. Inquisitor, you arrived too late to see this, but Elaine somehow altered a barrier so that she could redirect pain from inside of Ser Barris into herself during his final moments. It seems clear that her magic favors defense over attack, as I had previously advised you. I believe she would be a very adept healer with a bit of practice.”

Elias and I just stare at each other for a second, both really confused by this revelation. I’m an empath? A masochistic empath?

“Elaine. Look at the Commander. Tell me what you see.” Solas says in his teacher voice.

I look at Cullen for a second. “I see Cullen….blonde hair, honey eyes, amazingly tall, authentic. Cullen.” …Who looks like he blushes a bit. Maybe my description is a bit too…honest.

Solas scolds me, “No. Actually look at him.” His words clip impatiently

I roll my eyes and step closer to Cullen. “I’m sorry.” I mumble to him as I touch his chin and move his head around a bit to see more angles. Suddenly, it hits me, “You hurt.” His eyes widen.

Elias laughs, “She sounds like Cole!” So, I sound like the creepy space kid. Great.

“Good!” Solas praises, “Now fix it.”

I start to tell at Solas. “What?! I can’t just fix it. What if I hurt him? Is he even okay with this?!” This is entirely ridiculous.

The elf sighs, “Commander?”

He sounds understandably hesitant, “What if she-“

“She won’t.” Solas says with a certainty that I do not have. “Elaine, help him.”

I don’t even know what to do, I just kind of let my body do what it wants to. So, I turn back to Cullen and study his face again. I can almost see that his head is pounding now, so he has a headache? That looks pretty extreme to merely be a headache. I put my hands on his head and gently stroke my fingers across his forehead and think _be well, be safe, feel no pain_. My hands glow a little and Cullen closes his eyes sighing a bit in relief. It must have worked! I have no flipping idea what I did, but it worked. “Better?” I say gently as I caress his brow with my thumb.

“Yes, it is much better now. I…um…thank you.” He sputters grinning and still blushing a bit. I step back from him and look to Solas to see what the verdict is.

“As I said, Inquisitor, your newest healer.” He sounds smug, as he always does around Elias. Notably, he walks to me and guides me back to the unnamed old man with a hand on my lower back. Possessive? Protecting? I’m not really sure.

The old man, Enchanter Oswin, finally explains to me that he is one of the senior enchanters for the Inquisition who specializes in healing. I am his newest apprentice and will begin shadowing him the next morning. Apparently, he is pleased with the knack I seem to have for the healing arts; most people don’t follow that path. I guess I understand, freezing something in a block of ice is a little more exciting than healing them. I, however, am much happier putting people back together than breaking them apart. And that is fine with me.


	8. There Was a Wolf?

After dinner, I’m shown to a tent that is in the little circle of the encampment that is reserved for the higher ranked members of the Inquisition. You know that I hate camping? A tent with a sleeping bag is not my idea of a good time, but when in Thedas….do as the hobo does? … That phrase needs work. I’m also sleeping alone. The other night I didn’t wake up with anyone, but I’m pretty sure I wasn’t alone during the night. I wonder what changed...

Despite my aversion to the surroundings, I fall asleep pretty easily. I have not been so consistently tired in my life. My mind drifts to thinking about the feeling of success when I healed the adorably blushed Cullen, but that quickly gives way to the memory of the heated touches of Solas. Damn elf.

* * *

I wake up on the cot in the dark….I’m in the dungeon again. Was this all a dream? Had no one come to save me? It felt so real.

A feral growl comes from the bars beside me. I see Barris’s glowing red eyes in the shadows. He looks awful. They must have been administering more treatments to him. The poor man.

Wait…didn’t he die in my arms?

“Delrin?” I call out tentatively.

“Hello Elaine.” His voice is lower and rougher than it had been the last time we spoke. It sounds like there is glass in his vocal chords. The look on his face….he is staring me down.

“What’s wrong?” I stand and walk the few steps to be directly across from him, only separated by the bars. He reaches out and grabs my shirt in his fist.

“You let me die, Elaine.” He says softly, frighteningly. I am pulled so close that I can feel his breath on my face.

“There wasn’t anything I could do. I tried….” I do my best to free myself, but he just walks through the bars as if they aren’t there. His second hand grabs around my throat. He drags me until we hit a wall that wasn’t supposed to be there. It should have been more bars. He slams my body against the surface and holds me up so that my feet dangle off the ground.

“This is all your fault, Elaine. You shouldn’t be here. You will kill the Inquisition as you killed me.” He sounds murderous as he is choking me.

My hands desperately clutch at his hand as I try to speak, “No, I….I didn’t…”

A cruel laugh escapes his lips. “Yes, you did. If you had been better maybe you could have saved me. You should have died instead.”

Tears start to stream down my face. I am. I’m useless. I shouldn’t be here. I could have saved him. I could have beaten Erimond. If only I had tried harder. Failure. But that didn’t mean that I should die. “No.” I say steadily, before breaking into screams, “Help! Please help! Anyone!”

“Maybe I should rectify that mistake.” His hand tightens around my throat. If you die in the Fade do you die in real life? Things I really hope I never learn the answer to.

My pleas for help continue, but grow weaker as my airway is slowly closing off.

Out of nowhere a large black wolf appears. Like a horse sized wolf. HUGE. Also, it has six eyes. Not comforting! I’m going to be strangled to death by evil Barris and then eaten by whatever the hell this thing is! He wolf’s eyes look like they’re on fire: red and angry.

Barris turns his head toward the wolf. “You!” He shouts

The wolf growls, then stops and meets my eye. He looks sad when he sees me….So that’s weird. He looks back to Delrin and lets out a piercing howl.

The Fade breaks around me and I am thrown back into consciousness.

* * *

There is a hand on the back of my neck and another one gently holding one of my hands against a warm face. I gasp and launch myself up into a sitting position almost smacking heads with whoever is touching me. My free hand goes up and rubs at my throat where I had just been strangled.

“Maker’s Breath! Elaine!” It’s Cullen’s worried voice that pulls me back into my body. He is kneeling on the ground beside me.

My held hand feels the rough stubble of his cheek. He is real. “Cullen? What? There was a wolf?”

He presses my hand gently against his face, “You’re safe, Elaine. You were screaming. I ran to see what was going on. It sounded like you were being attacked. When I got here you were thrashing around in your bedroll.”

I take a deep breath and lower myself back onto the ground. He lets go of my hand, but continues to have contact with my neck. “It was just a nightmare....I couldn’t wake up. Barris…my fault.” Tears start to silently come again.

His body radiates heat near me. “No, Elaine. It’s not your fault. People normally have a difficult time adjusting after they see death on such a large scale. It’s okay. You’re okay.” His voice is so comforting. It starts to calm my heartrate.

Suddenly, another person flings themselves through my tent flap: Solas. His eyes dart from my tears to Cullen’s hand on my skin to Cullen’s face. He doesn’t betray any emotion, but I’m pretty sure he’s pissed. “Elaine? Commander.” Not our fault that it took him so long to get here! He shouldn’t have any right to take that tone with Cullen.

Cullen lets go of me with a small smile and stands to speak to Solas. “She had a night terror, but seems to be recovering.”

Solas raises an angry brow. “It is a wonder that you came to her so quickly, Commander.”

Cullen rubs at the back of his neck. “I often find that sleep eludes me. Based on my days in the barracks, it would be better if she didn’t sleep alone.”

Solas holds himself up in his smug know it all stance “She needs no such thing. I can teach her how to beat these temptations in the Fade on her own.”

“Temptations?! They’re night terrors! She needs real comfort not just some hypothetical action. She saw things that soldiers prepare for and are still troubled by. A gentle hand is needed!”

“Elaine is not a soldier nor is she one of your charges, she will not be _handled_ as such.”

I finally realize that they are both shirtless. Gorgeous. Shirtless. And yelling, Just my luck. I’m just laying here in my bedroll watching them yell at each other. It would have been almost funny if my head wasn’t pounding and I could breathe normally. As it stands, I’m ticked.

“Hey!” I yell and clap my hands. “Two of us are being _really_ dramatic. Only one of us is allowed to be right now. In case you didn’t realize, that person is me!”

The two glare at each other and open their mouths as if to protest my stopping their pissing match.

“Nope! Get. Out.” I demand and motion for them to leave. This is utterly ridiculous. They are grown men and need to behave as such.

They both just sort of look at me, dumbfounded. “If you have a way to get me back into peaceful sleep _right now_ you can stay, else leave.” I gesture to the flap again and they leave.

Yep, I just kicked out two of the most attractive men I have ever seen and they were half naked. I sort of hate myself a bit for that choice. I could have been like ‘ummmm maybe if you both come here and cuddle me I’ll feel better,’ but I didn’t. I just kicked them out. Stupid.

The walls of the tent felt claustrophobic. There is no way I’ll be sleeping any time soon, so I leave and walk over to the little fire set for the Inner Circle. Varric, Elias, and Iron Bull are still up, chilling around the fire.

“Hey there, Elaine. Can’t sleep?” Varric asks in such a nice voice; he is clearly trying to pretend he didn’t hear me screaming in my sleep a few minutes before.

I laugh uncomfortably and take a seat by him. “You could say that.” Elias is just ever so slightly avoiding looking at me. “Guys, I’m sure you heard me. You don’t need to pretend.”

Iron Bull lets out a small laugh and hands out a mug of something that smells like gasoline to me. “Kid, you aren’t the first and you certainly won’t be the last.” I take a drink of the awful liquor and cough as it goes down. It seems to give him no small happiness that I decided to have some. “There, all better!” Not quite…

“I’m pretty sure that is not exactly the way to solve this problem, but thanks for the enthusiasm?” I laugh and take another drink before passing the flagon back to him. I flop myself onto the ground on my back. “Guys? Has it always sucked here or is it just a me thing?”

“It’s really not that bad aside from the whole Breach problem. _I_ was enjoying myself, at least.” Elias lays down on the ground with me, the tops of our heads touching. I’m really not sure why he is laying here with me; it’s probably not the most dignified thing for the Inquisitor to be in the dirt with the woman who doesn’t belong here. “It’s not that bad, Lane. People don’t generally get thrown into dungeons on their first day living here. You just seem to have terrible luck.” He laughs way harder than he should at my misfortune.

I reach up and hit his shoulder, “ _We_ have terrible luck. If I recall that whole green hand thing was a wrong place at the wrong time. _And_ you are stuck with me for the time being. So, you might be on the losing side of the luck battle. Also, Lane?”

“Too many syllables.” I can tell his words come from a smile.

Bull breaks into our awkward banter. “You know, Boss, how people wonder what it would be like to have sex with themselves?” We are both silent, because we know where this is going. “Well….”

“Maker, Bull!” Elias gags, “She reminds me of my sisters. That is really disgusting.” I can feel him shift so that our heads are no longer touching. I’m laughing so hard that I curl up into a ball and roll around a little.

“Wow, do you get so little action that you have to fantasize about your companions conquests?” I giggle as I finally start to come down from my laughing high.

Iron Bull beats his chest a little with one hand “Ha! People line up to ride the Bull.”

“Oh my God, you have a name for it.” I deadpan. I mean, I guess it would be interesting…or terrifying…to get into bed with whatever he is. Is that physically possible? There is something about size and ability…you know what…never mind.

“Varric, you’re awfully quiet.” Elias pulls the dwarf into the conversation and us out of thinking about Bull’s sexcapades.

He looks very thoughtful. “I’m just thinking about how to explain her in your biography. I mean, this is more weird shit, your Inquisitorialness. No one will believe there is some parallel girl you. Maybe she can be your long lost sister or something; hidden away because of her magic. Yeah, that could work.” Varric makes some sort of pleased sound.

I am starting to feel sleepy, maybe Bull’s drink really is helping. “Varric? Will you finish that story for me? The one with the apostate and the princess? She had just seen him in the clearing.”

“Of course, Lane.” He clears his throat dramatically and continues the tale “His presence scared her and she flitted off into the woods away from him. Now that he had heard her song, he couldn’t bring himself to be away from her anymore. So, each day he would return to the little clearing in hopes of seeing her. She was there every day, singing and picking flowers. And every day he would reveal himself to her only for her to run away. Finally, one day she remained where she stood, “Why do you haunt me so?” She asked.  He stepped closer and confessed, “For I have loved nothing as I love you. When I heard you sing, my heart became yours.” The smile that came over her face was brighter than the sun, “Good sir, I had hoped every day to see you.”

That’s all I remember of the story, clearly I dozed off. Maybe Varric will finish it for me someday.

I wake up a little when I feel myself moving. A garbled “What?” is mumbled into someone’s chest.

“Come, _vhenan_ , let’s get you to bed.” It’s my ever vigilant, Solas…calling me weird elven things. I wonder if he just sits around making sure that I can’t screw up more things or make a fool out of myself. Sleeping by the fire is probably the second of those conditions.

He lays me down on my bedroll and makes to leave. I grab his arm, “Stay, please. I don’t want to be alone.” I can feel the tension in his arm as he makes his choice. Solas doesn’t speak again, rather I feel him raise the blanket and rest his warmth next to me. I curl up on my side against him, resting my head on his chest and sigh in relief. I feel safe again. He is my Thedas comfort blanket. His arms wrap pull me close, shielding me from the world around us. “Good night, my apostate.” I mumble against the fabric of his night shirt…because of course _now_ he has a shirt on.

He kisses the top of my head, “Good night” the next part is barely whispered, like I’m not even sure he really said it or if I dreamed it “my princess.”

* * *

I vaguely remember him unwrapping himself from me in the early hours of the morning, but I quickly fall back asleep. It was way too early to be moving; the sun wasn’t even completely up! When I actually decided to get out of bed, I am by myself again.

There seems to be this constant theme in whatever we are: Solas is the least consistent person I have ever met….elf….least consistent elf. Only elf I’ve ever met? Are they all like this?!

Outside is super loud, all clangy, as if tons of metal is scraping around. Not a good sound. I get dressed and somewhat tame my hair. When I walk out of the tent, there is a flurry of action. People are arming up in the distance and once again I see Cullen directing about a million people from a little table in the middle of the encampment.

I walk over to him, “Good morning, Cullen. I wanted to thank you, for last night.” His head looks like it’s pounding again. What is wrong with this guy? I mean I’m sure the stress is bad, but it almost hurts _me_ just looking at the pain. He quickly turns to me with some look on his face that is really intense, like he is about to bark some order at me. It takes a second for him to switch out of Commander Mode. “Good morning, I was just glad to be of service. The main army is about to march. So, I really shouldn’t….”

I place a hand on his forehead like I’m checking for a fever. It stops him mid-sentence. “May, I? You really shouldn’t be running an army like this, Cullen. You can’t focus if you feel like your head is splitting in half. Please?”

He closes his eyes with a sigh and gives a reluctant nod. It’s a quick fix; I can’t see the pain anymore. “Better?”

He gives me a little smile. “Better.”

Cullen returns to his desk and picks up some other sheet of paper, quickly scanning. I’m sure he has read it many times already; He seems like that kind of guy. “Cullen?” He barely lifts his gaze to me. “Take care of yourself okay?” He is such a nice man and the Inquisition is certainly better for having him, from what I have seen no one could run this army as well as he does. He gives me a slight nod and returns to whatever preparations he was in the middle of when I decided to interrupt him.

I look around for Solas, but he is nowhere to be found. Figures. I grab some coffee, or what I assume is coffee from where there seem to be some soldiers eating. Thank God, I’m right; caffeine for me! I take my mug and stroll over to the healing area of the encampment. Enchanter Oswin is waiting for me.

“Good morning, Lady Trevelyan.” He gives me a slight bow, which is super awkward. Still not a ‘lady’. “After observing you yesterday, let’s put you in the diagnosing section of the healing chain.” Right to business, I suppose.

“Sounds good to me. Also, just Elaine, please.” I shrug and walk to a little tent. Apparently, he had already located the source of some people’s injuries, but he wants to test me. I correctly identify regions, like in a super basic way: the area of the torso that pain is coming from, or that their head hurts. You know, nothing super useful. I mean, if someone is at the doctor they kind of know what’s wrong with them or at least what is giving them trouble. Seems like busy work to me, but by the end of a few hours Oswin more or less approves of my ability. The main army leaves shortly after I start training.

By noon….or what feels like noon. There are no clocks here, which sucks. Do people just read the sun? There aren’t even sundials. Again, where the hell am I?! Even the Ancient Egyptians has sundials! Enchanter Oswin releases me for a break to get something to eat. I feel pretty tired for not doing anything physical.

I finally find Elias and the rest of the inner circle, including Solas. They are all dressed in various forms of armor? Which is kind of odd. I catch Solas’s eye and he makes his way over to me. “Sleep well?” he sounds a bit distant.

“Yes, you were gone when I got up.” My eyes take in his new outfit. It is a blue, silver, leather, and metal sort of robe-y armor thing…and damn does it look good on him. His staff is strapped to his back, which is unusual.

I must sound distracted because his brows furrow a bit. “It would be inappropriate for the camp to find me immerging from your tent. It is of no matter, I went to prepare myself for the upcoming battle.”

“Battle?!” I kind of yelp. It’s coming together now, because I’m apparently a moron. He’s in armor, and armed. The army has already left. I remember him saying that their smaller band can move faster than the army, so they must just be leaving later. He’s leaving me here?! He’s going to go breach a fortress?!

He arches a brow a little at my shocked reaction. “That is what I’m here to do, _emma lath_ , help fight for the Inquisition, for Thedas.” Solas says as if there is nothing bizarre about suiting up for battle! Maybe not in Thedas, but it is not normal for me.

“But what about….” My sentence drops off. Me. What about me? I’m selfish. I know. We have established that I’m basically the worst. The thought of him leaving me makes me feel panicked. Despite his push-pull personality he has consistently been the thing that makes me feel like everything will end up being okay. What if he doesn’t come back?!

His hand rises slightly before returning to his side, like he almost reached for me, but thought better of it. “You will stay here with Enchanter Oswin and put your new talents to use. I’m sure they will be happy for the extra help. Adamant will not be a simple fight.”

I rub my hands over my face, exasperated. Great. I’ll be here doing useless things for people who know way more than me. At least they realize I’m not a great for the whole cannon fodder thing. Are there cannons here? “But, Solas, you…” I stop myself again. You can’t leave me, is what I want to say.

“I’ll be fine _vhenan’ara_. Do not worry yourself.” He gives me a reassuring smile. It doesn’t help.

I finally have the chance to ask. “Solas, what does that mean? You’ve said it a few times. Elven, I assume, but….what?” My head tilts to the side waiting for an answer.

Solas finally steps closer to me, like into my bubble and not just standing at a companionable distance. He says softly, his lips brushing my ear as he speaks, “ _ma_ _vhenan’ara_ , my heart’s desire.” Just as quickly he steps back from me.

My head feels like it’s spinning. He has been calling me _that_!? His heart’s desire? Well, that escalated quickly. We have known each other for all of two weeks and I’m his heart’s desire? Is that possible? I mean, I already admitted….at least to myself…that I was falling for him, but isn’t he the reasonable one out of the two of us? It is certainly romantic….

So, I respond the only way I think is appropriate. I flash him a coy smile, “You’re smooth, hobo.” Then, I totally jump him. I’m not really sure what came over me, I mean we are not alone by any stretch of the imagination, but right then it sort of feels like it. Just like every other time I’ve initiated a kiss (Fade or otherwise) he reacts like he is shocked, which he should really be prepared for at this point…..unless all my kisses are sneak attacks? Anyway, he responds. Honestly, it is a pretty timid kiss. Short enough to not be gratuitous, but enough to make a point.

I step back sort of embarrassed as I see his friends all staring at us with various expressions of wonder and disgust; Elias looks pissed, Dorian looks like a kid in a candy store, Vivienne looks like she just saw someone in black pants and a navy blazer. Awkward. I make to turn and run away….if you couldn’t guess that is what I’d do.

He shakes his head, grabs me by the hips, and pulls me back to him wrapping his arms around me and capturing my lips. My embarrassment is completely forgotten.  This is not so much of a timid kiss….He basically dips be back and I’m grasping his waist to steady myself; I mean he is holding me in such a way that I’m not going to fall or anything, but I’m completely at his mercy. His tongue traces my bottom lip as if he is asking me permission; I eagerly grant him entrance. Our tongues dance until I am completely breathless. It was excellent: would recommend.

Solas finally raises me to stand, pulled tight against his chest. He shakes his head ‘no’ again, which seems like a bad sign, but almost instantly he is kissing me once more. No tongue, but still incredibly passionate. He breaks our kiss and rests his forehead against mine; our breaths coming together as one.

Being the articulate person I am I gasp, “Wow.” Our first kiss in Thedas was a doozey. I mean, I’m not complaining at all, but damn, elf’s got game!

He chuckles, “Wow, indeed.” His amusement ends quickly, “We really shouldn’t.” He is sad or something, because of course he is. He wouldn’t be Solas if he could be happy for an extended period of time or whatever.

I roll my eyes and caress the back of his neck, “That certainly didn’t feel like a ‘we shouldn’t’.” What weird guy. I, however, am nothing but reasonable. “If you want we can talk about it when you get back…” I press his face up to meet my eyes with a nudge of my nose on his cheek. “ _vhenan’ara_ ”. I’m sure I butchered its pronunciation, but A for effort?

He lets out a breath that almost sounds like a gasp of joy and cradles my face in his hands to give me a gentle kiss. “There are considerations...I….alright. We may discuss when I return. I will return, _emma asha_.”

“And that means?” The whole elven thing is cute, but context would be awesome.

His thumb caresses my cheekbone, “my woman.”

I giggle and kiss his palm, “Oh, I’m your woman, am I?” He just gives me a wink and steps away from me enough that I know the moment is completely over.

From the newly remembered circle of Inquisition there is a cat call followed by a yell of “Elven glory!!!” Solas gets this look on his face of utter disdain and heads off to join the inner circle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of my favorite chapters to write so far. Yay, for relationship development! 
> 
> I hope you all like it too! <3's


	9. I Don't See It

Once Elias and company leave everything is pretty slow back at the camp. Healers are just sort of milling around….which includes me. Enchanter Oswin starts teaching me how to fix non-life threatening wounds. So, cuts and bruises maybe a concussion. Once again, nothing really helpful, especially if people are going to be brought back from a battle.

As night falls half of us move out. If the people who will be injured are on the front lines, it’s not like they’ll make it back here to get help. There is a little camp an hour or two’s walk from the main base camp.  It seems stocked to be a battle hospital. Some of the Enchanters keep going, apparently for battlefield healing. That is _really_ not me. The other group will come relieve us at some point…

The moon is fully up when the first soldiers start to make their way to us. They’re in various states of injury. The healers set me up trying to diagnose people who are unconscious, mostly head wounds or loss of blood from obvious injuries. I feel useless, but it must be helping somehow.

As the night rolls on, there is so much blood…so many wounded. What the hell are they doing over there?!

Suddenly there is a huge roar that belongs to a fucking _dragon!_ Dragon!? They have dragons here. There is a dragon just a few miles away. What kind of living hell is this?! Screams pop up around the healer’s camp. I’m too shocked to move or make any noises.

Enchanter Oswin is covered in blood when he comes up to direct me. “Well, I suspect we will be having more soldiers arrive soon. We are going to need your help. Take on the non-lethal wounds.” He grabs some little blue drink that is in crates near me and runs off.

I go back to the stretcher I’m assigned to and about fifteen minutes later there is a wave of wounded. It feels like I’m healing for hours, non-stop. One person sits down, I find their injury, I knit their flesh back together or stop their internal bleeding, direct them to a table with multicolored vials, repeat.

It feel like I’m going to pass out. I take a step away from my patient’s cot and stars start to cloud my vision. Oswin is there forcing one of the blue drinks into my hand. “Drink it. You’re drained.” Again he runs off. I uncork it, say a little prayer, and take it like a shot. So, it looks like it should taste like blue raspberry….it does not. It is sort of thick and at the same time very liquid-y. It straight up tastes like grass and concrete. I gag a little and cough, but it stays down. Almost immediately I start to feel better. It’s like an extreme caffeine high. I feel like I can do anything and that I can do it quickly and well. No idea what the heck I just drank, but it’s working.

It’s way past midnight when someone throws themselves down on my cot when I’m not looking. He has scrapes down his back from….claws? “Just that? Anything else?” I ask quickly as I cut away the back of his under armor.

“No, Lane. A rage demon got me when I had my back turned.” I finally _look_ at him as his voice registers as I recognize Elias.

I gently rest my hands on his back and pull his skin back together. “Better?” He nods and sits up. I throw my arms around him, we are both covered in blood and grime. “I’m glad you’re back.”

Elias sounds hollow. “We went into the Fade. _Physically_ into the Fade. There was a fear demon…Hawke is dead.” I have no idea what any of this means, but I can tell that he is really upset about it. I pull myself to my knees and force his head to rest in the side of my neck. He holds onto me like I’m a lifeline. “It was awful. It showed me everyone’s fears…my own fears. Elaine, Solas fears dying alone. Iron Bull fears madness. It was…. I let her die.” His body starts to shake.

I can see that his head is starting to throb, so as I stroke the back of his head I press more healing into him. “Hush, Eli. You’re here now. Safe. I’ve got you. I’m sure you were heroic…you can’t make other people’s decisions for them…and when you can…well, sometimes the right choice…well there isn’t a right choice.” We just sit there holding onto each other for a bit, until he regains himself. His eyes are red, but he looks a little better.

There’s a little awkward cough from beside us; a second man is standing hunched over near the cot waiting for Elias and I to get it together. I don’t recognize him. Eli starts to get up, but I grab his arm and look him over again. He just nods, letting me know that he’s fine now before gesturing to the waiting man. “Warden, this is Lady Trevelyan.”

He bows to me a little as I rise from my kneeling position. “Inquisitor, I was unaware that you were married.”

Elias groans and I can’t help but burst out into laughter. The Warden looks super confused. Eli answers, “Elaine is not my wife. She’s my sister, sort of.” He walks off to the potions table a few feet away.

The Warden blushes a bit, “There I go putting my foot in my mouth. Way to go Alistair.” I like him.  He is unnaturally tall and handsome just like all the other men here. Why don’t we have this?! It is honestly unfair.

I smile, “No worries, Warden. Alistair is it? What can I do for you?” I really don’t even need to ask. His head is clearly injured.

Alistair gestures to his side as he lays on the cot, “I’m pretty sure I have some broken ribs or something. Breathing is not the most enjoyable activity and my chest feels like it is pulling apart.” My hands gently rest against his chest and I pour my energy into him until I can’t see any signs of injury. He sighs a little and I can tell that the job is completed.

“Alright, Alistair. You’re good as new, but I’d keep that foot away from your mouth if I were you.” I step away and let him get up on his own. He starts to move toward Elias, but stops to say something. He doesn’t get to.

Enchanter Oswin comes back over to me. “The second half of the healers has arrived. You’re free to head back to basecamp with the Inquisitor.”

I take a moment to be aware of myself for the first time in at least twelve hours. I’m covered in blood up to my elbows. A good amount of my hair has escaped the bun I threw it into. I can feel what I hope isn’t dried blood on my forehead and cheek. The knees of my pants are caked with dirt from rounds of kneeling. I desperately need a shower and new clothes. The whole night is a blur of gashes and screams; I guess that’s better than if I remembered it all… I didn’t lose a single patient. A benefit of only helping the non-lethal wounds.

Elias is mostly silent as the three of us start walking back toward the encampment. I don’t see anyone else familiar anywhere near us. I hope Solas is alright. The onslaught of being a healer sort of numbed my brain to anything that wasn’t in the present. I’d know if something was wrong right? No….that doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. I keep my eyes peeled for him.

“So, Alistair, how did you end up in this mess?” I _need_ to be talking to _someone_. I spent all day speaking in short questions to people I don’t know. My brain is starting to short wire: dragons, blood, screaming, Elias in shock. I need a distraction.

He rolls his shoulders a bit and slows to walk beside me. “Well, when everyone started hearing the Calling at the same time it just….it seemed wrong. Then, there was the Tevinter with awful blood magic as a solution to the problem, to kill the archdemon before the Blight could begin. I had heard rumors of Corypheus. I decided to investigate, but the Wardens they started to hunt me down. Hawke found me….” Hawke, the woman who died…

Of course I don’t understand any of this. “I’m a little sheltered, so I don’t really know half the words you just used. What are the Calling and the Blight? What is an archdemon?”

Alistair looks at me like I’ve got a second head. “A _little_ sheltered? You don’t know what the Blight was? I mean you couldn’t have been very old when the last one happened, but you really don’t know anything? You weren’t raised in the woods by an incredibly unsettling old woman, were you?”

“I…um, no? I had an unconventional upbringing…” I’m really going to have to come up with some story as to how I got here.

His eyes light with understanding. “Oh, you’re a bastard.” Um…why is he calling me names? That is really rude! How could you just say something like that to someone you don’t know? I must look horrified by the look of ‘oops’ on his face. “Well, I’m a bastard. A royal bastard, in fact.” I’m not sure how that makes it better….

Elias laughs a little in front of us. “Lane, he means that you are the product of an extramarital affair.”

“Oh. I suppose I am….a…bastard. Sorry, I’m just a bit out of it.” Yeah, good cover, Elaine.

Alistair gives me a look, he totally knows I’m lying, but he continues anyway. “Right….Well….The Blight is when darkspawn, awful little baddies, go wake up an archdemon—a huge dragon with the soul of an old god, and they try to destroy everything.”

I laugh uncomfortably, how do you respond do that?! “Oh, is that _all_? Are Blights normal things? Like is there a cycle?”

“The last blight ended 11 years ago. My wife, the Hero of Ferelden, slayed the archdemon. I helped.” Of course he did. Handsome, royal bastard, married to a hero. People here have really odd lives.

“You couldn’t have been _that_ old during the Blight, Alistair.” He’s thirty at most.

“I was 20, which is pretty young to be saving the world.” I’m right! Well, one year off, but pretty close to being right!

I laugh and run forward to wrap my arms around his waist. “Eli, you’ve been slacking. Alistair saved the world at 20, you’re four years behind!” I know when I’m upset some physical contact helps me feel like I’m not alone, so I hope it helps Elias. He halfheartedly pats my hands on his stomach.

Alistair sighs, “Maker’s Breath, I’m getting old.” Elias and I might be the same age in reality, but I certainly behave like I’m his younger sister and that’s probably what everyone will assume. I mean, I’m just so full of youthful energy and avoidance of my responsibilities. 

I let Elias go and almost skip back to Warden Alistair. With all the fighting and awfulness, I feel like someone needs to be a light. That’s me. Naturally irreverent. Currently bubbly. I basically have the midnight sillies. I’ve been awake for pushing 24 hours; the sun should be rising in a couple hours.

“So, Warden Alistar, where is your lovely wife? Didn’t want to be dragged to wherever the hell we are?” A look of poorly hidden abject despair comes over his face. I done fucked up. What did I say?! Is she dead?! I’m the worst ever.

Alistair’s step falters a bit before he recovers, “The Calling, well, it is what tells a Warden that their time has come. You see, we don’t live long lives…we…hear the Call and go to die fighting darkspawn in the Deep Roads. It’s caused by the process that gives Wardens their powers. Well, Solana is out trying to find a cure for the Calling. …She has been gone for two years….If anyone can find it it’s her, I know it. Then we’ll have decades to be together and not just a few years…”

The love for his wife is so clear in his voice. “Oh, Alistair. I’m so sorry. I….I didn’t know.” I feel awful. I do the only think I can think of and give him a big hug. “I’m sorry, really. It must be difficult. I…” He allows my hug, stopping for a second to give me a little squeeze back.

He lets out a chuckle. “Inquisitor, I don’t have any younger siblings, especially not one who doesn’t have basic knowledge of the outside world, but you might want to make sure she doesn’t go around hugging strangers.”

I gasp in mock offense as I let him go from my embrace. “Strangers? Come on Alistair, we are friends now.” He smiles at my act. They just came from what sounds like an awful fight…if I can raise their spirits even a little, then I’ve succeeded.

Elias waves a hand in dismissal, “She’s fine, just don’t let her boyfriend see.” He turns to face us and raises his eyebrow with a smirk.

My eyes get wide, “Elias! He isn’t my-“

“Oh? So what was that before we left for Adamant? Just friendly? You _might_ want to watch out, Alistair, if that is how she says goodbye to her _friends_.” Laugh it up, Elias. I mean, I do have to admit my denial of our relationship was pretty stupid. Especially after the kiss….the very public….very not just friendly kiss.

Alistair walks a little faster to stand closer to Elias, “Oh? Who is the boyfriend?” Of course they’re ganging up on me.

They turn around with me fighting catch up and speak about it as if they’re talking about the weather. “Solas, believe it or not.” Elias reveals.

“Really? Isn’t he in his 40’s?” Alistiar sounds taken aback a bit.

Elias sighs, “Don’t get me started.”

Alistair pauses for a second as if musing over the possibility that anyone could be attracted to Solas. I wonder how young he thinks I am…. “Yeah, I don’t see it.”

A rich baritone voice responds over my shoulder. “I don’t believe that your opinion on the subject matters, Warden.”

I spin around and whisper his name joyfully, “Solas, you’re back!” I step forward into his waiting arms and throw all of my anxiety into a kiss. He’s back. He’s fine. I can feel him smiling as he meets my exuberant lips.

Alistair’s voice breezes up from behind me. “Very friendly, indeed.”


	10. About Those Considerations...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut has arrived! (I bumped up the rating to explicit.) If you don't wanna read said smut, stop when Solas leaves Elaine at her tent and imagine they both went to sleep separately, dreaming of puppies.   
> Not going to lie, I'm slightly nervous about the whole posting this thing, so I hope you enjoy!

We stand there kissing long enough that Elias starts to clear his throat trying to get us to break it up. He must _really_ not want me alone with Solas. I step away, realizing that this is not the most appropriate behavior. Again. What is my problem!? I blame the elf. I shouldn’t be keeping the Inquisitor waiting either. “Sorry.” I mumble toward Elias.

I only get two steps away before Solas grabs my wrist and pulls me back into his embrace for a kiss that leaves me dizzy. It’s not gentle like our others have been. It’s demanding and I give him everything he wants. Confusing, but also kind of hot. Abruptly he stops and pulls away, and glares in the direction of Elias as he speaks.  “You don’t need to apologize for your desires, _vhenan_.” Yeah….it’s no longer hot.

I’m not sure how to feel about this. I had hoped that this rivalry would have cooled down since Eli and I are clearly not attracted to one another. There is some weird power struggle going on here that I still don’t understand. I mean, Elias has some concerns about Solas and I guess wants to protect me. I could see why that would bother Solas, but….I don’t know. Something seems off. 

The four of us are quiet, because things are super awkward. Like, seriously? Poor Alistair has no clue about any of this. I mean, I don’t really either, but I’m apparently involved. I start messing with the caked blood under my nails. I _really_ want a shower. Solas notices my fidgeting. “There is a small oasis just over that hill if you desire to clean up, Elaine.”

The camp is viewable in the distance, we aren’t that far off. “I would really like that.” I start to walk with Solas in the direction of the hill in question, but can see Elias tense up. “Eli, I’ll be fine. If I’m not back at camp in an hour you’re free to flip out. Okay? I’ll hopefully see you around Alistair.”

 As we walk off I hear Alistair, “I still don’t get it.” I laugh a little and Solas rolls his eyes.

The oasis is beautiful! There are a few trees and a nice little pond. I kneel down by it and start to wash my arms in the water, which is freezing. Solas comes over and draws something with his finger against the water near where I’m kneeling. “It’s warm now! How did you do that?”

He sits down next to me, and is surprisingly clean maybe…he magic-ed himself clean after the battle? Can magic do that? I don’t know, but whoever has to do my laundry is going to have a heck of a time. Really, I should just throw away these clothes. “It’s a simple fire rune, Elaine. The water should be more comfortable for you now.”

After washing all of the gross off of me I take off my boots and dip my feet in. Solas, is still barefooted. “You went to war, without shoes on?!”

“We’ve discussed his already.” He sighs.

I nudge him with my forehead and rest my head on his shoulder. “I _still_ think you’re crazy.” A peaceful, warm breeze blows my escaped hair everywhere. It’s actually really nice here. I’d even venture to say I am having a nice time. “Solas, what is your problem with Eli?” I apparently cannot _stand_ having a nice time with someone.

He wraps an arm around my waist, like he is trying to be all cool, but I can tell that his muscles tense a bit. “He is a smug, egomaniac.” His words are clipped. Clearly he doesn’t want to talk about this with me. Too damn bad, elf man.

“Don’t you think that is the pot calling the kettle black?” I kiss his shoulder as a peace offering.

He looks down at me. “I am unfamiliar with the saying.”

Great. “It means that you’re being hypocritical.”

Solas forces me from my comfy shoulder perch. I guess to have a better angle at which to tell me I’m wrong. “ _I’m_ not the only person with the ability to close rifts and determine the fate of the Inquisition.”

Guess it’s my turn to be reasonable. “Has he made any choices, specifically, that you have a problem with?”

“He has recruited the Wardens to our cause despite the fact that they are dangerous.” Solas’s voice raises as he yells at no one in particular.

I lean back on my hands and meet his eyes. “Alastair told me. You know, desperate people commit desperate acts, Solas. It’s not very charitable to judge someone by the things they do under psychological duress.”  He studies my face for a few seconds before slowly leaning in to give me a small sweet kiss.

“You are far kinder than I am, _vhenan_.” He runs his hand along my hair until he finds the ribbon holding it up. Because no one in Thedas has invented a hair tie. People suck here. Anyway…. “The outspoken nature of his dislike of our relationship does nothing to endear himself to me.” Maybe there were some conversations that happened while they were away that made their distaste for each other worse?

That is a very nice, honest answer. I let out a little laugh. “You don’t have any siblings, do you?” He shakes his head ‘no’. “Solas, I have grown up with three older brothers. They _still_ treat me like a child. His reaction to us is, seriously, the most normal thing I have experienced here. So, cool it. Please?”

He raises an eye brow in that smug way he does. “For you, I will do my best to….cool it.”

“Speaking of Elias, he told me a bit about the Fade, specifically what he saw about you. Maybe he isn’t so awful after all, hmm?”

A look of panic flashes across his face. “What about me?”

I suddenly feel guilty for knowing his greatest fear. I brush my fingertips along his beautiful cheekbone. “ _You_ decide if you end up alone or not. If it were up to me you’ll never be alone again.”

He gives me a sad smile. “You’ll be long gone by then, Elaine.” Yeah, I hope to be home way before Solas dies.

“That’s where you’re wrong, _vhenan’ara_.” I place my free hand on his chest, above his heart. “I’m here. Always.” Yes, I’m super tacky. It is what it is.

His hand comes to cover mine, interlacing our fingers. “ _Da’vhenan_ , you are too generous with your heart. I don’t deserve-“

“There is the problem. You deserve to be loved, Solas. What happened to you to make you think otherwise?” I pull our hands from his chest and raise his palm to my lips.

“I have made many mistakes in my life.” He says softly.

“We all have, you’re just older, so you’ve made more.” I press his palm to my heart and smile at him. How can he be such a jerk and yet seem so damaged? My poor apostate.

He looks me over almost like he is seeing me for the first time. “How can you have such a hopeful spirit?”

I just shrug a little. “Sometimes, it’s all we have. Solas, we just do our best. If we make a mistake, we reassess, and do better next time.” I should give this speech to Elias later…

A sly smile pulls up the corner of his lips. “A few days ago you were fighting us tooth and nail, now you have named the Inquisitor your brother and encourage your hobo stalker to hope? You are a very strange woman.”

“A few days ago, everyone was acting like assholes. Then, they all came to save me from real bad guys because they are good people. See? Reassessing and doing better. And I don’t know, maybe the hobo is growing on me.” I laugh as he leans in to kiss me. I could really get used to the kissing. He lets go of the hand on my heart and caresses down my side with it, ending with a strong grasp on my hip. I guess that whole promised conversation of considerations has been forgotten?

I can feel my body starting to warm up with his touch. “Solas….we…. back to….my tent….” I gasp out between kisses.

He parts from me, resting his forehead against mine, “ _ma nuvenin_.” I stand up and slide my shoes back on. Solas grabs around my waist and starts tonguing where my neck meets my jaw. I softly moan into the night.  “Solas, if you keep that up, we aren’t making it back to the tent. Elias will kill you.”

He smiles against my skin, “No, he won’t. Unless he has some other expert on the Fade sitting around here somewhere.”

I try to pull myself out of his grip, “Well then, he’ll _find_ a way to send me home, _really_ fast.”

Solas relents and walks closely by my side back to the camp ghosting caresses along my curves. Elias is sitting in the small circle’s fire seemingly waiting for me to get back. “Eli, I’m back. All safe. No big bad wolf or anything. You should go to bed. It’s been a long day.” He nods while eyeing Solas suspiciously.

My gentleman caller walks me to my tent. I lean into his ear, “I think it might be best if we get ready for bed separately and then you join me?”

“If you’ll still have me.” He whispers with a grin.

I smirk and bite his earlobe. “Oh, I _will_ have you.” His eyes dance in the twilight, eyeing me as I close the flap to my tent.

Inside, someone left me a second set of clothes and what I assume is a night shirt. It more or less looks like a large men’s button up shirt…but if that was made in medieval times. I take off the God awful boob trap and put on the night shirt leaving me in that and the black underwear provided by the elf I’m currently awaiting. I wonder if he is thinking about seeing them again as I sit on my bed roll…

A few minutes later he slides into my tent. My heart starts racing. The sun is just starting to peak over the horizon casting shadows along the incredibly masculine lines of his face. He is wearing more or less a linen version of his normal tunic and pants. He breathtaking…and he wants me.

Without a word, Solas kneels in front of me and I lean forward into him. Our lips crash together like waves on a shore. Too tacky of a description? Should be used to it by now! He wraps an arm around me and pulls my body flush to his. My neck is cradled in his hands as he claims me. I hold onto his back, slowly gathering his tunic into my hands. He bites into my bottom lip and I gasp, giving him the opportunity for his tongue to enter through my parted lips. Our mouths dance, testing, asserting ourselves. I push him back so that I can pull his shirt off him. I need to touch his bare skin. His body is fantastically crafted; like a runner or yoga instructor. He is toned and clearly very strong, but he lacks the obtrusive bulk that the warriors seem to have. My mouth waters. I scrape my teeth along his clavicle as I press a kiss to his neck. He lets out a low growl, which is kind of strange, but sexy, and guides me to lay back on the blankets.

He stars to unbutton the shirt I’m wearing, painstakingly slowly. He places long languid kisses down my chest, then my stomach as he unveils my body. I’m doing my best to stay relatively quiet. Most of the camp is still fast asleep. He licks a little circle around my belly button once my shirt is splayed open, “You are breathtaking, _ma vhenan_ , my heart. “ He is a smooth bastard. One of his hands strokes up my thigh, promising of touches to come. I tilt my head back and moan in anticipation. He continues to tease around my legs, driving me crazy.

With a hard shove to one of his sides, I roll and pin him under me. “Did you find me this undergarment with the intent of seeing it again?” I grin as I move myself against him.

His breath catches for a second before he gives me that predatory smirk, “Perhaps.” He grabs my hips, taking control of my body from below me, and drags a very noticeable hardness along the heat radiating between my legs. “Though, it feels like you may have been hoping for the same thing.” I shrug myself free of my useless shirt and let my breasts brush against his warm, bare skin. 

He rolls us over keeping his legs intertwined with mine. I drag my fingers down his chest, but when they brush the ties of his pants he pulls my hands away and pins them with one hand over my head. I let out a whine. It is quickly cut off by a gasp of pleasure as his tongue flicks one of my nipples. “I wish to learn your body.” He growls against my breast. Which sounds great to me… He releases my hands; I keep them up just in case he means to chide me again.

His mouth starts at my neck: kissing down one side and then up the other, pausing to give more attention when a noise of pleasure jumps from my mouth or my muscles twitch in surprise. Slowly he moves down my chest alternating exploring with his hand and lips. The lightest touch to my almost painfully hard nipples makes me want to scream. His hand glides its way between my legs, he bites into the flare of my hip when he feels that I’ve soaked through his chosen underwear. I’m pretty sure that it’s going to leave a tooth shaped bruise, but I honestly don’t care. He pulls away the black fabric like he is desperate to have what it is hiding.

I’m laying naked before him and the way that his eyes rake across my form makes me self-conscious; it looks like he is planning how to devour me, like it’s almost unsettling. I start to shift slightly to my side, as if that’ll somehow cover me. He strokes one hand down the curve of my side, “Would you deny me the pleasure of worshiping your body, _vhenan_?” Well, when you put it like that…I shake my head ‘no’. That strangely wolf-like grin makes an appearance on his face again. “Good.”

He strips out of his remaining clothes leaving him naked as well, which makes me feel a bit better. A gasp escapes me as I view his incredibly hard cock. He looks pleased with my reaction and lays back over me, giving generous attention to the pleasure spots on my neck. Fingers slide along my wetness, we both groan. He traces light circles around my clit until I start rubbing myself against him, desperate for more. One of his digits slides easily into me; I let out a whimper which coaxes a second finger into me. It is everything. My mind is blank aside from the way that he stokes me. I must be getting louder, because he claims my mouth, swallowing my moans. I crave him inside of me. “Solas,” I pant, “I need you.”

He pulls back from my face, his eyes dark with desire, slowing his thrusting fingers, but increasing their pressure. “No.” He retraces the line down the middle of my chest, pausing to suck where he bit my hip earlier, yeah it will definitely be a bruise in the morning… “When I make you mine we will be in a proper bed, with proper walls, so that when you cry out my name in ecstasy it surrounds us.” A wave of pleasure waves through me, just his words make me wild with desire. His head lowers, kissing my thighs, nudging my legs farther apart. My body almost convulses when his tongue flicks against my sensitive nub. I bite my wrist to stifle my moans and he begins a measured, two tiered, pleasure assault. He has me so wound up that I crash down around him within a few minutes; not even my self-imposed gag stifles my cries as stars cloud my vision. Anyone who is awake and near my tent would have very little doubt as to what was going on within.

Solas kisses me with a new fire; I can taste myself on his tongue. I can barely think; suddenly his painfully hard member starts to rub against my incredibly sensitive slit. The feeling is unbelievable as he slides himself along me. I dig my nails into his lower back as his thrusts start to get faster, my body arching against him as I near my peak again. “Come for me, _vhenan_.” I throw my head back as pleasure rushes through me for a second time. He presses himself against me more erratically, then I feel his warm cum covering my stomach as he lets out a number of almost obscene groans. He rests his head in the crook of my neck, both of us completely spent.

I reach for my dirty shirt from earlier and nudge Solas off of me so I can wipe the increasingly cold and sticky liquid off of me. He rolls behind me and once we are both cleaned off he wraps his arms around me, holding me tightly to him. He places a few soft kisses at the nape of my neck, “Exquisite.”

I laugh breathily and interlace my fingers with his. “Not bad, hobo, not bad at all. In fact, I will be eagerly awaiting a repeat performance.”

“Not bad? I might have to punish you for that.” He nips at my neck, but the way he speaks I can tell that sleep will be claiming him soon.

My eyelids start to get heavy, being enveloped in his warmth is incredibly comforting. “Hush, _vhenan’ara,_ I’m exhausted, _someone_ just wore me out.”

Yeah, I could get used to nights like this.


	11. Hakuna Matata....Ish.

When I wake up I’m a little disoriented…am I in a tent? Yes. Yes, I am. And…I’m not alone? I smile broadly as I remember the previous night’s activities. I’m lying on my stomach, with Solas’s head resting on my shoulder blade and an arm draped across my back. Nope, not alone at all, pleasantly occupied, in fact. 

His steady breath tickles along my back. I do my best to stifle a giggle, but I feel him stir against me. His body just slightly stretching, as he places a kiss against my skin. “Good morning” I feel him mumble with a smile along my shoulder.

“I’m glad to see that I didn’t scare you away.” I kiss his arm that somehow became my pillow. He gently caresses circles on my back, seeming to sigh contently. I could stay like this forever.

There is a little commotion near the front of my tent and a little pile of what looks like Solas’s clothes get thrown in. “As much as I hate to break up whatever is going on in there, good job by the way, Solas, we are supposed to be on our way back to Skyhold within the hour. Our Inquisitor is threatening to go on the war path if you have not shown yourself by then. I think he is honestly trying to not admit to the possibility that you’re holed up in there with her. Speaking of which, Elaine, the Commander has a surprise for you when you’re decent.” 

Solas flops to his back, “Thank you, Dorian.” He sounds like he is going to lose it.

“Oh no, thank _you_ , Solas.” Dorian’s laughter tapers off as he moves away from us. I can’t really bring myself to be mad at Dorian for his teasing; finding Solas in the tent of a woman was probably not something anyone in the Inquisition had thought possible.

I realize that it must be the afternoon by now.  We got back around sunrise and must have slept for a good few hours. I start to laugh so hard you could probably call it cackling, “Oh my God, you have to do a walk of shame. Well, I guess not anymore that Dorian has brought you something to wear.” He looks over at me, exasperated. Still laughing, I roll over and climb on top of him. He is still deliciously naked. “I suppose that repeat performance will just have to wait.”

He rubs a hand over his face and pointedly avoids my eyes. “We should get dressed, _d_ _a’len_.” What the hell?! He’s calling me a child? Again?! After last night?!

I blink rapidly and slide off of him as he starts to stand regardless of the fact that I was sitting on him, _naked_. “Wait….what? Why are you calling me that? I have a feeling that you don’t do what we did last night with someone that you call _da’len_.”

He is already almost half dressed. “Last night was ill considered and impulsive. I…there are still considerations. I need more time to….” He pauses for a second and finally looks at me, coolly. “We shouldn’t. It isn’t right.”

That is not what he was implying the night before. He wanted me to scream for him at some point in the future. He wanted me…. Suddenly he doesn’t? _Now_ it’s an awful idea? After he slept with me!? I reach for my boob fabric tape thing and start wrapping it casually around me, trying to force myself to not start screaming at him. “Wow, Solas…..I…Please leave me to get ready. I believe your boss is looking for you.” I don’t look up as he finishes dressing and leaves.

I am an idiot. I let him get in. I trusted him despite knowing how off and on he was. I let myself be his one night stand. Considerations, my ass.

I put on the new leather leggings, green tunic, and vest. The underwear is significantly less exciting than the last outfit I was given. My hair gets quickly braided out of my face and tied with a ribbon. Ugh. A ribbon. I lace up the knee high boots that Solas had found me two days earlier. God damn elf. Speaking of which, he is nowhere to be seen.

I couldn’t miss Cullen’s furry coat thing if I tried. He is off on the outskirts of the camp with some horses. He must see me approaching, when he turns as looks he gives me the most charming crooked smile. I let myself forget my self-loathing. “I’m happy to see you in once peace, Cullen. There was a fucking _dragon_ out there! Dragons don’t exist, well, not where I’m from.”

He laughs. “I was unaware that ladies spoke that way. And this is called the Dragon Age, Elaine. I’d expect dragons.”

“Lovely.” I sigh. “Cullen, I’m not a lady at all. In any way, shape, or form. I’m a poor 24 year old who researches diseases and lives with her older brother and his wife. Not really glamorous.”

Cullen pats the beautiful chestnut horse beside him, “Here you are the sister of the Inquisitor, a lady, and if Josephine has anything to say about it, you’ll be very glamorous.” I groan, remembering my Victorian Hooker getup. “You are set to leave today with the Inquisitor and his inner circle back to Skyhold. Here is your horse. Shem’shiral should be a good mount for you; he is calm, but swift should you have need.”

The horse is beautiful, but the name needs work. “Who came up with that name? Please tell me it wasn’t you.”

He gives Shem’shiral an extra little pet as if I had offended him, “No, one of the stable hands named him. It is Elven for swift journey.”

Yeah, after my morning, I’m not having a horse with an Elven name. No more riding things that have to be called things in Elven.

I walk to the front of the animal and pet its nose a few times, then rest my forehead between his eyes as if we are going to mind meld or something. “No, his name is Pumbaa. Is that alright with you, good sir?” I ask the horse….yep, not crazy. It almost looks like he nods. Smart man!....horse….

“Pumbaa?” Cullen slowly repeats the name.

“Yes, Pumbaa. A loyal, reliable animal.” Internally I laugh, Solas is going to hate it. Then reality hits, “Um…Cullen…I’ve never actually ridden a horse before. Well, at least not on my own.”

He gives me that wonderful smile again, “Alright, speed lessons it is.” He kneels down on one leg, “First, get on the horse. You can use me as a step.” I just stand there staring at him like ‘you’re shitting me, right?’ He laughs, “Don’t worry.” I slowly walk around to him and rest a hand on his shoulder while putting a foot on his raised thigh. “Other foot. You’ll need to kick up and over.” I switch feet and balance myself with one hand on him and one hand on the saddle. My balance fails, but Cullen grabs my waist with both hands and hold me steady. “You’re alright, just push off me.” Believe it or not, I make it onto Pumbaa. Cullen is a wonderfully encouraging teacher. Patient and reassuring.

“Milady, shift forward a bit. I’ll come up and guide you in some basic maneuvering. It should get you through the ride home.” Yes, please, but the whole lady thing needs to stop.

I cross my arms and smirk down at him, “Only if you call me by my name, Cullen. It’s just us…well and Pumbaa, but I’m sure he won’t mind.”

Cullen gets a small, silly grin and looks down at the ground. “Alright, Elaine.” What a cutie! I push myself as far forward as I can and he skillfully slips in behind me. He grabs the reigns from behind me creating a sort of safety cage. “Put your hands on the reigns. I’m just here to demonstrate and then to be a safety net should the worst happen.”

My brain sort of stops for a second. He just called himself my safety net… I pause for a little too long before putting my hands on the reigns.

For thirty minutes or so he teaches me how to signal Pumbaa to go, stop, turn, you know, the basics of not being an idiot on a horse. “You’re a quick study, Elaine. Shall we take him out for a real ride before you depart?”

I turn back and look at the excitement on his face. It’s really rather adorable how eager he looks. I smile and nod. He snaps the reigns and makes a loud “Ha.” Suddenly, we are galloping around the little clearing that we had been slowly traversing during the lessons. I scream in delight and raise my arms out to the side, letting my Cullen net keep me steady. I can feel his laughter against my back. We turn and way too soon Cullen starts to “woah” Pumbaa.

At the little makeshift stable the others have arrived, preparing their horses for departure. Kind of a like a plane or something….Except there are way more exits. Elias is standing out from the others clearly waiting for us to trot up. “Good afternoon, Commander.”

Cullen pulls as far away from my body as he can. Apparently, we had gotten rather close during our lesson; I honestly hadn’t noticed. “Inquisitor.” Cullen gives a little bow. The oh so serious Commander just got caught having a good time: the horror! 

I am going to save this one. “Morning, Eli! I convinced Cullen to teach me how to handle Pumbaa. I’ve never ridden a horse before. I think I’ll be able to not fall off, now.” Out of the corner of my eye I see the bald elf trying really hard to look like he isn’t paying attention to what is going on…and there it is again…the feeling of crushing shame.

Cullen hands Elias the reigns to steady Pumbaa as Cullen dismounts. “Lady Trevelyan is a swift learner. I have no doubt that she will be able to handle the journey back to Skyhold so long as nothing out of the ordinary spooks the horse.” He is standing straight and sort of stiff in front of Elias.

Eli shoots me a knowing look and then goes back to serious Inquisitor, “Thank you Commander for looking after Elaine. Her inexperience was overlooked by _others_ ; it may have held us up, or worse gotten her hurt.” He hands the reigns to Cullen with a little nod and goes off to prepare his own horse.

Awkward. “When will you be back?” I ask as we wait for the small caravan to be ready.

“I’ll stay until the army is in marching order, then head out; a couple days after you arrive.” I can almost hear him doing mental math as he stands there.

Dorian trots up from the group on a beautiful dappled horse, clearly trying to overhear our conversation. The procession must be getting ready to start. Cullen hands me back Pumbaa’s reins. “Thank you Cullen, really. I promise to make you a proud teacher.”

He smiles up at me and absentmindedly puts a hand on my knee, “Just remember: be firm and confident. And, be careful, please.” I nod and give a shy smile back. “I’ll see you in a few days or so.”

I put my hand on his, “Until then. Oh! Take care of yourself, Commander. I’ve seen how bad your headaches are.” He blushes and pulls his hand away like he had no idea how it had gotten there. I blush and nod my head down to him like Elias had. I should be more careful about my affections, whether friendly or ...friendlier.

He takes my hand again, this time with purpose, and kisses my knuckles. His beautiful tawny eyes meeting mine, shining. “I will do my best, Milady” he says softly and walks away.

My jaw drops a bit as I watch him strut back to the camp. It is unnatural for someone to be so handsome. A few feet away Solas is staring daggers into the back of the Commander of the Inquisition’s forces. Part of me is super pleased with the fact that my little morning ride infuriated the asshole.

“Okay, Pumbaa. Off we go.” I fall into line behind Elias as he passes.

* * *

“Hakuna Matata” I laugh after a particularly low hanging tree branch pulls the ribbon from my hair.

Dorian, who had been teaching me to hone my magic by freezing little flowers in the trees as we passed, looks at me with confusion. “What’s that?”

I pat Pumbaa’s neck. “It’s our motto.”

Then I think _really_ hard ‘what’s a motto’ only to hear a soft ghostly Cole voice respond, “What’s a motto?”

Perfect! “Nothing, what’s a motto with you?” I burst into laughter because I’m super funny.

No one, except Solas, has any idea what I’m talking about. He lets out a heaving sigh. Solas has actually been extremely quiet for the ride so far.

I break into song. “It means no worries for the rest of your days! It’s our problem free, philosophy: Hakuna Matata.”

Dorian laughs, “Elaine, you _are_ delightful.” Yes. Yes I am.

* * *

We stopped that night when the sun started setting. Blackwall, a dude with a huge beard, told me that we’d get to Skyhold in another day and a half or something like that. He seems like a man of little words.

Solas was avoiding me. Well, he really seemed to be avoiding everyone. As soon as he was able to he set up his tent and hid himself away.

After dinner Dorian and I sit on a little blanket together by the fire and drink some tea. Apparently, he is from the north somewhere and met Elias when he went to recruit the mages to help close the breach. Crazy time shit happened. Dorian is not just a pretty face, the man must be brilliant. He seems to have taken a particular interest in teaching me control of my magic; probably has something to do with the trial by fire Solas put me through when I first got here. I seem to not be awful.

“So, Solas?” He says with a smirk over his mug. I should have known that this was going to come up.

I take an angry drink…well as angry of a drink I can take of tea, “He made an ‘ill-considered and impulsive’ mistake. Needs to think things through. He can take _all_ the time he needs.” I roll my eyes.

Dorian looks a little taken aback. “Really? How dreadful. Can’t dress himself and can’t keep a woman either.” He looks me up and down for a second, “You are far too lovely for him anyway.”

“Master Pavus, are _you_ vying for my affections?” I bat my eyes dramatically.

“What if I am?” He winks at me. I’m 95% sure that we play for the same team if you know what I mean, but it’s really none of my business.

I beam, “Well, you’re doing better than anyone else here.”

He makes some noise of consideration. “What about the strapping young Templar?”

“Who?” I literally have no idea who he is talking about. Is there some other guy trying to get into my pants that I don’t know about?

“The Commander, Elaine. Come on. A blind man couldn’t miss how he looks at you.” Dorian wiggles his brows at me.

Cullen? Really? I laugh, “Oh, no. Cullen is just being nice. I don’t think he is interested at all. I’m probably much too immature for him.….” I stop myself. It doesn’t really matter anyway, he wouldn’t waste his time on me… especially not after my relatively public tumble and abandonment by Solas.

Dorian watches all of the random thoughts run through my head as if he knows. His eyes are soft, sad, as he smirks. “You never know. Maybe we’ll find some rich, handsome, Orlesians at the Winter Palace. Chin up.” He leans over and gives me a little bop on the bottom of my chin. There is something else going on in his level of quiet understanding that makes me worried for him…I hope he lets me know what’s up at some point.

I stay with Dorian by the fire until I can barely keep my eyes open. He seems to understand. “Well, off to bed with you, missy.”

* * *

I’m standing in the park by our apartment. Max runs up to me. “Elaine? Where have you been?!” He pain on his face is heartbreaking. He looks so worried. “You left us, Elaine.”

Something isn’t right. The park doesn’t feel right. “Yes, but…I…” It’s the Fade. It has to be. Everything is just slightly off, like how when you think there is something just out of sight and you turn to face it and there is nothing there? The Fade sort of feels like that when it is trying to mimic real life. “I’m dreaming.” I whisper.

Max’s pain turns into a slightly amused grin; kind of like a cat who has a mouse by the tail. “Well done, poppet.” Weird. Very weird. He starts to circle me. “What is it that you desire? Home?....Hmm…Perhaps your desires are baser.” When he appears around the other side he no longer looks like Max, but rather like Solas. The copy is uncanny, but his eyes are wrong. They lack depth.

I take a step away, but he grabs my hand gently. “Vhenan, you needn’t fear me.” The voice is spot on. He waves a hand and we are in a little cottage. “Think of everything I could give you: love eternal, magic. All yours, if you can just tell me that you want it, want me.”

It’s all wrong. “No. This is isn’t real.”  He tugs at the hand he is holding, spinning me into his arms, almost like a graceful dance.

He nuzzles against the crook of my neck, “What isn’t real, Elaine? How much I desire you? How happy we can be together?” His lips tease me as he speaks. As appealing as this is, whatever is trying to tempt me clearly has no idea what my relationship with Solas is really like.

I laugh a little and try to unwrap myself from him. “Nice try, dream Solas.”

His hold on me tightens as he turns me to face him. The blueness of his eyes is unnerving; he pulls me against him harder, rubbing his arousal against me, biting into my shoulder. A gasp escapes my lips. This should _not_ be turning me on.  

For the second time, the large black wolf with too many red eyes stalks into the room. He’s growling, looking over the scene in front of him. A little whine seems to come from his chest. Then, a booming howl that throws me back awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!


	12. (Finally) Starting to Fit in

The next morning, Dorian seems to be a little more vocal in his torment of Solas. “Solas, what’s this whole look of yours about?”

Solas pauses for a moment to consider Dorian with a confused look. “I’m sorry?”

Dorian rolls his eyes,” No, that _outfit_ is sorry. What are you supposed to be, some kind of woodsman? Is it some kind of statement?”

“No.” Solas sounds rather annoyed.

“Well, it says ‘apostate hobo’ to me.” Dorian waves his hand in dismissal.

Vivienne traipses past in all her glory, “Unwashed apostate hobo, more specially.” I like her, she is like the Regina George of Thedas. I can practically hear here personally victimizing everyone around her.

I burry my face into the side of Pumbaa and I try to hide my laugher. I know it’s immature, but I really appreciate Dorian picking on Solas.

Iron Bull picks me up and puts me on the horse for our ride back. I guess that’s easier than someone having to become my stepstool? I don’t like feeling as small as Bull makes me feel. It is honestly scary. He gives me a pat on the back that almost throws me off the horse he _just_ put me on. Then, he has the balls to laugh at me. Jerk face. Also, he’s not a pirate. He’s some kind of mercenary spy? Not my first guess for his occupation. 

After a bit, Solas rides up next to me, but I don’t notice until he starts speaking. “Did you sleep well?”

I jump in my saddle. Ninja elf. “Well enough.” I reply shortly. It has been lovely and yet awful not speaking to him for the past day. Lovely because I can hide my embarrassment and awful because I miss being around him…because I’m pathetic.

He looks at me intensely, serious. “You sounded restless. After your dream a few nights ago, perhaps-“

“I don’t see why it is any of your concern, Solas.” I cut him off and click my tongue urging Pumbaa forward to meet up with Elias.

I can feel his eyes on me for the remainder of our trip, but he won’t dare approach me while I’m with Eli. This is one of the only times where their mutual dislike for one another ends up being used to my advantage.

The rest of the ride back to Skyhold is pretty uneventful. Our arrival is even pretty chill, a large amount of the people who generally are around were still marching back with Cullen. I don’t mind not having any fanfare at all….especially when the last time I was here I was actively running away.  

Josephine showed me to my room, the one that was near Dorian’s, finally. It’s nice; smallish. Stone with a little window, so it looks like it’s from a picture book. If there wasn’t magic, this whole place would be super cold all the time. I have a little desk, a chair near a small bookshelf, a bed, a bath, and a full to bursting wardrobe. People don’t waste time here.

“I took the liberty of ordering you a wardrobe while you were away.” The ambassador smiles gesturing to all of the hanging dresses.

“Pants? Are pants allowed?” I notice a distinctive lack of pants.

She smiles at me like I’m totally clueless…because I am. “You are a Lady of Skyhold and must look the part. Pants are for travel and war.”

I point at her bottoms. “ _You_ are wearing pants! I want pants.”

Josephine rewards my being a pain with a hardy laugh. “They’re in the drawer at the bottom, Lady Trevelyan.” She sweeps out of my room, closing the door behind her. Apparently she has a sense of humor.

The bath is already full of beautifully hot water. My skin starts to get pink when I get in, okay so probably too hot for a normal person, but I love to be scalded by my bath water. Strange? Probably. I don’t think I’ve ever had such a wonderful bath. The soap smells strongly of lavender and vanilla. I’m going to smell fantastic! Which, is awesome considering how dirty I’ve been for basically the whole time I’ve been in Thedas. God knows how people lived back when Queen Elizabeth prided herself in her monthly baths. Smelly: that is how they lived.

I’m sitting at my desk/vanity brushing through my wet hair in a towel when there is a knock on my door. “Elaine, darling, meet me in the library when you are descent. I have some tomes I’d like to show you.”

“Sure, Doiran.” I holler back.

I pull out some tight brown linen pants and a pink flouncy tunic. A brown suede non-threatening corset like vest finishes the outfit. Also, why are all the pants tight here?! No sweat pants? Not a one. It sucks here. Once I put on the knee high boots that are a pain to lace up, I look myself up and down. Aside from the damp hair, I look like a medieval peasant dream. I kind of dig it.

Problem: I have no idea how to get around this damn place! I follow some stairs down and go through some doors and end up in the big room with the throne. At least that seems to be the center of the Inquisition. Over in a corner I see Varric and trundle up to him. “Could you point me to the library?”

He points at the door in front of him and smiles at how clever he is. I roll my eyes and give him a sarcastic little bow “My thanks, Master Varric.” He laughs at me, because I’m super funny. Actually, it’s probably because I said something stupid.

The door leads into a circular room that is covered in beautiful murals. It seems to be empty, but there is a little desk in the middle covered in books. I guess that is a good sign I’m on my way to the library.

I walk up to the painted walls and run a hand over what looks like a castle. The workmanship is amazing. If I look closely, I can almost _see_ the artist. In some places: strong, broad strokes. Passionate. Then in others: delicate, measured passes. Focused. An odd duality. “Remarkable. “ I whisper.

“You like them.” Solas’s voice rings out above me, echoing around the strangely shaped room. It’s not quite a question. Of course it’s him: huge castle and I end up in Solas’s mural room.

My heads whips around to find him standing up on a scaffolding on the side of the room with a palate in his hand. “You’re a man of many talents.” I give him a smile, unable to hide my admiration for his work, despite my best efforts. He quickly descends from his perch.

Oh no. That means I’m going to have to talk to him. Okay, so there are what? Three doors? One of them has to lead somewhere better than talking to him. I dash to one across from me, but he is somehow there before me, stopping me from opening the door with his hip pressing it closed. “This one leads to the battlements, Elaine.”

I step back quickly and head to another door, but he is again blocking my way. The elf is freaky fast. “ _Da’len_ , must I warn you about running from me, again?” He has a predatory smirk on his smug-ass face….smug ass-face. Put the emphasis wherever you please. Anyway, I’m a little creeped out and a bit angry now. How can I get trapped in a circular room?!

“Solas, what do you want?” I sigh, cross my arms, and jut out a hip in a ‘seriously-leave-me-alone‘ stance. I’m still _pretty_ upset about the whole fucking me and then leaving thing.

“I’m sorry, Elaine.”  No. Not an apology. I don’t want to talk about this.

I try to sound nonchalant, like this happened all the time. “If all you wanted was a one night thing you really should have just told me. I’m not unreasonable, Solas.”

“No. I…” panic flashes in his face, followed by pain, “No, that is not what from you.”

I let out my new cruel laugh. How did that develop? I blame him. “It sure didn’t seem that way in the morning. You were pretty clear about the not wanting me thing.”

He rests his weight on a hand against the wall, near my side. “There are many things that I desire which fate will not permit me to have.”

“Wow, that’s a really cryptic way to say ‘it’s not you it’s me’. Solas, just…I don’t want to talk about it anymore, okay?” I’m _so_ done with this.

Solas’s eyes try to pin mine down. “ _Vhenan’ara_ , please. Try to understand. I am more than twice your age, you don’t even belong in this world….I shouldn’t…we shouldn’t, but you…I need more time.”

I notice that he has some paint splattered on his cheek and without thinking, I wipe it away gently. He looks shocked by my touch. I hadn’t realized how close he had gotten to me. I can almost feel his breath on my lips. Flashes of how he feels against me pulse through my mind. My next breath is almost a gulp as I pull my hand away and shift further from him. I steel my voice. “You know what? Take all the time you need.”

His eyes close for a second and he gives me a slight nod. “The library is up those stairs.”

“Thank you…and Solas? Your murals are truly remarkable.” I give him a little smile before I turn and leave to find Dorian.

He may end up literally being the death of me.

Dorian is sitting in a large chair, and gives me a look over the book he is holding. I realize that there isn’t a floor in the middle of the room and he probably heard everything that just happened. I groan and flop onto the floor by his feet. He pats my head gently, “You seem to have our resident apostate rather out of sorts, my dear.” 

I turn to glare up at him, which only rewards me with a little chortle.

He hands me a huge book. “This is a brief history of Thedas. You might find it interesting.”

The tome is gigantic! “This is _brief_.”

“More accurately, it could be a quick read for someone who was interested and hadn’t the slightest idea about anything regarding Thedas.” He pats a hand next to him in the huge chair, allowing me to curl up next to him, throwing my legs over his lap. Dorian smells exquisitely manly. I should really make more excuses to be near him solely on the basis of smell.

We remain connected, reading our separate books. At one point Solas journeys up in search of something. Dorian pats my knee as he passes, neither of us really looking up to greet him. Eventually, they call us for dinner.

I’m invited to a small private dinner with Dorian, Elias, Josephine, and Vivienne. A complicated table setting awaits me as they bring out multiple courses. I’m not completely unaware of people’s motivations; I can tell they’re testing my ability to not make a fool out of myself. But, you know, Thedas did not invent manners!

With the silverware, I work my way in, as is customary. I keep my cloth napkin delicately on my lap. Conversation is a bit more difficult, honestly, I just act like I’m in some Jane Austen novel. “Your home is enchanting, dear brother.” “Madame Vivienne, you must acquaint me with your tailor.” “Lady Montilyet, the meal is exquisite.” It might be overkill, but at the same time it seems to be working.

Between courses, “Master Pavus, would you care to take a turn about the room with me, I wish to better see the happy view from the windows.” Dorian raises his brows with amusement.

“Of course, Lady Trevelyan.” He comes over and helps me from my seat, escorting me to the windows.

“How am I doing?” I whisper softly.

“I’m rather impressed. You could tone down your superlatives. Other than that? You’re quite charming, Elaine.” Score!

I stifle a laugh, “Of course I am, Thedas is not the only world where formal manners exist. I am well versed.” My voice returns to his BBC intonation “I do believe we should return to the table before our absence causes as scandal, Master Pavus.”

After dinner I go up to Elias’s room just to lay around and read. He has work to do, so the pressure of another person keeping him honest sort of helps. Or so he claims. I wonder if maybe he is just lonely.

He starts humming halfway through responding to letters. “What are you singing?”

He blushes and stammers. “I…nothing. I wasn’t singing anything.” Ha! Caught!

“Yes, you were. It was really nice. I won’t tell, promise.” I walk over and sit on his desk, staring expectantly.

“Fine. It’s called Once We Were. It’s some song the bard sings down in the tavern. Always gets stuck in my head.” I stare at him expectantly. “You aren’t going to leave me alone are you?” I shake my head. Nope, not until I hear him. “You’re a pain.” He scowls, but his eyes are bright. Eli actually has a really lovely voice. I clap enthusiastically when he finishes.

“Eli! That was wonderful!” I hop off the desk and give him a quick hug. “Thank you for humoring me. I’ll stop bothering you now….well…for now. I’ll stop bothering you _for now_.”

I curl back up on his couch with the huge history book. It is really interesting, Dorian wasn’t lying.

I must fall asleep because I feel the book being pulled from my limp arms and a blanket covering me at some point.

* * *

I have the strangest dream ever. I say dream, because it didn’t feel like the Fade. I mean, they’re different things right? Dreaming and Fade-ing? I can’t pull any meaning out of it.

Anyway, there is some scruffy blonde guy and we are just hanging out, like I’ve never seen him before, but he knows me. So, I obviously made him up. He was actually really funny and kind of sexual? All of a sudden he starts glowing blue. His voice changed, well it kept flipping back and forth between normal and insanely creepy. It was a really drawn out “I can’t” “You must” sort of argument. I run back from him, pressing myself into the farthest corner of the room that I can.

Then a shadow appeared in the corner. “You know what you must do.” The new voice called. It sounded strangely familiar.

The blonde was on his knees in the fetal position. “I won’t. You can’t make me!” Is he crying?

The shadow laughs bitterly and it looks like his hand makes some twisting motion. The friendly guy starts screaming and is overcome by the blue light. It’s like its pouring out of him, almost blinding. “You know what must be done.”

Now, unflickeringly blue, he rises. “Justice will be done.”

The shadow turns to me and holds out a hand. “Come with me, _vhenan_.”

* * *

I jolt up on the couch, covered in sweat. What the hell was that?!

Eli is sitting up in bed watching me with a concerned face. “Bad dream?”

I nod and rub my hands across my face. I tell him about the super messed up series of events that just ran through my head.

His face contorts into troubled thought as he processes the story I tell him. “Anders?”

“No one called anyone by name. I don’t know.” I walk over to his huge bed and sit on the edge that he isn’t occupying.

“No, idiot. I’m telling you it was Anders. He blew up the Chantry in Kirkwall.” The chantry is basically their church, or so the book tells me... Also, I’m totally not an idiot. “He was an abomination, disappeared after the rioting started. I figured…hoped…that he is dead.” I shrug. “You couldn’t have possibly known about him. Something strange is going on.” He gets out of bed and grabs me by the wrist, starting to drag me to the door. He’s still in his normal clothes, I guess he didn’t want to undress with me there…maybe he just sleeps in his clothes? Ever vigilant?

“Ow! Eli! Where are we going?” I try to dig my heels in, not moving. I’m super tired of just being dragged places by people. It’s not my fault that they’re all almost a foot taller than me. I’m not a ragdoll!

“Did you listen to anything I said? He is an _abomination_. What if somehow he is trying to infiltrate your mind? Time to go see the Fade expert.” He sounds pretty angry for the whole diatribe, but basically spits the last sentence. He _really_ doesn’t like Solas.

“Eli, I _really_ don’t want to go see Solas. I’m sure everything is fine. I feel fine. It didn’t even feel like I was in the Fade.” I’m still struggling against him, but jeez he is strong.

 He flips around to face me, stopping the whole dragging me forward thing. “I’m not stupid Elaine. I know you were with him after Adamant. Maker, I think the whole camp knew!”

My mouth just bobs up and down like I’m a fish or something. Shocked. “Eli…” tears threaten my eyes. I’m so embarrassed.

“Maker’s Breath! Did he hurt you?!” He’s yelling. I’m shocked that guards haven’t shown up yet.

I shake my head no, but I’m not even sure that he sees. I’m being dragged through some halls against my will. Why is everyone here so dramatic?! Okay, maybe I’m a _bit_ dramatic, but this is ridiculous.

Elias stops at a room somewhere near mine and starts pounding on it with his fist. There is a slow shuffling and the door opens revealing Solas. “Inquisitor?”

Before I can say anything, Eli punches Solas in the face. I clasp my free hand over my mouth to stifle my scream. Unnecessary violence. Solas quickly rights himself with a hand on his cheek. It’s already bruising. Elias more or less throws me through the door. “Help her.” Solas catches me around the waist before I go tumbling over a chair. I’d blush if I wasn’t absolutely horrified by Elias’s behavior.

“Eli! What the hell?!” I yell when I’m steady on my feet again. I raise a hand to Solas’s face and heal where Eli struck him, trying to not really look at him. We’re too close.

He ignores my protestations. “She dreamed of Anders. I fear he was invading her mind.”

“Is this true, Elaine?” His arm is still around my waist. He sounds surprisingly unfazed by the insanity that just woke him up in the middle of the night.

I separate myself from him and take a step away from the two of them. “Yes, I dreamed of whoever Anders is. I don’t think it’s a big deal. I’m pretty sure I wasn’t even in the Fade.”

Elias seems to have a worse grasp on the mechanics of magic than I do. Not that I’m ignorant, but he has been here for 24 years and I’ve only been around for a little over a month. Shouldn’t he have actual experience?

Solas looks between Eli and I before stepping toward me and raising his hands to the sides of my head. A soft blue glow emanates from them and he closes his eyes. I can almost feel him probing around in my brain.  “Her mind is untouched.” He says after a few minutes of examining me.

He looks at me with such tenderness. I’m going to get whiplash from his mood swings. I mouth ‘thank you, I’m sorry’ to him. I’m seriously horrified.

Elias grabs my arm again and pulls me from the room, shielding me from Solas with his body. “Thank you.” His thanks do not sound sincere at all. “Solas, if you hurt her again. I swear to whatever Gods you worship that I will make you regret it.” Yeah, that part sounds sincere.

The trip back to his room is much less of a struggle than the one to Solas’s. Once we get inside and he sits on his bed, the bluster seems to go out of him. “Don’t scare me like that, Elaine.”

Now, it’s my turn to raise my voice at him. “Should I just not tell you things that trouble me to avoid whatever the hell that just was?! I _told_ you that I was fine. I can recognize the Fade when I see it. I have nothing to fear from normal dreams. You _have_ to trust me.” The fact that no one thinks I can handle myself is getting really fucking tiresome.

He runs a hand through his hair, exasperated. “Someone needs to protect you, Lane. You’re basically a child.” …And there’s my breaking point.

Yelling. I’m totally yelling. Not quite a tantrum, but it’s certainly not flattering. “I appreciate the concern, but I am not a child. People should stop considering me as one! I’m fully capable of taking care of myself. I might not know anything about Thedas, but I am a pretty smart woman. I catch on quickly.”

I sit down next to him and he takes my hand. “You’re right.” That must have been difficult for him to say. “It’s my fault you’re stuck here helping us. I just don’t want anything to happen to you. The fact that you could be attacked and I can’t even see it, can’t do anything about it is unnerving.” Oh. So his anger was because he was scared for me. Now I feel kind of bad for yelling.

The events at Adamant really seem to have shaken him up. I squeeze his hand. “It’s okay, Eli.” He gives me a little smile. My face turns serious. “…But…We really need to work on your anger management.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I totally had that dream a few nights ago and decided it needed to some how work its way into what I was writing. Inspiration from weird places.... Also, what the hell, brain!?


	13. The Short End of the Stick

I spend the night in Elias’s room sharing a bed like we are on some vacation with our family and we drew the short straws. Honestly, it wasn’t awful. His bed could probably hold at least three people rather comfortably.

A knock on the door wakes me up. Elias is at his desk again. “Enter.” He calls out with authority.

Josephine and her clipboard enter the room with a servant carrying breakfast. There is enough for two. Do the walls have eyes here?! Though, I suppose our yelling last night probably notified everyone that there was a possibility that I would be here in the morning.

I stretch and walk over to the desk where the tray with breakfast and coffee had been set. I happily sigh and nurse my favorite beverage. Eli and the ambassador start talking about business so I wander out onto the balcony overlooking the mountains. It is picturesque: a view I could be very happy seeing every morning.

I mean, I still want to go home, but at least I didn’t feel like I was surrounded by sociopaths anymore. Well, except Solas. The jury is still out on the whole psychopathy thing with him.

“Elaine!” Eli calls for me from inside after I’ve finished about half my mug.

I pop back in, brows raised, “Yes?” I draw out the word.

“You’ll make the rounds with me this morning, checking in on progress around the hold. This afternoon…” He points to Josephine who looks absolutely giddy. “dance lessons.”

The servant who had brought our food comes back in with what I can only assume is what I’m supposed to wear for the day. Unless, Eli usually wears peach lace ruffles with a stiff leather corset and ballet flats around Skyhold. I mean I don’t judge, but I’m pretty sure it’s not his style. The ambassador takes me behind a changing screen and helps me into the dress. It really isn’t awful, just not my usual. The neckline is a low sweetheart, which combined with the push-up of the corset makes it look like my boobs are trying to break free. The caps sleeves have bows on them. The skirt really isn’t all that full for being made up of so many tiers of fabric. I tie my hair back in a messy bun. “I look like a slutty little bo peep.” I sigh looking myself over in the mirror. I’m not quite disappointed with that assessment…not sure what that says about me...

Elias changed as well into….Pajamas? “Is that what you wear?! I’m a shepherdess and you are running around in pajamas?” I look at Josephine, feeling betrayed.

He smirks. “I’m the Inquisitor. I wear whatever I damn well please.”

She pats my arm. “It’s what he wears under his armor. Oh! Inquisitor, the Commander returned in the very early hours of the morning. You may wish to see him. Last I heard he was in search of Lady Cassandra.”  

A look of strained recognition formed on Elias’s face. “Thank you ambassador. We shall seek him out presently. Come dear sister.” I’m not sure if he is being sarcastic with that title or not. I try not to think too much about it. He holds out a hand to escort me. Before we leave the room he pulls me, forcing me to bow a bit to Josephine. 

Once we leave the keep we hear soft yelling coming from some building. Eli quickens our pace. The yelling is Cullen and Cassandra. We walk into a forge? I seriously never thought I’d use that word seriously in a sentence. Cullen looks at us stunned. His appearance is haggard, the pain in his head hurts me to just look at it. He mumbles “forgive me” and rushes past us.

Elias pulls away from me and I watch him and Cassandra argue about whatever is going on. I’m pretty sure that she is basically everyone’s mom. I have yet to be mothered, but it’s a distinct possibility. It’s something about Cullen wanting to be relieved from duty, something about lyrium addiction, and how if anyone can talk sense into him it’s Elias. He grabs my hand and we rush up to the battlements. Apparently, that is where Cullen’s office is. The door is open and we start to step through, but a box full of glass gets hurled at us. I yelp as the box connects with the stone wall and smashes.

Cullen’s eyes are wide as he registers that we are standing there. “Maker’s breath! I didn’t hear you enter! I…forgive me.” He’s shaking. He seemed fine the other day. What happened?!

Elias radiates a tender air about him which is unusual. Maybe he and Cullen actually get along. “Cullen? If you need to talk….”

Cullen tries to brush him off, but almost collapses. I rush forward and prop him up. “Cullen?” I say softly, horrified. His skin looks grey.

He pushes me away, gently and starts pacing, ranting, like a madman. “I never meant for this to interfere….You asked what happened to Ferelden’s Circle. It was taken by abominations. The Templars—my friends---were slaughtered.  I was tortured. They tried to take my mind—and I. How can you be the same person after that?!”

Elias stands quietly, listening. I stand stunned, my hand trying to cover the shocked look on my face.

“Still, I wanted to serve. They sent me to Kirkwall. I trusted my Knight-Commander, and for what? Her fear of mages ended in madness. Kirkwall’s Circle fell. Innocent people died in the streets. Can’t you see what I want nothing to do with that life?!”

Elias nods, “Of course I can.”

“Cullen…” I whisper. I can’t think of anything else to say. I don’t quite understand the details of what is going on, but I know trauma when I see it.

“Don’t. You should be questioning what I’ve done. I thought this would be better—that I would regain some control of my life, but these thoughts won’t leave me. How many lives depend on our success? I swore myself to this cause…I will not give less to the Inquisition than I did the Chantry! I should be taking it!” He punches the wall right in front of where I’m standing. I yelp again. “I should be taking it.” Elias rushes over and pulls me behind him.

Eli puts a hand on his shoulder. “Cullen, this is about you. Not the Inquisition. What is it that you want? Do you want to take the lyrium again?”

He deflates a little, “No.” Elias nods. I guess he finally feels like Cullen isn’t going to hurt anyone because he stops blocking me.

I’ll remember the way he poured his heart out to us for as long as I live. That poor man. For being so good to have been through so much evil. It is miracle he is still living, let alone that he is a nice person.

I’m not sure when I started crying, but I finally notice the tears rolling down my cheeks. I hurt for him. I sniffle, but remember bits of a class I had about dealing with addiction. “Cullen?” My voice cracks and he finally looks up at me. I can tell when my torment registers for him; he looks even more crushed, like he is finally noticing that I’m there too. I clear my throat. “Cullen, do you have any other lyrium in this room? I need you to tell us.” He just looks at me. “Eli, search the room please. We need to get it all out of here.” Elias pauses for a second, but nods and starts to rifle through drawers.

Cullen looks pissed, but doesn’t move to stop him. “Please, come sit down and let me help you.” He sits in his office chair.

“Maker’s Breath, Elaine. What you must think of me.” He says completely ashamed.

I walk around to the side of the chair and crouch down to be on eye level with him. “I think you are a brave soul, Cullen. You are resilient. Despite all of the evil in the world that fell upon you, you managed to grow and to not lose the kindness you were born with. I believe in you.” He looks at me in disbelief. “You are a skilled Commander and give the Inquisition everything you have. You’ll be okay.” I squeeze his hand as I stand.

“She’s right, Cullen.” Elias offers up as he starts to climb the ladder in the corner of the room.

I can’t see his face anymore, but it sounds like he might be crying. “May I?” ask as I place my hands on the sides of his head. “Let me help ease your burden, if only just a little.” He gives me a single silent nod. I press healing magic into him as I use my fingers to rub his scalp. I’m a huge fan of having a nice scalp massage when I’m having a headache, so I hope it helps him too. He moans a little, if I weren’t recovering from being distraught, I might have giggled; I guess it’s helping.

Elias comes back down and shakes his head. The place is clean, well at least Eli didn’t find anything. Even when the pain is gone from his head, I continue to run my hands through his hair, letting him know we are here for him. His breathing starts to still and Eli nods at me; Cullen is asleep.

I gently kiss the top of his head before taking Eli’s hand and leaving the office. He calls over some nearby soldier and commands that no one disturb the Commander.

He explains to me how the Chantry basically uses lyrium to leash the Templars. Kind of how they used to get prostitutes addicted to opium so they couldn’t leave the brothel for any amount of time. Eventually, the addiction kills the Templar; they lose their minds. I’m horrified. This is a serious problem.

“Eli, is there anything we can do about this? It’s barbaric.” I feel very strongly about this _not_ being a thing.

“The Inquisition does not Control the Chantry. Void, they don’t even like us. Once Cullen explained to me that he had stopped taking lyirum…” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, “I share your abhorrence, Lane. I’m not yet sure how to remedy this overreach of power.”

Somehow we make our way into the damn circle mural room. My steps stutter when I see Solas standing at the table in the middle of the room pondering some book in front of him. When he looks up there is an ever so slight crack in his stoic expression, I see how is eyes widen before settling into their normal indifference. “Inquisitor, Lady Trevelyan.” He gives a slight bow.

Elias scowls and continues us on our path to the stairs. “Good morning, Solas.” I say quickly before we turn the corner. I still feel awful about him getting decked the night before. “Elias, you really owe him an apology.”

He grunts, “I will do no such thing.”

I roll my eyes as we sweep past Dorian. Leliana, the scary ass Spymaster, is holed up in the top of the tower with tons of birds. Weird. I don’t really pay attention to anything her and Elias are talking about; rather I lean over the railing and watch Solas two stories down. He is so focused, reading, leaning back, thinking. At some point he looks up and sees me. Damn. Caught. Even from all the way up here I can see the hesitant smile that he gives me, punctuated by a small wave.

Elias’s hand on my arm pulls me away. Lunch, and the ambassador are waiting for us.

* * *

In some room off of the huge throne room the little band from the party is set up. Inside are Vivienne, Dorian, Josephine, Cullen, Elias, Solas, Cole, and, of course, yours truly.  Cole and Solas are standing in the back of the room not really paying attention to the others near the musicians. Cullen still looks like the walking dead, but significantly better than before. He won’t look at me. Elias hands me a pair of high heels and walks to the middle of the room. I stick my tongue out at him as I switch shoes.

“Good Afternoon.” Josephine begins “everyone here will be in the Winter Palace with the Inquisition. As such, all will be required to uphold a certain level of propriety. Shall we brush up on our dance skills?” It isn’t a question, it’s a demand….a very sweet one…but I’d be terrified to say ‘no’ to her…ever.

There seem to be a lack of women for this to work out….

I just kind of stand there awkwardly; Eli and Vivienne quickly partner up and it’s clear Josephine will be directing us, teaching if necessary. Dorian struts over and bows formally to me, holding out a hand. “If you would do me the honor, Milady.” I’m pretty sure I blushed. He is so charming and honestly, prettier than I am. I take his hand with a curtsy and walk to join the other pairing. Dorian is becoming a wonderfully supportive friend. I usually spend at least a bit of my day with him in the library. Anyway…

“Eli? Don’t we need more partners?” I look to the three single men standing to the side.

He laughs haughtily. So this is how it’s going to be in public? “Cole will remain unseen. I’m sure you’ve noticed.” I nod quickly. “The Commander asked to simply observe for the first few rounds. And, well, my elven servant has no need for a partner with which to dance.” He laughs at the preposterousness of the last scenario.

I look over at Solas wide eyed. I can’t believe Eli is having him attend as his servant….wait…no…I can believe that. It’s a little cruel, but sounds a lot like the Inquisitor.

Once again a simple waltz starts to play in the room. Almost immediately, Eli and Vivienne are off spinning around the room with the occasional haughty laugh between them. Dorian and I take a few three counts in place simply doing a simple step from side to side until he is convinced that I have some sort of rhythm. “Dorian, I know how to waltz. Lead me to your heart’s content.” His eyes light with mischief. Maybe I should have not phrased it like that…

Suddenly, he is pressing me into twirls and alternate holds and we glide around the room opposite the other couple. He is a way better lead than any of my brothers, by the way. He keeps making funny faces at me, reducing me to breathy giggles. About near the end of the dance I notice that he keeps flicking his eyes to the wallflowers. Is he staring down Solas? All the funny faces are happening when his back is to them. He’s playing games! “Dorian!” I scold him with a smile as the music starts to slow “You are incorrigible.” We probably looked like we were having some very intimate, enjoyable conversation the whole time.

He kisses my hand and winks at me. “You’re a breathtaking dancer, Lady Trevelyan. What can I say, I simply couldn’t control myself.”

I raise my brow, because two can play at this. “Master Pavus, I have half a mind to show you what you do to me.”

He gets close to me, feigning hurt. “Only half a mind?” I can’t help but laugh and gently push his shoulder away from me.

“She doesn’t need me as a teacher, Josephine, though I must say I _greatly_ enjoy her company. The Commander should take this next one.” He leads me over to Cullen and holds my hand forward for him to take, like I’m some baton that is being passed. Cullen turns bright pink, eyes cast down at his feet.

“Oh, um…Cullen you really don’t have to. I can just go steal Eli.” He must really want to avoid me, giving him an out seemed like the nice thing to do.

His eyes shoot up to mine. “No!” he clears his throat and rubs at the back of his neck, taking a moment to get himself together. “I would be honored.” He takes my hand and leads me to the floor. “Milady, I’m not nearly as skilled as Master Pavus. I hope to not embarrass you.”

His body is so warm, I can almost feel his hand through my corset. “Cullen, you don’t need to worry. I’ve got you. All else fails, I can lead.” The music is another waltz, I assume it is for the benefit of Cullen. We take a number of steps in place, helping him find his inner ballroom dancer. Eventually, we start to turn in small circles, then larger ones. He’s really not as bad as he claims, having no trouble leading me around.

I don’t quite understand the look on his face as he watches me. “Um…Cullen? Are you feeling better?” he pales a bit. “I’m so sorry.” I shouldn’t have said anything.

His thumb strokes the back of my hand. “I am better, Lady Trevelyan. I…I wanted to thank you for being so…discrete.”

I frown and tilt my head to the side, wow was that formal. He must really be hating every minute of this. “If you call me Lady again, I’m going to start stepping on your toes.” He rewards me with a little smile. “I’m sorry I brought it up, Cullen, I was just worried. You were asleep when we left I…just…never mind.”

We are quiet for a few seconds and the music starts to taper off. “Elaine….Maker I’m no good at this…I want to thank you for being so kind to me. I’ve done some horrible things, to mages like you….and you don’t fear me. Instead you tell me you _believe_ in me. I….”

Dorian walks up, stopping Cullen’s professions. “I believe I shall steal the lady for the next one.”

The rest of lessons go this way. One dance with Dorian, then a repeat with Cullen. On the sexier dances, Dorian milks it for all it’s worth. I can basically feel Solas fuming in the corner, Cole looks terrified. I’m pretty sure that I don’t want to know what thoughts are being thrown around over there. Cullen on the other hand, blushes like it’s his job anytime our bodies touch. I almost feel bad for the guy, getting stuck with me like this. He clearly just wants to escape. We do manage some small talk; he has three siblings as well. He always wanted to be a Templar (ouch), and they never spent time teaching formal dance. Also, he is a fan of chess.

At the end of lessons Cullen tries to catch me, but I manage to scurry off with a little curtsy and get a hold of Eli’s arm. I’m only too happy to go to dinner. My feet are killing me.

If I ever have to dance again. It will be too soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Cullen's dialogue is verbatim from the game. I felt like they did such a good job with his monologue that it belonged in this scene. 
> 
> Happy Weekend, All! <3


	14. Full of Surprises

I have to dance again. We leave for the Winter Palace the next morning. Damn it. Thankfully, I didn’t have any weird ass dreams, so I’m feeling pretty good as I get stuffed into a carriage with Elias and his three advisors.

We are going to stay at some guy’s mansion that’s near the capital. Apparently, Vivienne is the Duke’s mistress, so we get some benefit from that. Also, I’m not really sure why that is something to be proud of, I mean more power to you, but…jeez.

Side note: carriages are really really bad if you get motion sickness. I’m just going to put that out there. I more or less had my head out the window, like a dog, the whole ride just to have some sense of movement in attempt to not projectile vomit. Yeah….failed at that. Our carriage had to pull over so I could find a nice little cluster of bushes and lose my breakfast. Lovely.

The room they give me at the mansion is huge and really pretty. Vivienne has her own wing here! Yeah, okay, I see the perks of the mistress thing. The rest of the afternoon is spent getting everyone all pretty. Dorian and Vivienne make it their goal to dress me…again. When I open the door and see the two of them I want to cry. “I swear to God, if I look like a prostitute again, I’m going to actively do my best to scandalize the whole Inquisition.”

Dorian smirked, “Oh good, we could use a bit of scandal.” Not the reaction I had hoped for.

Thankfully, I end up looking pretty awesome. Soft makeup, but still a banging red lipstick. My hair is in a few complicated twists into some up-do. You know, for not having hair, Vivienne is a fantastic stylist. The dress is the most beautiful I’ve seen. It has a top similar to the red one, a V-neck with no sleeves, but the rest is ethereal. It’s a gold chiffon with a blue satin sash around the small of my waist. The skit looks completely whole, but when I move the different layers float to follow; it’s like I’m floating on air. I don’t look like a prostitute at all! Yay! Ugh. The fact that I even have to consider that is horrifying.

Elias comes to collect me for the ball. He’s wearing the stupid red military outfit again. It doesn’t look awful, but it’s not what I would have chosen. At least it’s finally well fitted? I notice that my sash is the same color as his and that the gold of my dress matches the accents on his jacket. I’m one giant accompanying piece. Good planning on the part of whoever designed this…probably Josephine. “Not too shabby, Inquisitor.” I smile examining his coat.

“At least you look somewhat respectable this time.” He smirks. I punch him in the arm. “I’m accompanying Grand Duke Gaspard, so you’ll be on your own when we get there.”

“Who?”

“The Empress’s cousin; he is vying for the throne, which is the cause of the whole civil war here. A military man and a valuable ally, especially if these talks swing in his favor.” Concise and helpful…or would be if I really understood what was going on.  

I sit silent for a minute. “Married?”

“No, why?” The look he gives me is priceless.

I wink and shrug. “I need to know what I’m working with.” 

Where we are staying is only a short trip to the palace, which, by the way, is the most beautiful place I have ever seen in my life. It puts Versailles to shame! Speaking of France, I hear people speaking French all around me. So, that is super strange. Also; everyone else has masks on, some are really creepy looking, like I’m getting a serious Hannibal Lector vibe from them.

We stop by a man with a cape and a half mask. Elias leaves be behind him and bows _very_ respectfully. “Good evening, Grand Duke.”

“Ah, Inquisitor. It is good to meet you. Imagine the scandal our association will cause.” He laughs conspiratorially. From the introduction, he seems like a nice enough guy. At least he is bringing the scandal that Dorian wanted.

“If I may introduce you to my sister, Lady Elaine Trevelyan.” He holds out a hand for me to step forward, transferring my hand from his to Gaspard.

“Un plaisir de vous rencontrer, belle” I finally get to use my French minor! ‘A pleasure to meet you, beautiful’ He bows at the waist and kisses my knuckles.

I curtsey, “enchanté, monsieur” giving him a refined smile. I catch Elias looking at me with brows raised in surprise. Luckily, Gaspard is only focused on me.

He’s still holding my hand. “Parles, Orlesian?” Well, no, I speak _French_ , but it seems like the same thing.

“Un peu. Il est un beau soir, oui?” Time to show off some skills. ‘a bit. It is a beautiful evening, yes?’

He gives me a broad smile, flicking his eyes to Elias. It seems like he is understanding the conversation, at least a bit. “Pas aussi belle que vous êtes” ‘not as beautiful as you are’.

Are all the men here smooth? Nicely done Grand Duke! “Flatteur.” I smile coyly at him.

“Inquisitor, your sister is simply delightful.” He finally lets go of my hand and winks at me. I let myself blush a little. This is one of those occasions where being a bit awkward helps. “I was unaware that the Trevelyans had a child younger than yourself.” I’m seriously proud of my ability to make that not an awful interaction. Way to go, me!

Elias looks down at me with a little smile. “I, myself, was unaware of her existence until recently.”

“I see.” He pauses eyeing me before turning back to Eli,  “If you are ready, Inquisitor. Shall we make our entrance?” Gaspard starts to walk to the large doors that I assume lead us to the ball.

Eli leans down to me. “You speak Orlesian?”

“Believe it or not, it’s similar to a language that I know from back home. See? I’m not completely useless.” I laugh and nudge him with my hip. “Maybe Leliana was right in making you bring me.”

Josephine comes up to us warning of the life and death playing of “The Game”. Elias waves a hand in dismissal. “I’m already familiar Josephine. I’ve lived my life in the nobility. As for Elaine, she might already have Gaspard wrapped around her finger. Did _you_ know she spoke Orlesian?” He actually looks proud of me.

“No, I was unaware Inquisitor.” She looks at me appraisingly.  

“Je suis un femme pleine de surprises” I give her a little curtsey and wink. Indeed I _am_ full of surprises.

* * *

I can’t tell you how many people I got stuck dancing with after being introduced as the sister of the Inquisitor. My feet start to scream and I manage to get away after at least an hour of charming random Orlesian nobles with my patchy French skills. At least it seemed to be working. A number of them have even threatened to call on me at Skyhold….or worse, threats to inquire for my hand. Ew. I also learn random gossip that means nothing to me, but will probably mean something to Leliana. I try to remember it in the back of my mind for when I see her. 

In my escape, I accidentally run into Cole. Not like I avoid him, but he is really unsettling, so I do my best to stay away. I really don’t like it when my discomfort upsets him. He can’t help it. “What’s shakin’ Cole?” I ask with an exuberant smile to hide the fact that I’m bracing myself to feel disconcerted. 

He looks up, past me, then into my eyes. “Cullen is afraid. They’re hunting him, following fear. He shouldn’t be here.”  

My face contorts to show my disgust. “Thank you, Cole. I suppose someone should go save the Commander.” 

His voice is like a whisper as I leave, “Maker’s Breath, she must hate me.” 

Sure enough, Cullen is surrounded by a large group of masked men and women. I think I see someone pinch his ass! What the hell is wrong with these people?! I stalk up to them quietly, trying to not be noticed with my new celebrity.

“Are you married?” A man asks Cullen, getting way too close for polite talk.

He clears his throat, “To my work.” 

“So, still available…” 

Now I’m angry. They should leave the poor man alone! They’re predating on him. He’s been through enough. 

I make myself known slipping my arm through Cullen’s. “Now, Commander, are you  _so_ ashamed of me?” 

He jumps a little when I speak, looking down at me in pure confusion. “Milady?”

I raise myself up to his ear, which is significantly easier in my high heels, and whisper. “I’m here to rescue you, Cullen. Don’t make it more difficult than it’s already going to be.” I make sure to let my lips linger near his ear, making it seem like there is something  _else_ going on before I return my attention to the crowd. “s'il vous plaît nous excuser, my darling Commander seems to have forgotten a particular promise he made me.” I take his hand and start to move us toward the stairs to the dance floor. 

So, he was forced to escort me during the introductions earlier. He could barely look at me, however, I figure being stuck with me is better than the pack of rabid dogs he was surrounded by. I thought that maybe we were friends. He seemed relieved to see me at Adamant’s camp….and riding with him had been one of the most enjoyable times I’ve had in Thedas. Did I do something wrong? Maybe I shouldn’t have gone with Eli the other morning on rounds. Ugh! 

“Milady? I don’t understand.” Cullen stops me with a tug of my hand. I use it to our advantage and come to a halt with my free hand resting against his amazingly solid chest. I know: focus, Elaine! 

I look up at him empathetically. “I have it on good authority that you were a bit…uncomfortable with the attention. So, I took it upon myself to remove you from the situation. I figure the best way to do that was to put myself up as a barrier.” I can’t figure out what he’s thinking as he studies my face. “Look, I can just go away. I know you don’t really like being around me….I just wanted to help, even if you don’t like me…I’m sorry.” I didn’t realize that he would be not okay with my behavior. Maybe I should have asked before deciding to become his knight in shining chiffon. 

Troubled. He looks troubled, which is not what I wanted. I should never have interfered. I make to pull away from our fake embrace, but he catches the hand on his chest with his own free hand, holding me to him. “You think I don’t like you?” 

I scoff, “You made that pretty clear to me, Cullen. You’ve been avoiding me, hell it was like you couldn’t get away from me fast enough earlier….not to mention dance lessons.” 

“Elaine…It’s not that at all.” He sounds bewildered at my reaction. 

Someone clears their throat to the side of us: Elias. Cullen quickly lets me go and faces Eli standing tall, “Inquisitor?” 

“Is there something I’m missing?” Elias asks me, mostly ignoring Cullen for the minute.

I sigh, “Eli, you should have seen how these people descended on him. It’s sick. I’m using some of my charm to shield him for a bit. I have a few ideas.” 

“These people are vile.” He curls up a lip in disgust. “Commander, I just met with an old friend of Leliana’s, my battle party and I will be surveying the servant’s wing for a bit. Keep an eye on Elaine, there is much more going on here than we had originally thought.” 

Cullen seriously nods at Eli. I take one of his hands in mine and squeeze it, “Be careful, okay?” 

“You don’t have to worry about me, Lane. Worry for those who oppose me.” He dramatically turns around and leaves the ballroom. Solas is waiting for him near the door with Cole and Dorian. The elf is clearly watching me from across the room. I give a small smile, which is not returned. Is he glaring at me? Rude. What did I do?! Why does everyone suddenly not like me?! 

With Eli gone, Cullen relaxes a bit. He takes a deep breath and holds out a hand to me, “Dance with me?”

“If you’re sure…” There is no music when we get to the floor, but soon a sort of familiar Regency type tune starts playing. 

He lets out a small excited laugh. “They’re playing a song from Ferelden.” His tone changes to annoyance, “I guess they’re trying something charmingly rustic.” 

“I think I actually know this one.” I laugh with a little clap. After a few bars it was clear that this was basically the same dance from that awesome BBC version of  _Pride and Prejudice_ from like forever ago with Colin Firth! God, I love him, like I know he could be my father, but he is a fantastic specimen of humanity. Anyway… 

Cullen and I hop into the lines and start to dance. I’m right about the dance/song and not making a fool out of myself. Score one for me! Thank God. He even seems a bit impressed.  

Hands meeting, shoulders brushing past each other. The whole thing is electrifying in a bizarrely restrained way. He takes a deep breath and his handsome eyes peer into mine, “Elaine, you misunderstand me.” A pause while we spin down the line of couples. “I do not dislike you. I’ve been so embarrassed. We have had few moments to get to know one another, and you have witnessed the worst part of me.” Another dance induced pause. “And at that time, you were one of the kindest souls I’ve met. I am in your debt. I am in awe of you.”

“Cullen, you don’t need to avoid me. Eli and I, we told you, we’re here for you. That  _definitely_ doesn’t mean ‘please avoid me’.” I scold him with a smile. “I enjoy being around you.” 

The music ends and he comes forward, offering his arm. “Can you forgive me for my foolishness?” He is too charming for his own good. Like, seriously, Disney needs to know about this guy. They could just make a film of him saying random sentences and smiling. They would make  _millions_ . 

“There is nothing to forgive, Cullen.” I allow him to escort me up the stairs where his retinue is eyeing us greedily. “Come on, I have an idea.”

I lead him out of the ballroom and down into some random hallway, making sure that his admirers see where we go. Once we turn the corner, I start to giggle because I have an amazing plan. “Do you trust me?” 

His brow furrows and he watches me trying to understand what is going through my mind, which is impossible, I’ve got a pretty weird mind. “Yes?” it’s definitely a question and not an assertion from him about the whole trusting me thing…which is fair.

A large group of poorly stifled footsteps start to near us. I turn to make sure Cullen’s back is to the hall opening and put my hands on both sides of his face with my thumbs covering his lips. I wish they had cameras in Thedas, because the look on his face is super funny. I rise up on my toes and press my lips onto my own thumbs. From behind, it will look like we are in an impassioned kiss. I’m brilliant! All those years of being in random plays is paying off. You never know when a stage kiss will come in handy. This should keep them off him for a bit at least. 

Cullen’s hands shoot out to the side like he is a sports playing trying to not get a foul called on him. I pull my face away a little, “Cullen, you gotta help me out here. Your hunters sound like they’re almost here.” He seems to understand my elaborate staging now, gently resting his hands on my waist. I hear a few gasps in the distance: mission accomplished! 

I giggle against him, pulling my hands away from his face and falling back on my heels. His hands are still on me, “I must admit, that was creative.” He lets out a low chuckle. 

More footsteps! I panic and pull myself into his embrace, it’s not a friendly hold…rather sensual…like the cover of a romance novel. You know…I feel like anything he does could be the cover of a romance novel….commanding, playing chess, just standing still… 

Once again his hands leave me. “Cullen!” I laugh with a scowl, “Is that any way to hold the woman you plan to take to bed later?!” He looks at me wide eyed with horror. “Cullen, I don’t mean that you actually are….” I hit his shoulder playfully. He takes everything so seriously. 

He takes my hitting hand and pulls it to his heart tenderly, which is strange….it takes me by surprise. His voice comes soft and velvety, “No, it is not how I would hold such a breathtaking creature were I to be so blessed by her.” His knuckles caress gently along my jaw before resting his hand along my neck, fingers wrapped in the hair at the nape of my neck. His eyes are heavy lidded as he gazes down at me, raising my face to his as his lips seek out mine. I don’t deny him. 

His kiss is gentle and kind, like him. He doesn’t force any tongue or make any move to claim me. There is a sweetness in it; our lips pressing together harmoniously. He holds me close to him, his warmth radiating through me. It’s like he is treasuring me, treasuring his moment. In this instant, I feel like his Disney princess.

Wait. What?! This is not what I expected from this. I was pretty convinced until a few minutes ago that he wanted nothing to do with me. I guess his avoidance and shyness had a  _very_ different root cause. I won’t lie, I really enjoy the kiss. When we break away I’m a little breathless even though there was no physical exertion. I am seriously stunned, like it takes a quite a bit for me to be speechless, but I am. 

Cullen steps back from me after only a moment of basking and it seems like he snaps back into himself. I’m sure that the look of confusion of my face doesn’t help him adjust to what just happened. “I…forgive me.” He steps back and fumbles out a bow, because of course formality is always necessary. It’s not! And then he quickly leaves the hall going back to the ballroom, like he can’t run away fast enough. 

I just stand there stunned. That was the strangest thing….Okay, maybe not, I  _am_ standing in a palace in an alternate universe, so  _that_ would be the strangest thing that has ever happened to me. But, what the heck is with the men here?! They’re all amazingly beautiful and amazingly unstable. I guess all that sexiness comes at a price…

Also, he has red lipstick on now….so, he’ll have to explain that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I apologize for the awful French; Google is only so reliable and unlike Elaine, my minor is in Spanish. 
> 
> Also, I feel like Orlais is like pre-revolution France and Ferelden is like Regency England.


	15. Woo-Away

So, apparently what Eli was dealing with was the fact that Gaspard’s sister was totally under the thumb of Corypheus and was going to kill the Empress and, like, everyone else. When Elias called her out she went up in a puff of smoke. Her giant dress replaced with a cat suit. I mean, that shit was impressive. Too bad she was an evil crazy person!

Anyway, Elias somehow made it so that Gaspard, Celene, and Briala all decided to work together! I have no idea how he managed that, but I’m pretty sure that they didn’t just suddenly become friends on their own. Peace talks are never really _peace_ talks.

The party starts up again and I’m just kind of standing by myself. I’m also pointedly avoiding Cullen, I guess it’s my turn to be awkward…well…more awkward than usual. Eli is nowhere to be seen, so I go wandering to look for him…at least he likes me and won’t try to hit on me. Morrigan, who is some really freaky mage person that Leliana used to know, is leaving from a balcony when I bump into her. “Your brother is out there.” Then she walks away. So, I guess she reads minds too? Incredibly beautiful, but pretty uncomfortable. Also, will be joining the Inquisition…so that’s a thing.

Eli is leaning over the railing, looking exhausted. “Hey, loser. How’s it going?” I walk over and rest my head on his shoulder.

He laughs a little. “I am well. Everything went according to plan, for once.” The relief in his voice is a welcome sound, at least someone is having a good night.

“Good. I worry about you, you know?”

He looks down at me with a smirk, “I’m the Inquisitor. I’m rather sure that I’m invincible. Worry about yourself. Speaking of which, Cullen now?”

I look up at the sky and sigh, “I had thought he was avoiding me because he disliked me, apparently, not so.”

“Oh, Cullen.” Eli lets out a hardy laugh, but there is an edge of something like pity in the way he says Cullen’s name. “What is with you torturing all of these men? I saw you flirting with all manner of gentleman when I was in the ballroom. Do you keep a tally?”

I punch his arm, which only makes him laugh harder. I’m apparently amusingly weak. “Hey! Those were all for _your_ Inquisition. I secured you quite a few noble allies. You’re welcome. And you know what? It’s not my fault that I am so damn cute!”

He hugs me. Actually _hugs_ me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I’m so short. “Am I going to need to lock you up in some tower to keep the men away? You might be too vivacious for your own good, kid.”

I push away from him. “We are the same age! Stop that!” He is getting way too much enjoyment out of not being the youngest anymore. I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy these interactions, though.

“Hey, watch the violence, you might hurt someone.” He bursts into laugher again, “I can’t say that with a straight face!” Elias struts back into the palace, leaving me alone on the balcony as his laugher softens with distance.

I guess it’s my turn to look out into the gardens pensively. What a strange night! My first ball, got kissed by a knight in withdrawal, and am actually enjoying my parallel…self…brother…thing….Footsteps clack on the stone. I am no longer alone.

“You look beautiful, _da’vhenan_.” Solas’s voice comes from beside me as he leans on the rail. I guess he’s done glaring at me for now.

“Who put you in that really stupid hat?” I laugh as I turn to face him. I’d forgotten about the damn helmet.

He sighs and takes it off. Thank God. “Much better!”

“Elaine….I…I saw you and the Commander in the hallway.” I guess his was the second set of steps we heard. Oh my God was that everyone?! That must be what Elias saw. I’m such an idiot.

“Solas, I-“

“If you have formed an attachment, which you have every right to, I’ll stop speaking now.” Has he practiced this speech?! I shake my head ‘no’. He lets out a breath. “I have been a fool, Elaine. I’ve been alone for so long and now, for the first time in a very long time, I want someone...you. The feeling is jarring. We have limited time together; you’ll be sent home once the battle is over. Seeing you with the Commander, solidified what my heart has been telling me. I wish for you to spend what time you have here…with me.” He sounds measured, but hopeful….kind of unlike himself: grim and fatalistic. 

Okay, first I get the Cullen kiss, now I get whatever this is?! What is with these people?! Solas has done nothing to make me think he is in earnest with this whole proposal. “Solas, I have no reason to believe anything that you say. That you want me? You’ve been pulling me close and then pushing me away since we got to Thedas. I don’t understand you. One minute you treat me like I am important and the next like I’m worthless.”

He rests a hand on my cheek. “Elaine, you have always been important to me. More important than I could have imagined.” Who said he could touch me?!

I pull away from his touch, ignoring the sadness in him as he lowers his hand. “You have done a shit job of showing it.”

“At least allow me to try, allow me to show you.”

I would not have pegged him for this type of guy. It’s honestly pretty romantic….or at least it would have been if he hadn’t slept with me and bolted! I raise my eyebrow and smirk. “Are you trying to woo me, Solas?”

He rewards me with a little chuckle. “I suppose I am.”

“Okay….woo away.”

We stand for a second in silence. A new song begins to play. Solas steps into the middle of the balcony and bows with his hand outstretched to me. “Come, dance with me, before the band stops playing.”

He sounds so excited it is almost laughable. I take his hand and he pulls me into a waltz twirling me around the balcony. I have no idea where he learned to dance, but he is even better than Doiran. He leads me like it is the most natural thing in the world, honestly, it’s pretty sexy. I mean I’m still pissed, but if I’m giving him a new chance, this is a good way to start.

I bet he knew that.

Clever asshole.

* * *

And so the next few weeks pass. Elias, Cole, Vivienne, Varric and what I can only assume is Varric’s lady friend go out to look into the red lyrium problem. I mean she has the same name as his crossbow…I doubt that is a coincidence….or he has a really _really_ specific type. So, this leaves me in Skyhold without my brotherly chaperone; I do notice that his advisors seem to be paying enough attention to me to make up for that absence. I swear to God I am a competent adult.

Cullen and I don’t mention the kiss. Ever. We both pretend it didn’t happen, which I mean….it did. I figure I don’t really want to hop on _another_ commitment issues train. One is enough. Part of me wonders, though, what he was thinking, or what it is that he currently thinks when he looks at me. Maybe he had been drinking or had some sort of damsel in distress moment. I don’t know. Weird. Anyway, he spends a good amount of time teaching me to play chess. That man has the patience of a saint to deal with me learning that game. First time we played? He had me in checkmate in five moves. I am _that_ bad.

On a serious note, he starts to become a really fantastic friend. Cullen definitely understands the whole having tons of siblings thing, but he is a middle child and not the baby like me. He’s less spoiled. He is so easy going; I could really talk to him about anything for hours on end and have a fantastic time doing it. Normally, he is too busy for that...You know, commanding a huge army. But, despite his serious Commander demeanor he is actually really funny. It must just take a bit for him to feel comfortable around people enough to just mess around without the pretense of duty or whatever.

As for my gentleman caller…Solas is nothing but respectful after the ball. I sometimes spend afternoons curled up on his couch reading while he paints or studies. It is impressively quiet there. No one seems to bother him…probably because he is still kind of an ass. Sometimes, I just sit and watch him move, stealing glimpses as he flexes and contracts his amazing body. Yeah, I know, get it together, girl!

After a bit this turns into him weaving me exciting stores from the Fade; hidden histories of Thedas. It is all incredibly fascinating and his voice is so comforting. He knows things from dreams that aren’t written in any texts. That knowledge is amazingly valuable! One night I even fall asleep there with him…I wake up in my own room, still completely clothed. Speaking of sleeping, he has not visited me in the Fade this whole time, which seems kind of weird. It was kind of our thing for a little bit, so I don’t know what it stopped in the first place.

Oh! And every night when I return to my room, whether or not I have seen Solas, there is some present for me on my desk, with a note. I was reluctant at first to check out what he was giving me, but after a week’s worth of gifts piled up on my desk figured there was no harm in looking.

_I thought this book may interest you._

Or something like

_This made me think of you, vhenan’ara._

Those are the ones that give me the biggest butterflies. One time it was a poem that made him think of me. He even left me sketches. It’s really sweet….he’s beating down the walls I put up around myself after he screwed up. Honestly, it is masterful.

One morning, I went out into the garden to see a newly planted patch of flowers. They’re the closest thing to lilacs that they seem to have here. The smell is spot on. If you weren’t aware, lilacs are my favorite flower.

I wander into the atrium to return the book from a few days ago. Solas is painting while Cole sits on the scaffolding watching. “Solas! She loved them!” He exclaims excitedly. I stand with my head cocked to the side. The kid makes no sense whatsoever.

Solas smiles kindly at Cole. “Thank you for helping me, Cole.”

These two have their own language, I swear. “Care to fill me in?”

Cole pops up next to me. I’ve finally learned to stop jumping when he startles me. “They remind you of home. They’re your favorite, just like you are his.”

I let what Cole said sink in for a second, then it clicks. “Solas? The lilacs. That was you?”

He gives me a small smile. “Yes, Cole mentioned them to me and I set out to gather for you whatever Thedas had that was similar. Did we succeed?”

I giggle and run up to hug him. “Yes, It’s amazing, Solas. How thoughtful!” He pulls me close. It’s the closest we have been to each other since we were naked. I missed it, he still feels like my Thedas home. I’m right back into falling in love with the fucking hobo stalker.

I give him a kiss on the cheek and he actually blushes, like the stoic elf turns pink, like Cullen! “Solas, would you like to join me for dinner tonight?”

The smile he gives me could light up the sky. “I would love nothing more.”

“Alright, met me in the kitchens around eight.”

I guess all that it takes to get back into my good graces is three weeks of constant attentiveness…and lilacs.

* * *

It’s late enough that the kitchen staff is done for the night, letting me have free reign of a little portion of the huge room to play in.

Nothing here is exactly the same as it is back home, but I can basically make whatever. I mean a bird is a bird, right? Produce is actually more or less the same just called different things or are strange colors.

I’m in the process of mixing together some batter for dessert when I feel a hand on my hip. To my credit, I don’t jump…it must be all that Cole training. I immediately recognize his smell: herbal with overtones of sandalwood. “It looks like you have been busy, _vhenan_.”

“I wanted to make you something special. I meant to have everything in the ovens before you got here.” I pout a bit sarcastically, which draws a low laugh from him.

“Is there anything I can do to help you?” So, polite!

“Not really, just let me throw this into the pan and we’ll be right as rain!”

While everything is baking we share some wine and sit at the little table I’ve acquired from some back room that I couldn’t find again if you paid me to. “So, how did you end up here?” I ask.

“When the Breach tore open the sky I figured that my knowledge of the Fade could be valuable in closing it. It seems I was correct.” His tone is smug, per usual.

“That doesn’t sound like a good idea. I mean there two of the major players here are a Templar and a Seeker. You are an elven apostate….not the best match.”

He smiles and pointedly takes a drink of his wine. “Well, not when you say it like that.”

“How are you enjoying Thedas?” His tone is light, but I can tell he is actually concerned about what my answer could be.

A peaceful smile settles on my lips without my telling it to. “You know, I’m actually really liking it here. I feel like I have a purpose, like I’m loved too. It’s like some insane vacation away from reality. I mean, I want to go home. I love my family and my life, but…well….you are all going to make that day really difficult for me.” I still know I don’t belong here. My family would be heartbroken if I stayed, but I could…right? I hadn’t thought about it before; I could make the decision to stay here.

Solas enjoys the food I make, but seriously his favorite part is that damned cake. That elf has the biggest secret sweet tooth that I have discovered.

He walks me to my door at the end of dinner. It’s actually really funny to me that I’m making Solas participate in modern dating rituals. Is this how they do things in Thedas? You know the guy walks you to your door at the end of the date and you jingle your keys or something if you would welcome the kiss.

We arrive at my room and I smile coyly at him. “I had a really nice time tonight, Solas.” Imagine the jingling keys.

His hands are clasped behind his back, like he’s holding himself together by force. “Everyone was beautiful, Elaine. I…I want to apologize, again, for being so conflicted and well, to thank you, for taking another chance on me.” He sounds so deliciously vulnerable. I want nothing more thank to feel him against me.

I lean up to him, pressing myself against the strong planes of his body. I caress his cheek and he melts against me, allowing his arms to wrap around me. Slowly, gently, I raise my lips to his. The moments before the kiss are almost in slow motion, our eyes darting around the face of each other. Then, finally, the beautiful release. His lips are so warm and soft; he lets out a sigh of relief against me. He is careful almost restrained as if he is trying to not scare me away. I brush my tongue at the crease between his lips and am welcomed with passion. His hand wraps against the back of my neck, holding me tightly. I’m not sure how long we stay there like that; making out like a couple of teenagers.

You know, I was going to say something about me maybe _not_ being a real adult, but an elf _at least_ twice my age is participating with me…so I take it back.

I pull away and lean against my door with a smile. “Good night, Solas.”

“Good night, Elaine.”

I flop onto my bed and bounce around with a little happy dance. That was one of the most fulfilling first dates that I had ever had. Don’t think too much about the fact that we had already slept together….

* * *

I’m standing alone in the clearing, but no Solas. So, that is strange. A low growl makes me turn to see the horse size wolf with the six red eyes.

It just stands there and stares at me. I figure it is some sort of spirit of protection or whatever, I mean this is the third time it has showed up in one of my Fade dreams. “Hey there buddy.” I say in a baby voice.

The wolf cocks its head to the side, considering me.

“You can come over here, handsome man. I won’t hurt you.” I kneel down and hold out a hand. I’m not sure why I think that whatever this thing is wants to be treated like the family dog, but I have no other frame of reference.

He trots over and presses his muzzle into my palm, so I give him a little scratch behind his ear. He huffs almost like he finds the whole situation beneath himself.

“Well I’m sorry, if I’ve offended you.” I say in my regular voice, pulling my hand away.

He lets out a little whine and nuzzles against me. His giant head pressing against me is enough force that I flop onto my back. I let out a laugh as the wolf looks at me condescendingly. Who knew there were haughty six eyed giant-o-wolves in the Fade?

I pat my tummy, “Come on, you wanna lay around with me, handsome?”

He stares at me for a few seconds before dropping down to the ground with his huge head pillowed on the majority of my torso.

My hand automatically starts to pet his neck, scratch his ears, and other sorts of things that make dogs content. You know, for all of his high and mighty attitude he seems to enjoy my touches. His eyes close for a bit.

“You’ve been following me around, haven’t you, boy?” I’m doing everything within my power to not give in to the baby voice. A few of his eyes open, staring me down, as if he knows my inner struggle.

I lose to the pull of the baby voice. “It’s not my fault that you are so gosh darn cute!” I ruffles his ears as he huffs indignantly. I might be the only person who would find a smug wolf spirit in the Fade _and_ to make it feel like it must suffer my presence.

I wonder if Solas has met this particular spirit in the Fade. Oh! Or maybe Vivienne. I bet they would get along famously. Judging everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm updating later than usual, all! I was traveling all weekend. 
> 
> I hope you all had an awesome week!


	16. Collecting Samples

Get ready to be really proud of me. I finally get to show off how awesomely smart I am once Elias and company return from wherever the hell they were.

So, red lyrium. Apparently, it is blue lyrium, but it is blighted. Like, that thing that makes the darkspawn that Alistair told me about a bit ago.

“It’s living.” Varric says as he rests is head in his hand in the War Room.

Then it hits me. I’ve totally got this!

“Wait. Something has to be living to get the blight?”

The advisors, Varric, and Elias all look at me like I’m stupid. It’s not my fault that I don’t know! Eli, is the only one who speaks. “Yes, it’s fatal for humans, elves, and dwarfs if they ingest any darkspawn blood or blighted plants. I guess that goes for red lyirum now too.”

It’s a disease! You know what I study? What my job and my degree deal with: pathogens. I’m going to study the shit out of that lyrium.

“The blight is a disease! That means we can study it. I mean, it has to have a method of infecting things on a really specific cellular level. So, what sorts of similarities do we see in the cell structures of plants and animals? Hmm….” I start pacing back and forth. “If the lyrium is able to contract the disease and we didn’t know it was living, then there might be some unicellular organism that lives in the mineral, I mean stranger things have happened. Oh! I mean maybe it’s on a genetic level. I mean we are 50% banana.” I laugh. Everyone stares blankly. “That doesn’t mean what you think it means. So, DNA is like a bunch of little switches. If these five are on you get brown hair, but if only three are then you are blonde. That sort of thing. Well, we and bananas are both living, so similar switches are on….and no one cares.”

They are all still staring like I have a second head. “You know, just because you don’t understand what I’m saying doesn’t mean it’s not brilliant, Okay!” I throw my hands in the air.

Leliana leans on her hands looking at me intently. “Explain what you are trying to say again, simply this time, and without the rambling.”

I sigh. Just when I thought I was being awesome too. “Okay, so if all living things can get the blight, then it must be some sort of sickness. That sickness has to have some sort of method of infecting all different kinds of living things. If I have the right tools I might be able to pinpoint the way it spreads. If we can do that, then, ideally, we can stop the mechanism.”

And _now_ they all understand. Cullen’s eye get wide, “Are you implying that _you_ might be able to cure the blight?” Of course he says it like it’s some impossibility that I have the wherewithal to do anything useful! You know, for being a Commander, he sure does enjoy his literature. People are full of surprises!

“Yes, Cullen. That is exactly what I’m saying.” I smile broadly.

Elias laughs and picks me up off the floor, swinging me around. “What do you need?”

I let my laughter fill the room. “To start? I need a microscope, some test tubes, samples of things that can get the blight, and some things with the blight.” I need much more than that, but we’ll start slow here.

He sets me down. “I think we should take you to see Dagna. She will be thrilled with this development and will be able to craft you whatever you could desire.”

We decide to go out with a small contingent to gather some of the samples that I need in a few days.

* * *

The trip for samples starts out really boring. We all walk away from camp to help set it up. Well, everyone else is helping, I’m just kind of wandering around the woods near where we stopped. 

Let me tell you, it took a serious amount of convincing for Eli to let me go off alone. The woods are really quiet, if anything happened  _someone_ would hear. I guess he couldn’t find a good enough reason to keep me because, he didn’t stop me when I just walked away.

I come upon a really beautiful patch of flowers off the path and stop to examine them closer. 

That’s when I see him. It looks like he might be dead. There is a man just lying there and I don’t know if he is breathing. “Hello?” I rush over to his side. “Can you hear me?” He’s breathing. I roll him onto his back. 

He is incredibly unkempt and his coat might have looked a bit like Cullen’s at one point, but now it’s all matted. His blonde hair has mostly fallen out of a pony tail and what seems like an unplanned beard has taken over his face.  He looks incredibly malnourished. Something about him is familiar, but in my panic I can’t place it. 

I rest my hands on his chest and press healing into him. What he really needs is a good meal and a bath. Poor guy. 

He starts to stir, his eyes open just a little. “It’s you. You’re alright. Hawke…I knew Varric couldn’t have been telling the truth.” He must be delirious. One of his hands reaches for my face, I’m too busy to brush him off. In my focus, I don’t notice that I’ve gotten too close to him, until he surprises me with a kiss. 

I gasp against him and force him away with a blast of magic. 

Something happens and he is overcome by a bright blue light. “Who sent you?” he bellows. 

Suddenly, the world fits together. It’s the man from my dream. “It’s you!” I whisper, trying to crab walk away from him. 

Before I can do anything he is on me, hand clasped around my throat, driving me into the ground. His strength is unhuman. I’m clawing at his hand desperate for breath.

“Who knows we are here?” The ghostly voice continues his yelling. 

I feel magic stir in the distance, a familiar pull of manna, as the man is thrown back by a stone fist. “You will not lay another hand on this woman, Spirit.” Solas yells. He is furious, standing to block me with his staff raised to the side in some battle stance. That’s my elf man! 

A rather ungraceful rustling gets closer, “Shit, Blondie.” Varric has arrived.

I make my way to my feet as the man I remember as Anders stands and walks closer. I remember his pain and I don’t feel any anger toward him, just pity. 

“I see you still live, dwarf.” The blue spirit growls. 

Varric laughs, but I can tell it’s not really joyful.  “What can I say, I’m resilient.” 

With everyone focused on the spirit I do something stupid. Well, I don’t think it’s stupid….wait…yes. I do. But I do it anyway. I sneak away from behind Solas and start to approach the possessed man with my hands raised in surrender.  

“Elaine” Solas hisses through clinched teeth “Get back here.” I ignore him.

I keep my voice soft and do my best to let my compassion radiate through me, maybe the spirit will feel it? “I’m sorry for attacking you, friend. You startled me.” He trains his gaze on me raising a glowing hand toward me as I continue to step closer to him. “I…I am not from this realm, just like you.” The look on his face gets less angry. “I am Elaine. What can I call you?”

He drops his hand slowly, considering me. “You may call me Justice.” 

“Hello, Justice.” I close more distance between us and take his formerly threatening hand in mine. “I am so sorry for your loss.” I had read about the love story between Hawke and Anders in Varric’s book. Justice looks at me with confusion. “I’m sure you loved her too. You and Anders were one while they fell in love.” 

He starts to bristle with power again, but I keep ahold of him. “Her death is unjust!” 

“There are many deaths during war, Justice. You know that. She was fighting for everyone, for the freedom of all. You should be proud.” My gentleness seems to be getting through. 

He rests a hand on my waist. It’s not sexual or anything, more just like desperation for comfort. “He misses her. Constant devastation. We caused this.” 

“Hush, Justice. Placing blame won’t help. She wouldn’t want that. She loved you.” His vacuous blue eyes study me as if he is seeing the truth in my words. “Justice, I think it might be time that you let Anders go. He needs to grieve…he needs to be whole again.” There is no way that this poor guy is going to be able to heal with this thing attached to him. In my dream he was so defeated by the spirit. I need to at least  _try_ to get rid of it. 

Solas finally comes up and rests a hand on my shoulder. “I think she is right.”

“Would you be the one to help me,  _Harellan_ ?”  Justice raises a brow, facing to Solas. He nods. No clue what that’s about. 

I squeeze his hand. “Please, Justice.” I try to push my calm into him; I’m not even sure if magic can do that, but it’s worth a try. 

He looks at me almost like he is sad, then looks at Solas and nods. “I think it is time I return home. I have had enough of this world.” I can see the spirit’s tendrils start to leave from the body of Anders until the ghostly outline of a man in armor is standing near me. He brushes a hand along my cheek, but speaks toward Solas. “Thank you, my friend.” Solas steps to the figure and waves his hands. Just like that he is gone. 

Anders blinks his eyes like he is seeing a bright light before he actually sees me looking up at him. His eyes focus on the hand shaped bruise forming on my neck and he loses it. He bursts into tears, sinking to his knees, repeating “I’m sorry. I am so sorry” as he wraps his arms around my waist, pressing the side of his face into my stomach. It is incredibly awkward. 

I lower myself to the ground, sitting back on my knees as Anders rests is head on my chest, bawling. He is almost curled up on me like a child as he loses himself in whatever emotions are wrecking him. I wrap a hand around his shoulders and another holding his head, stroking his hair. I make hushing coos at him. Promise him that everything will be alright. I hope it will be enough. 

More crashing signals that another person is joining us. Elias takes a few seconds to register what is going on. Maybe he doesn’t recognize the disheveled apostate clinging to me. Then, he starts unsheathing his sword. “Elaine! Get away from that thing! That is Anders, the abomination.” He is seething. I am fully aware of who he is and I am in no way, shape, or form afraid. 

I put up a close barrier around Anders and me. “No, Eli. He needs our help.” I hope it holds. I’m banking on the fact that Solas wouldn’t let him attack me…because that is what it would take for Eli to get ahold of Anders. 

He has his weapon trained on the still crying man. “Fuck, Elaine! He started all of this! This is  _all_ his fault! What is wrong with you!?” There is actually disbelief in his voice as he yells. 

“Inquisitor, it would seem that your sister has removed the spirit if Justice from this man. I have not seen anything of the like, even in the deepest memories of the Fade.” Solas interjects with hesitant awe, as if the lack of the spirit will make Elias feel better. Also, apparently another weird talent I’ve developed that I hope I  _never_ need again.

Varric steps up and puts a hand on Elias’s arm. “The elf is telling the truth, Inquisitor. I’m pretty sure it’s just Blondie now.” 

I’m pretty sure Elias doesn’t care. “Elaine, by order of the Inquisitor, you will release this abomination into my custody.” Yep, he doesn’t. His voice is shaking he is so angry. Solas and Varric stare between Eli and me in disbelief. 

I hold my ground. I won’t let this go. I won’t let him harm this broken man. First, of all if he is half as skilled as Varric wrote in his book, then the Inquisition could really use his help. Secondly, Elias had allowed his man’s wife to die. Thirdly, I refuse to give up someone to be killed on principle.  “Eli, I’m sorry, but no. I refuse. You’ll have to go through me to take him.” 

Anders looks up at me pleading and confused through his tears. “Why?” he chokes out.

I run a hand against his hair. “Because everyone deserves a chance at redemption.” 

Cole and Cullen burst through some trees joining our really uncomfortable anger party. “Anders?” Cullen gasps. Oh good. Cullen knows him, that doesn’t bode well. 

Elias sheaths his sword and stands tall with his hands balled into fists at his side. “Commander, I order the arrest of this woman.” He steels his gaze on me. 

“What?!” I croak. Seriously? He is arresting me because I don’t agree with him?! 

Solas steps between us and Eli. His staff out, prepared to defend. “What are the charges against her? She has done nothing.”

“She is charged with harboring the fugitive, Anders. Apostate, take down her barrier.” The change in his demeanor is terrifying. This is my  _brother,_ sort of. The two are locked in a test of wills, but Eli puts his hand back on the pommel of his sword and Solas dispels my barrier with a flick of his wrist. This isn’t going to help them hate each other less…

I throw up another one. I can play this game all day if they want. Elias gives a steely look at Cullen. “Commander, I thought I ordered you to arrest her. Now.” 

Cullen looks at Elias with his mouth a little dropped before he pulls it together. “Milady, please. Lower your barrier and come with me.” He’s almost begging me, which clinches at my heart. I hate that he has been pulled into this. 

I glare at him, I mean I know he is just trying to do his job, but I feel like he is a traitor. “No, Cullen. I can’t let Elias kill this man. Not without a fight.” I start to pull at my mana on the off chance I need to bolster my barrier or blow them back from us. 

Cullen closes his eyes, then his forehead wrinkles, like something is hurting him. “This is your last chance. Please, come willingly.” I shake my head ‘no’. “I’m so sorry, Elaine.” He whispers. 

I only have a second to wonder what he is talking about. A blue light slams through my chest draining me of any energy I have. I feel like I can’t breathe. Something rips Anders from my side. I make a feeble grab for him. 

Solas rushes to me, he is barely concealing his rage and worry. He pulls me into his arms; I can feel the tickle of his magic against my core. “Elaine, I need you to stay awake.” I’m not sure that is going to be possible. 

“Solas? I-“  I don’t understand what is going on. Stars cloud my vision and everything goes dark.

* * *

When I wake up I’m on my bed back in Skyhold and I’m amazingly sore. It’s that kind of awake where you think ‘what year is it?!’ I lay there and sort of let my mind settle in. What the hell happened?! Cullen, sweet and gentle Cullen, attacked me at the behest of Elias. 

Fuck.

But I’m back in Skyhold? How long was I out? We were a full day’s ride away. I need some answers. 

I storm up to my door and make to open it, but I can’t. It’s locked. I try again and start slamming myself into it. From the other side of the door I hear a muffled voice. “Lady Trevelyan, you are under house arrest pending judgement by the Inquisitor.” 

“What?! Seriously?!” I pound my fist on the wood, but don’t get any response. 

I slide down the door and curl up in a little ball, near tears. This is what I get for doing the right thing? This place is fucked up. 

A little pop signifies the arrival of Cole and I’ve never been so happy to see the little weird guy. I fling myself into a hug and he stands there frozen. I guess he doesn’t get many hugs. “I heard that you are awake. The Inquisitor is very loud. You usually make him softer. Solas is very mad, they won’t let him see you.” Yeah, because me and the apostate and going to go run off or something. You know, that might not be an awful idea…

“Beloved, beautiful, bloodied. My Fault.” No clue what the hell that one means. 

I let him go and flop onto my bed. “What’s going to happen?” I honestly have no idea where we go from here. I’m actually under arrest. 

“Judgement.” He whispers. People keep saying that, no one says what that means! Is there where I die? Cole pops out of existence again, because why not. He is really  _just_ on the verge of being helpful most of the time. 

At sunset, my door opens and Josephine walks in, averting her eyes. “Lady Trevelyan, it is time for you to prepare for your audience with the Inquisitor.” We dress me up all pretty while being completely silent. I guess I’m not just any prisoner; I doubt anyone is making an effort to get Anders cleaned up. Then the armed guard leads me down the hall to the throne room with my hands cuffed in front of me. I honestly feel like Anne Boleyn must have felt going to her execution. I take deep breaths trying to at least look like I’m calm.

Elias is on his throne in finery, not his armor or his pjs, glaring down from the dais at me. To my left I see Solas glowering with Dorian and Iron Bull in similar moods flanking him. Cullen is near a door with some guards and a still awful looking Anders kneeling in chains. He avoids looking at me. 

I can tell shit is about to go down when Josephine steps up to the side of the throne. “Inquisitor, for your judgment, I present Lady Elaine Trevelyan. She has been accused of harboring the fugitive Anders.” 

Elias sits tall on his throne, honestly he looks like he belongs there. I’d be impressed if I wasn’t afraid of him sending me to the dungeons or to death for going against his wishes. “Lady Trevelyan, you refused to hand over a wanted man to the authority of the Inquisition even when you were specifically commanded to do so by the Inquisitor himself. What do you have to say for yourself?” 

Okay, he sounds like a total ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting from a different computer, so everything seems to be acting sort of strange. I apologize if the font is screwy, I'll try to figure out how to fix it.
> 
> Edit: Weird font fixed!


	17. Remembering to be Angry

Sorry about leaving you hanging there, I really needed a drink. So where was I? Oh!

The whole Eli looming over me thing kinda pisses me off. I still can’t believe he _arrested_ me.

I straighten up my back. If I’m going down, I’m going down in style. “I refused to hand a broken man over to a raging lunatic, who I believe only had the intent to harm him. I could not in good conscious release him to your custody, _Inquisitor_.” I give him a sarcastic bow. Okay, so maybe this doesn’t help the situation, but I’m pretty far gone on the angry train. Rational thought during anger is not my strongest suit.

From the corner Anders calls out a plea. “Don’t hurt her because of me, please, Inquisitor. She hasn’t done anything wrong. I’ll take her punishment.” I turn to look just as a guard smacks him across the face in order to silence him.

I stare down Elias. “Do you _need_ any more evidence? He is no longer hosting a spirit, but I know he will not be given a fair trial. It is my job as your _sister_ to tell you when your head is up your ass. This is one of those times.” The crowd gasps at my response, but it almost looks like Elias is trying to not laugh. So, that’s weird.

“Bring forth the prisoner.” He gestures to the guards to bring over Anders. They drag him, dropping him at my feet. I crouch down and help him to stand. He is unnaturally tall, taller than Elias. My head only comes up to the middle of his chest, even in the heeled shoes I’m wearing. “Your judgments will be linked.”

Josephine steps back up to the throne. “Inquisitor, Anders is charged with destroying the Kirkwall Chantry and, consequently, murdering numerous innocents.”

Eli looks down at us with fire in his eyes. “How do you plead, apostate?”

“Guilty.” Anders hangs his head, completely defeated. The poor guy just doesn't seem to have any fight left in him. Thank goodness for him that he got stuck with me. 

I pipe up even though I know my turn is over. “Inquisitor, I know you blame him for the beginning of the Mage-Templar War, but everything I’ve heard, everything I’ve been reading….it would have happened anyway. None of it would have stopped Corypheus; if he wasn’t at the Conclave it would have been somewhere else!” I’m rambling, yelling….and rambling. I really need to work on that….

Anders looks down at me with wide eyes like he can’t believe that I’m talking to Elias this way.

“Silence!” Eli shouts. I jump in surprise at his booming voice. “I have made my decision.” His voice lowers to his normal authoritative public tone. “Anders, you are sentenced to life serving the Inquisition. Once, you were a good man, a renowned healer. You will spend the rest of your years repenting for your crimes by saving lives.” I am _shocked_ by the temperance in his judgment. I was totally expecting a beheading right there in the middle of the room. I guess he _has_ been working on his anger management?

My mouth drops as Anders stutters for an answer. “I…thank you, Inquisitor. I will do my best.”

Elias descends from the throne. “It is my sister who you have to thank. She was willing to risk her life for you to have a second chance; her kindness and generosity is a boon to the Inquisition. Do not prove her wrong.” Anders looks over at me with wonder etched all over his features. “Now, dear sister, for your punishment.” I gulp. It can’t be that bad, right? “Your fate is tied to this man’s. You are his guardian, responsible for his behavior. If he betrays the Inquisition or harms anyone, you will be found guilty of his crimes.” Sounds fair, honestly. I fought hard for his freedom and if something goes wrong, I really am the one who is to be blamed.

I nod. “Thank you, Inquisitor. I think this is a very fair judgment. I take full responsibility for this man.” Elias pops a key out and unlocks my handcuffs, like he had planned this step by step. I throw my arms around his neck forcing him into a hug. I whisper, “I’m proud of you.”

He returns my hug and responds with a low voice. “You _have_ to stop scaring me like this, Lane.” He is definitely the type of person who gets angry when scared. 

Eli stands and looks Anders up and down. He still really doesn’t like him. “Guards, take this man to his permanent room in the dungeons. This court is dismissed.” He bellows.

I reach over to Anders and heal some of the awful bruises on his face that look suspiciously resent. “Milady, I-“

“Elaine. I’m just Elaine.” I cut him off as I draw my hands away from him. If I find out who has been roughing him up, they’re going to get in so much trouble!

His brow furrows. “I don’t know how to repay you. It has been a very long time since someone has shown such faith in me. I don’t know what I did to deserve it.” He pointedly looks at the floor avoiding me. I really just want to hug him, but I restrain myself….for once.

“Though I never met her, I hear your wife was a wonderful woman, if she believed in you, then why shouldn’t I? Anders, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that this can be a way to start over….to find purpose again.” I almost feel bad bringing it up, but it’s true. I really do hope that he can be alright and that he can help these people. Guards finally take him by the arms to bring him to wherever they’ll be keeping him…..I’ll need to make sure it’s not awful accommodations. “Anders?” He looks up at me with tears in his eyes. “Welcome to the Inquisition.”

As I watch my charge being led away, I feel arms wrap around my waist. “ _Vhenan_ ” he whispers into my ear.

I turn around to face him. Immediately he is searching me for any wounds, but I’m really fine. I laugh a little at his concern, my heart is light considering the amount of terror I was just in. “Darling, I’m fine. Really.” Yeah, I’m using endearments now. So what?! I’m not defensive! You’re defensive!

“If you were not, there is nothing that would have protected the Inquisitor or his Commander.” He snarls, which is weird, but kind of endearing. It’s nice that he would be angry if I was harmed, but at the same time….it’s a little over blown.  I prevent any more speech as I manifest all of my anxiety and fear into a kiss. He nearly crushes me in his embrace, evidently as full of emotion as I am. I might never let him go again.     

Varric stands patiently while we get it under control. Once I finally remember we are in a huge room of people I pull away from Solas and blush bright red. “Good job, Moxie.” I know there was so much unsaid in his thanks. Hawke was Varric’s best friend and I know he didn’t really _like_ Anders….I mean he threw their home into chaos…but Hawke would have wanted Anders to be safe….so Varric would too.

I put a hand on his shoulder and smile. “I finally get a nickname?” 

“I figured it was about time.”

Dorian pops in and gives me a big hug. “Look at you being a fugitive!” he sighs “You might be too exciting for your own good, my dear.”

“You know, I could do with a little less excitement.” I squeeze him hard before letting him go. “Can someone tell me what happened? I was a little busy being unconscious…”

Solas elects himself to tell the story and _wow_ does he sound infuriated. “The Inquisitor’s Commander took it upon himself to smite you. Considering the newness and considerable power within in you, it was a poor choice, which caused your body serious distress. I tried to stabilize you as quickly as possible. At the same time, Anders attempted to defend you, foolishly turning toward your attacker. The Inquisitor took the misstep as an opportunity to bash the consciousness from him with the pommel of his sword. I had words with both men.” I kiss him gently on the cheek hoping to calm him with my touch. Yeah, that doesn’t work. “I was prevented from helping you anymore by threat of my own arrest.” Oh, so that’s why it didn’t help.  “The Commander ensured your safe travel by sharing his mount with your unconscious body against him. Anders was bound and thrown over the back of the Inquisitor’s horse. Upon our arrival, Anders was thrown in the dungeons and you were kept in your rooms. Once again, I was barred from your side.” Dorian winks at me, so I assume he is the one who made sure I ended up alright. At least I was still in good hands.

I hug around his waist and rest my head on his shoulder. “ _Vhenan,_ I’m here, safe.” I’m not sure if this second attempt will bring him back from his rage.

The grasp he returns is, again, overwhelming as he kisses the top of my head, it’s almost like he is trying to surround me with his body. “I know, but the possibility of that not being the case is maddening.” I pull back just enough to kiss him some more, trying to quell the fire inside of him. It’s insane that he had to even think that I might not be okay.

Because I got arrested….

…for doing nothing wrong…

…for helping people…

I got arrested by Eli….

….and that is when the anger hits me.

I push away from Solas. “Oh my god. Oh My GOD.”

“ _Vhenan_?” he looks at me super confused because first we are kissing and now I’m just yelling. Maybe I did take the fire of hate out of him….by taking it into myself. Doubtful. I just got over the stress of possibly not being alive, which felt great until I realized the whole reason that happened.

“I am SO angry. I just remembered to be angry.” I take a step toward Elias’s room. The little group of friends looks at me like I’m a crazy person…because I am. It is what it is. “Please excuse me. I have to do some yelling.”

I do my best to stealthily go through his first set of doors and stalk my way up to the entrance to his room. When I get there I slam the door open without warning. “What the HELL is your problem?!” I start out yelling.

He snaps his head up from looking at whatever paper he is reading. “Excuse me?”

“You fucking _arrested_ me! You had Cullen _attack_ me!”

“I told him to arrest you, not to almost kill you. Believe me, I was displeased with the result.” To his credit, he does sound pretty pissed. On the other hand, he had to know that goading a Templar was not the best idea. Maybe he has the same anger problem that I do.

“I don’t _care_! You had me arrested like I was just some random person. I did _nothing_ wrong!”

Eli gets up from the table and stalks toward me, like it’s going to intimidate me or whatever. “You disregarded my authority. I cannot be seen giving preferential treatment to anyone.”

“You’re an asshole you know that?” He is. I don’t have to bow to his authority. He isn’t the boss of me! Preferential treatment, my ass.

“I couldn’t just let you get away with that. I was so angry. By the time I realized I had behaved rashly, it was too late. I couldn’t take it back.” He shrugs like it’s not anything serious to consider.

Pride. He had me judged because he didn’t want his ego hurt?! “So, you kept it up because you were in too deep? You are unbelievable.”

I’ve finally gotten him to lose it. Eli joins me in the yelling. “I have a responsibility to this world. You don’t matter. You don’t even belong here!”

I get within striking distance. “You are an _awful_ human being. God help the Inquisition, because they have a leader like you.”

The door opens without anyone knocking. Elias and I turn toward the door and yell in unison. “What?!” Cullen is standing there looking very uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry I can come back. I seem to be intruding.” He tries to make a break for it.

Elias waves a hand like nothing is going on of consequence. “Oh, you’re not interrupting anything. Just Elaine proving that she is an unreasonable child, once again.”

I shove him backwards, my anger completely unleashed. “Bite me.”

 

Hands are on my shoulders restraining me. “Elaine….” Cullen says softly. Nope, this is not okay.

I shrug his hands off of me and turn around quickly slapping them away. “Don’t you touch me. How _dare_ you!” He looks at me like I’ve punched him in the face. “You _attacked_ me, Cullen.”

He looks torn between softening into Cullen and stiffening into Commander mode. “I was told to-“

“You were told to arrest me, not to almost kill me. You could have talked to me, something, anything! Instead you knocked me out. What was I doing wrong? Was I hurting _anyone_?!”

Elias inserts himself into my new argument. “Elaine, you’re being a brat.”

I raise up a hand, but don’t turn to face him. “Get your head out of your ass, it’s not a hat!”

He pauses for a second, “If I wasn’t so mad, that would be rather clever.”

“Thank you.” I nod before glaring back up at Cullen.

He finally settles into Commander mode. “I asked you to disarm yourself. The next thing you did was start to channel more mana. What was I supposed to do? You could have hurt someone, whether or not you intended on it. I’ve seen what mages do when put under duress.”

Now, it feels like he hit me. How could he say something like that to me? “You know, the first time we really talked you apologized for having been a Templar. You always say that in the past tense, how you are an Ex-Templar.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” He rests his hand on the pommel of his sword, I guess it’s his classic Templar stance.

Elias rests a hand on my shoulder. I didn’t even hear him come up behind me, but I think he knows where this conversation is going. Even though I’d like to smack him, it is comforting to have Eli supporting me. “I suppose you aren’t as removed from it as you claim to be. I thought….you know what? It doesn’t matter what I thought. When it came down to it I was just another mage who needed to be neutralized to you. You didn’t even think about who I am or that I’m your friend or that I don’t really have a violent bone in my body. You just saw the enemy.” As I continue my angry speech, it starts to get more difficult to get out my words as I start to have to fight back tears. Cullen is as white as a sheet and starts to reach for me, but drops his hand.

Eli’s grip tightens on me. “Commander, I think you should go. I’ll come find you in the War Room when we are finished here.” Cullen looks up at the ceiling and blinks a few times before giving a little nod bow and leaving.    

This is the worst thing ever. “Eli, why did you save me if you made this such a big deal?” I’m still almost crying.

He pulls me into a hug. “Because you were right. Your idea is not a good one, but it is the right one. He needs to answer for his crimes, but there is no reason he can’t use that time to redeem himself. I still feel terrible about what happened with Hawke. I owe it to her to not screw this up too. It took me a few days to wrap my mind around that, by then the judgments had been set. I couldn’t recant; it could have made the Inquisition look weak.” So, that’s what he meant when he said that he couldn’t take it back by the time he realized he was wrong.

“You _have_ been working on your anger management.” I laugh into his chest. “I don’t really think you’re a bad leader, Eli. I’m sorry I said that.” He is even admitting to being wrong without my explicit prompting. Look at how far he has come.

He sighs and squeezes me harder. “I’m not always the best leader, but I _am_ trying. You help to give me a vastly different perspective to the world. I’m sorry I said you didn’t matter or belong. Honestly, I’m getting used to you being here. I wouldn’t mind if you ended up stuck here….I’d miss you otherwise.”

“I love you, Eli.” I say it because it’s true.

He kisses the top of my head. “I love you too, Lane.”

We are quiet for a few seconds just happy to have someone who understands, accepts, and challenges us. No strings attached.

When we pull away he gives me a look of subtle distress. “You know, Cullen was horrified by what his smite did to you. The withdrawal has affected his control. He insisted on caring for you during the ride back; it was as if he was trying to prove to us and himself that he would never hurt you again.” He laughs a little. “You should have heard the things your elf said to him…well, and myself. The quiet, pompous, apostate lost his cool in defense of you. I had to threaten him just to shut him up. He may be an ass, but he seems to have a soft spot for you.”

Oh, he has no idea that we are back together, or I suppose actually together, there might not be any time before where we were defined as anything. “We are together now, Elias….just by the way.” He opens his mouth to protest, but I don’t let him. “You arrested me and had me paraded around to be judged. I get to date the elf. Okay?”

Eli rolls his eyes and gives me a little nod. “Come on, I have something to show you.” He leads me through some unfamiliar halls until we are in front of a vaguely familiar huge door. Eli opens the door and gestures for me to go in….he promptly shoves me in and locks the door behind me.

“Eli?! What the hell?!” I bang my fist on the door a few times, before realizing he isn’t letting me out. Is this because I’m dating Solas? I get locked in some room.

“Elaine?” Cullen’s soft voice echoes in the room. I finally turn around and see the War Room. Damn it, Elias!

“Um…Hi.” Is all I manage to say…I was not prepared to see him again…not so soon....or really....ever.


	18. Four Walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey look! The smut is back!!! It starts after Elaine goes back to her room, if you are not smuttily inclined, please feel free to think she read a really interesting book before eating dinner and going to sleep early.

I am not prepared to reconcile with him in this way…at least not yet…at least I don’t think so.

“Have you come to yell at me again?” He scoffs bitterly.

I rest my head against the huge door and close my eyes. This is going to be awful. “Believe it or not, I had not planned on this interaction taking place.”

“That makes two of us.” I turn around and rest my back against the door, still trying to stay as far away as possible. He is on the opposite side of the gigantic table, studying me. “Look, Cullen-“

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. Maker, Elaine, you were so pale. I didn’t know-“

“Then why? Why would you do that to me?” I charge up to the table across from him.

He slams his fists down, shaking the little markers. “To protect you!” He yells. “To protect all of us.” So, angry Cullen is frightening…like really scary. I had never been intimidated by his size because he is so gentle….not the case at the moment. He could break me in half.

I laugh to cover my panic. He doesn’t need to know…“You have a really strange way of trying to protect me.”

“I could feel you pulling at the Veil, what was I _supposed_ to do? Wait until you became possessed and then kill you?” He rounds the table and comes close, towering over me. Did he just say that he would have killed me?! He _has_ to know that he is terrifying. His voice is starting to lose its edge, but that does nothing to mitigate the thinly veiled threat of his strength.

I need to learn when to back down, but I apparently don’t know when that is. I glare up into his golden eyes and keep my voice firm. “I was preparing to defend myself, not to attack anyone. It’s stupid to answer violent threats with more violence.” The fact that he thinks I’d do anything else is vexing.

When he speaks, he sounds like Cullen again. “You have no idea what you are capable of. People I admired, respected, became abominations.  I couldn’t watch that happen to you…never to you. I-” He raises a hand to touch me and I flinch back from him. It was unconscious, I really didn’t try to do it. His hand runs through his hair, frustrated. “Maker’s Breath, you’re frightened…of me.”

I’m not, not really….not usually. I grab his other hand and hold it in mine against my chest. “No, Cullen….I’m not scared of you. I promise. Just…you know, I can see why you’re the Commander. Angry Cullen could make the largest of men tremble.” I smile, trying to make my apprehension go away.

My attempt at humor does not help him relax at all. His voice is small. “I would never hurt you, I never meant to-“

“Cullen, you couldn’t have known. None of you could have. I’m sorry that you were put in a position where that had to be an option.” I know he wouldn’t have meant to hurt me, I can tell how upset he is about what happened. I can’t forget his past while considering what happened. He has been through some horrible things…He needs to be reassured that he isn’t the man he was anymore.

“I am so sorry.” He whispers. I force him into a hug, which is pretty uncomfortable for me considering that he is in full armor. I adjust so that my face is resting on his furs; they smell like campfires, leather, and divinely like Cullen. He holds me so gently, an arm wrapped around my middle back and his other hand cradling the back of my neck. It’s like the kiss again, beautifully intimate and unprovoked. Part of me imagines what it would be like to be his…I quickly put the idea from my mind. I’ve got a wonderful elf waiting for me somewhere. Oh, and he is going to be pissed that I was locked in a room against my will. I might need to worry about him hurting Elias. Ugh.      

“It’s alright, Cullen. I don’t blame you.” At least, I don’t anymore. “I still think you are remarkably wonderful.”  His embrace tightens a bit around me, like I’m what is keeping him on the ground. We just stand there holding each other until it crosses the line from being friendly comfort to something else. As I’m pulling away, our eyes lock and we stare, like we are on the precipice of something. I’m the first to look away.

I laugh and look at the door. “When do you think he’ll let us out?” I feel much colder in the room without his warmth surrounding me.

He gives me that charming smile and sits down on the stone floor. Why aren’t there any chairs in here?  “I’d get comfortable if I were you. He kept Leliana, Josephine, and I locked in here for an entire day once.”

“A whole day?!” I sit down next to him, resting my back against the wall. Where did Eli come up with this awful and effective form of torture? “What did you do to deserve that?”

“I honestly don’t even remember what we were really arguing about...Something about improving morale. The Inquisitor just excused himself for a moment, and locked the door once he had left the room.”

“Go figure.”

I have no way to tell time in the stupid War Room aside from the sun, which I can’t read for the life of me….because it is a celestial body and _not_ a clock! I grab a stack of paper off the table and teach Cullen how to make paper airplanes, which turns into a competition of who can get their plane stuck in the strangest place. Cullen got a really good shot off, sticking his plane into the window pane, so I deem him the winner.  

As the sun is setting, the door unlocks and Eli walks in. “Everyone good now?”

I shove him out of the door frame. “I really hate you sometimes.” I’m starving and want to get out of this damned dress!

Behind me I hear Elias presumably talking to Cullen, “Well, _she_ is fine now.”

I’m determined to change my clothes before hunting down food. My room is not empty. Solas is sitting cross legged on my bed reading. “Hey there, you.” I smile shyly, trying to avoid the oncoming storm.

“Where have you been?” His voice sounds strained as he begins to move toward me, like he wants to yell at _someone_ , but not me.

I sigh and roll my eyes. “Well, for a while there I was yelling, then I got locked in a room for a few hours.” I wonder if that is how Elias’s parents dealt with their kids having arguments…because that would be hilarious.

He stops short of embracing me. “You smell like….the Commander.” His face is full of unmasked disgust. Rude! Cullen doesn’t smell bad by any stretch of the imagination.

“Yeah, I was locked in the War Room with him all afternoon. Also, you can _smell_ him on me. Is this like when you followed my scent to the park? You really shouldn’t say things that that, it’s super weird. Is this some elf thing?” And I’m rambling... “On the bright side, I’ve forgiven both Eli and Cullen.”

“Just like that?” He softly asks…how can such an innocent question sound so dangerous?

It wasn’t really that difficult to do after actually talking to them about it….and I can’t guarantee that neither of them will do something stupid that gets me hurt in the future, but…. ”Well yeah, I mean Eli apparently figured out he was wrong before I yelled earlier and, on some level, I provoked Cullen. They’d never really _try_ to hurt me. Why?”

Something primal lights up in this eyes, then he caresses down my back. “They think there will not be consequences for their careless behavior.” I feel something almost uncomfortably warm lining its way down my back.

I tilt my head to the side. “I’m not sure what that means.” A gasp escapes my lips as my dress opens up in the back. He just burned off my dress!  Josephine is going to be _so_ angry. I, however, am incredibly turned on.

He leans in until his lips brush mine as he speaks. “It means that you belong to me. You are mine to protect. Mine to shelter. My heart.” I realize that I should probably protest to these words. I belong to no one, but myself. I can protect myself….sort of, but hearing him openly tell me that he wants to shelter me...that I’m his heart….

I’m into it. I won’t lie.

When my eyes still, allowing his to lock onto mine, I’m lost. “Solas…” my voice is breathy, filled with want.

His hands start to slowly slide the sleeves from my dress off my shoulders. He kisses the newly exposed skin. “Be mine.”

Yes, please. Now. Yesterday. Forever. Just don’t stop. My head drops back and I try to steady my breath. “Yes, Solas, please.” I let out a husky giggle, “I happen to notice that we are surrounded by four walls.”

He smiles against my skin as he kisses up my neck, ending at my lips. “So we are.” His eyes, dark with desire, are almost peering into my soul. He is waiting for me. Patiently hoping for me to give him permission to continue.  I couldn’t want anything else.

I caress under his tunic with a hand, finding great satisfaction when his next blink last a little too long to be _just_ a blink. I kiss him gently, but as I pull away I nip his bottom lip. “Take me, Solas. Make me yours.”

As soon as the words leave my mouth, he all but pounces on me. He pulls me roughly against him, sliding his knee between my legs pushing against my increasingly hot arousal. Quickly, he works my dress off my body, letting it pool around my feet. Our kiss is not refined in any sense of the word; it is all unrestrained want. His tongue invades my mouth, exploring, teasing.

I wonder if they call it Orlesian kissing here….

Anyway!

He pushes me away, breaking the completely consuming kiss. His eyes are full of a feral lust. “You should be careful what you wish for.” He circles behind me, then rakes his nails up the front of my thighs. His hardness rubs against my behind. I hiss at the strange combination of pain and pleasure that comes over me as red lines form on my skin. One of his hands retraces the line down my back, burning the laces of my corset apart. The constrictive fabric falls to the floor, joining my dress.  His hands rest at my waist for a second of what seems like a respite, until my underwear fall to the floor…burned off at both sides.

I can’t help but start laughing as I’m standing naked in front of him. “You just ruined _all_ of my clothes!”

“The view is much better now.” He smiles, kissing hard along my shoulder. I have no doubt that it will leave a mark…hopefully my necklines will hide it.

I turn around and face the fully clothed elf. “You do really use magic for _everything_ don’t you?” I smile as I untie his belt and rip off his tunic. His creamy, well defined, chest takes my breath away for a moment. I want to lick every inch of it. My nails give him matching marks along his abs as I capture his lips again. He has the most wonderful pillow-y lips.   

He starts to press against me, forcing me backward until my calves hit the edge of the bed. He seriously shoves me and I fall onto the mattress, my legs still over the side. Solas kneels onto the ground and nips and licks up the inside of my thighs. I’m writhing with desire. “Are you complaining about my methods?” He smirks up at me.

“Only if you stop.” I moan.

He traces a strange pattern against my clit…like I’m not sure what he’s doing it. It doesn’t feel bad, but the last time he paid attention there…it was mind blowing.  He finishes his path and gives me a toothy grin. “Good.” Suddenly, a powerful orgasm takes me completely by surprise. I actually scream, or at least I think I did… Question answered: He can use magic for _anything_.

Seriously.

Anything.

Solas removes the remainder of his clothes as I’m still shaking from his previous ministrations. He throws me properly on the bed and crawls up my body. His lips tease my pebbled nipples and I whimper, not yet having the words to beg for more. He makes a sound of satisfaction as he presses two fingers into my sopping wet body. My back arches against him, everything is still so sensitive. My bent body gives him better access to my neck, where he tongues a spot that makes me almost scream for him again. “I will ruin you for other lovers, _vhenan_.” He punctuates the threat with a bite.

I roll my hips, gliding against his astonishing stiffness. His breath catches in his throat, which I almost laugh at. My teeth scrape against his neck as I make my way up to his ear. “Ruin me” I honestly, can’t believe I said that. Like…who does that?! To be fair, I had just been magic-ed off by an elf, so I wouldn’t exactly trust my judgment.

He growls, like literally growls, there is no doubt about it. Without warning he slides rest back on his knees and grabs my hips “ _ma nuvenin_ ” and fully sheaths himself inside of me, dragging my legs over his shoulders. I moan as my body tries to adjust to his large cock inside of me. He doesn’t give me a chance, instead quickly withdrawing and snapping his hips against mine. It is a rough, punishing pace. His own sounds of pleasure accompany mine; Solas is not a silent lover. His eyes never leave my face, even when it’s too much and I drop my head back, I can feel his stormy gaze on me. The sounds of our coupling echo through the room in a beautiful symphony of pleasure.

The faster he goes the firmer his hold is on me, I’m sure there will be hand shaped bruises to add to my collection of marks from him. It’s so good. I’ve never been so skillfully manhandled…elfhandled. I don’t want it to end, but I need it….I need him. “Yes! Solas!” I cry. He presses against the most wonderful spot inside of me, provoking noises I didn’t know I make. I can feel that I’m getting close. He lets go of me with one hand to rub my sensitive nub. His thrusts are starting to become erratic. My vision blurs as I come crashing down around him “Solas!” I scream….just like he wanted. He thrusts a few more times, hard, straight to my core, prolonging my orgasm. “Elaine” He moans as I feel him spasm inside of me.

Solas collapses down onto my chest allowing my legs to drop back to the bed. Both of us are breathing heavily, covered in a slight sheen of exertion.  When he softens, sliding out of me, Solas lays on the bed rolling me into his arms. He kisses me with such tenderness and quietness that it is almost unbelievable that he is the one who made the lines darkening on my hips. I can’t help but feel adored, loved even, by him as we lay in a tangle of pleased limbs.

“You, sir, are fantastic.” I kiss his nose, making him smile and run his hand through my hair.

“I believe you enjoyed yourself as much as I.” He brushes a kiss along my swollen lips.

My stomach roars embarrassingly loud. I had totally forgotten how hungry I am. There were other….hungers…that were being satisfied. I laugh and roll my eyes. “I missed dinner.”

He kisses my forehead, “Allow me.” Solas gets up and puts on his pants and underwear, still keeping his amazing upper body on display for me. He walks out the door for a few seconds and comes back. “I found a servant who will bring us dinner shortly.“

I grab his tunic and throw it on. It is wonderfully soft, lived in, and smells like a library and herbs. Honestly, I want to steal it. His eyes slowly trace my body, pleased to see me naked aside from his garment. The V of the tunic shows the top of my breast and the strangely cut bottom covers me, but shows off almost my entire thigh. “Hey, you destroyed my clothes, so I’m stealing yours.” I smile.

He twirls me into a kiss. “I am not complaining.”

A knock on the door. Food! I skip over and open it only to find Dorian. His eyes widen as he looks at my attire…and probably my love bites and the marks on my hips that aren’t quite hidden by the sweater, and then casts a look over my shoulder to see the half clothed elf behind me. “Dorian, why do you always happen upon me like this?” I laugh trying to make light of the fact that I feel a bit awkward.

“I suppose I’m just lucky.” He scoffs, eyes twinkling as he has some sort of nonverbal interaction with Solas over my shoulder. “I was going to ask if you would accompany me to the tavern, but I see you are otherwise occupied.”

“Thank you for thinking of me, but another time, perhaps?” I would really like for him to leave. Everyone is going to know….like as soon as I close the door.

Dorian nods and starts to walk away, but puts his hand on the door to stop me. “Though, darling, for the future, I would ask that you keep it down, some of your neighbors need their beauty sleep.”  Then he leaves. Oh my God he _heard_ us.

I guess stone walls aren’t as sound proof as I had thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Saturday, All! I apologize for deviating from my updating schedule a bit. I'm getting married at the end of the month, so I'm not actually at home while we are finishing up preparations. My beta is also not around, so there may be a few more mistakes than usual (not like my writing is ever flawless....haha). 
> 
> I have one more chapter pre-written and will post it next weekend, but likely will be on vacation until the beginning of July. I do plan on adding a little AU to my AU one shot to the series in honor of my wedding. 
> 
> Thank you all for being so amazing and awesome and supportive! <3's!!!


	19. Being Functional

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops I did it again; more smut! If you aren't into that skip to the first break in the chapter.

Thank God, Solas had the servant bring us tons of food; I am starving.

After eating we curl up on my bed, reading together in companionable silence. The pillows are propped up against the headboard as a cushion for Solas’s back and I’m resting between his legs with my back against his chest. I greatly enjoy being surrounded by this confusingly wonderful elf.

His leg brushes against my purpled side and I hiss in discomfort. He sets down his book and thoughtfully runs his hands over my sides. “I seem to have hurt you.” He sounds dismayed, actually upset. I’ve gotten worse bruises from much less enjoyable activities.

I flop over onto my stomach in order to face him fully. “Solas, I’m perfectly well. I mean, let’s not go at it like that every day, but you don’t hear me complaining.” I place a few kisses onto his bare chest to reassure him.

He caresses my cheek and his eyes lock into mine, “I find that in my desire for you I get carried away. I’d been so overwhelmed the past few days. Forgive me?”

I roll my eyes. “There is nothing to forgive, darling. What’s this about? I’m not a porcelain doll, it will take much more to break me.”

“You’re far more delicate than you know, _vhenan_.” He looks distant…like, just completely gone, which won’t do.

A playful idea comes into my head and I know exactly how to bring him back. I cover his extremely tempting chest in wet kisses, slowly working my way down to the hem of his pants. I nip at the beautiful divot near his hip I slowly unlace his bottoms. “Elaine?” He questions me with a pleasingly husky voice. 

I trace my fingers along his still covered hardness. “Yes?” I look up at him innocently while tugging to free him of his damned leggings. He shifts just enough to aid me in my removing his clothes. Solas is a bit tense, which won’t do. “Relax, _vhenan_. I wish to please you.” I lower my head, licking him from base to tip. He groans and his head falls back onto the pillows behind him. Bit by bit I take his member into my mouth, taking then releasing some before continuing….like two steps forward one back. The teasing making him throb. Finally, with a deep breath, I cover all of him and start to slowly bob up and down, swirling my tongue around him. I can’t help but smile as he starts to pant over me, his hands wrapping in my hair. I can feel him tense anew, this time from impending pleasure instead of apprehension.

I won’t lie, I’m a very naughty girl.

I pull him from my lips, squeezing around the base of his cock, just twisting slightly. My mouth takes is strangely hairless balls into my mouth, letting them roll around on my tongue. He moans louder after he calms a bit, I return to licking and sucking his member. Solas snaps his head up at my renewed efforts, gazing down at me with his icy stare. I make a show of moaning in pleasure as I delight in him, until he starts to tense again, at which time I stop again…instead kissing along his hips. I leave a few love bites of my own. I’m immensely proud of myself...and dripping wet. Seeing him struggle with the attention I’m giving him turns me on a great deal. Once again he recedes a bit from his peak and I return to sucking him. “Elaine” He gasps so breathily that I can barely hear him. “Elaine, please.” I lock onto his eyes and raise a brow, full of mischief. “Please, let me come.” I’m honestly surprised that he hasn’t taken control from me yet. It bodes well that he is willing to let me have my own power in bed.

“ _Ma nuvenin_ , _vhenan_.” I smirk, freeing myself of his sweater and straddling his sitting, panting body. Slowly, I impale myself on his throbbing cock. He moans and rests his head on my shoulder, trying to catch his breath. I give him a second to collect himself. His arms wrap around my back, holding me steady, while mine hold him close to brace myself. I tilt my lips down to meet his in a passionate, loving kiss. Our hips roll with languid thrusts as we caress and taste each other thoroughly. It’s a perfect love making, our chests heaving in unison, pressing together. Earlier was loud, harried fucking, but this is intimate and tender. The affection and attention has me balancing on the edge of orgasm as his thrusts deepen, clearly he is close. I’m honestly not sure how he has been going as long as this. I swallow his moans, while his hold around me tightens. His last two brushes within me set me aflame as I feel him spilling in me.

Solas falls back against the pillows as I rest against his chest, both of us fighting to breathe, but loath to end our kiss. He pulls away just enough to rest our foreheads together. “ _Ma emma lath_ ,” he breathes. I have no idea what that means, I know that _ma_ means ‘my’ but that’s all I’ve got. It’s probably something incredibly smooth, I’ll have to ask later.

I get off his lap and fall back onto the pillows beside him. He reaches over and pulls me to rest against his chest…I guess he is really cuddly. Sleep quickly claims our fully satiated bodies.

* * *

I wake up when the sun is just barely shining over the horizon, which is very unlike me. Something is wrong. 

Solas is twitching in his sleep against me…kind of like how puppies dream. It’d be adorable if his face didn’t look strained. Something is so bad in the dream that it looks like he is physically in pain. I’m not sure if you’re supposed to wake up a person who is in the middle of a night terror, I mean…what if he’s in the Fade… can I even get him out of that? 

I caress his cheek, “Hush, my darling.” I remember how Cullen woke me up in the tent and try to follow suit. I take one of his hands and kiss his palm. “Solas, you’re alright. I’m here.” I speak softly hoping it will bring him back. His eyes shoot open, full of panic. “ _Vhenan’ara_ ? You’re awake, it’s okay now.” 

He rolls onto me, pillowing his head against my chest, allowing me to hold him tight. “My friend has been torn from the Fade. I could hear the screaming. I have to do something.”

The Inquisition does shit like this all the time. I’m much less worried than Solas, granted it’s not my friend in trouble. “Do you know where your friend is?” he nods with a sigh. “Why don’t you tell Eli and we can send out a party to help. I’m sure there’s stuff everywhere for the Inquisitor to do.”

“He’d help?” Solas does not sound hopeful.

“You know, despite the two of you having your problems, you’re a vital part of this Inquisition. Of course he’d help.” I laugh a little and caress his bald head. “If all else fails, he wouldn’t say no to me.” 

“Elaine, you remember that he just arrested you?” 

“Exactly, and I won’t let him forget it.” I’m still super tired…and a bit sore. I really want to go back to bed, but I can tell Solas is way too distracted for that. “You wouldn’t be interested in going back to bed, would you?” It never hurts to ask.

“I’m afraid not.” He gives me a peck on the cheek. I frown, expecting him to head down to the atrium. Solas grabs his book from the bedside table and then wraps an arm around me, once again becoming my pillow. “I won’t leave you, if that was what gave you pause.” He starts to read to me in what I can only assume is Elven; his voice is already amazingly soothing, and with the lyrical tilt of the language he lulls me back to sleep. 

* * *

 

After the last travel debacle, Elias had scouts get the samples that were on my list. I still needed them and I have a feeling he didn’t really want to be stuck on the road with me. Also, Dagna set up a little lab for me in the Undercroft. She is only too excited to help…and seriously adorable! You know, for being a dwarf she is totally not super hairy.  

I’m up in the library sifting through books for explanation on what it is that I have. Believe it or not, I have no fucking clue what the plants and animals are here and what random quirks might mess up my testing. Soft footsteps pull my focus from the shelves. 

“I believe this is yours.” Dorian points to Anders, standing beside him. He looks like they let him have a shower and shave. Anders looks like the man from my dream now, well….an underfed version, but handsome and charming none the less. “I…uh…I was given orders to report to you.” He says softly. 

I give him a warm, reassuring smile. “Oh good! I could use a lab assistant. If you haven’t been told, I’m working on curing the Blight.” Anders looks at me wide eyed.

“She is much more than just a pretty face.” Dorian smirks.

“Thank you, Dorian! That is high praise coming from my dear rebellious archivist. So, I need you guys to fine me stuff like botanical manuals or biology books or whatever.” I want to get my stuff together and start work!

“What makes you think I’m helping?” Dorian smirks.

I make a show of trying to reach the top two shelves, which are out of my reach. “Because I’m short and adorable and you secretly love me?” He sighs and starts showing Anders around the stacks while hunting for materials for me. I love me some Theodosian academics! 

I lean over the railing to catch a look at Solas; the poor guy had been sort of out of it all morning. No doubt that he is exhausted. 

The door from the Great Hall swings open and Eli walks in. “Is something wrong with your tea?” he laughs at some expression I can’t see. 

“It’s tea. I detest the stuff.” Solas responds flatly. Okay, so that makes sense as to why he never drank more than a sip of any that I made for him. I just figured that people with vaguely British accents would like tea. So, a stupid assumption…I know. 

I totally zone out of the conversation for a bit, until it gets weird. 

“I thought the only friends you had were spirits.” Eli looks really smug and kind of uncomfortable in the way he is standing to the side of where Solas is seated. 

“I don’t.” Wait….Solas is friends with spirits? Like Cole?  “My friend has been pulled from the Fade. It is a spirit of wisdom, I do not know for what purposes it could be used.” I’m super confused. 

“We have business in the Exalted Plains already, we can certainly look into this for you.” Elias says like it’s nothing, which, I figured it wouldn’t be.

Solas stands to face Eli. “Thank you, Inquisitor.”

“You’re welcome, besides, Elaine would be furious if I said no.”  He sighs, but I can tell he is smiling while complaining about me. 

“She is quite spirited.” Solas does a good job of being diplomatic in his response…probably aware that I’m upstairs…and undoubtedly listening. 

I yell down from the railing. “Thank you, Solas. By the way, I’m totally coming with you guys.” I skip down the stairs to meet them before anyone responds. 

“Elaine…” Eli is obviously trying to object. 

“It’s not a question, Eli. I’d prefer that the two of you not tear each other apart. I could also use some fresh air.” He starts to open his mouth again, and by the frown on his mouth I can tell he’s not pleased. “You arrested me, remember?”  

Eli runs a hand through his hair, clearly annoyed. “When are you going to let that be?”

“I don’t know, have I arrested you yet?” I give him a little hug and then continue over to Solas. Honestly, I don’t know what is going to happen with his friend and if something goes wrong….well…I don’t want him to have to face it alone. 

Solas gently takes my hand in his. “ _Vhenan_ , what about your charge?” He’s right. I can’t just leave Anders here. I’m more or less his protection and with both Eli and I gone there is nothing guaranteeing that he would be safe. 

I nod and yell up to the second floor. “Anders?” His head pops over to see me. “Want to go on a trip?”

“Yes?” He clearly isn’t sure what the right answer is: yes is correct. 

“Well, I guess it’s settled then!” I smile, accomplished. I totally rocked the whole getting a party together thing.

* * *

We head off to the Exalted Plains a by the end of the next week. Elias added Cassandra to our group and Dorian more or less added himself. I think that if there is any way that he can find entertainment outside of Skyhold, he’ll find it. I mean, from what I understand Tevinter is much more exciting with like weird magic shit and assassination plots. Well, and there were supposed to be some Venatori in the area….Dorian really wants those guys dead. 

On the road, Solas is pretty reticent; he just really doesn’t like being around people for long periods of time. I mean I totally get it, so I don’t bother him too much. I do…however…join Dorian in randomly tormenting him. Someone needs to make sure he seems like an actual person to the rest of the Inquisition. In case you were wondering, yes, he has been sleeping in my room. 

The first night on the road, I curl up in Solas’s lap near the fire and he tells me stories from the Fade…I still hate camping. His voice calms me with amazing efficiency. We are set off apart from everyone else, but it’s not like we are hiding. “You two are sickeningly cute. Please desist; be angry and jaded like the rest of us” Dorian loudly teases us from across the way, sending me into a fit of giggles. I can’t help it…I like that we are adorable!

When we head off to a tent together Eli stops us. “No. Dorian and Anders are in a tent together. Lane you’re with Cassandra. Solas, you get to stay with me.” 

Of course he set up sleeping arrangements. “Eli, that’s really stupid.” It’s not like we had been sleeping alone. Besides that, I am a totally capable adult. 

“I said you could court the apostate elf, I never said I condoned you  _sleeping_ with him.” He’s serious….and kind of an ass, but that’s par for the course.

I groan. “Fine.” Solas seems surprised that I gave in so easily, I just figure that it’s not really worth arguing about. I’ll live a few weeks sleeping without him next to me; I made it 24 years that way already, I can manage another month. 

Solas reacts in a way I’ve begun to expect; he gives me an impassioned kiss in front of everyone. It’s the type of hungry demand that makes my body beg for his. I have slight problems with this behavior, it’s him showing me…and everyone else…that they don’t have any real control over our relationship.  _We_ make our own choices. It can’t be easy for him to be in a situation where the woman he’s with is young enough to have rules placed on her by her family. He’s spent so much time on his own…not to mention that he is much older. While unnecessary, it’s mostly harmless. The kiss leaves me dizzy. “Until the morning,  _vhenan_ .” He sighs into my ear. Sexy bastard. 

Cassandra is already in her bedroll when I crawl in. “Howdy, Cass!” I smile, starting to undress while not completely flashing her. 

“Good evening, Elaine.” She responds without the level of excitement I had expressed.  It  _had_ been a long day…and I’m generally overly excited. 

We lay there in silence for a while in the dark, I had figured she was already asleep. “Your relationship with the Inquisitor warms my heart.” She says softly.

“Oh, I….thank you.” That was super random.

“It reminds me of my own brother.” Her voice is full of an adoration that I haven’t heard from her the whole time I’ve been here.

“I didn’t know that you had siblings. Big family?” 

“Just Anthony and me.” 

She had never said anything about him. If he is related to Cass, then he probably is doing something awesome to stop the impending war. “How is he doing with the whole Breach thing?”

It takes her a few minutes to answer me. So, I’m prepared for the answer to not be a happy one. “He….is at the side of the Maker.”

“Oh Cass, I’m so sorry. You must miss him terribly.” I can’t imagine being without my brothers…any of them. They help to make me who I am. 

She rolls onto her side to actually look at me and not the ceiling of the tent. “I do. It is refreshing to see others have that love between them. It makes me feel like he is watching with a smile.” She truly does sound happier after saying that. “

If you loved him so much, he must have been an amazing man. What did he do?” Cass is super hardcore, so I imagine her whole family is. Like, I know she is related to royalty, but she like a warrior princess, right? 

“He hunted dragons.”

“What?! Cass, that is so cool!!” Yep. Warrior family. 

“I thought as much when I was young. We even trained together a bit.”  

I shuffle my body over and give her an awkward laying down hug. She awkwardly pats my back, like she’s not really used to physical affection. Granted, most people aren’t as awkward or physically affectionate as I am. “Thank you for talking about this with me, Cassandra. I want you to know that I value you.” 

“Thank you, Elaine.” She hugs me back and then we separate to sleep.

“Also, Cassandra?”

“Yes?”

“You know that I think you are the most amazingly badass chick ever, right?”

There is a long pause. “Thank you, Elaine.” When I roll to look, I can see that she at least looks amused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy All! This is the last normal Elaine timeline chapter until early July. I will be adding the little drabble of alternate Elaine next week sometime. 
> 
> Thank you all for being so awesome! <3!!


	20. Playing Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And more smut...because I'm shameless.

I’m always, of course, the last one in bed. Everyone else is up before the sun or some stupid crap like that. Why don’t these people enjoy sleeping?! Sleep is seriously the best thing ever.

After three days of travel everything is going pretty well; we should reach the Dalish camp where we have business in another day and a half. Interactions aren’t as awful as I had thought they might have ended up being. Anders and Dorian are thick as thieves, Elias and Cassandra ride together occasionally talking. Solas mostly keeps to himself, unless I’m with him, but I usually flit around bothering everyone equally. I’m nice like that: an equal opportunity pest.

On the other hand, I’ve been having strangely vivid sexual dreams. Waking up next to Cassandra turned on out of my mind is super embarrassing. Strangely, it seems like Solas knows how wound up I am. His touches linger, making me shiver with restrained desire.

This morning, Solas is just breaking out of the tree line near our temporary camp when I finally have some coffee in my hands and am ready for human interaction…and I’ve cooled down enough to form coherent sentences. Thank God lack of caffeine is an excuse for said behavior. I make my way over to him. “Good morning. Sleep well?”

“The Inquisitor snores.” He deadpans. “And you?”

I blush a bit as I drape my free arm around his neck. “I have been having rather profound…urges…oh lover of mine.” I’m trying to sound nonchalant, but at the same time alluring. I probably just sound awkward as hell.

He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me flush with his body. “Oh, have you?” Though interested, he doesn’t sound surprised. Smug bastard.

“Mhm.” I inch my face closer to his. “I miss the way you feel inside of me. The scraping of your teeth in the hollow of my neck.” His grip on me tightens and I can see the hunger in his eyes. My lips brush against his, “I want you to make my body sing.” He leans closer, forcefully capturing my lips; I can feel him starting to harden against my hip.

Abruptly, I pull away. “I guess we’ll just have to wait.”

Solas makes a sound between a growl and a sigh as I push myself from his arms. I wink and give him a chaste kiss on the cheek. If I have to suffer, so does he. I make my way over to the center of the camp where everyone is pointedly trying to not look in the direction I am coming from.

As I’m loading up Pumbaa, Solas surprises me by pressing himself against me…still mostly hard. “You would do well not to tease me as such, _vhenan_.” He rumbles into my neck.

I can’t help but laugh. “Oh no! I can’t tease Solas. He is far too worldly to be teased.”

“All of the knowledge in the world won’t stop me from fucking you in the dirt, Elaine.” His threat sends waves of heat through me.

I have to keep playing, he is far too fun to mess with. “Did I say worldly? I meant old.”

“I do believe you are trying to incite me.” His lips form a smile against my skin. “You should be careful, with age comes experience.” The warmth of his body leaves me as he steps away, offering a gentlemanly hand to help me aboard my horse.

“Thank you.” I say slowly, not sure if this is part of whatever game we are playing.

My apprehension seems to be exactly what he desires, a toothy grin appears on his handsome face. “I do hope you can keep up. I’d hate for you not to finish what you’ve started, _da’len_.”

Travel proceeds as normal….well, aside from the fact that I constantly try to keep Solas in the corner of my eye.  I don’t know what sort of retaliation he has in mind. He is actually riding near Elias chatting, so that’s odd.

“She really is doing much better.” Eli smiles looking back at me. Of course if they’re speaking civilly it’s about me.

Solas shrugs, “She is passable, but requires more work to succeed in her magic.” Dorian and Anders chuckle next to me.

“Watch it elf boy, I’ll kick your ass.” I threaten him with a smirk. He slows up his horse just a touch so that he is close beside me.

One of his hands comes to rest on my inner thigh, my body hiding his closeness from the rest of the party. “There are significantly more rewarding ways to punish than with violence _, da’len_.” He softly speaks.

I can feel a trickle of his mana pulse between my legs, making me take in a sharp breath. The random pulse settles into a controlled vibrating pattern. I over at him, my eyes wide. “Seriously? You’re seriously-“ my complaint is cut off as I stifle a moan.

He takes his hand from me, but leaves the magical vibrator. “Hush, my heart. You wouldn’t want to make the others aware of our game.” So, I learned that Solas is elven for pride. Yes. That name was given very well. Bastard.

As he departs from me Dorian and Anders come up beside me. The prior is laughing hysterically, while my ward looks like he is in shock. “Who knew that Solas was kinky!?” Doiran says softly through his cackling. I am at a loss for words. Partially because I’m starting to soak through my underwear, and partially because I am mortified.

Anders regains himself a bit. “We could feel the small flare of magic and then simply observed your reaction. The others should be unaware.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath, nodding, trying to keep it together. “You know, you can do the same to him.” He and Dorian explain how I can basically shoot over a small flare of lightening and fashion it into a teasing cock ring. Thank God my friends are as debauched as I am.

I watch Solas as I’m casting, which takes significantly longer than usual…it’s rather difficult to focus. His brow furrows a touch, but he doesn’t look over at me. Suddenly, the grip on his reigns tightens and his jaw has a beautiful line of tension in it.

After a few more minutes I’m fighting off climax, which is probably the only time I’ll say that…I’m not sure how to make that seem normal at all around the rest of the party. Solas watches me, ravenous. I rest my head on the back of Pumbaa’s neck to try to hide my face.

“Lady Trevelyan? Are you well?” Of course, _now_ Cassandra has to pay attention to me.

I bite onto my tongue hoping that the pain will help. “I…I’m fine…I just” I cry out a little. “I’m…”

“She’s sick to her stomach, poor dear.” Dorian interjects. “Been trying to make sure no one is concerned about it for a few miles now.”

Elias turns around, frowning at me. “Elaine, you shouldn’t do such childish things. Ask for help when you need it.”

This is worse than a nightmare.

Anders clears his throat, if I had to bet, Dorian egged him on. “She isn’t unwell enough to use the energy to heal her. It should pass in time, in fact, I saw a stream over there in the woods; perhaps the cool water would help.”

“Elaine, go.” Eli demands, clearly worried. I feel awful that I’m not actually sick…I’m just being played with by my elf lover…maybe I am sick…a different kind of sick…ugh. Things to examine later.

“She shouldn’t go alone.” Solas’s voice is rough and low, presumably from disuse, but I know better.

“Fine. Solas go with her. We will continue ahead.” Eli says with finality.

I clumsily guide Pumbaa to the tree line. Solas dismounts surprisingly easily, all things considered. He ties the horses up and more or less drags me to the ground. Solas takes my wrist in his hand and starts to drag me into the woods. Believe it or not, there is actually a little stream. Anders wasn’t just making shit up; he is rather observant.

“Take off your coat.” He roars, stopping by a large tree. I do as I’m told. Still trembling from my unclaimed orgasm teetering on the brink. Once my long riding coat is in a pile on the ground, Solas slams my front into the tree. It doesn’t hurt or anything, but there is a serious undertone of power in his movements that make me drip for him.

One of his hands holds me between the shoulder blades, keeping me from turning toward him, while I hear the other unlacing his britches. Next, he deftly reaches around me unlacing my pants and sliding them to my knees faster than ever before. “Tease.” He growls as he licks the shell of my ear.

The cool air only makes my wetness more notable to me. His hand goes to test my readiness, he smugly laughs against my shoulder. “Thoroughly punished, I see.”

My voice is embarrassingly breathy, “How are you totally fine right now?!”

“I have had to fight desire for you for weeks, Elaine. My self-control is better schooled than yours.” I grip onto the bark of the tree as he tilts my hips up a bit allowing his impossibly hard cock to all but slide into me. I cry out at the wonderful feeling of fullness. “Experience, remember?” He holds tight to my hip with one hand while the other keeps me pressed to the cool roughness of the trunk.

My wonton moans start to fill the forest. The magical vibrating hasn’t stopped and the combined pleasure makes me so mad with want that I’m completely unware of myself. Solas wraps a hand around my mouth. “We wouldn’t want the whole of Thedas to hear us, would we?” his warning punctuated by thrusts.

Honestly, I don’t care who hears….I’m that far gone. My legs feel weak, hot, I’ve been so close for so long. His ragged breath joins my stifled cries. My climax is almost painful, I rip out handfuls of bark as I scream into his palm. As I shudder around him, Solas gasps out my name and his thrusting slows until it stops.

I hold onto the tree to remain standing. Solas is draped along my back, holding tightly to me. He kisses me gently along my neck and whispers things in Elven that I hope are endearments. The magical vibes have stopped. Solas helps me redress and look presentable again…thank Andres for that stream.

On the walk back to the horses Solas explains that the spell we placed on each other would not have ceased until we joined together. “That is some serious using your powers for evil sort of thing.” I laugh, slightly horrified.           

He pulls me close and kisses me so lovingly that I never want to stop. He smirks as he steps back to help me onto my ride. “I suppose so, though I did enjoy the game.” 

* * *

 

The Dalish camp is…rustic. They’re basically roughing it all the time…and their carriage looks like a boat, which is weird. I’m sure someone will end up explaining that to me at some point.

After some running around lighting up runes and finding a dead body…woohoo…we make our way to where Solas says his friend is being held.

As we got close to where he thought the spirit was we found some burned up bodies. Solas started freaking out. I didn’t understand what was going on until I saw the huge ass demon in the distance. Some mages called on the spirit for help and that somehow turned it into the scary demon thing.

Saving Solas’s friend doesn’t go well.

Solas wanted Eli to figure out some way to un-demonize his friend and Elias said that he would try. I don’t think that’s going to happen….

Anders and I stay back to support Dorian, Cassandra, Eli, and Solas. Out of nowhere, my ears are ringing and the whole world is tilted on its side. My side feels like it’s on fire. I reach out a hand beside me to make sure Anders is still there. He takes my hand and squeezes, I assume that means he is alright…or at least conscious.

I slowly roll onto my hands and knees, which is when I notice the gaping wound on his back. I scramble over to heal him; when the demon attacked us with a freaky lightening whip, Anders shielded me with his body, taking the majority of the blow.

As soon as the demon attacks me Elias sort of goes ballistic. A battle that had been halfhearted as they tried to figure out how to undo the binding suddenly became very real. By the time I have us on our feet Elias deals a killing blow to what was once Solas’s friend.

My elf collapses onto his knees beside the quickly disappearing body with a groan of agony.

“I’m sorry, Solas. It was dangerous. We couldn’t let it live.” Eli’s voice is comforting, but firm.

Solas slowly stands. “It is not to be blamed on you. They did this.” He sounds unbelievably scary.

The sort of dopey mage troupe who summoned the spirit in the first place comes down the hill toward us. “Thank you for saving us…we didn’t know.”

“You!” Solas snarls quickly advancing on the trio of ignorant mages. His forcefulness makes me uncomfortable, but I let it go…..however, his hands start to glow… and I bet it’s not to give him a magical hug of friendship. “You tortured and killed my friend!”

I look at Elias for backup, but he doesn’t move. Clearly, he is fine with Solas taking whatever revenge he desires.

“It was just a spirit. The book said!” The leader of the mages is backing away as fast as possible.

“Never again!” He is going to kill these people.

I can’t let him.

I run between him and his targets. “Solas, stop.” I try to sound a gentle as possible, he must be devastated.

“Elaine, get out of my way.” He grinds his teeth together, clearly trying to not redirect his aggression at me.

“No, _vhenan_. You can’t do this. They didn’t know.” I plead.

He scoffs, “Ignorance is no excuse.”

“But it _is_. They lock these mages away in towers and give them books with no real knowledge of the world. How can you expect them to understand the intricate existence of sprits?! They’re victims of this war just like any other refugee. Maybe even more so. Solas, they need to be taught; that is how we fix this.” Sometimes people don’t know any better, but they can be taught. They need to be given a chance. If they still can’t function, _then_ they can be blamed.

His disdain for my actions are not lessoned by my reasoning. “And who do you suggest teach them?”

“You. People like you.” He is a specialist in the Fade. There is no reason that he can’t teach a horde of mages and then they can teach people. It wouldn’t be super difficult.

He lets out a cruel laugh. “You can’t be serious. These people can’t be taught.”

“Have you tried?! You can’t know if you don’t try.” He’s starting to make me angry. I’ve said nothing that isn’t reasonable.

He glares at me with a hatred I’ve never seen and it’s awful. Honestly, it makes me pretty angry. “You’re the proof of my ability to teach humans.”

I thought that I was pretty good. “Wow. You know, when you first _taught_ me anything I thought that you might be trying to kill me.”

Solas advances on me with the same mad power that he did the guilty mages. “If I were trying to kill you, believe me, you would not need to wonder if that was my goal.” He grabs me hard on my upper arms.

My jaw drops. What an awful thing to say. I mean I know he is upset, but wow. “Solas?” my voice breaks. It’s breaking my heart to see him so changed. The flip in my voice seems to draw his attention…well at least his grip loosens. “Solas, you need to take a deep breath. I promise, we can help. It might not seem like it right now, but everything will be alright.”

He closes his eyes for a second and ever so slightly shakes his head. When he meets my gaze again he looks impossibly sad. His hands drop from me completely. “I need to be alone.” Solas starts to walk away before turning to Eli. “I will meet you back at Skyhold.” Elias nods…also he has his sword drawn. I guess that our interaction looked just as awful to the rest of the party as it did to me.

Anders goes over to the mages and gives them a basic rundown of what went wrong. At least now they know. I can’t be here anymore. I briskly walk over to where our horses are tied up.

“Elaine?” Elias gently presses.

“We did what we came to do. Let’s go home.” I’m furious and hurt….and worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy all!!! I missed you! 
> 
> So, I'm finally back. I am adding this chapter to get back on track with my normal updating schedule. Expect two chapters each weekend again! Woohoo! I'm really excited to be back home writing again!!!
> 
> If you missed it, I wrote a fluffy little alternate universe story that is part of this collection of stories while I was away "Maybe Someday".


	21. The Sorting Hat

When we return to Skyhold, Solas is still missing in action. Part of my heart stutters when I see the empty atrium; what if he never comes back….it’s not like he is the _most_ stable person…elf…I’ve ever met. At least I don’t have anything to distract me from working.  

I drag Anders down to the Undercroft. He is, after all, my research assistant. I know he didn’t really choose to have that role, but it is what it is. Anders is a wonderfully academic mind, which makes my work even easier; he is fantastic at helping me think through things. He’s also fantastic at noticing when I’ve been focusing for too long, ready with some joke or story to make me relax. So, at least he doesn’t seem too upset with his sentence of being stuck with me.

Elias even moved Anders up from the dungeons into an actual room. I can’t say that he did that on his own…I made him. After Anders sacrificed his own wellbeing to make sure I was safe in the Exalted Plains I think Eli started to actually trust him…at least a bit. His room is guarded whenever he is there, but I suspect that will go away soon enough. He seems to actually care that I stay safe, which makes me feel significantly more comfortable after Elias’s judgment.

Dagna sets up an amazing lab for me. I love her. If I were a dwarf, I might actually _be_ her. I fear that our excitement and generally awkward/bubbly dispositions turn people off. Lord knows how Harritt gets any work done down there… We are like a big box of smart sunshine. She made five different microscopes for me after I gave her the design for one…just because. She is perfect. I want to steal her and take her back home with me.

Dorian seems to find his way down to me relatively regularly. I sort of abandon all fun visits to the library while I’m working. Sometimes I go request a tome, but no chilling with my favorite mustached man. I think he misses me. Well, and with Solas gone there is no one to throw books at…

I finally move on to taking human samples after a few days of cataloging differences between healthy plants and blighted plants. “Okay, who is first?” I smile sadistically, holding up a small blade to my mages.

They look at each other…then the blade…then me…It’s a combination of confusion and horror. Who knew people were scared of crap like this where they don’t even use needles in medicine?

“You’re not….blood magic, Elaine?!” Dorian gasps.

I frown a little. “I guess you could call it that?” Suddenly, they seem dumber…

“You’ve barely been here. How could you have…” Anders muses.

I roll my eyes. I have no idea what they are so scared of. “Babies.” I prick my finger and wipe the little drop of blood onto a slide before placing it under the lens. “See?” I hold up my finger, “blood” and then point to the magnifying lens, “magic.”

They both look a bit embarrassed. I didn’t really know what blood magic was at the time. So, yeah…no…wouldn’t have joked about it.

Examining the samples from the two men was awesome! Magic doesn’t really leave a marker on cells, but Anders had a special signature in his specimen that must be related to being a Warden! I mean, there shouldn’t have been any differences between them otherwise. It’s the start of a possible break through.

I’ll need more samples.

* * *

It’s difficult enough to get good light in the Undercroft, honestly, I should move somewhere else. But, I like the feeling of being a mad scientist in my happy little dungeon….anyway, I get really annoyed with someone blocks my light. Everyone who is usually down there with me knows, so when a shadow comes over my station, I know it’s not Anders, Dorian, or Danga.

“If you could please just move two steps to the left, I would be most delighted.” My polite words are rather clipped, betraying my annoyance.

The person complies with my request…kind of…they move to the same side of the table as me and lean close as if they could possibly see what I’m focused on. Whoever it is smells amazing: leather and spice. 

“Can I help you!?” I bark, sitting upright. I see the most beautiful elf that must have ever existed. He has long blonde hair and emerald eyes. He is tanned and has a face tattoo! My heart races. 

What the hell is wrong with me?! 

Then he speaks….”Pardon my interruption, Lady Trevelyan.” His voice is like honey. It’s heavily accented, but smooth and sultry. I almost fall out of my chair. 

“I….I….Um…” Smooth, Elaine. I close my mouth and try to pull it together. “How do you know who I am?” I should be terrified. A strange man just appeared in my lab and  _knows_ who I am. 

“Tales of your beauty have traveled far. I simply saw the most attractive woman in all of Skyhold and thought: Ah! I have found her.” He takes my hand into his and lightly kisses my knuckles. I don’t resist. He could probably move my body in any way he wanted and I would willingly comply. It’s like he has some sort of sex aura around him and WOW am I caught in it. 

My brain is sort of stuck. “You’re amazingly attractive.” I say reverently. 

I hate myself. 

The door to the Undercroft bursts open and a frantic looking Josephine runs in. “Master Araiani, I asked you to say in my office.” Leliana saunters in behind her.

The partially named elf gently guides me by my hand to stand close to him. He gently brushes some hair behind my ear. “Lady Josephine, a beauty like this cannot be ignored.” He purrs, eyes never leaving mine. I giggle and, I’m sure, turn bright pink. 

“Josie, let her have some fun.” Leliana smirks, raising her eyebrow suggestively.

Josephine turns to glare at the Spy Master. “She has enough fun, Leliana!”

“Oh, do you?” the man questions. I’m sure I look like a blushing virgin to him. 

Leliana laughs. “Zevran, a different mysterious elf  _laid_ claim to her already.” 

I face palm. Awesome. Everyone is just standing here talking about my sex life. I could die. Just die. Right now. 

He makes a sound of indifference. “I believe said man has not returned here for over a week.” 

“You’re right, Leliana. He is good.” Josephine reluctantly approves of Zevran for whatever they’re doing. 

Dorian and Anders start to walk into the room, but linger just outside the door observing the shit show inside. 

“Come, Zev. There is more to show.” Leliana beckons him forward. 

“As you wish, Lady Nightingale.” He wraps an arm around my waist and places a kiss on my cheek. I almost melt. “I look forward to getting to know you better.” 

I let out a shaky breath. “You smell like cinnamon.” I’m not sure where this is coming from. It’s like he has some sort of brain jumbler in his pants. Oh…oh I bet that is exactly what he has. OH. MY. GOD! 

“What is wrong with me?!” I gasp, exasperated.  

He gives me the most charming smile I have ever seen and gently caresses my cheek with his fingertips. “I will be seeing you,  _bella donna_ .” When he struts away, I grab onto the table behind me to steady myself. 

Dorian looks far too pleased when himself when he and Anders finally enter the room. “What was that, Elaine?” 

“I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure he turned my brain to mush.” I laugh, ashamed. 

Anders rolls his eyes. “Zevran Arainai, former Antivan Crow. He is deadly, Elaine. Traveled with the Hero of Ferelden during the Blight. There have been whispers of Leliana being in contention for the post of Divine; I believe they are searching for a possible replacement.” 

“Oh no. So he’s going to be here for a while?” I groan.

“I’m afraid so.” Dorian basically giggles.

I flop down onto my chair. This is going to make research significantly more difficult. 

* * *

I keep just almost running into Zevran all afternoon, so by early evening I’ve sequestered myself up onto the battlements. Dramatically, I’m draped over the side of a wall: laying on my back with a leg and an arm flopping over each side of the sturdy bricks. 

“Um…Elaine? Are you in good health?” Cullen hesitantly approaches me. “Are you worried about Solas? I’m sure he is well.”

“No. He is a big boy and made his own decision. I am also sure that he is doing juuuust fine.” I groan and roll my head over to look at him. “I’m avoiding the candidate for Spy Master.” 

His brow furrows. “And that is why you are one strong breeze from falling off of the wall?” I’m not  _that_ clumsy. It would take more to topple me. 

“He makes my mind not work. Cullen, he makes me more awkward than you are!” I know, I’m rude. 

Cullen closes the few steps to me, I give him my hands and let him haul me to a seated position that is more clearly stable. “What do you mean, ‘more awkward’ than I am?” 

I smirk up at him. “Oh, come on. You blush like a cloistered sister anytime I make any reference to anything remotely sexual.” 

“I do not!” He protests, of course while blushing. 

Finally, I think I understand. “Oh my God, Cullen. I’m so sorry. If I had known you were a virgin I wouldn’t have make some of those jokes. It was really insensitive of me.”

His jaw drops. “I’m definitely not a…”

“Good evening, Commander,  _bella donna_ .” Shit. He’s found me. 

“Hello Zevran.” Cullen says politely, almost dragging me to my feet. I fear that my penchant for running would end with me in great amounts of pain. At least he has a good head on his shoulders. 

I do my best to avoid the sexual elf’s gaze…or really avoid looking at him at all. “Zevran.”

“I have been hoping to see you again all day. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were avoiding me, milady.” Zevran purrs at me, taking my hand into his to kiss it, guiding my gaze to him.

I gulp. “Why….why would I avoid someone as perfect as you?” Yeah, embarrassing. Cullen, looks over at me in disbelief. 

Zevran raises a suggestive brow at me, caressing my inner wrist with his fingers. “I had hoped that you might join me in merry making this evening. The tavern seems to be a good place to start.”

“I….I….” My brain is just completely stuck. Merry making with the hot elf? Part of me hopes that’s code for something. The other part of me wants to slap myself. 

“I’m terribly sorry, Master Araiani, but Lady Trevelyan has already agreed to take dinner with me tonight.” Cullen very quickly lies to save my hide. I nod silently, doubting my ability to say anything useful. 

The corners of his perfect mouth slightly turn down. “It seems I was too late, perhaps another night. Good evening, Commander.” He once again grabs some of my hair that the wind has thrown near my eyes and gently caresses it back into place. I sigh, like some lovesick child. “Until we meet again,  _bella_ .” 

Instead of a normal closing of a conversation I spout out this beauty. “Just because I find you amazingly attractive doesn’t mean I’m going to sleep with you.” Zevran  _winks_ at me and proceeds to saunter away. 

I sit down on the ground as soon as he is out of sight. Cullen is looking at me, wide eyed. “Maker, Elaine. It’s like you’ve never seen a man before!” 

“I have no idea what is going on! He’s inside my head! I can’t make it stop!” I dramatically flop my back onto the cold stone hoping that it will cool me off. “He’s going to kill me.” Cullen laughs so hard that he starts crying. I hate him. 

Eventually, he regains his composure. “Come on, I believe I invited you to dinner.” He helps me stand. “I need to find the Inquisitor for something first. You’re welcome to come.” 

Of course more sex ensues….because my life isn’t awkward enough already. 

“Sorry to disturb your rest, but our fortifications…Oh Sweet Maker!” Elias is not in the room Cullen thought he was. Instead, Bull is totally naked…and unashamed…with some redhead in the room where he expected Elias to be. 

“Cullen, how’s it going?” Yeah, totally unfazed. I mean, if I had a dick like that I’d probably be very proud too.

I slap my hands over my eyes like a clamp. It didn’t stop me from getting a peak at Iron Bull’s extremely proportional penis, but at least I won’t see it anymore. As it stands, it gives me nightmares. 

“I’m so sorry.” Cullen manages to stutter as he tries to block the view with his clipboard.

And, of course, Cassandra join us. “Do you see this?!” Cassandra demands.

“No.” I’ve never heard Cullen respond so quickly to something in my life. Bull then makes some joke about who was taking what, which makes Cullen heave a rather undignified snort. I glue my eyes to Cullen, shocked at his reactions. 

Cass apologizes (kind of) for interrupting. “Nothing wrong with a little fun.” Cullen smirks. My jaw drops a bit. He ushers me away from the door. “You know, Elaine, if anyone would be mistaken for a blushing virgin, I’d have to say it’s you.” Yeah, he isn’t lying…

I did not expect the tight laced Commander to find this so amusing. Maybe there is just some problem when _I_ bring up sexual things….which is strange….

Cullen takes me back to his office/bedroom and then goes off to get us dinner. I make myself cozy, sitting in front of his book shelves. He has such an odd collection of literature up here: strategy manuals, a few science-y things, and some fantasy books that I think he tries to keep hidden, but that I find anyway. A book I had previously never noticed jumps out at me; it is well loved with creases down the spine and pages that are dog-eared. I take it and go curl up in his office chair. It’s full of constellations and their mythology. 

He comes back with two covered plates on a tray and sets it on the desk. There’s a little flower in a vase in the middle. I raise my brow, skeptically. He rubs the back of his neck, “Josephine’s idea.” I smile at his discomfort. Josie does enjoy making things pretty, even a simple dinner tray. 

I hold up the little book. “You must be an expert.” 

He gives me a shy look. “I’ve had that since I went through my Templar training. No matter where I am or what I’m doing, the stars and their stories remain the same. It’s always been a comfort to me.” 

A little part of my stomach does a flip; he is so incredibly sweet. “That’s a really powerful sentiment.” It must be one of those things that kept him anchored through the pain of his past. I can just imagine a younger Cullen looking up to the sky, repeating stories about the stars in an effort to fight off the terrors of the world. I haven’t noticed his headaches in about a month, so his withdrawal must be going better…I still worry about him.

Cullen shrugs, suddenly avoiding looking at me. “I could show you later, if you would like.” 

I jump up, super excited! “I would love that, Cullen!” We sit beside each other on the visitor side of the desk and slowly eat. We have to wait for the sun to set for our planned activity. 

I take the chance to try to sort him into a Harry Potter house because I’m a huge dork. 

“So, people are put into dormitories based on their personalities at age 10? That sounds questionable.” He looks at me skeptically. 

“You’re difficult for me. I can’t decide if you’re a Hufflepuff of Gryffindor.” I stare at him intently.

“Doesn’t everyone hate Huflepuffs?” He looks almost insulted by my assessment. 

I playfully shove his shoulder. “Hey, you leave the noble badgers alone! Anyway, you’re incredibly brave and chivalrous, but you’re also loyal, hardworking and trustworthy. You’re humble, which is very unlike a Gryffindor. I can’t quite imagine that you’d break the rules unless  _absolutely_ necessary….are you a good finder?” 

Cullen bushes at my description of his character. If I had to hazard a guess, I feel like he might not think he is all of those things. “Alright, Lady Trevelyan, now that you have analyzed me so thoroughly, what about you?” He smiles, amazingly unguarded. 

“Hufflepuff in the streets, Ravenclaw in the sheets.” I wink. 

He joins my levity. “Every man’s dream?” He smirks “What is that supposed to mean, exactly?” He plays along with my jokes without understanding what I’m really saying. I love spending time with him. 

“Well, I’m generally pleasant and fiercely loyal…also a very good finder should you ever be in need. People see the Hufflepuff in me. Puff Pride!” I beat my chest once. “However, in private my brain is rather active. I have a rather scientific internal monologue. I’d like to think I’m wise, but I  _am_ the one who lives in my head, so it all makes sense to  _me_ .”  

The sun has fully set. Cullen gestures for me to follow him to wherever we will be star gazing. “Alright, I think I understand. Shall we sort more of our companions?” His amber eyes are lit with amusement. 

“Alright, you can start.” I crack my knuckles like this is going to be difficult. 

“Elias?” He offers.

“Gryffindor. No question about it.” My turn. I give him an easy one. “Blackwall?”

He pauses for a second. “I’d have to say Hufflepuff.” I nod in agreement. “Sera?”

I make a loud single laugh, “Ha! Slytherin. A challenge next, Commander!” I think for a few seconds. “Dorian.”

“Ravenclaw….oh….or Hufflepuff? Maybe he is a Ravenclaw in the streets and a Hufflepuff in the sheets as you so eloquently stated.” His assessment sends me into a fit of giggles. He takes a deep breath before offering up his next sort-ee “Solas?”

My steps stutter for a second. This appraisal isn’t one I was looking forward to. “Ravenclaw….or Slytherin…it depends on the day.”

He looks at me with concern. “You would place your…suitor…into the evil house?”

“I never said I make _good_ choices, Commander.” I laugh without joy. Remember when I said that I wanted something awesome…not necessarily something good? I mean, maybe it started out unhealthy, but I’m pretty sure that it’s going pretty well now…aside from the fact that he left me again…Anyway…“Besides, not all Slytherins are evil. They are just the type of people to break rules in order to serve themselves. Ambition is their marker…striving to be the best…like Ravenclaw. I’m not sure which would be his crowning trait: wisdom or cunning.”

We approach the courtyard, which has completely emptied out in favor of the tavern. “I see what you mean about your self-assessment, now.” He laughs uncomfortably. “Come, sit with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Weekend!!! 
> 
> Also, Puff Pride!


	22. The Lovers

Cullen and I take a seat on a bench that has the fewest branches obscuring the sky. He points to a small star in the east. “That is the nose of Fenrir. They say that he was being hunted by an awful pack of humans. In his effort to escape he found himself cornered on the highest mountain. The men thought they had won, but just like that Fenrir escaped into the sky ever to look down upon them with mocking.”

The night is starting to get really cold. Cullen notices my shivering, “Elaine, you’re freezing! We should go inside.”

“No! I’m having far too much fun to even notice the cold.” My teeth chatter betraying my discomfort. I’m still suborn, so I’m not going anywhere.

Cullen quickly takes off his cloak-y – jacket-y thing and wraps it around me. It’s wonderfully warm…and far too big. I sigh in delight as I start to warm up. “Cullen, you’ll be cold now! This solves nothing.” I laugh.

“I’m fine, Elaine.” He looks down at me with a reassuring smile. I roll my eyes and fling my legs across his lap, resting my head against his shoulder.

He tenses up. “Cullen, at least I can be sure that parts of you are warm.” I tease.

“Alright, you win.” He smirks gently, allowing his arm to come to rest around my waist. “Now, let’s see. Oh! There is The Watchful Eye. The Lady of the Skies opened one eye so that the light from her gaze could allow people safe travel through the Frostbacks. Her gaze became the Makers and guided the armies of Andraste to victory. Later, a sword was added. Supposedly, the star at the point of the blade appeared in the sky immediately after Andraste’s death.”

I look up at him and smile, because I’m clever. “So, based on your description…this is the symbol that the Inquisition uses in his heraldry.”

“Well done!” Cullen is glowing and gently squeezes me against him. He really is a wonderful teacher.

“Okay, my turn to pick.” I point to a bright star with a slightly purple tint. “What is that one?”

He lets out a soft, deep, chuckle. “That is part of the lovers.”

“Oh, really?” I wiggle my brows up and down with over emphasized suggestion.

“Yes! I swear to the Maker I’m not deceiving you.” He clears his throat. “So, this one was put together when Ferelden was still a number of warring tribes. As the story goes, there was a man and a woman who were madly in love. He was the most skilled swimmer in all of Thedas; he could traverse the most traitorous waters and arrive on the other side unharmed. She was the daughter of a chief. Sadly, their tribes were mortal enemies. Each night, she would walk to the edge of a cliff near the river. Her lover would swim across the deadly channel, then scale the rock face to be with his heart, then as morning neared, he would dive back into the waters and arrive safe on the other side. One day, the betrothed of the chief’s daughter saw that she was sneaking off and followed her. Upon seeing the enemy embracing his soon to be wife, he went mad with rage and shot a poisoned arrow at the couple. The woman was struck by the weapon and died in the arms of her forbidden lover. He took her up into his arms and jumped into the waters below, letting the current take away his life. The woman’s father was distraught; in order to honor his daughter, he placed her likeness along with that of her lover into the sky so that they may watch over all those in love, protecting them from the same fate.” 

“That’s so sad.” I say softly, closing my eyes as I bask in his warmth against the cold night.

“It makes people do crazy things.” He says slowly.

“What does?” I question sluggishly.

His breath catches for a second, “Love.”

I’m quickly starting to doze off. He is just so comfortable and warm and his coat is so snuggly. I feel so safe. “Elaine?” He says softly.

“Shhh. Elaine is sleeping.” I mumble back with a smile.

Cullen rubs my arm. “Let’s get you to bed.”

I make muffled sounds of protest into his shirt as I grab across to his other shoulder. “Five more minutes. Everything out here is so much prettier than inside.”

His chest heaves a sigh beneath my head. “Fine, five more minutes.” The calm, even breaths he takes send me back asleep.

Far too soon, I’m awoken by a new voice. Cullen’s hand is absent mindedly stroking my back. “Enough, Zevran.” He demands in a curt whisper.

I decide to pretend to still be asleep, schooling my face into one of relaxation.

“You…how do they say…have it bad.” Zevran whispers playfully.

“It doesn’t matter.” Cullen mumbles. I’m not sure what is going on, but Cullen sounds completely defeated.

Zevran’s voice comes closer. “What is love, if not for the passion of a good fight? You worry for her, yes?”

“Zevran….” He clearly doesn’t want to talk about this.

“Leliana is occupied, but I made sure to research all members of the inner circle, thoroughly. It is good to be prepared, no? I can find nothing about him. That man? I would not trust him further than I could throw him, though with a well calibrated catapult that could be quite a ways.” He pauses thoughtfully as if seriously wondering how far a grown male would fly out of a catapult. I like his style. Wait…who are they talking about? Solas? What does he mean, he knows nothing about him? Wait, love and fighting? I’m so confused. I hope I’m just dreaming.

Zevran’s next words pull me back. “Now, I know nothing of her.” Cullen stiffens beneath me. “Relax, _Comandante_ , she may not have a history, but based on how she interacts with others, I know much about her.” So, that’s contradictory. “She is quite pretty.” He adds as an afterthought.

Cullen’s head turns so that he is looking down at me. I feel his breath on my face. “She’s special, Zevran. She is so much more.”

The assassin sighs with exasperation, but continues with his assessment of my person. “She has a laboratory in your keep, presumably she is intelligent enough to warrant one. Someone always seems to have an eye out for her, not out of distrust, but to protect. She risked herself to save a man she never met who was responsible for the deaths of many; there is no greater sign of purity of the heart, believe me, I know. Sitting here, she is curled up completely vulnerable; she trusts. Also, she does not believe she is special.” Cullen turns back, presumably looking at Zevran. “The slightest bit of interest in her beauty from a stranger? She cannot comprehend it. She will accept what she thinks she deserves. Perhaps a potentially dangerous older man instead of a kind and honest knight, yes?” Cullen’s grip around me tightens.  

I can’t take any more of this. I start to stretch against Cullen, making a show of my waking up. “Cullen?” I moan weakly, barely opening my eyes.

“Oh good, your five minutes were almost up.” He smiles down at me, eyes full of….something. “You’ve saved me the unpleasant task of waking you. Time for bed?” I nod against his strong chest. “Alright.”

Neither of us move.

Cullen pulls me closer to him as he wraps an arm around my legs and stands, carrying me in a cradle. I glance over to where Zevran stands. The look he gives me lets me know that he was aware of my being awake moments before I admitted to it. “Things to consider.” He calls after us in full voice.     

The Commander carries me up to my room and gently places me on my bed, pulling the sheets over me. “Thank you, Cullen.” I whisper as I near sleep again. “You’re the most wonderful….” My words cut out as the Fade claims me.

“Good night, Elaine.” He says softly as he leaves my room.

Things to consider, indeed.

* * *

I’m way too hot when I wake up. My cheek is being tickled by something that smells vaguely manly and makes my heart tighten. Slowly, my eyes focus. I’m still clothed and wrapped in Cullen’s cloak….so that explains my overheating…not so much the fluttery feeling.  

A bath quickly wakes me and washes away the thin layer of sweat stuck to my skin. I feel bad that Cullen’s furs had to go through that...After changing I put them on again. I won’t lie, the cloak is super awesome. I’m going to make use of it while I’ve got it. 

After feeling how cold it is in the Great Hall, I feel terrible keeping it for myself and make my way to the training grounds to return it to the likely chilly Commander. I stop by the kitchens and make him a mug of tea as part of my apology. 

As always, he is running recruits in the training grounds. “Good morning, Commander.” I call when I’m close enough that it wouldn’t be a breach of propriety. I mean…I don’t really care…but I know how important it is for Cullen to be respected by the soldiers. My general childishness would probably be frowned upon, so I do my best to be a professional. 

“Lady Trevelyan.” He sounds a bit taken aback that I’m there…wearing his clothes. So, things I didn’t think about: I’m showing up at his place of work….wearing his very distinctive coat….and bringing tea…. Things that do not imply a professional relationship. One of the recruits snickers, which earns him a deadly look from Cullen. 

I blush, mortified at the situation I’ve just created. “I’m sorry for interrupting, but I figured you might be cold.” I hand him the steaming beverage; over the past few months of our friendship I’ve learned how Cullen takes his tea: strong and sweet…like him. “I also wanted to apologize for stealing this from you last night. I imagine it would have made your morning rounds less than comfortable.” 

Suddenly, Cullen bellows. “Take a lap men!” Just like that our audience is gone. I have to say, his Commander voice is really cool; basically, anyone will do what he wants. I wish I had that strength in my presence sometimes. As it stands my style is much more of a bat my eyelashes sort of thing….it’ll work for the foreseeable future.  

He rewards my bashfulness with a soft smile. “It was no trouble, Elaine.” He takes a sip of his tea and nods approvingly. Nailed it. “I must admit that the early morning was notably less warm than usual.” He doesn’t sound bitter at all, so that makes me feel a little less rotten. 

I run a hand through my hair, which is still down, slowly drying after being washed. “You were freezing and I was being a warmth hog! I’m an awful friend.” I shrug out of his cloak and hold it out to help him put on…because I’m a gentleman. 

After some maneuvering he looks like himself in his usual armor outfit thing. Believe it or not, helping someone that much taller than me into a coat is almost amusing. “Awful is not a way I would describe you.” He smirks, “One who falls asleep in inappropriate places? Possibly.” I swat him on the arm, which only makes him laugh. Why am I so weak?! Did he and Eli  _plan_ this reaction together?! 

“Your men are probably gossiping, Commander.” I point out. Cullen groans and rolls his eyes, sarcastically. “You know what? It can’t hurt if they think you’re a stud.” I wink.

He quickly stifles a laugh and tries to pretend to be very serious, “Maybe I lied, awful does sound pretty appropriate right now.” I feign being very offended. 

The troops start to fall back in line, which is my cue to leave. “Don’t work too hard, Commander.” Behind me there is some commotion from the soldiers…whistles and cackles, which is rewarded by them being ordered to take another lap. Cullen’s barking order has an edge of amusement to it. At least I made their morning more entertaining. 

I slowly stroll inside as I remember Zevran’s words. First of all, I am too pretty! He is just too overwhelmingly attractive to be real,  _that_ is what we should investigate! …But….It’s really concerning that he couldn’t find anything about Solas’s past….I mean, if I think about it I don’t really even know anything about him. That thought makes me uncomfortable…I share my bed with someone who could really be anyone. He isn’t just anyone….he’s Solas… _vhenan’ara_ . I shake my head to throw out the disturbing thoughts.  What room does the hired killing machine have to judge?! I bet he isn’t even  _that_ good at his job; this is just nepotism at its finest. Probably can’t even pick locks. 

The lab once again becomes my haven to escape from thoughts outside of science. Halfway through the day, Dorian pops in. “He’s back.”  

“Thank you.” I sit back in my chair and stretch out. Dorian runs back out, presumably to his seat in the library….he loves a good show. 

I refuse to run to Solas like some puppy when their master has returned, however, I know he was hurting and don’t want to make him come to me. So, I take a breath and walk at a normal pace to the atrium. I figure it’s a decent compromise. 

Solas is standing alone facing away from the main door. “Welcome back.” I say neutrally. He turns, looking a bit lost and still worn from the road. “Solas?” my voice now gentle. I can’t punish him for things he said when he was heartbroken. That’s not who I am. 

Taking a few long strides to reach me, he buries his head into the crook of my neck and envelopes me in a desperate hug. “I’m sorry.” 

The open emotion from him is shocking…it takes me a few seconds to adjust. I caress his back with my hands, trying to comfort him. “Darling, it’s okay. I just want you to know that you never have to be alone...well…unless you want to be.” 

He stands fully to look me in the eyes as he cradles the back of my head in his hand. “I said such disrespectful things to you in my distress. I couldn’t….”

I hush him. “You were hurting. I am with you for who you are, not for some imaginary person you pretend to be. I forgave you almost immediately. I’m here for you, Solas.” 

Solas looks immeasurably sad, but pulls me into a tender kiss. “ _Ar lath ma, ma sa’lath_ ” 

“You know that I don’t speak elven.” I bop his nose with mine, trying to change his mood.

He kisses my forehead, “In time.” 

I look at him incredulously.  “Alright. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” His hand is still a bit cold from the outside as I take it mine, leading him up to his room. Poor elf man. 

“Take off your clothes.” I demand as I close the door and make myself busy with drawing him a bath. Solas makes a confused face….and isn’t taking off his clothes. “It wasn’t a question, my dear. I  _said_ for you to take off your clothes.” Now, he looks at me like I’m being annoying, but disrobes anyway. I do my best to not gawk at his beautiful body…this is not the time. 

The tub takes a decent amount of water to fill, which takes me a bit to accomplish. My magic isn’t fabulous at the whole bath trick that Solas performed back at Adamant. Eventually, I manage to get together the hot bath he needs. “Okay, get in.” He sighs in satisfaction as the warmth starts to warm his bones. He must have not had much rest on his journey of mourning; his eyes are closed as he soaks. 

I grab a cloth and some soap, gently rubbing him down. I take time to gently massage his appendages as I pull them from the water, cleaning as I go. Solas makes small sounds of contentment while I work.  He opens one eye to study me as I begin to finish my work. “No offense, but you’re filthy.  _Someone_ needed to make you presentable.” I stick my tongue out at him. Of course, I can’t just be nice. Sometimes, I wonder about myself. 

“Oh really?” The glint in his eye is trouble. “I suppose you deem yourself to be tidy?” He starts to shift in the water to be closer to me. 

I really should have moved out of his reach, but instead, I felt like I needed to tease him more. It’s a mistake. “I already bathed today, thank you.” 

He launches toward me, grabbing around my waist. “Solas! Solas! Solas! Stop!” I protest as he drags me into the water with him. “Seriously?!” I laugh, now mostly soaked. 

“ _Ir abelas_ , you looked a bit dirty to me. I’m only trying to help.” He kisses my cheek with a smirk. My clothes are going to be amazingly uncomfortable as soon as I get out of the water. I study them with disgust. “You could always just take them off…” He propositions. How do you even get out of sopping wet leather leggings?!

His face is soon covered with water from a playful splash I throw his way. “Oh no, you don’t get rewarded for that behavior!” He laughs and gathers me more fully into his lap, encouraging me to rest my head on his chest. “Thank you for coming back.” I say weakly. 

He kisses the top of my head. “I couldn’t abandon you now.” …What an odd thing to say…So, he could have before?  “The Inquisitor met me before I made my way to the atrium; you’re aware that we will soon head to the Temple of Mythal? Scouts are already in the area and the troops leave tomorrow.” 

“Oh?” I frown, thankful that he is situated behind me. That means Cullen leaves tomorrow…off into battle. It causes a feeling of unexpected strong apprehension. At least he is just the logistics guy…“What about you?” I hope that he hasn’t noticed my pause. 

Solas holds me tighter. “I’ll leave with the Inquisitor’s party once the camps have been established.” 

It hurts to think about everyone leaving me. So, I change the subject. “Who is Mythal?” I ask, cuddling up to him in the still steamy water. 

He seems to falter for a second, but only just. “She is the ancient elven goddess of love and justice, the All-Mother. She is said to have tempered the rage of the leader of the elven Pantheon, Elgar’Nan, with whom she had five children.” His description is rather clinical….he usually gets excited to teach me things. I guess he really is exhausted. 

“Interesting. In our various mythologies, those domains are usually split up. I imagine that stories involving her would be fascinating…So, the elves have a Pantheon? Oh! So that must mean there are more! Tell me about coyote!” In Native mythology coyote has always been my favorite. How can he not be when the moral of some stories is simply to  _not_ be like him?

“Who?”

I shift so that I can look at him to better express my excitement. I love mythology! “I’m sorry, that is what he’s called where I’m from. The trickster. He’s always so fascinating; a strange dichotomy of amusing and terrifying. He appears in some form in almost all mythologies, just like a goddess of love. Universals. Oh, they say, if a coyote crosses your path that it is a bad omen and you should end your journey.”     

Solas looks troubled as he twists some strands of my hair between his fingers. “Ah, you speak of Fen’Harel: the Dread Wolf, Lord of the Tricksters, Bringer of Nightmares, the elven god of rebellion.”

A chuckle escapes me, “Okay, so wolf instead of coyote, either way they’re both puppies. Anyway, that is quite a resume...what did he do to earn it?”

Solas glares, silencing me immediately. “According to the Dalish, he locked away the rest of the gods and brought about the fall of Arlathan, the ancient elven society. He is said to have spent thousands of years, hugging himself and giggling madly in glee at his betrayal.”  He is practically spitting the words. 

I don’t understand what he is so bothered by this. “Wow, that’s rough. I bet he did other awesome things though, like save small children or teach people lessons….Also, probably had weird sex…” The thought of Loki and his becoming a horse comes to mind.  

He looks at me like I’ve said the stupidest thing he has ever heard before resting his head back on the edge of the tub and letting out a long breath. “You will not hear any elves speaking of any wonders he achieved.” His voice is faraway, like he moved past anger and into acceptance. Odd. 

“Why do you sound angry? They’re just stories. I mean, yeah, tough break for Fen’Harel, but he probably didn’t even exist. Myths get warped through time, and well, if he  _did_ exist in some capacity then it would be history and then it is total bullshit. The winners write what happened. Assumedly, he didn’t win.” I’m so confused. He looks like he’s going to snap….like either start crying or raging. “I’’m sorry if bringing up your people’s stories upsets you…I didn’t mean it. You must miss being with the other elves.” I lack a thing that people call ‘tact’. 

He sighs. “These are not my stories and these elves are not my people.” 

No wonder he is always so lonely…he doesn’t affiliate himself with anyone. “Solas?” He makes a sound for me to continue. “What if I stay?” 

He nuzzles his cheek against my temple. “Honestly, it would probably be best if you avoid the battle. I hadn’t thought that I would be able to convince you to stay at Skyhold.” That’s stupid. Of course I’m going to go with him. 

“No, I mean what if I  _stay_ ?” We haven’t talked about my place in this world since we became whatever it is that we are. “I could be your people.”

Suddenly, he is apprehensive. “Why would you do that, Elaine?” 

“I mean, I’m helpful here. I’m doing good in the world and I’m sure Eli could use the help. Solas, I could  _cure the Blight_ . Couldn’t we send me home whenever we felt like it….I mean once we figure out how to get me back, that is…” he doesn’t say anything. “…wouldn’t you want me to stay?”

Solas cradles my cheek and turns me to face him. “ _Ar lath ma, vhenan_ .” He says again. I sigh, didn’t we just go through this!? “I love you, Elaine.” I blink a few times, shocked by the admission. “I would do anything I had to in order to keep you safe.” 

“Solas….I…” I’m not sure what to say. Do I love him? I think I might….I also haven’t quite recovered from his emotional whiplash. Bigger question: do I love him enough to actually tell him that? I’ve never really told someone I loved them and meant it…well aside from my family. 

He gives me a chaste kiss, “You don’t have to say anything. I want you to be ready in your own time. I won’t speak of it again. I just needed you to know.”

Yeah, my apostate hobo (and former stalker)  _loves_ me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm an Anthropologist in North America, while my degree is used for Primatology, much of my cultural training focused on Native Peoples.   
> So, the story that Cullen tells about the lovers is an actual Native American myth from the area where I grew up. Coyote is also a real thing, he pops up in mythologies around North America as well, he is more or less similar to Loki and other Gods like him (*cough* Fen'Harel). 
> 
> Next three chapters or so are Arbor Wilds related, which I'm having fun writing!   
> Have an awesome week, everyone!


	23. About Those Wilds

“Eli, I’m going with you to the Temple of Mythal.” I’m redressed and dry after my impromptu second bath. As soon as I could I ran over to Elias’s room to learn more about the word on the street…the whole Temple of Mythal thing.  

He looks up at me from the paperwork on his desk. “Whatever.” That’s barely a reaction at all!

“Is that a yes?” I cackle.

Elias slams down his hands. “Elaine, I don’t have time for this. If you want to go fine! Lane, I’m protective, not an idiot; you’d make sure you got there even if I didn’t let you. As much as I hate to admit it, you’re actually becoming a rather adept healer. We could use your skills. It doesn’t hurt that your presence would help morale of the wounded.”

I can’t believe that he is fine with me going. “Oh…well…that’s what I thought. Stressed out?” He looks at me with a glare that could kill. I ignore his ass-hatery and instead I run over and give him a hug. “Thank you.”

“Don’t make me regret it.” He warns me unenthusiastically. I give him a little salute. “If you want to bother someone, Cullen is in the stables.” I’m about to argue with him about why he would think that I would want to know that….but he’s right. I want to see him before he goes off. So, instead of being difficult, I just nod and leave. A first for me, right?

Cullen brushing out a handsome dappled stallion when I arrive at the stables. I lean up against the wall and watch the care with which he cares for his steed as the sunset paints the barn beautiful shades of red and gold. It is a remarkably beautiful scene. “Who is this handsome man?” Cullen jumps….ninja Elaine for the win!

He recovers fast, I guess he’s getting used to my being places he wouldn’t expect me. “Elaine, this is Cathaire, named for the commander of Andraste’s armies.”

“Pleased to meet you, Commander.” I pat the huge horse’s nose. He bumps his head against my chest, in apparent greeting. “Now, Cathaire, would you believe that Cullen failed to mention to me that you are leaving for the battlefield tomorrow?” The horse snorts indignantly. “I know. I thought the same thing.” Cullen rubs the back of his neck and looks up at the sky. I can practically hear him asking the Maker why he has been cursed with such a friend.

“Elaine, I…” He shifts his brushing so that he’s closer to me, but still working. Cullen’s work ethic is frightening…definitely a Hufflepuff.  

I really don’t want him to feel bad, so I give him a warm smile. “No, Cullen it’s fine. I just wanted to wish you safe travels. Also, you and that fantastic coat of yours better come back in one piece, else I shall be very bored and very cold.”

“We can’t have that, now can we?” He bumps my shoulder with his, before giving me a pained looked. “Um…Elaine I have other preparations I must attend to before full night.” Of course he does. I’m distracting him from his actual job. “I promise to see you when I return.”

“Oh, no, I completely understand.” We share a hug that is likely longer than would be appropriate if others were there. He had better come back. I squeeze his arm, reassuringly “I look forward to more star gazing when I see you again.” I start to walk away, but stop at Cathaire’s ear, “Commander, look after him, please.” He proceeds to attempt to eat my loose hair. I yelp and pull my hair back. “I take that as a yes…” Cullen’s laughter fills the stables as I walk away.

Halfway back to the keep a hand grabs my wrist. “We meet again, _dolce donna_. Was your slumber restful?”

My heart is racing, partially with panic and partially with attraction. “Good evening, Zevran. I slept just fine, thank you.” I try to brush him off, like it’s nothing.

“You’re cross with me, Lady?” He says so sweetly. I want to make out with him _so bad_!

I turn to fully face him. “You have no right to make Cullen worry about me like that. I can take care of myself.”

“Feisty, I like.” Zevran purrs, “It is my job to be concerned with the safety of the Inquisition.”

“Not yet.” I retort.

He starts to advance slowly on me, backing us to a wall. “Why does this upset you so?”

“Is it normal here for people to be so concerned about the love life of others?!” I shove against his chest. “Just leave us alone. Solas has been through enough, he doesn’t need your suspicion too.”

My anger excites him…or at the very least amuses him. It’s then that my back hits the stone. Zevran places on hand flat, near my waist and the other by my neck. “What _has_ he been through, exactly, milady?”

I falter. I honestly have no idea. Zeran’s beautiful eyes piercing into mine and his fantastic body radiating heat just a hair from me certainly don’t help my ability to think. “I don’t know, but he has clearly been through some shit, okay!?”

“Is it worse than our Commander?” He posits with a knowing look. I frown. He’s right…what is going on!? “I do not wish to make you uncomfortable, _bella donna_.” He steps back, dropping his arms. I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding.

“ _Vhenan_? I was wondering where you had gone off to.” Solas slides between Zevran and I, wrapping an arm around my waist, showing his possession of me to the stranger. “Where you being bothered?”

“No, Solas.” I lie. “Everything is fine. This is Zevran, he might take over for Leliana. He was just asking me a few questions.” I’m starting to feel a headache coming on.   

Solas eyes Zevran with a very clear air of disdain. “Come, I am having them bring dinner for us to your room.” He starts leading me back to the castle.

I look over my shoulder. “Good night, Master Araiani.” Zevran looks less than amused. Why does he have to be so sexy _and_ so insightful?!

* * *

As we wait for the army to give us the go ahead, I continue my work in the Undercroft. Solas even comes to help me out here and there, though I must admit that having him, Anders, and Dorian all as assistants is a  _really_ bad idea. They’re all wonderful, really, but sassy…and Dorian and Solas have academic penis battles where all I get out of the conversation is ‘mine is bigger!” “No!  _mine_ is bigger!” I mean, that’s not what they’re  _really_ saying, but they might as well be. 

Oh my God. After about a week of work they all started talking about the Fade and spirits. 

Big mistake. 

Once the three of them start yelling at the same time I slam my hands down on the table, making the blood vials shake, and yell, “I swear to God, kids. Don’t make me turn this car around!” They all stop and look at me, then mumble halfhearted apologies.   

I decide to take a break from research for a bit. 

Now that we know that I’ll be going along with the Inquisition to be a healer, Anders wants to spend more time honing my abilities. Eli decided that the two of us will be stationed at a battlefield camp instead of leaving me at a safer location. They must really need all hands on deck if he’s putting me out there. 

The lessons of Dorian helping me to be more precise help, but apparently, I waste mana when I heal. Instead of focusing in on the specific area of injury, I spread out my spells to cover the entire body. Good things to know! If I did that during the fight at the Temple, I would be useless pretty fast. 

Oh! The whole reason we are going to the Temple of Mythal is that there is something there that Corypeus wants…So, we want it so he can’t have it. Sounds legit. 

I don’t ask too many questions….

* * *

After what feels like forever, we leave for the basecamp in the Arbor Wilds. It took the army a couple of weeks to set up secure enough bases for everyone. I mean, even Josie is going, we need safety for the best ambassador ever. I swear, she could con...negotiate...Scrooge McDuck out of his whole room of gold. 

Solas and I ride closely the whole time. He is almost always in some sort of physical contact with me. I begin to wonder if he is scared….he would much rather that I weren’t anywhere near potential harm. When we sleep, he cocoons me with his body. Honestly, the whole thing makes me sort of anxious; I’d rather we just pretend like everything is totally normal.  

Super early in the morning, the day after we arrived at the encampment, Anders and I get ready to head off to the forward healing camp. Solas holds me like I’m the most delicate flower he’s ever seen, “I can’t convince you to stay here, can I?” 

I rest my forehead against his. “Nope, I’m stubborn, remember?”

He closes his eyes and a sad smile graces his lips, “Yes, I am very aware.”

“You’re in more danger than I am,  _vhenan_ .” I chide, kissing his nose. “I might get a little dirty, but you’re going into the belly of the beast. You had better come back to me, hobo.” That thought terrifies me…that he might not come back. It’s always a possibility.  

“I would never risk your wrath,  _emma lath_ .” Solas kisses me desperately, like I’m the air he breathes; His hands cradle my head gently. 

When I open my eyes, Elias is behind Solas making disgusted faces and pretending to throw up. “Hey, loser, you had better be careful too.”

“Remember, Lane” He holds up his glow-y hand, “Invincible. Herald of Andraste.” 

I roll my eyes and pry myself away from Solas in favor of giving Eli a crushing hug. “That’s what they said about the Titanic: unsinkable. Let’s not test the hype, okay?” He should be more careful than he is. He’s the one running this whole show! 

Eli rests his chin on the top of my head. “Just for you, kid. Take care of yourself, Lane. I’m still not thrilled that you’re being pulled into this. I love you. I won’t be able to forgive myself if something happens to you.” 

“I love you too, Eli. I promise to be good.” He kisses where his chin had been and releases me.

Anders clears his throat from atop of his horse. “I’m sorry, Elaine, but the forward camp is expecting us.” 

Eli, looks up at Anders with a stern face. “Watch out for her.” Anders gives a quick nod. 

I give Solas a last quick kiss before he helps me up onto Pumbaa. He takes my hand in his and kisses my palm. I reach down and caress his cheek. “I’ll see you soon.” I watch over my shoulder to look at him…to study him…memorize him…just in case it’s the last time. Part of me threatens to shatter if I think about it too much. 

Anders and I ride in silence until we can’t see the basecamp any longer. “Will it always be this hard?” I question, wiping away a tear that has escaped. 

“It never got easier for me.” He looks over at me with concern, but he looks haunted. “You just have to focus on the mission. We will save the lives of many, Elaine. Right now, when it hurts, remember that.” It’s easy to forget that Anders was a Warden, that he is battle tested. I mean…I  _know_ that he blew up a church….but he is so laid back and silly that it’s odd to think of him as anything other than a suave healer. 

None other than Enchanter Oswin greets us at the forward healing camp. I haven’t seen him since Adamant!!! I wonder what he has been up to…probably heal-y things. He doesn’t seem too glad to have Anders there, but is happy enough to see me. “I hear that you have progressed well in your talents, Lady Trevelyan!” Oswin comments, leading us to our stations. They put Anders and me at cots near one another at the far end of the encampment. “I look forward to working with you again.” 

A wave of wounded cuts off any happy reunion that Oswin and I may have had. I don’t just get non-lethal wounds this time…First scout to come to my cot has a gaping wound in her side. Somehow, I manage to make her not die. I feel really light headed when I finish….I guess I’m not focusing like Anders told me to….blue gross potion time it is: it still doesn’t taste like blue raspberry. 

Oh, so, across from me, Anders basically brings someone back from the dead. He really is as much of as badass as Varric writes him to be. I mean, I assumed that was artistic license, but no. Totally true. I’m  _super_ happy that Eli let him stay alive. He proceeds to put someone’s arm back on their body…like what the hell?! Who can do that?! Anders, apparently. 

I mostly occupy myself with gaping cuts and head wounds. I’m pretty sure that Elias has me here for the men to feel special. Like, I make a point to flit around to the recovering soldiers when my cot is empty. I smile, ask about them. He’s right, it does seem like a good boost to morale. 

No matter how many times we clear the cots, another wave of wounded comes in. I have a poor soldier with a stab wound that I’m starting to heal, when the screaming starts. I ignore it, assuming that maybe we have some really awfully hurt people coming in. An arrow wizzes past my head. Of course. 

“Anders!” I scream. He looks up from the near trance he goes into for major healing just in time to see a second arrow slash across my arm. It’s not enough that I’m in any real jeopardy, but it definitely draws blood. I throw a barrier around us….I’m just a bit late to completely avoid injury.

Anders grabs two vials of lyrium, downing one before handing the second to me. I chug it without prompting knowing that if we have to fight I’ll need the extra boost. A large band of Red Templars break through the trees. The soldiers, who aren’t quite ready to battle, take up arms to defend the healers, who turn into soldiers themselves. 

“Elaine, you need to run.” Anders says sternly, bristling with power. 

I can’t leave him, or these people. I mean, I know I’m not really that big of a help, but at least it’s something. “Anders, what about you?” 

“Believe me, I’ve faced worse. Run, and keep running until you get back to basecamp.” He conjures a huge lightning storm that starts to strike the Templars. 

I stand frozen. This can’t be happening. This is a place of healing. I don’t know what to do. 

“Elaine! GO!” Anders yells.

My feet do as their told, defaulting to their normal escape strategy, and I bolt into the dense forest. 

I can’t help but laugh when I think about how angry Elias would be if he knew this was happening. He’ll never let me leave Skyhold again. Oh, Solas would be super mad too. I’ll have a huge wall of ‘no’ waiting for me after we get out of here. 

You know, the forest is actually really beautiful. I slow my sprint to a light jog; the terrain is way too uneven for me to safely be at an all-out run. It doesn’t take me long to realize that I’m hopelessly lost. There are vague sounds of skirmishes and some pretty bird’s songs, but nothing that points me back to the basecamp. 

“Get down!” a beautiful voice whispers forcefully. 

I look around stupidly for the source of the warning, but am quickly on my back with someone on top of me behind some bushes. I start to scream, not only out of terror, but my wounded arm hitting the ground does  _not_ feel awesome. The man’s hand clamps over my mouth. Zevran holds a finger up to his handsome lips, signaling me to be silent. A few enemy soldiers tromp past.

Once the footsteps disappear, he lets go of my mouth. He is far too close…and too sexy. I’m sure that he can hear my heart racing of its own accord. “How?” I breathe, almost enchanted. 

“Your protection is my business,  _bella donna_ .” He gets off of me and helps me to my feet. 

I give him a chaste kiss on the cheek. “Thank you.” Maybe he isn’t that bad of a guy. His tanned complexion darkens a bit at his cheeks, I made the guy blush! I’m awesome! 

“Get back to safety, Milady. If you continue up this way you’ll reach the main path.” He turns me in the correct direction and just like that is gone. He seriously just fucking disappears. I now officially endorse him to be replacement Leliana.

After some nameless amount of time, I end up near a little stream and I see an Inquisition banner! I run up to the group of troupes standing there, “Help!” They must be holding this part of the path for Elias.

A man rips off his impressive lion helmet and it’s…Cullen. Okay, I get the whole wearing furs thing now. He’s a lion! “Elaine?! Maker’s Breath, Elaine why are you here?!” 

“Cullen? What are you doing here?!” I was under the impression that he doesn’t go on the front lines. “Don’t you just plan the battles and run troop logistics?!” 

He is angry Commander Cullen, which I don’t particularly like. “Yes, I plan them, then I fight them! Elaine,” He says my name through gritted teeth. “How did you get here?”

I feel very small…He’s making me feel like I did something wrong, and that really pisses me off. “Well, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much…”

“Damn it, Elaine!” Cullen grabs me by the shoulders. I let out a small cry of pain as he touches my arrow wound. He immediately drops the fury that was concealing his concern. “You’re injured.” 

“I’m really fine, I just haven’t had time to heal it yet.” Time to stop being a brat. “Elias let me come with him. I was with Anders at the forward healing camp. We were attacked by some Red Templars. He made me run, I don’t know what happened to everyone.” I let myself crumple a little now that I am in his aura of safety. 

“The Inquisitor failed to mention to me that you were being dragged to these Wilds.” At least I’m not the only person Cullen is pissed at. Well, I don’t really think he’s angry with me….He runs his hands over me, checking for any other hidden injuries.  

“I should be the one checking you out, Cullen. I _am_ the healer.” Nothing blares out at me, he just seems a bit fatigued. “How have you been sleeping?” I place my hand on top of his as he pulls the torn fabric back from my gash and heal myself, allowing a bit of my mana to brush into him. He closes his eyes for a second and sighs. I keep  a hold of his hand…it’s selfish.  

“Elaine…” He looks conflicted, glancing around as he checks for any enemies. “You should get back to protection, please. I need you to be safe.” My better sense pries my hand away from his. I nod and point in the direction I think the camp is. “Yes.” He smiles handsomely through his apparent Elaine-induced distress. 

I take a few steps toward the path, almost involuntarily I turn over my shoulder to look at him again, giving him a smile. “See you soon, Cullen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Weekend!!! 
> 
> Fun fact: The gentleman who voices Cullen (Greg Ellis) also voices Cathaire in the gauntlet in DA:O, so there's my reasoning for that. haha


	24. Not Making It Easy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy! Quick warning, there are super vague descriptions of torture in here. Nothing extreme, so I didn't tag it, but thought I'd give a heads up anyway.

The path back to the basecamp looks completely clear, so I take a chance to really look at the area around me. The Arbor Wilds have a savage beauty about them, like they haven’t been inhabited in thousands of years and the forest has grown wild since. The birds are all such beautiful colors…it’s like the rain forest, but on crack. I wish that we weren’t in the middle of a battle….I’d really just like to stroll around.

I’m not quite 300 yards away from where I left Cullen…I use football fields as a form of measurement for distance….get off my back.

Anyway, I hear rustling in front of me. Something about it makes my stomach drop…It’s not a good rustling. So, I decided to turn around and start heading back to the troops I just left.

More rustling, it’s in this direction too.

Something is surrounding me. There is nowhere to hide.

Shit.

“Hello?” I try, because I’m an idiot. Obviously, I don’t get an answer.

“Cullen….” I say in normal voice. I have no idea what this is going to accomplish. It’s not like he can hear me.

A twig snaps.

I spin around to see a line of four horribly deformed Red Templars making their way toward me. I try to dart to my side, but there are another two on both sides, and another four or five behind me. I honestly stop counting. It doesn’t matter how many there are.

I’m about to die.

“Cullen!” I scream, desperate. I pray that he can hear me. “Help! Cullen, please!”

My first instinct is to shoot down some lightning, but as I pool my mana, a smite strikes me in the back. I feel dizzy as everything starts to blacken out. One of the Templars kicks the back of my leg sending me to my knees. The impact with the ground brings me back to reality real fast.

“Are you lost, little girl?” One of the Templars growls, putting the tip of his sword in the hollow of my neck.

I put my hands up in the air, showing that I’m unarmed. “You know, just out for a walk.” Not the time to be flippant…Also, would be more convincing if I wasn’t covered in blood and dirt. I was clearly up to something.

The man…I guess I can still call him a man….sneers at me. “Who are you?”

“No one, just a healer.” I lower my eyes, now trying to play at being submissive.

He uses the sword to lift my chin so my eyes meet his glowing red ones. “Don’t lie to me girl. You must be someone important if you were calling for your Commander in such a familiar way.” Guess it’s time to pretend I’m a prostitute again? I’m not sure how to get around this.

Is it worrying that my default response to that question is that I’m someone’s lover? Probably…don’t think about it too much…

One of the men in the circle lets out what I can only call a laugh. “I recognize her. That is the Inquisitor’s sister.”

I close my eyes and let out a strangled groan. I went from preparing to be killed to almost certainly being kidnapped or…something. Death might be better.

“Well done, Dillworth.” A new voice comes close to my side.

Fucking Dillworth: he must have survived the Inquisition’s attack on Erimond’s compound. I guess he wasn’t so incompetent after all.

“Thank you, Samson.” Dillworth does some sort of strange chest beating salute to who I assume is Samson.

Samson crouches down next to me. “Pleased to meet you, Lady Trevelyan.” It’s like he’s trying to sound like he’s cultured and not a mass murderer. I can only see him out of the corner of my eye, but from what I can see he looks rough.

Cullen had spoken of him, how he is an Ex-Templar with an awful addiction. Now, he shouldn’t have been kicked out for just passing love notes. I almost feel bad for the guy. Kirkwall really sucks…sorry Varric…. Somehow he ended up leading Corypheus’s forces. I’m really not sure how that downward spiral formed. “I wish I could say that the feeling was mutual.” I clench my jaw tight, still aware of the damn blade in my throat.

It’s then that I hear him. “Elaine!?” Cullen. “Elaine, are you alright?!” Cullen freezes when he rounds the corner. He’s covered in spatters of blood…I guess he was a little busy when I became the damsel in distress. Quickly, he’s assessing the situation. I’m on my knees, in the mud, and clearly not alright. “Samson.” He growls.

“Hello again, Commander.” Samson smirks, grabbing onto the beginning of my braid near the nape of my neck. “Were you looking for this?” He stands from his crouch, hauling me to my feet by my hair. At least I don’t have a sword trained on me anymore.

Cullen takes a few more strides forward. “Let her go, Samson. She has nothing to do with any of this.” There is an edge of fear to his voice that makes me feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach.

How could I have been so stupid? I should never have been running around alone. I catch Cullen’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, Cullen.” My voice is barely above a whisper. His panicked amber eyes, light with ferocity. The grasp on his sword tightens.

My captor adjusts his hand on my neck so that it’s around my throat while his second arm grabs around my waist. “It’s too late for that.” The red crystal in his armor is stabbing me in the shoulder. Uncomfortable....well… _more_ uncomfortable…nothing about this is comfortable. “I’m sure we can find some uses for her, Rutherford.” He kisses my temple, then my cheek bone, and most disgustingly where my jaw meets my neck. “The pretty little thing is coming with us.”

“Let me go!” I scream and start to fight. You know, all my self-defense classes did not account for armor. So, I just kinda keep slamming parts of my body into solid metal. “Get your hands off of me!” Samson barely flinches, instead he laughs cruelly at my struggle. His grip on me is still bruising….Why am I so delicate?!

Samson sighs. “I thought it would be more dramatic than this when we met again, Rutherford.” He makes a motion at his troops. “Kill him.”

Cullen takes a defensive stance and the men slowly start to shift toward him.

Something in me finally clicks into place. It snuck up on me….The hours of chess and chats….dinners…playful banter…at some point became longing looks and a fluttering heart. God, I love him.

I can’t let me die for me. “No!” I shriek. “Stop! Please!” I’m practically crying as I claw at Samson’s gauntlets, the thought that this is it and he’ll never know. He dies here…and I probably die soon thereafter.

Samson lets go of my throat, holding up his hand to stop his men. “Please, Samson. I….I’ll go with you. I won’t even struggle.” He doesn’t quite look convinced. “I’ll do whatever you want. Just please, please let him go.” Yes, I’m begging the crazy guy. I just have to hope that he has some shred of humanity left.

He looks down at as an unpleasant understanding washes over his face. “Oh, I see.” His grin is sadistic.

Cullen lowers his shield just a hair, dumbstruck. “Elaine, what are you saying?! You can’t possibly…”

“I mean it. Samson, let him live and I’m yours.” I find a shred of confidence in my new found revelation. It’s time to be strong.

I hold out a hand to the Templar General. “Do we have a deal?” He smirks, seemingly approving of my new air of authority. Perhaps attempting to break me will be more exciting for him now that I seem like an autonomous human. Samson shakes my hand, sealing our contract.

“No!” Cullen shouts. “Elaine, I can get us out of here. Stop being so foolish!” He starts to place his anger on me, again. This time it’s kind of my fault. I hate that I’m doing this to him. If I had a shred of mana left, maybe it could have been different, but Cullen against over ten enemies…It wouldn’t end well…no matter how skilled he is.

In retrospect, it wasn’t like he was _alone_ he had troops a few hundred feet away doing whatever, but I wasn’t really thinking clearly at the time. Lay off!

I let my face settle into a relaxed smile, “Hush, my darling Commander.” My gentleness completely in opposition to the situation we are in…everyone has their weapons drawn…tension all around. I don’t want him to remember me as panicking at the end. I want him to remember star gazing before he left….or my first riding lesson…even his horse eating my hair… _Anything_ , but this.

He looks like I’ve smacked him in the face with my words. “Elaine, why?” Cullen pleads softly.

The tears threaten my eyes as I look toward the sky, fighting them back. “It makes people do crazy things.” I shrug and try to hide my voice cracking.

Cullen’s brow furrows at the randomness of my explanation, but the moment of understanding comes quickly. His jaw drops a bit as his face twists into some sort of agony. I know…There would have been better times to tell him.

“Well this has just been lovely, but it’s time to go.” Samson demands shoving me forward.

Cullen slams his sword against his shield, taunting the men, then pulling down his helm. “I won’t let you have her!” A lion ready to defend his pride.

Samson rolls his eyes and flicks a wrist. “Make sure he doesn’t follow.” About half of the Red Templars pull their weapons and move toward Cullen.

“No!” I move to punch Samson, but he grabs my wrist and twists it behind my back. “You said you’d let him live.” No honor among thieves….Templars?

He throws me into the arms of another Templar who hold me against him with a knife at my throat. “You don’t see _me_ attacking him, do you?” He caresses my cheek as we start to move down the path.

The guy holding me literally has to drag me, screaming. “Samson! You fucking liar!”

No more willing, Elaine. “If anything happens to him, I will personally end you.”

This is bullshit. “Elias is going to have your head. You should see what he does to people who mess with his family!”

I’m at least not making this easy.

“Enough!” Samson whips around toward me and grabs my chin so that I’m forced to look into his blood shot eyes. I predict my jaw is going to be bruised. “Shut up, Trevelyan. I don’t give a fuck what you think. You’re lucky I haven’t let my men have you already. Corypheus would recover from his disappointment—we aren’t supposed to harm the leverage—but you, dear girl, might never make it back to your Commander whole.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” I spit at him, like literally spit. It’s really gross…I wouldn’t do it again, but it felt like this situation deserved it.

He gives me the scariest smile ever, like worse than clowns, and slowly leans into me. I feel his lips against my ear, making me shudder…because ew. “Do you really want to find out?”

I shut up.

I don’t want to find out.

Luckily we were already most of the way to their destination. The foliage starts to thin out and the front of the huge Temple appears. It’s remarkably beautiful...Of course, none of my captors seem to appreciate the view.

One of the Templars runs up to the big doors, but they’re locked and apparently far too thick to blow up….that discovery is not from lack of trying.

They tie me to the railing on the stairs, giving me an awesome view of the circus that is the Red Templars. Idiots. They’re just like banging on walls and shit, until Samson notices the dais in the middle of the courtyard. It lights up when he steps on bricks and then unlights sometimes too.

I just sit and watch.

Then it hits me. They go dark when they’re stepped on again! I bet they have to be walked on in a certain pattern….maybe even all of the bricks have to be lit at once. I played plenty of games like this back home….because I’m a nerd. I swear by the Nancy Drew video game series: I know seriously every puzzle ever.

Samson looks like he’s starting to understand what’s going on…at least to some degree….So, I try to stall him.

“Too bad you can’t read what’s on that tablet.” I say loudly. He doesn’t pay attention to me. “You know who can? The Inquisitor’s people. His elven companion will have this figured out in seconds. Better get a move on…shit for brains.” Solas would have this place figured out in seconds. I’m sure they’ll catch up to us soon.

Damn. I love him. Yeah, I know, you already predicted that one. It’s not the sudden realization that I had with Cullen. No, this has been brewing for months…really since I first saw him in those tight pants. I’ve really made a mess of everything and in the middle of a war no less.

Awesome, Elaine. Good job.

I hate myself.

Samson waves a hand in dismissal, but I think I may have screwed with his head a little. “Someone keep her quiet.” Samson yells at his men. Two Templars stalk toward me.

Thank God, a dragon flies overhead. Word I never thought I would say. How screwed up can this get, really!?

Anyway, everyone freezes at the passing of the dragon. Suddenly, a green-grey plume of smoke comes into the middle of the yard and a huge monster is standing there. He brought along another horde of Templars. Lovely.

The Templars bow in reverence. Samson gives a salute and starts to move to his side. “Why have we not entered the Temple?!” The monster roars.

“I am near solving the puzzle that will grant us entry.” Samson sounds intimidated, which makes me laugh….which is stupid because now the guy is staring at me. “We procured the sister of the Inquisitor, Corypheus.”

Ah, so this is the big bad guy. He is terrifying, like he definitely used to be a man, but he really isn’t anything like one anymore. “I see.” Out of nowhere he is standing in front of me. He’s super tall, but it’s not helped by the fact that I’m sitting on the stairs….My head basically comes up to his shin. “Do you fear me, girl?”

Clearly the answer is supposed to be yes. “Nope. Honestly, you look pretty ridiculous. What’s there to be afraid of?”

He sneers…you know, if you squint…he kind of looks like a demented Muppet. “You are in the presence of a God.”

I cackle. “If you’re a God you should probably have better lackeys. These guys are pretty pathetic. Can’t even solve the puzzle.”

Corypheus snaps the ropes holding me and grabs me into the air by my arm in one motion. “You know how to grant us entry.”

It feels like my arm is going to pop out of socket; I scream at the pain. “I never…” He throws me onto the ground near the dais. Like, throws me through the air and I skitter across the ground. I come to a halt as my back hits the stone. Ouch. I’m surprised I can move after that.

“Solve it.” He demands.

I drag myself to my feet. My left leg can barely hold my weight, but at least it’s something. “I’d rather die.” I gasp.

I collapse to the ground as something in my blood starts boiling. It feels like my insides are completely on fire. I’m on the ground screaming and writhing in pain. Defiantly would have preferred a quick death, but I can’t help him get to what the Inquisition is trying to keep him from…not after everything.

The pain abruptly stops. Despite the whole my body feeling totally broken, I’ve never felt better…not being tortured is so much better than being tortured, I must say. “Open the door.” Corypheus growls.

“No.” I say softly. The agony returns. I don’t know how long I’m there convulsing and screaming, crying.

Eventually, it ends…and not because I died. Samson figured out the path. One of the Templars throws me over his shoulder and carries me through the huge door. I’m more or less just a pile of bones now.

It’s dark, but I see little pinpricks of light….kind of light flash back from nocturnal animals….which is odd. When the lights come up we are surrounded by elves…who all look strangely like Solas. “You are not welcome to enter this place.” A voice from somewhere above rings out.

The Templar puts me down, readying himself for battle. “I will go where I please.” Corypheus answers. The elves have arrows trained on all of us….I hope that it’s clear that I’m not here of my own volition. “I have no time for this foolishness.”

An arrow flies, hitting one of the Red Templars. I run…well…limp toward one of the elves. “Please, help me.” Before he can answer, a sword cuts off his head. I scream in horror as his head rolls to the ground. I should really just not talk to people.

“Time to go.” Samson smiles and grabs my elbow, dragging me across a bridge toward a far door. Corypheus stops at the edge of the bridge to deal with the remaining elves. Poor elves… “Help!” I cry out…not sure who is going to help me at this point. “Let me go!”

In the new room, there is a giant door that is once again, magically sealed. One of the men keeps his sword pointed at me because letting me go is a mistake. This time they successfully blow a hole in the ground. The Templars do not have a light hand, nor do they appreciate history.

As the dust from the explosion settles, I can see that there are other people in the room with us.

“Elaine!” Elias shouts. The look on his face is murderous; Samson had better watch out. To Eli’s left, Solas has his teeth bared in a snarl, ready for battle. Dorian, Cassandra, Cole, Varric, Sera, Blackwall, they’re all there. Anders even managed to meet up with them. Morrigan is here too? And WOW do they look pissed.

I get thrown over someone’s shoulder again as Samson gives the Inquisition a smile and leads all of us to jump down the gaping hole in the ground.

It won’t be long now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Cracks knuckles* Okay, I'm ready to take the heat! *Hides behind couch* 
> 
> I felt a little like Tiny Tina in the Borderlands DLC  
> Tina: PLOT TWIST!  
> Lillith: That doesn't make any sense...You can't just...  
> Tina: PLOT TWIST!!! 
> 
> Seriously though, I hope that you guys liked this chapter. Everything will get resolved from the Temple in the next 2 chapters.
> 
> Also, I do totally swear by the Nancy Drew video game serious.


	25. Lingering People

The Templars fight their way to the chamber where their goal is, they keep calling it “The Well”, and I have no clear idea what that is. There are more of the elves in the tunnels that the hole lead us to.

Eventually, the tunnels lead into a large overgrown room…packed with elves. The guy carrying me throws me into the corner. I’m far too battered to run now, and they know it. The trek through the tunnels wasn’t awesome. On the way here, some of my mana started to trickle back. I tried to heal myself, but those efforts were rewarded with another smite before I could really cast anything. I’m completely useless.

“Fight on!” Samson encourages the Templars. “An army of these bastards won’t stop us!” The elves don’t really stand a chance against the warped powers of the army. They can just spurt fire out of their hands! What the hell is that?! The cruelty with which they cut through the defenders of the Temple is unbelievable. I close my eyes in the hopes that it will help me remember less….I still see it sometimes when I close my eyes.  

“Samson, watch out!” Dillworth points to figures emerging from some stairs in the corner.

It’s the Inquisition.

“Inquisitor, you just don’t know when to stop.”  Samson smirks at Elias as he motions toward me. One of men grabs me up by my hair and holds his blade to my throat again. I’m getting really tired of this shit.

Elias raises his eyebrow and matches the amusement of Samson. “You lost your right to speak when you brought her into this.” Solas is slightly rocking back and forth on his feet, his free hand clenching and releasing. His eyes are trained on me: ready to pounce.

Eli gives a small nod.

Solas disappears from the group as they advance on the main body of Templars. I feel his mana behind me as he completes his Fade step. My captor notices too; I cry out as the blade starts to stab into the side of my neck. A sickening crack comes next, and the Templar collapses to the ground. I spin around to see my elf…only he doesn’t quite look like my elf….he looks like a crazed animal. “ _Emma shem’nan_.” He growls at the body.  It terrifies me to see him in such a feral state.

I mean, I guess on some level it’s nice that he’s so protective?

Yeah…I’m not trying to explain away concerning behaviors at all….

“Get behind me.” He yells over the fray, shoving me back as two more enemies come at us. Solas, for all of his reserved scholarly tendencies, is an extremely efficient killing machine. The duo is dispatched almost instantly. With everyone else there, the rest of the Templars are occupied. He grabs me into his arms and I can see his eyes slowly become their normal grey-blue as he regains ahold of himself, “ _Ma’arlath_.” He holds my face in his hands and studies it. “They’re gone now.” I let out a strangled cry and pull myself to him with as much strength as I can. He’s here now, everything will be fine. He makes everything seem fine.

Solas starts to press mana into me, attempting to heal, but it hurts…like it’s the burning from before….something is wrong, but there are bigger fish to fry. I gasp in a breath and step back a bit from him, with a forced smile. “Solas, I’m still standing. I’ll be fine until we are safe. Save your mana, who knows what we are up against?” The expression on his face is resigned acceptance. He knows I’m right. He doesn’t know that I’m also lying.

Everyone else makes short work of the Templars, even Samson is downed, but you know…that is probably what Elias was focused on...and he _is_ rather stubborn.  Eli starts to make his way toward me, but a hooded elf from before runs into the room and up some stairs. I can see the conflict in him as he turns to run after the man, “Abelas!”

Morrigan heads off Abelas at the Well, which is a literal well. It is, however, full of water and not sorrows. Oh yeah, and by the way, she was in fucking _bird_ form. I really need to spend more time with her because I get serious badass vibes anytime I see her.

Instead of helping me limp up where everyone else is, Solas quickly reaches down, to cradle me and runs up to where the Well is. His rush seems odd…maybe he is just super helpful today?  

Anyway, Abelas wants to destroy the well so that Morrigan doesn’t defile it…or whatever. Morrigan isn’t happy about it. I wouldn’t be happy if someone thought I would defile something: it’s rude.

“The Well is ruined at last.” The elf laments.

Elias looks at him, speaking slowly, “Weren’t you just trying to destroy it yourself?”

Their arguing goes back and forth about if it is or is not, in fact, ruined.

Looks fine to me.

So, the Well holds the knowledge of the Ancient Elvhen. It’s been lost for thousands of years…if someone drinks from the Well, then they get to have the knowledge inside of them. Seems like a pretty cool system. Of course, there’s a catch: whoever drinks from the Well is bound to the will of Mythal…the goddess. I don’t know what that means, but with that power….we could regain thousands of years of history!!! We could empower a people!

And Morrigan wants it for herself. I was just beginning to girl crush on her too, but that seems unlikely now.

Abelas seems pretty upset about the whole thing, like if there is no Well then he has no purpose. He has been guarding the thing since like, forever, so I get his melancholy. I feel really bad for the guy….and for Eli; he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Suddenly, Solas speaks to the elf. He has since put my feet down on the ground, but keeps me pulled into his body: his arms around me with my hands resting on his chest and my head nestled against his shoulder. “There are other places, friend. Other duties. Your people yet linger.”

Abelas sneers. “Elvhen, such as you?” He looks disgusted by the fact that I’m in Solas’s arms. I haven’t even been introduced to the guy and he doesn’t like me!

…I probably deserve it.

“Yes, such as I.” Solas sounds resigned. His hold seems to tighten a bit as he kisses my temple, eyes never leaving Abelas.  

For the second time in one day I have a revelation. The world clicks more fully into place. I push back from him a bit to study his face. Once he had told me he was ‘very’ old, but refused to give a number. Anytime I speak of the future he becomes sad. He says he has no people…but he does…Abelas is his people. He is one of the ancients! That’s why Zevran couldn’t find anything about him. That’s why he knows so much! He was _there_!

My lips part in awe as I reach a hand to cup his cheek. “Your people yet linger.” I barely breathe the words.

That sad smile of his returns to his lips as he nods.

We are interrupted as Abelas actually starts to destroy the Well. I make to move in the direction of action, but it’s feeble at best. Solas easily keeps ahold of me. Suddenly, Abelas stops...because Morrigan _sabs him_.

“No!” I scream. There are already too many dead today. Also, this is one of Solas’s people. He found so many of them and lost them in the same day. Being so old must be so lonely. There is nothing I can do. He’s gone. The Well remains.

Solas sits me on the ground to go confront her. “He was defending all that was left of what once was!” Morrigan seems unfazed. I’m so angry!

Elias is not pleased. “Morrigan, what in the Void is wrong with you!?”

“He was going to destroy the Well. You need the Well do defeat Corypheus. I am willing to take the chance. I have the ability to use the Well to its fullest.” She argues.

Really, Solas does, but he doesn’t look interested. “Inquisitor, she can’t be trusted. However, we should take the power that lies in the Well.” That means one of us has to do it. I know that it will pass to Eli, but…

“I’ll do it.” I say softly, as I sit on the ground where Solas left me.  Everyone turns to look at me, apparently they had forgotten I existed.

Varric takes a few steps toward me, placing a hand on my shoulder. “I think Moxie hit her head one too many times.”

I weakly glare at him. “I’m serious. I’ll do it. Eli, with that knowledge we can rebuild the history of a people that was lost to time. Think of it! We can help rebuild the elves. We can’t let Corypheus have it and if it means getting tied to the will of a goddess, well….I don’t live in this universe.” I think I’m very reasonable.

“No, _vhenan_.” Solas commands with amazing authority. “Inquisitor, while her argument is logical and very kind, she is far too weak. She might not even survive the transmission.”

“I’m willing to try!” I argue, slapping my hand against the stone beside me.

Elias holds up his hand. “No, Elaine. I can’t risk you, but you’re right. We need that Well.” He starts to walk toward the water.

“You’re a fool.” Morrigan sneers.  It’s official. I hate her.

Varric helps me to stand, before passing me off to Solas. We watch Eli wade into the shallow well. He smiles a bit as the water washes around him. Once in the middle he takes a handful of water and drinks.

Shit goes nuts.

The waters foam up and I can’t see him anymore. “Eli!” I shout struggling to get to him, but Solas holds me firm, again. When everything clears, he is laying at the bottom of the now empty Well.

We rush…and limp…over to him. “Are you alright?” Cassandra asks as she reaches him first.

He doesn’t answer, but instead looks to the far end of the room. It’s our dear friend Corypheus come to join the party. “Through the Eluvian!” Morrigan directs us to the huge mirror.

Elias starts to glow…and the mirror is no longer a mirror. Everyone files through.

I land on my feet and start to fall, but Dorian catches me around the waist. “Hello, dear. I hear you’ve been busy.”

Eli is the last through, but when he lands he crumples into a ball and holds his head in his hands. Solas rushes to his side. I’m glad he is being taken care of by my super elf and not that horrible witch.

Dorian stands me up. I let out a laugh. “Oh, you know, just a Thursday.” I take a step and everything stars to blur.

“Elaine?” I hear him say, but it sounds like he is miles away. I touch behind my ear where I feel something wet. I examine the wetness on my fingertips. It’s blood from where the Templar cut me…and it’s black? That’s not right.  

“Dorian?” I mumble. “Something’s wrong.” I’m falling. Dorian once again catches me against him, but this time I hear panic in his voice. “Anders! Elaine needs help!” I barely feel myself get laid flat…I mostly feel like I’m floating. Then pain. Lots of pain. I can hear screaming, but I’m not really sure who it is...It kind of sounds like me? “Shit!” Anders exclaims. “I need Leliana, Zevran or for Makers’ sake even Sera!”

All I remember thinking as I truly pass out is…what a strange collection of people to need...

* * *

I hear….purring. Like there is a cat. I haven’t see any cats anywhere in Thedas. I pry my eyes open to see a lovely little orange tabby curling up next to my head. Once he sees that I’m conscious, he starts to rub his face all over mine. I can’t help but smile softly at the fluffball. “Good morning to you too, friend.” 

I’m not in my room. It’s one of the private rooms in the healing tower. What the hell happened to me!?

Footsteps come toward me and my new feline friend. “Well done, King Meowic. I see our Lady has finally awoken.” 

With great effort, I sit up straight against my headboard. “Anders? First of all, King Meowic? Like King Maric? Where did you get a cat? Second: why do I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck?” 

Anders takes up his Majesty into his lap and sits on the bed. He touches around my face like he’s feeling for a fever or something. “I have a talent for finding adorable kittens; he does not appreciate your disbelief at his name.” The cat meows. “For your second question, we almost lost you. You have been unconscious for about two weeks. Your internal bleeding was immense, but the trouble came with your stab wound. The blade had been coated with a mixture of poisons, which inhibited healing along with thinning out your blood. It aggravated all other damage.” He cradles my head in his free hand. “My attempts at healing caused you serious pain, but it was necessary to keep you from bleeding out. I had to wait until someone more versed in antidotes arrived before I could heal you in earnest. I’m so sorry, Elaine.” 

I look at him with skepticism. “Any pain you think you caused me I don’t remember, so no need to be sorry. You saved my life, Anders.” He shouldn’t feel anything, but accomplished. “Cheer up, Buttercup!” I let out a small laugh, “I’m still here.”  

He rewards me with a small smile. “Yes, you are. Now, I believe there are some people I promised to notify when you awoke who must be notified.”

While I can’t wait to assuage everyone’s fears about me…I feel pretty gross. “Take your time, please. I would like to have a quick bath.” He smiles, understanding and leaves the room, shutting the door behind him.

This bath has a tap! No magic necessary….I’m not willing to test my mana pool just yet. I take a quick soak, wiping away what could be up to two weeks of nastiness. I’m not covered in all the dirt and blood that I was back in the Wilds, so I guess someone bathed me at least once. So, that’s potentially really weird. I dress in a clean blue cotton dress that I’m not sure how it got here and let my hair stay down to dry. It’s odd, but I have a song stuck in my head…one I’ve never heard…and the words sound like they’re made up…. 

Someone knocks on the door. “Yes?” I call from the other side of the room.

The door confidently opens and Zevran swaggers in. “My lady, you are finally on your feet again.” 

“So it seems, Master Araiani. How have you been these two weeks?” I smile.

“One of them was spent traveling at the speed of dragons with a terrified Commander to meet your side. The other, was quite mundane. A little of this, a little of that.” 

I understand why he would have ridden so hard. “I assume being a Crow left you well versed in the ways of poisons?” He gives me a little bow. “I believe I should be thanking you, Zevran.” I stroll closer to him. 

“It was nothing,  _bella donna_ . I would hate to have seen the Inquisition in the state it was during your illness. Also, should I have failed, I believe my life may have been in danger. Your brother can be a very hostile employer.” He shrugs like it’s nothing, like he does things like this all the time. “And that Commander of his was nearly out of his mind. Your apostate’s threats were significantly less…verbal.” Oh good. Everyone was threatening the guy. That makes me feel awful. “Sadly, the Inquisitor and Solas are out running some errand of the dragon variety. I almost had to drug the Commander for him to sleep in his own bed and not in that chair.” 

Oh my God. Cullen. You know, when I confessed that I loved him…I didn’t think I’d have to see him again… Well…I guess I’ll have to deal with that at some point soon. Oh yeah, and the whole Solas is immortal thing. My near future is just full of really awkward conversations. Classic Elaine. 

It’s like he knows what’s going on in my head. “You are still young in affairs of the heart, no? All will be well.”

“I’m not so sure about that, but thanks anyway.” I hug my arms around myself. 

He comes over and places his hands gently on my biceps. “You are lucky to have so many who care so deeply about you, Lady. They will be your family no matter what you choose.” I sigh, but his beautiful eyes catch mine, and just like that I’m locked in. “You remind me of a woman who I could call my friend when I had none. Young, kind, perhaps too trusting, but she saved the world and got her man at the end, and _he_ was a royal bastard....in many ways.” 

“You must be mistaking me for someone else.” I snort. “Generally, I just mess things up.” There is a knock on the door, by an unknown figure. 

“So long as you do it with style, no complaints.” He gives me a quick kiss on the cheek, which makes me melt less than it would have in prior interactions. “I believe you have another guest.” Zevran goes to tag out whoever has come.

The person behind the door seems to stutter with their movements, but opens the large wood door anyway.  I think it might be the first time I’ve seen Cullen without some form of armor on. His hair is slightly disheveled, his shirt is only half tucked in, and honestly….he looks like a short haired Fabio on the cover of some romance novel. Anders must have woken him up and this is his hurried attempt to dress. 

“Elaine.” He exhales my name like it’s a prayer. My heart races as I take a silent step toward him. Cullen all but runs across to room and doesn’t stop until he has me clasped to his broad chest. I desperately cling to the thin linen of his shirt with my hands. He has an arm wrapped around my waist and the other cradling my head; I can feel his heart pounding against my cheek. “I was so afraid.” His lips press a hard kiss into my hair. 

“I’m sorry, Cullen.” I nuzzle against him, trying to get as close as possible to this amazing man. I have an awful habit of putting those closest to me through hell. “I should never have gone off alone.”

He gently tilts my head so that I meet his warm golden eyes. “No, I permitted it. I should have known. The Wilds were not safe.” His breath is unsteady as it warms my face. “I sent you straight to them.” 

I raise a hand to caress some of his fallen hair from his forehead. He doesn’t need to beat himself up over anything else…especially me. “None of it is your fault, you couldn’t have known. My wellbeing is less important than the Inquisition.” I can feel my eyes start to glaze with tears, because I’m a sap. “I’d go through much worse if it meant that you would be safe.”

“I thought I had lost you.” He catches my hand and presses a kiss to it, holding it against his stubbly cheek. “Anders had to wait for Zevran to create an antidote before you could be healed. Maker, Elaine, you were so broken. It is a miracle that you survived.” His eyes are glassy too, so at least I’m not the only one who is emotional. “I am not worth such a sacrifice.” Oh, my darling Cullen. Maybe one day he will see his worth.

My fingertips brush his skin. “You still think you’re that boy trapped in a tower, but, Cullen, you’re a man now, and you’re free. You freed  _yourself_ . You are the best man I’ve ever met. You are worth the whole world  _and_ all of the stars.” 

He gives me a small smile as a tear rolls down his face. “I love you so completely that I almost believe you.”  My breath catches in my chest. He said it. He said that he loves me. 

The bounds of reality start to crush down on me: it’s impossible to love them both the way they deserve. In that moment I make my choice. A choice I never thought I would have had to make. 

“What I say is true, regardless of how much I love you.” I falter, and he notices. “You can still be happy, Cullen.”  My tears start to fall. 

His brow furrows before a strange calm comes over him. “I am blessed to occupy a place in your heart, even though you have already given it to another.”

“Cullen, I…” I gasp for air. When did I start to cry this hard? 

He pulls me close to his chest again, quietly hushing me. “I just pray to the Maker that he will take care of it the way you deserve.” His warmth calms my bawling enough that I can breathe normally again. “You would not be the woman I admire if you would so willingly leave him. You are fiercely loyal, and full of hope.” I let out a small huff of a laugh. 

Cullen takes my chin in is fingers and kisses my forehead. “It will not deter my love. I am wholly yours, I will always be a safe haven should you need it.” He is so remarkably honorable; his love isn’t contingent on my being able to share his bed or call me his. No, it is a deeper thing. “I will never let you be taken away like that again.”

Sometimes, I wish my life had turned out different, like maybe if I had just said ‘yes’…then none of this would have happened….but I’ll get to that…eventually. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Tuesday! 
> 
> So, I've definitely finished writing this section of the story and I'm super excited to get it all out to you. Surprise: I have no self control! I'll probably update the remainder of before the week is out. (I'm moving this weekend, so I wouldn't really have an opportunity to.)


	26. Very Old

I’m standing there clutching Cullen, knowing that it will probably be the last time that we are open about our love for one another.

He runs a hand through my loose hair against my back. “For I love you so much, truly, that one could sooner dry up the deep sea and hold back its waves than I could constrain myself from loving you, without falsehood; for my thoughts, my memories, my pleasures, and my desires are perpetually of you, whom I cannot leave or even briefly forget.” Poetry. Even now he melts my heart…even when it’s in a thousand pieces in my chest.

I can’t think of what to say…not that I’m usually amazingly articulate. “I love you.” And I mean it. I think he knows.

Cullen slowly leans down to me, barely brushing a kiss to my lips, before placing a long kiss on my forehead. “Be happy, my Lady. Anything less, I could not bear.” He smiles softly as he brushes away a trail of my tears with his thumb. “I fear I must begin my day. The army needs its Commander and I find myself roused very late.”

My lip trembles as I nod, trying to keep any of the shreds of my dignity. He gives me a proper bow and turns on a heel toward the door. The dichotomy of his sense of propriety as he leaves and the blatant rush with he came to my side breaks me even more.

At the threshold, Elias stands; Cullen hadn’t closed the door behind him when he entered the room. I still don’t know how much of our exchange he saw. He puts a hand on Cullen’s shoulder and mumbles something that I cannot hear. Cullen just shakes his head and quickly walks away.

My legs are numb as I somehow hobble over to my bed. Everything is drowned out by the sound of my heart beating in my head. My body is telling me that I’ve done something wrong.

When I open my eyes, Elias is kneeling in front of me. “Lane?” The concern in his eyes allows me to give myself to the grief of losing my Commander.  I start hysterically crying. I am not a pretty crier…seriously…like red blotchy face, reddened eyes. The whole deal.

Anyway, Eli gathers me into his lap on the floor, cradling me as if I were a small child. He rocks me back and forth. Softly, he sings Once We Were, he knows I love hearing him sing that. We sit like this for some time…well…until I have no more tears to let loose. “Tell me, dear one, what has hurt you so?”

“I love him.” My words crack out of my raw throat.

Elias kisses the crown of my head. “Cullen? Shall I ready the church bells?” His attempt at humor is not extremely helpful, but A for effort.

Slowly, I shake my head no. “I chose Solas.”

Eli sighs, “Do you love him?” I know he is less than thrilled with my choice.

“Yes.” I do love him. Honestly. He is like a part of me, he has been since I got here. And now…now I know how alone he is. He needs someone to love. He loves me.

I realize how awful that reasoning is, but just go with it for now. I’m emotionally compromised!

Elias helps lift me up into the bed, allowing me to curl up in the crook of his arm on something other than the floorboards or his lap. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to get used to it. Or, if I’m very lucky, you’ll change your mind.” I elbow him in the ribs, eliciting a cackle of laughter. “But, in all seriousness, I want you to be at peace with your decision. You don’t cry like that over someone you’re willing to part with.”

It’s not worth arguing over. What’s done is done. I made my choice. “Wasn’t Solas with you?” Shouldn’t he be rushing to my side? Isn’t that like…required?

“I lost track of him when we were unpacking the horses.” Eli shrugs, patting my hair.

There’s a rustle at the door. “I wished to be clean before taking one so recently healed into my arms, unlike the Inquisitor.” His voice makes my heart stutter. Solas struts in. God, I love it when he struts. Despite my distress, I’m amazingly happy that he’s here. My elf.

I also take a second to realize just how dirty Eli is….and he’s in my bed. Blech! “Oh my God! Eli, you’re gross! I just took a bath!” I playfully shove him as he gets up from the bed.

“I thought it was more important to see you than to take my time to get presentable. I didn’t mean to offend, Lady Fussy.” He bows, mocking me.

I throw a pillow at him as I laugh. “Go take a bath, you vagrant!”

He rushes back over and kisses my cheek. “Welcome back to the world of the living, Lane.” Eli dashes out of the room, but has enough time to throw a dirty look at Solas, so I guess everything is normal.

…only it’s not.

My laughter tapers off as I look at my lover. He’s standing stiffly a few feet from the bed where I’m lying. He looks distant, like he’s not quite looking at me, but through me. “Solas?” He blinks once and his eyes finally focus on my face. I tilt my head to the side, concerned…something is wrong.

Solas closes the distance between us and sits on the edge of the bed. I scoot my body closer to him, nuzzling my face against the hand that his supporting his weight, kind of like a puppy who wants to be pet. He laughs harder than I expect, like there’s some joke I’m not a part of, but relents and caresses my face. “Hello, _emma’asha_ , I have missed you.” His stormy eyes still look troubled. “You’ve been upset?” Of course he’s perceptive enough to notice that my eyes are probably still red.

“Somewhat.” I lie. He doesn’t know about Cullen and he never will. “It’s just been a lot.” It’s not like we left off in a stable place, so I can play it off pretty easily. I had just found out that he was certainly older than the forty years he seemed to be. Much. Older. He’s probably pretty unsettled by everything too. “Come lay with me, _vhenan_. We need to talk.”

“That doesn’t sound ominous in the least.” He sighs lowering his back onto the bed. We lay out flat beside each other, as if we were stargazing, but are blocked by the ceiling. The distance is too much for me, so I grab his hand in mine; he gives me a strong squeeze.

I stare forward, not quite sure what I’m expecting him to say. “Talk to me.”

His face tilts slightly to look at me. “As we made our way down the path to the Temple, we met Cullen who was fighting off a cluster of Red Templars with Zevran and Anders. The enemies were quickly dispatched. That was when the Commander informed us that you had been taken by Samson.” He lets out a deep breath, “I had never been so frightened in all my years.” Assumedly, he had lived _many_ years.

“Anders came with us as a preventative measure….in the case that you had been injured. When I saw you with them, something in me howled; those who had harmed you would be punished. We jumped down the crater in the hopes of reaching you quickly. You looked so fragile. I made them pay.” I look over at him, but he’s staring off again…indescribably angry.  “Then, my…age…was revealed to you in an unplanned manner. I was scared that you would be terrified, but instead you looked enraptured. I’m not sure which reaction I would have preferred. At Skyhold, your brother was having a difficult time with the voices of the Well. I am one of the few with knowledge to aid him, but then Dorian was begging for help, and you…you were bleeding…and screaming.”

Solas rolls to hover over me, his eyes boring into mine. “These two weeks have been torturous. Until Zevran arrived, there was little we could do. Sera had never seen a concoction like this before. At times, the required healing became too much for Anders; while necessary, it seemed to cause you great distress. I would kneel beside you and sing as I healed when he needed a respite; I had hoped that perhaps you would hear me and be stilled.”

The song that’s been stuck in my head falls from my lips. “ _Tel’enfenim, da’len, Irassal ma ghilas. Ma garas mir renan—Ara ma’athlan vhenas. Ara ma’athlan vhenas_.” His eyes brighten in astonishment. I guess I know where I learned the song. “I’ve had it in my head since I awoke. I heard you, _emma lath_.” He really _does_ love me.

I reach up and kiss him gently before my confession…I should tell him the truth. “I knew something was wrong when you tried to heal me at the Temple. It felt like when Corypheus …” Nope. Not talking about it. “It felt like my blood was boiling.”

His eyes flicker dangerously. “And you thought not to tell me? Instead you _lied_ about preserving my mana.”

“It wasn’t a _lie_. It was a reasonable argument…with some background left out.” I shift uncomfortably, but am mostly trapped under his body.

“A trick is still a trick, _da’fen_.” He is clearly not pleased.

I take a second to pull apart the word. Elven is pretty repetitive, I mean at least what he has told me. _Da_ means little and I assume _fen_ has something to do with Fen’Harel, so I take a stab at it. “Did you just call me little wolf!?” I grin; it’s cute, him bringing in my hobbies.

“Don’t pretend like you are so clever, _da’harellen_.” He glares at me with a smirk, which makes me really uncomfortable…it’s like he’s hunting me whenever he looks like that. I roll my eyes and lightly push his shoulder, sending him to return to his back on the bed.

I’d rather not be devoured right now.

We lay in silence for some time. I decided I need to know about the whole ancient thing. I take his hand in mine again. “Solas,” I turn my head fully to look at him. “How old are you?”

He closes his eyes and exhales. “Very.” That is still _not_ an answer. I start to open my mouth to protest, but he continues. “I am closer in age to the mountains and rivers than anything else in this modern time. I can’t tell you a specific number; numbers stop being able to describe age past a particular point.” His brows are pressed together and his eyes shut tight, as if it hurts him to discuss it. “I didn’t lie to you before.” He’s right. He basically said the same thing to me early on in our relationship….you know…except the whole being _immortal_ thing. Half-truths aren’t lies, my ass. Hypocrite.

I roll to my side and trace his jaw with my knuckles. “It doesn’t matter to me. Though, I must seem rather quaint to you…” It hits me. He is _thousands_ of years old and I am not even twenty-five. I really am a child to him. Ew. Oh my God. What is this?! I shoot up in the bed and burry my face in my hands.

“Elaine?” He worries, sitting up next to me. His hand rests on my lower back.

I start laughing like a crazy person. “What am I to you? I am _so_ young compared to you, not like I wasn’t young before, but this is completely a different scale. I must be hilarious for you to watch. Such a silly little girl, but hey at least she has a nice rack. I’m sure you’ve been with so many other women. God, Solas! What _is_ this?!” The ridiculousness of my situation astonishes me.

Did I ever tell you that I hate it here?! Because I do!

Solas grabs me by the chin and turns my face to him; he looks dead serious. “When have I ever given you that impression?” I shrug and avoid his gaze. “Elaine. Look. At. Me.” I do what he says. “Never have I loved someone the way I love you.” I roll my eyes. “I would not say it if it were not true. I love you with all that I am. You light a happiness within me that I thought was long dead. _Ma sa’lath_ , my one love.”

I cradle his head with my palm. “I love you, Solas.” His eyes widen, but I lose track of them quickly as he crashes into me with a kiss. I pull away, “Why can’t you just be normal? This would be so much easier.” I tease.

He gives me a small kiss, “This is perfectly normal, you are the one who is strange.” He seems light, for once in his life. “Would you like to return to our room?” He smiles, shifting to stand beside the bed. I like the sound of that ’our room’.

I haven’t seen anyone. I mean, I feel fine, but shouldn’t I be checked out again? “Can I?”

“I cleared it with Anders.” He waits for my answer and it’s clear that he is eager. It’s almost cute how young he seems.

“Yes! Please!” I giggle.

Solas quickly pulls me into his arms, like a bride. I’m squealing with delight as I settle in and wrap my arms around his neck. He allows me to pull him into a deep kiss. “Take me home.”

“ _Ma nuvienen_.” He smirks. It’s like he knows what those words to do me. I can feel my blood start to heat. Those words always accompany great rewards.

I know I sound super happy here….but…my heart is still broken…at least half of it is. As Solas is carrying me out I think about poor, sweet Cullen and what I’ve just done to him…to us…That I love him…That I somehow love them both. I mean, it’s different. But here I am, happy(ish) and comfortable with a man I love and….God, this sounds ridiculous. I mean Cullen and Solas….they’re different…they make me different people, at least to some extent. Maybe I have a misplaced sense of loyalty? Ugh.

Anyway!

Solas notices my hidden melancholy. “My heart, you seem sad.”

I give him a little smile and kiss his cheek. “I’m just sorry for what I put everyone through. I should learn to be more careful.”

I’m not sure if he buys it.

I’m the worst person in the world.

He doesn’t put me down when we get into my…our…room, instead he looks at me expectantly. Yeah, he doesn’t buy it. I sigh and deflect. “Don’t you want to be with someone closer to your age? I must be really boring to you.”

“Perhaps I am immature for my age.” He smirks kissing my neck. “Elaine, I assure you. If I did not find you to be as wonderful as I do, I would not have wooed you after the ball.” Good point. “Now, can I show you just how much I love you?”

Solas nips at my ear, provoking a gasp from me. “You are very persuasive, old man.” He looks at me like I’m being really annoying, which just makes me laugh wildly.

Next thing I know, I’m flying across the room and landing on the bed. “Experience, _da’vhenan_ , should be cherished.” He slowly pulls off his tunic. I gotta say, he looks fantastic for being so old.

I’m just….not really in the mood. “Solas?”

He stops his half naked stalking toward me. “Yes, _emma asha_?”

“Can you just hold me? I just…” I just don’t feel super sexy. I just feel like I betrayed part of me. I just am still a little uncomfortable with you being thousands of years old. Pick one. All are valid reasons.

His eyes quickly lose their hunger as he seems to understand my fragility. “Of course. All I desire is your happiness.” I scoot over on the bed as he lays down and pulls me to his bare skin.

It feels peaceful, comforting. “Thank you, my heart.” I kiss gently directly on top of his heart. He sets a slow pace of stroking my hair while he hums to me and I quickly fall asleep. I suppose I am still exhausted from the past few weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cullen's poem is "Foy porter" ( I want to stay faithful ) by Machaut. 
> 
> Sorry, this is pretty fast paced in the whole interactions thing. I hope you still like it! 
> 
> <3
> 
> OH! Team Harem, I'm actually writing a smutty work inspired by you. Question: Do we want separate interactions or like M/M/F (and whatnot) sort of stuff. Let me know!


	27. Faded Fantasy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut Incoming!

The Fade is a welcome distraction; my bone lab from the past is woven around me. I do some pretty cool research at work. My lab coat covers a grey dress and ballet flats. I feel like Elaine, the _old_ Elaine and not mage me. It’s easy to notice his familiar presence. “Hand me that, please?” I gesture to a skull sitting near him.

“You have some macabre dreams, _vhenan_.” I looked up at him and smile. He is dressed like some of my co-workers. Slacks, button up, tie, _shoes_ , and a matching lab coat. “You dream of dead civilizations, I dream of dead people, don’t think too much into it.” He examines his dress with a level of interest. I don’t think he’ll ever really appreciate normal clothes.

I gesture with my head for him to come beside me, “Look, you can see the pattern of hits to the cranium based on the fracture patterns. Lines won’t cross one another; the force dissipates.” my gloved hands track the impact, showing him. “So, this one is first. See, nothing interrupts it.”

He intently studies the skull. A fun trick that an old professor used to joke about comes to mind. “Come here, let’s see what I can tell from your skull.”

“I’m not sure human rules will apply to me…” he questions as I remove my gloves and started pressing around on his bald head. I intently examine him.

“Well, I have gathered some pretty good evidence to show….” He waits “That you’re a man.”

He doesn’t look amused. “Hey, I think it’s a fun party trick.” I laugh, giddy.

“Is this what they teach you in school?” he scoffs.

“Nope, that one was in a completely non-academic conversation. Gotta make ourselves laugh somehow.”

The immortal elf’s eyes flash, “My turn.” My small lab is suddenly a grand ballroom. It almost glitters with how opulent it is. There are gems in the walls? I’m pretty sure that lyrium is just winding its way around the structure of the room. So. Freaking. Cool!

“Oh, my.” I whisper, feeling very small. I take a step and can feel that I’m was not in my normal work clothes anymore. Instead, I’m in grand light blue-grey gown that matches Solas’s eyes. My waist and breasts are defined by a wide band of silver fabric, and an open neckline frames my collarbones. I’m glittering like snow. I like it!

Finally, I look up to him and let out a jolly laugh. He is draped in a fabric that looks like liquid silver. When he walks I can see tight black pants beneath. Part of his beautiful chest is visible at the top of the shirt….coat…thing. “You had hair!!!!” he had black dreadlocks in some peculiar Mohawk. “Is that an earring?!” I circle the younger form of my love. “You do look the part of a play boy, Solas.” Honestly, he is something between amazingly alluring and looking totally ridiculous. He carries it well.

I probably would have slept with him….

He smirks and circles me in turn. He ends a half circle behind me. His hands slide their way to grip my hips, pulling me into his chest. My breath catches in my throat. I feel his earring scrape the side of my neck as his lips press into her curve of my collarbone. “Balls were grand affairs. I would have spent years just sitting beside you, dining, and seducing you. I would have spent even longer making love to you.”

“Years?!” I laugh in disbelief turning to face him. Showing me something this cool and then trying to distract me is not very nice. I want to see it all!

He seems happy with my awe of the situation. “Yes, my darling, time means something very different when you have eternity to enjoy yourself.”

“How old are you here?” I ask, running a dread through my fingers. I actually hate dreadlocks, but they work on him.

Solas takes a moment to think, his hands caressing up and down my ribs. “I’m not exactly sure. Perhaps, nearing 1,000.”

My jaw drops. “But you’re so young! You look like you’re barely older than I am.”

“Do you like seeing me aged your equal?” He sounds hesitant, like I’m going to say yes.

The honest truth is that I wish he were a _normal age_ at all. “Hmm…I don’t know. You kind of look like you’d be a dick.”   

He rolls his eyes. “I believe I was, how you say, a dick.”

“Okay, so we are eating and you’re seducing me. What’s next?” I say excitedly. This is so cool!!!

“I must say, I have never experienced this type of _excitement_ in this setting.” He chuckles as he caresses the bare skin of my neck. “Other types of…”

I snap my fingers in his face. “Hey, focus buddy! Thinking about the other women you’ve been with? Not how to get me into the mood.” I can’t even imagine the number of women he has slept with. Blech. I mean, at least I reap the rewards of his years of practice?

“Next, we would dance.” He holds out a hand to me as music starts to play in the front of the room. “The seduction would continue.”

“Oh, would it?” I snort, because I’m a lady….and allow him to guide me to the center of the dance floor.

He spins me in a complicated turn that ends with him dipping me back, his face just inches from mine. My heart seems to race of its own accord. “Yes, it would.” The elf’s not lying. His dance prowess makes complete sense now.

Solas moves my body so easily to this dance I have never done before. It’s like if a Rumba and the Foxtrot had a baby; it’s flowing and moves around the floor, but with very sensual pauses. His hips and thighs press into me, gently, but purposefully as his hands glide over the planes of my body.

I probably look like a baby duck walking for the first time, but he is breathtaking….he makes me _feel_ like I’m graceful. His eyes shine with joy; he looks so happy…He looks so like himself. I wish it was always like this. He said that things are easier for him in the Fade, I guess this is just more proof of that.

The dance ends with my leg wrapped around his waist as we embrace, our lips barely touching. He makes my body sing. “I…um…can see how you could make so many women…excited…”

“Do I excite you, _vhenan_?” He chuckles chastely kissing me….like we aren’t totally intertwined.

I rest my forehead on his shoulder and laugh, “You know you do, Solas. Don’t play innocent with me, I know your wicked sexual ways.”  

“Come.” He requests letting me down from our end pose and extending his arm to me. “You wish to see more of my youth?”

My body fits naturally at his side. “Yes, please!”

We walk out of the ballroom and into the open air. I drag him to a halt. The trees look like they’re covered in silver as they shine in the moonlight. I can see large floating structures in the distance….cities? Everything seems to be glowing. It’s breathtaking. “You approve?”

“Do I approve?! Solas, this is beautiful! How sad that it’s been gone for so long.” I lament the lost magics here.

He seems to shrink a bit. I probably shouldn’t have said anything. “Sometimes the pride of a few can lead to the fall of many.”

I do my best to make it better. “Such is the way of things.” He looks at me with furrowed brows. “Civilizations rise and fall, it’s natural. It happens in every world. It should teach us to appreciate not only our history, but what we have now, because you never know when your civilization will be the one to topple over.”

Solas leads me silently into a garden with plants that look like they’re straight out of a Dr. Seuss book. Everything is so surreal! I give him a kiss on the cheek before releasing myself from his grasp and frolicking deeper into the garden. I look back and he is smiling at my exuberance. So, at least I have that going for me.

In the distance there is a large stone sculpture of some sort. “Peculiar.” I tilt my head to the side as I pass through a large hedge into the clearing for the figure. There looks to be a small altar of some sort adorned with flowers and candles. As I circle the monument I finally understand the shape. “It’s a wolf!”

Solas walks up and places a hand on the chest of the huge canine statue. “This was an altar to….”

“It’s Fen’Harel! Isn’t it?!” I clap my hands with excitement at the discovery.

“Yes, _ma’arlath._ ” He sighs, patting the stone.

There are words near the base of the statue that I try to sound out. I don’t remember seeing them during my first pass. Maybe the Fade is more like the Room of Requirement than I thought. “ _Fen’Harel,_ en…a… _enaste_?”

His attention springs to me, pulling him from whatever thoughts he was lost in. “Elaine?”

“Look.” I point to the words. “ _Fen’Harel, enaste_. Did I say it right? What does it mean?”

Something in him seems to shift, he is standing taller…he’s in his stalking-the-prey stance. “Yes, you say the words most pleasantly. You ask Fen’Harel for his blessing; Fen’Harel, bless me. You wish for a blessing from the Dread Wolf, _vhenan_?”

I smile, welcoming his advance. “You know how I love the tricksters, my darling hobo. Do you think he hears me?” I wrap my hands around his neck, pulling him close to me.

He presses me up against the statue, caging me in with his body. “He does.” Solas captures my lips with such ferocity that everything else he has done to me seems tame. My body begs for more.

As we pause for a breath, Solas takes to nipping down my neck. “Solas, is it sacrilegious to be doing this in front of one of your Gods?” I laugh at the silliness of it, feeling like a teenager hidden away in a garden with my love.

Solas gives me a rather hard bite on my neck, causing me to cry out. “He finds the act most pleasing.”

“What a wicked God!” I’m enjoying the game, Solas speaking for his deity in such certainties. “I like it.” I must say, it’s really doing it for me.

“You don’t know the half of it.” He mumbles into my neck as he gathers up a side of my skirt and turns me so that my back is to his chest. Solas slides a hand into the low v of my dress and draws circles around my nipple as he continues his assault on my neck. My breathing is ragged as I push my hips back against him; his hardness pressed against my behind. He lets out a groan and the hand that was holding my dress at my hip snakes its way beneath the fabric to tease at the heated folds between my legs. “You’re an eager little thing, _emma asha_.”

My head drops back onto his shoulder as he slides aside my underwear and teases light strokes against my clit. “You are going to make me crazy, Solas.”

A low laugh rolls in his chest. “Perhaps you should ask for another blessing, for Fen’Harel to change my mind. I am quite content making you beg for as long as the night lasts.”       

Okay, so he’s kinky. Things I knew. Things I didn’t know: apparently he has a thing for blasphemy. I giggle breathily, “ _Fen’Harel, enaste_.”

“What sort of prayer is that, _da’vhenan_? Fen’Harel is not moved. _Ar isala na numin_ ” He dips a single finger into me while he continues to keep me just short of completion.

I struggle against him to attempt to force his hand where I want it, to no avail. He just continues his rough amusement at my struggle. “Please!” I cry out. “Please, Fen’Harel.” I hiss as he adds a second finger inside of me, pressing harder against the spot that makes me scream for him. “ _Fen’Harel, enaste_!”

“Good.” He praises finally giving me what I want. I start to tighten around his digits as I near climax. “ _Ena tel’dar, emma’asha_.” He whispers into my ear.

“Fen’Harel!” I shout as I come undone. Wrong name. “Solas!”

Solas brushes away some of the damp hair from my forehead. “Beautiful.” He kisses my cheek, holding me to him as I regain feeling in my legs. “Never has Fen’Harel heard such a pretty prayer.”

“You’re so amazingly dirty, Solas. God, I love it.” I turn myself around and kiss him soundly. “You know what I think?”

“Hm?”

I scrape my teeth down the long line of his throat. “I think, we should return to the land of the living and continue our fun.”

“You are full of wisdom, _vhenan_.” He growls.

Faster than I thought possible, I’m awake again and Solas rolling me under him. My body is still singing from his attentions in the Fade, but it wants more. It wants real completion, not just the Fade. I want him.

He slides my dress up, taking a hold of my thigh as cradles my neck and ravages my mouth. I force him away so that I can pull his shirt off, almost immediately he is back on me. I run my nails down his back, making him groan sweetly on top of me. Solas grabs my shoulders and hefts me into a sitting position to free me of my dress.

I take the chance to push him onto his back on the bed. My lips lick and nip down to his waistband. Taking the string of his trousers in my teeth, I pull to start to free him from the fabric. He runs his hands over his face and lets out a small chuckle, “You undo me, _vhenan_.” I pull off the offending leggings and leave him completely naked.

His cock is maddeningly hard, begging to be sucked. I slowly tongue him from base to tip, provoking a beautiful moan as he wraps his hands in my hair. My lips wrap around him and he urges me further. I smile around his length as I slowly swirl my tongue, bobbing up and down him. His hip thrust lightly to meet me.

“I need you.” Solas pulls me off of him and guides me onto my back, pulling off my binding and underwear. He teases between my thighs making sure that I’m still ready for him. “I love you.” He slides himself between my sopping folds a few times.

“I love you” I gasp as I feel the end of his hardness start to press into me.

Once completely sheathed within me he wraps himself around me with a quiet desperation that I find a little odd. I’m not going anywhere; I intertwine my legs with his. He simply holds me, placing gentle kisses on my lips, studying my face.

“Darling? Are you okay?” I stroke his cheek, actually concerned now.

“I love you with all that I am, Elaine. I want to give you the world.” His voice is laden with emotion.

I rub my nose against his. “I don’t need the world. All I need is you, Solas. You are my heart.”

He makes some sort of strangled noise and buries his head in my neck. “As you are mine.” He runs a thumb along my cheekbone and softly kisses me as he starts to slowly rock his hips against mine.

It’s almost like time stops.

All that exists is him and me. We make love for what seems like hours. He takes me slowly, and gently making sure that I feel everything. When the pleasure…the emotion gets to be too much for me, Solas reaches between us and rubs my nub until I come crashing down around him. He doesn’t stop. I lose track of the number of times that I cum that night…I really lose track of everything that isn’t him….It’s just a constant feeling of absolute pleasure and fullness.

It is not until the sun starts to rise that Solas allows himself to come to completion. He thrusts deeper into me, holding me tighter, and then I finally feel him pulse inside of me. His sighs of ecstasy are lost in my kiss.  

I totally believe that he could have spent years making love to me. The immortal thing makes our sex life make so much more sense to me. No one should have that endurance…I mean I’m not complaining…just noting.

He rolls to his back and pulls me to his side, pillowing my head with his arm. We are both a total mess, but very pleased. Solas runs his hand through my hair making me sigh contentedly. “In Elvhenan, we would have spent all of eternity together. Our home would have floated among the stars, full of all the pretty things you would enjoy.”

I chuckle and kiss his arm. “That sounds lovely, darling.”

Solas kisses the crown of my head, “We could have a nice little cottage in the forest just outside of Skyhold, a place for ourselves.” I hum happily at the idea. “I’d do everything I could to make you happy. Then, one day, you would grow fat with our children.” I look up at him with a raised eyebrow, skeptical. “You would look so beautiful swollen with child.” I laugh and roll my eyes, nestling closer to him. “You would, I guarantee it. I’m sure they would be mages, just like us. If they’re anything like us, they’ll be complete terrors in their youth.” His dream world continues to be wrapped around us, but I am claimed by sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ar isala na numin - I need your cries.  
> Ena tel’dar, emm’asha. - come undone, my woman.  
> As described by: http://geeky-jez.tumblr.com/post/106381642243/elvish-smut
> 
>  
> 
> We're closing in on the end! I hope that you guys enjoyed the chapter!!! 
> 
> Thank you, Team Harem, for your suggestions! I have two chapters written now (because I'm a patient person). They're waiting to be proofed.


	28. Goodbye

When I wake just a few short hours later, Solas is already awake. His beautiful eyes are the first thing I see. “Good moring, _vhenan_.” I yawn.

“Did you sleep well?” He asks, kissing my forehead.

I chuckle, noting how my legs are still sore. “Very. For some reason, I was quite tired.”

“ _Emma lath_ , there is something that I wish to show you. Will you come away with me?” He sounds hopeful, but his eyes….something is sad in them.

“Of course, darling. I should ask Elias before we go. I think he’ll trust you with me.”

We bathe together and take our time getting ready. I make sure to pack a little bag of necessities for the trip. I have no idea where he wants to go or what he wants to do.

Maybe it has to do with the idea of our little cottage.

I don’t think I’m ready to get married…I mean I only just committed to him…

Crap. What if he is going to propose?! Do people do that here?

I’m freaking out! 

* * *

 

Elias sits back in his chair and runs his hands through his hair. “Elaine, I don’t even know why you’re asking me. You’re going to go whether or not I tell you that you can.”

“Well, I _want_ you to be okay with it.” I shrug.

“You _just_ got back from death’s door!” He says through gritted teeth. “You were taken prisoner while surrounded by some of our best people. I never _want_ you to leave this castle without me ever again!”

I cross my arms defensively and gesture to Solas who is awkwardly standing near the door. He didn’t want to come. “Solas will protect me, Eli. I’ll be fine!”

“No harm will come to her, Inquisitor.” Solas says evenly. He is significantly chiller than Eli and me.

Elias stands up and takes my hands in his. “Two days. That’s it. Two days and you had better be back here. And as soon as you get back, we are starting to train you on some sort of weapon. Zevran is particularly interested in teaching you to wield daggers. He thinks it is best suited to your frame.”

“That sounds perfectly fair.” I squeeze his hands. “I have daggers with Zevran to look forward to when I get back!” I laugh.

Eli pulls me into a hug. “Solas, promise me: You’ll be back in two days.”

“I assure you, Inquisitor. I shall return in two days.” Solas betrays no emotion whatsoever, but I hope he’s excited for our little trip.

I give him a squeeze. “I’ll be good. Don’t worry.” and skip out of his room.

* * *

“I don’t mean to offend you,  _vhenan_ , but your skills on a horse leave something to be desired. It may be best if we just take my mount.” Solas requests. 

I am not pleased by his assessment of my riding. “I am way better than I used to be!” 

“It would give me an excuse to hold you the entire time.” He says in a singsong voice. His break of character leaves me in a fit of giggles.

“Okay, you win this round.” Pumbaa seems offended…then I offer him an apple and everything is back on the up and up. 

Solas comes back to me with a huge ass moose. “What the hell is that?!”

“This is Falon, he is my hart.” He pats the moose’s flank and sets up our saddle bags. “Elias had an aversion to his elven apostate companion riding an animal so tied to elven culture. He’d rather people forget my race.” 

I mean, I know Eli is uncomfortable with things he doesn’t understand, but everyone is. I highly doubt he is as oppressive as that. “They probably just wanted a united front. I wouldn’t take it personally, Solas.” 

He easily hops up onto the back of Falon and holds out a hand for me. “No saddle?” 

“Falon rides better when he is free.” Solas shrugs, hefting me up to join him. It feels really strange to be riding bareback, but Solas makes me feel safe. I snuggle up into his chest, allowing his arms to cage me. 

We trot at a pretty slow pace until Skyhold starts to shrink in size. “Shall we fly,  _emma lath_ ?” I nod. Solas makes a clicking sound and Falon starts to sprint down the path. He’s right, my riding prowess would not have allowed for us to move like this. 

Solas stops us for a meal after a few hours of riding. He keeps telling me lovely little stories about Arlathan and his travels in the Fade. I think I’ve heard about the dwarf who came up to the surface before, but it seems to be a favorite of his, so I don’t say anything. 

“Where are we going?” I realize that I’ve never asked him where we are really going….I know, I’m too trusting. 

“Crestwood, we are nearing where we’ll have to leave Falon and continue on foot. I hope to make it to the clearing tonight.” He seems deep in thought, so I just hum a little to myself and the hart. 

The path on foot is not as easy going as when we are on Falon, but Solas and his bare feet seem to move with much more certainty than mine do. Has he been here before? He must have, I mean why else would he be bringing me? 

He takes my hand and leads me through a large cave entrance. Instead of it being more caves it leads to a clearing. “The Veil is thin here. Can you feel it on your skin, tingling?” Now that he mentions it the air does sort of feel tickle-y….which is super weird. He spins me in a large circle, sort of like dancing before bringing me to rest in front of him. He cups my cheek with his hand, “I was trying to determine some way to show you what you mean to me.” 

Weird…proposal time? “Solas…I…”

He takes my hands in his, brushing my skin with his thumbs, almost nervously. “You are unique. I had never expected that I would find someone like you. I had resolved myself to wandering his world alone, but then you decided to love me, despite all of my ill qualities. You have become important to me, more important than I could have ever imagined.” 

Solas drops my hands and takes his ever present wolf jaw necklace in his hands. He pulls out the canine tooth and wraps in in his palms. A blue light shines out through the seams between his hands. When the spell settles, he opens his hands to reveal two rings, one is slightly thicker than the other. It’s clearly a set for us. “I want you to have something to remind you of my love. No matter what happens, never doubt that you hold my heart in your chest. For as long as I live, I will love you. So long as I am living, this ring will remain on your finger; it is as permeant as my love. The same goes for the one I shall wear…that is, if you wish to have my token.” 

Wow. How sweet is that?! I mean, it’s pretty telling that he would do that. He really does love me. “Solas…I…Yes. I will gladly wear your token of love.” In all honesty, I am hesitant….But, I figure, if something goes wrong, then he can just remove it, right? 

He beams, like, his smile is brighter than the rising moon. I give him my right hand and he places it on my ring finger. Solas hands me the second, larger, ring and gives me his hand; I place the ring on his right ring finger as well. “ _ma sa’lath_ .” He says reverently, kissing me chastely. 

“We’re not, like, married now….are we?” I say with a nervous laugh, already starting to fiddle with the ring. I used to wear my class ring religiously, but once I hit my twenties, I thought it was time to ditch it. The habit of messing with the band comes back really easily.  

“No, my heart. I just wanted to give you some way to always feel my love.” He sighs and rests his forehead against mine. “You are so beautiful.” He kisses me passionately, claiming me as his own. I am lost in his touch…but he breaks away and looks amazingly sad….so…that’s not right. “But now, it is time for you to go home.” 

I tilt my head to the side. “Solas, what do you mean? I am home…You’re my home.” 

“No, Elaine. It is time for you to return to your world.” It looks like the words hurt him to say.

I laugh nervously. “You can’t just send me back. No one has figured out how to do that yet.” 

“I’ve learned many things during my time on this earth, Elaine.” He warns raising a hand to the sky. A small green crack starts to form.

“Solas?! How?!” I step backward, away from him. This doesn’t make any sense. 

He stands tall, his eyes are almost glowing. “Your brother has been right about me from the beginning,  _vhenan_ .”

I take a few more steps backward. “What do you mean?” 

“I am a  _very_ dangerous man.” His voice is shaking with revealed power. How long has he been keeping this a secret?! 

Elias doesn’t know.  Oh. My. God. 

I have to get away. 

I have to warn them! 

I sprint toward the entrance to the cave. I’m almost there when a large sheet of ice completely blocks my path. Shit! I step back and start to throw a fireball at it, but I fell my magic get pulled away. 

The bastard just dispelled me! 

So, I try to pull down a lightening blot to hit him…because I’m reasonable. Unsurprisingly, it’s dispelled again. There is no way I’d win against him in a fight…I must be a scary as a child throwing a tantrum. 

He slowly stalks toward me. “ _Vhenan_ , please don’t fight me. I have to protect you.” 

“Protect me from what?! I’ve already survived Corypheus. Eli won’t let me near him again.” 

He stops and his shoulders roll down. “You need to be protected from what is to come after.” 

“After? Solas, what’s wrong. What are you talking about? Whatever it is, we can make it work!” I plead, trying to find another way out of the cavern.

“No, we can’t.” 

Okay, so he’s dangerous and needs to protect me from what happens next…. “You…Are you planning something? Is that what is going on?” He shrinks a bit. So, I’m on the right track. “You are! Oh my God, and you can’t have me here for it? Why?” His head drops just slightly, still getting it right.  

“You can’t have me because…” Then it hits me. “You think I’ll try to stop you.” 

He takes a deep breath and stands back straight. “And I cannot be stopped.” 

“So instead, you chose to be alone?” It’s honestly really sad. 

Solas holds a hand out to me, asking me to come back to him. “I am doomed to be alone, my love,  _Ir abelas_ .” 

Angry. So angry! What the hell is his problem?! “No. I’ve told you before: you decide if you will be alone or not. It’s not preordained. Why mark me as your own only to send me away?!” I hold up my new  _permanent_ ringed hand and wave it around angrily. 

His hand is still reaching to me, seemingly unfazed by my yelling. “It is likely that my struggle will end my life. It is selfish, but I couldn’t give you up completely. I never  _meant_ to curse you with my love, Elaine.” 

I blink a few times, registering what he just said. Whatever he is planning ends with his death? Why would he choose that?  I can’t let him. 

Oh…he’s right. I’d stop him. 

Damn straight, he’s right! I would never let him do something so stupid.

Slowly, he lets his hand fall to his side. “You are the only thing about this world that I am truly loath to leave. Perhaps, at least one person will mourn my loss.” He sounds so lost. 

I have this problem where I forget to be angry. He is standing there looking so defeated and all I want to do is comfort him. If I just remembered to be angry, things would go so much better for me. 

“Of course I would, Solas.” I rush to his side and pull his hand back into mine. My hands pull his ringed finger to my lips. “I love you.” He wraps his other arm around my waist and buries his head in the crook of my neck. “I just don’t understand what is so dangerous, what is so important, that you are willing to forcibly tear me from your side. You don’t have to do this.” I think he might be crying? I stroke the back of his head, trying to calm him. “ _Vhenan_ ,  _emma lath_ , I want to stay. I want to love you, for as long as I live. We fought so hard to get here.  _Let_ me love you.” 

God, now I’m crying! This is the worst ever. 

He rights himself, his stormy eyes glazed with tears. “You’ve always been far too good for me. You are pure and young and hopeful. I will not destroy you.”  

“Maybe, I am exactly what you need.” I smile and kiss him softly. “You couldn’t destroy me if you tried, Solas.” 

Solas brushes his knuckles along the side of my chin. “I know.”  He pulls me into a kiss. It’s sad and desperate. “That’s what I’m afraid of.” I feel his arms around my waist….but his hands are on my face….

Suddenly, I’m jerked off the ground and into the air. I scream. “No! Solas, you can’t!” 

“ _Ir abelas, ma sa’lath_ . You will be safe now. You will have nothing to fear. You can live a happy life.” 

I grab onto his shirt…well…I barely do. I’m slowly being pulled toward the green rift. “But I love you.”

“I love you more than I have ever loved anything. My heart is shattering, Elaine, but I have promised you from the beginning that I would protect you. I am keeping that promise.” He lets me float down, just a bit. Just enough that our lips can meet for one last time. Our tears combining on his cheeks. “Goodbye,  _ma vhenan_ .” 

I feel myself fly backward…then it feels like falling….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you all!!! *hides behind couch* I'm sorry! 
> 
> One chapter left! I'll post it in a few hours. Don't worry I'm already hard at work on part 3 "Explain Yourself" 
> 
> P.s. I was listening to this on repeat the entirety of the last section (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5M3TzAiNqzU)
> 
> P.s.s I'm moving and just found out that we won't have internet for a week after the move. Worst. Ever. So, My updates my be a bit oddly timed, but I'll have plenty of time to write. Hopefully before the blackout (Tuesday), I'll have the Solas POV added as well as at least the first chapter of Team Harem.


	29. What Now?

The abandoned building where the rift to Thedas first appeared is now, much to my surprise, a hippie coffee shop and some lofts.

No one seems to notice that I just sort of drop into a (thankfully) empty booth in the corner. Everyone is too focused on the guy on the small stage reciting beat poetry…really bad beat poetry…like it should have been embarrassing to everyone involved…Anyway, the point is no one notices me.

Here’s the worst part: I’m bawling. The ugly crying rears its awful head and I’m just a puddle of grief in the corner. And I can hear people mumbling about how into the performance I am. How touched I am by his words.

I want to die.

At least I don’t look like a total freak. I’m in riding clothes, so I sort of look like a renaissance pirate princess or something. Not out of the ordinary for this crowd.

It takes me a good thirty minutes to collect myself before I walk up to the counter and ask if I can use their phone. I can see in the barista’s face that there is some serious pity going on as she hands me the phone. So, I call Max and ask him to come get me….

Of course he drops everything and rushes over to find me. It’s nice to feel like someone wants me…

I’ve been gone for almost a year. I didn’t really realize the time frame…everything just seemed to move so fast there.

When we get home I lock myself in my room. I don’t know how to handle this. I don’t know how to be home now. There is no mana singing in my veins. There aren’t any Templars….or rifts….or friendly spirits. Who am I?!

Everything feels so dull, it lacks the shine of Thedas.

Thank you for forcing open my door and making me stuff to eat. I really appreciate that you care.

I’m not sure if I can truly describe how heartbroken I am…The elf I thought loved me just banished me back to my world without a warning…and the man who actually loves me is back there with no idea what happened to me.

That’s what hurts the most. I didn’t get to say goodbye to anyone. The last words I said to Elias were procedural. I hadn’t even seen Dorian since I woke up. And the last thing I did to Cullen was break his heart.

Eli is going to probably _kill_ Solas. I mean, he doesn’t have very good self-control when he is angry…I could barely keep him in check.

I can’t get this damn ring off. He wasn’t lying; it’s permanent. I can shift it around, but it won’t come off. It just makes me angry to look at it. I guess I’d just better get used to it.

I don’t know what to do now. I guess I try to go back to work? I try to be normal again? Try to make myself whole again.

I don’t know.

I just don’t know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Still behind couch* I know this was really short, I just wanted to show that she got home perfectly okay....well physically. 
> 
> Oh! I started a Tumblr (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thegorilllainthemist) I'm still trying to figure it all out. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for supporting me (and Elaine) through the first parts of her story. I hope that I can make the final part just as enjoyable! <3<3<3 Reading your comments seriously makes my day, like woah, all the love!   
> Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!


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